Dan and Melissa’s DNA Surprise

This transcript was generated automatically. Its accuracy may vary.

Never Knowing is Worse Than Not Being Wanted

I think in the beginning of my search I was just looking to find out where I came from.

I wasn't necessarily looking for lost family members.

I would just wanted to know where I came from.

Obviously as the search went on it meant a lot more than that.

But for me, the bottom line was, if that was the case, cause I've been told by so many different people that there's so many different outcomes of, of searches like this.

There's great ones, there's horrible ones, there's mediocre ones, there's ones that just like nothing.

And if I found the two human beings that conceived me and they didn't want anything to do with me at the point in my search, I didn't really care.

I'm not saying that I would have loved that outcome, but at least I would have known where I came from.

And if that's the least I'm going to get, that's more than nothing.

And for me, the never knowing is worse than the not being wanted.

Speaker 2

You're wanted.

Speaker 1

I mean, that's the best outcome ever.

So I got lucky.

I got lucky as hell and I've never I I I've never been happier.

Speaker 3

Welcome to DNA Surprises, a podcast that delves into the world of unexpected DNA discoveries.

I'm your host, Alexis Oursalt.

In July 2021, my life took a surprising turn when I found out that I'm an NPE, a person who has experienced a non paternal event.

In other words, my biological father isn't who I thought he was.

Join me as we explore the stories of NP, ES, adoptees and donor conceived people and their families.

Get ready to unravel the astonishing journeys that begin with a simple DNA test.

This is DNA surprises.

It's a scam.

That's what some family members say after adna surprise is uncovered.

Those tests aren't accurate.

Or if a long lost relative reaches out, there's surely after money.

If you've listened to this podcast for any length of time, you know that's not true, but it's a common response.

In this week's episode, I'm joined by Melissa and Dan, who were both advised to be wary of each other after they connected.

Dan was adopted as an infant, and after taking a test to find his biological parents, he found his sister, Melissa.

They share what those first conversations were like and how they've since forged a special bond in the short time that they've known each other.

Thank you for sharing your story, Dan and Melissa.

Feeling Distant: Dan's Early Search for Identity

Dan, 55, Northbrook, IL.

Melissa, 45, and at the moment I'm living in Maine.

I've always known that I was adopted since I was a little kid.

My adopted mother and father always told me that.

So they explained that to me my whole life growing up.

Sorry.

And I just as I got older, I just wanted to know like where I came from and if there was, you know, anybody else who look like me, you know, if I had any of brother sisters.

I just want to know more because I always kind of felt like distant and lost.

And I grew up with an adopted brother and a sister who is not adopted.

You could just tell there was a difference.

I mean, they loved us.

I never needed.

I had a good life, but there was always something missing.

I'm sorry.

It's really OK and I think it's really good for people to hear how these feelings affect people.

Were your parents supportive of you learning more about your birth parents?

It was really wasn't talked about much like through high school.

It wasn't like they were secretive.

My parents that adopted me got divorced when I was 5, so my dad was kind of not that much in the picture.

When I went to college, my mom worked at a company in Iowa.

That's where I went to college.

I remember just walking in there one day and asking her and telling her that I'm I'm not looking to replace you.

I just said I just want to know for down the road.

And then later when I had a daughter, my daughter's mother, she wanted no more information too, just about historical background and medical background and things like that.

My mom gave me a name and told me that the woman that gave birth to me was very young and she told me her name and that was where my search started.

OK.

All right.

So you had a little bit to go on, but not too much.

So what did you do to really begin searching?

Well, online, obviously this was going online, typing her name in and all over just, I mean, just tons and hours and hours of just researching her name.

And then eventually I spoke to a couple different people.

At the time I didn't have a lot of money and I was referred to some people to search, but I mean, the money was too much for me and I and I couldn't afford it.

And I never knew whether that would even amount to anything or, you know, was I just throwing my money away?

And I, I was in college and working, so I like, I was broke.

So, so it was off and on for many years.

From Crushing Disappointment to a First Cousin Match

And this one is the hard one for me.

I'm going to try and get through this without crying.

I, I don't know if you've ever heard of, I think her name is Pam Slayton.

She, she apparently was some DNA guru and was going to have a show on the Oprah Winfrey Network.

They were asking people to submit videos.

Why?

To choose you, you know.

So I did a video and explained everything.

Within a week or two later, I got a call back from the show saying that we're going to take you on.

We love your story.

And then I went through a process of talking to producers and they made me go to a psychiatrist.

It was a four to like a four to six hour interview, I guess to make sure that I wasn't going to freak out or something if I didn't like the information that I heard.

And then I was talking with the other producers about am I going to be OK with cameras following me around all the time?

So I was just confirming everything for the show and unbelievably excited, obviously, because they said they were going to choose me.

They told everybody, I told all my friends, and the next thing you know, I didn't get a response or a call back from anyone, which broke my heart.

Finally I found out why.

That's because the show is cancelled so before, so it's just spinning my wheels and and their wheels and and I understood that the show got cancelled, but for them to just leave me hanging like that after all these years.

So I kind of like at that point I, I was like, this is just too much stress.

I have a family.

Life is good, you know, So I kind of gave up at that point.

And then I joined the Ancestry.

I don't know how long I was on the Ancestry.

It was at least a year or two.

And I would get all these emails every day, you know, sometimes not every day, you know, several a week.

I opened them and looked at them and it was always fifth cousin, fourth cousin, third cousin.

The one was a second cousin, and there was still nothing.

And I sent messages through Ancestry.

Sometimes I got a response from somebody that was willing to help, but they didn't know anything.

So I just kind of gave up.

And then one day I got a message that I had a first cousin.

I'm sorry, I'm such a baby.

I can't help it.

And that's where it started.

I mean, so at this point, I mean, it's been how long, how many years had it been since you were really searching?

3030 years.

Were you still optimistic at that point or what were you thinking?

No, I pretty much it was a last ditch effort.

It was like if it happens, it happens, if it doesn't, it doesn't.

And easier said than done mentally.

But I mean, obviously, my whole goal in the beginning of the search was to find my parents.

That's what it was.

And I'm not saying, you know, to have a new life with them and to, you know, make everything happy and merry.

And, you know, it was just to know where I came from, to see someone who looks like me, resembles me, whatever.

And then as I started getting older, it was more like, God, I hope I have a sister or a brother or cousins, things like that.

An Ancestry Sale Leads to a Life-Changing Discovery

Maybe now is a good time to flip over to Melissa.

Since you reached out first, what prompted you to take an ancestry test?

Well, it was always in the back of my mind because, well, my dad is a very good human being.

He is a great human being.

He is a terrible family man.

So.

Like in the back of my head, I always thought, well, I mean, there's a chance.

There's like probably, there's probably quite a few chances in fact.

But what really like pushed me to do it is really learning more about my mom's side of the family because they're European and World War 2 and all that.

And I just thought that would be an interesting thing to learn about.

And then ultimately there was a sale on Ancestry for like a really cheap sign up price, so I went.

For those sales, they get us every time.

OK, so you take the test, you get your results and what do you see?

Well, I didn't know what anything meant.

So like, I had scrolled through a few times and I saw some.

We're not really close with my dad's side of the family, but like, I know him well enough.

I know him by name, we're Facebook friends, that kind of thing.

So I saw plenty of people I knew, and I was sitting there with a friend of mine who had gone on her own ancestry, finding her biological family journey.

So I was like, I don't know who this guy on top is, but here's my aunt, here's my cousin.

And she's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, scroll back.

And she just goes, yeah, you have a brother.

And I was like, shut up.

And it took her explaining to me what, like, the numbers meant and all that.

And so she helped me like, send that first ancestry message to Dan because I didn't want to overstep and, you know, I don't know what it feels like to be adopted.

I didn't want to, like, say anything wrong or, you know, whatever.

So she helped me write a message to him.

And so I was constantly refreshing.

So I think at like 2:00 in the morning, I got a message back.

And it was just back and forth since then.

Wow.

So you took this test knowing, OK, it's a possibility.

Would you say that you were hoping?

Just curious, like what kind of emotions did you have around taking it?

I think a little bit of both.

I don't know if I was hoping so much as like, well, that'd be awesome.

Like what are the odds That would be true?

But like that would be cool.

Like I would think that was neat, but that was about it.

It's just sort of like a fantasy of like, wouldn't that be awesome if I had family out there?

And you said you weren't very close with your dad's family.

You kind of knew who they were, Facebook friends.

Did your dad know that you were taking this test?

Or he.

Did not.

OK, all right, OK, so back over to Dan.

You get this message randomly after kind of going all right, this is a last stitch effort, we'll see what happens.

And you open this message, which has been, I just want to say sounds like very compassionately written, which is so awesome, Melissa, that you had a friend who who helped you with it, but also that you had the forethought to recognize that you didn't know what it was like to be adopted or what the situation might be.

And, you know, to kind of carefully craft your message.

But Dan, you open up this message.

What does it say and how do you react?

Overcoming 'Scam' Warnings to an Instant Connection

I almost died for real.

Like I was like, finally.

I didn't believe it it really, but I had a friend from high school that I haven't talked to in many years who was also adopted.

She had been through a lot of this process and apparently now helps people do that, you know, find lost, you know, relatives.

And I posted something on Facebook a long time ago and she reached out and we talked and she and I haven't talked to her in in 20 plus years.

She's actually the one who paid for my Ancestry account.

And it was kind of like the same thing with Melissa when I showed her the numbers because I didn't know, like, CC, I still don't even know what it means.

But all these numbers, and she's like, you have a sister?

And I was like, no way.

There's no way.

And she's like, yeah.

And after just not believing it, Melissa's message was just.

It's funny because every once in awhile I'll go back and read it.

It's like crazy how far we've come since that first message because she's, and when she said, if you're comfortable, you know, sharing, I'm like, here's I'll give you my name, my phone number, my address, whatever you want.

Here's where I'm at.

And so I was ready to give everything.

It's funny because both sides, both of our sides kept saying if you ever meet, don't give her any money.

And her side would say if you ever meet him, don't give him any money.

And and you know, at this point, we're like, we've already done 2 DNA tests now.

So you did an ancestry test, Melissa.

You reach out, Dan, you're like, all right, let's do this.

You're, you're all in.

You're excited, but there's still some trepidation questioning of the result.

Yeah, no, everyone was saying the same thing to me is this is a scam If if he wants any money from you, you do not give him any money.

And yeah, I was like, I don't understand how scammers work and what they do and how they do what they do.

So maybe it's a scam so but also it's DNA.

So I I couldn't put that together.

Be quite elaborate to like hack into your DNA results and do a match.

But also, I mean, there are a lot of elaborate scams in the world and it's kind of a big revelation to find a family member.

So I think it's common that people are a little bit skeptical that there might be some financial motivation.

So which test did you take to validate your relationship?

Let's see, I just actually brought it up right before we started this 'cause I saved it.

DNATCAI had like 3 or 4 that I looked at before I asked Dan if it was OK if we did a second one.

I had like 3 or 4 I looked at and narrowed it down to one that like.

When I read about it and all that, it seemed pretty legit, but I kind of didn't want him to know the name of it 'cause I'm like, this is a scam.

I don't want him to know where it's coming from.

OK, so after you message Dan, he gives the information.

How are you communicating at this point?

Is it through the app?

Are you texting e-mail?

We did a couple through the Ancestry app and then I asked if we could switch to e-mail 'cause I thought that would be easier and he wanted to to have a phone call, which my husband was out of town at the time.

And I'm like, I was like, I can't just like have that to myself for days.

I was like, so I'd, I'd rather wait till he comes home so I can unload right away.

So we ended up my, my summer job, I walk on the beach.

We ended up texting for like a whole entire shift, just like telling stupid jokes and you know, tell me a fact about you or, you know, whatever, just back and forth.

And then I think we spoke, I want to say the next day because then my husband was home.

And then this time, had you gotten the second DNA test results or were you still waiting on?

That we didn't do that until after our first phone call.

How was that first phone call?

I mean, I, I get real nervous talking on the phone and I can't do it.

I'm not a conversationalist.

I was stressed.

I actually fired my therapist because she was supposed to meet me in the morning and she stood me up.

So that was it for me and her.

I got a new one who's great, but after the first couple sentences it was just like someone I knew my whole life.

And Dan, what about for you when you finally had that phone call?

I was obviously extremely nervous, just, you know, worried is she going to like like what I have to say or how is she going to be and are we even going to be compatible or are we even going to want to know each other more?

I was going nuts.

But yeah, I mean, after talking to her for like a minute, that was all gone.

She's really awesome.

So is he.

And I remember at the end of the conversation, I still, I remember exactly how it sounded.

He sort of stuttered a little.

And he goes, I, I, I think I love you.

And I was like.

Yeah, it's kind of it's this weird thing, right?

Because you're related, but you're just meeting each other, you know, through the phone.

The Pain of Denial vs. The Joy of Found Sisters

At what point do you tell your father about?

This before the second.

After that first day of texting during my shift, I went home.

He lives overseas so the hours are tough.

So I think it was like maybe midnight my time, maybe noon the next day, his time.

And I was just like, hey, do you know the name that Dan had for his mom, his biological mom?

And my dad's getting older.

He's losing it a little.

He also is the people pleaser.

So I'm like, do you know Betty last name?

And he's like, I don't know, maybe sounds maybe a little familiar.

I'm not sure.

And I was like, oh, 'cause you have a son, so you should know her.

And.

And my dad and I historically don't have the strongest, best relationship.

We can have some drinks together, we can have some fun together.

But like, that's kind of where it ends and where it always has sort of topped off.

So I like, tried to make it very clear.

Like, I am thrilled by the way.

Like I'm not putting you down.

I'm not angry at this time.

I knew what year Dan was born.

So I knew it was before my dad even met my mom.

So I'm like, I am not mad.

I think this is awesome.

He seems great, but he's he's always been a deny till you die kind of guy.

Whoa, that rhymed a lot.

He did.

And he's holding on to that pretty tight.

And at this point, even my sister, our sister has called him and been like, you know, you just sound dumb, right?

Two DNA tests and and this man is your identical twin.

You just sound kind of dumb.

And did you confirm that you are half siblings technically on your father's side and the paternal side?

So he won't do a test 'cause obviously that never happened.

That's crazy.

But the second test that Dan and I did was a sibling specific one.

And again, he's my dad's identical twin and he was at the time he was engaged and supposed to be married in two weeks.

And his whole family loved this woman, that she was great, that she was wonderful.

She probably was, which is why she got the hell out of Dodge 2 weeks prior to the marriage.

And our theory is that she found out about him cheating on her.

Whether it was cheating on her or found out that the other woman was pregnant, I'm not certain that he knew anyone was pregnant.

He may have, I have no idea.

But that's at least the theory of why the wedding was cancelled was that she at least found out something happened.

And so he just denies it.

Does he still deny it today?

Yep.

Yeah, I've sent him a few messengers and messenger, you can see the little if somebody read it or not.

So he's read it.

I didn't send anything majorly intrusive like combative or anything like that.

I simply just in a roundabout way just said, you know, Melissa and I took two DNA tests.

So you may in may be in doubt, but we're not.

And I'd love to hear from you and to talk to you and basically just said, I know you're in bad health and, and I feel really like I did myself an injustice if I didn't at least reach out to you and try and get you to respond to me.

And at the end, I said, if you're not willing to respond to me, at least let me know if you can remember some of the women that you had relations with back in 1970 so I can try and find my mother.

I just sent him another messenger like within the last week.

Just saying.

I didn't know that.

Well, it was just a simple, hey, you know, I was hoping you'd respond.

I'd, I'd like to talk to you and that was it.

But he hasn't responded and he's obviously in denial and whatever.

I mean, I saw pictures early on when Melissa started sending them over to me.

And I, I mean, even I, and I'm horrible at like looking at pictures and saying other people look like other people and whatever.

But when I saw these pictures of him, even I was like, OK, if that's not my dad, then I don't know who is.

I mean, they have so many of the same mannerisms.

The way they say certain words is exactly the same.

They both have a little bald spot in their beard right here.

Like the exact same bald spot.

So there's just no denying it, yeah.

Everybody that I've met out out there, even when I met Melissa's mother, she was like just taken aback looking at me, and everyone sees a resemblance automatically.

And that's really what did it for what has always been my older sister.

Well, she still is my older sister, but now our sibling.

I initially only because I was Facebook stalking Dan and sending pictures and he doesn't have a lot of pictures of himself.

So the one I sent, she, she was like, I don't see it.

I don't see the resemblance.

I don't see.

But then once we got together and I had like a photo, like a not just Facebook screenshot, I took a photo.

She she couldn't believe it.

And even her son or nephew kind of looked at it quickly and looked away.

And she said, oh, he said, what is OPA Bill doing at Oma's house?

And then he looked again and realized it was too young to be Oba Bill.

That's incredible.

So Dan, how are you dealing with that denial?

You have a sister here who's been totally open and accepting, and then, you know her dad, your biological father, is not open.

How do you deal with that?

It's tough.

I don't.

I don't dictate my day that by that, but it's hard, you know, especially after looking for so many years and then finally finding what I've been looking for and then him just not being responsive and denying it.

And it it hurts.

And I mean, I'm not going to lie, it hurts.

But I have two sisters that weigh more than make up for him.

As I said before, as I got older and the search got older and I started losing my will and, you know, just didn't believe it was going to happen anymore, just knowing that I had two siblings was more than enough for me.

That's such a positive outlook.

I mean, not the sound corny, but I sound corny all the time.

Everybody that knows me says that Melissa's probably like, oh God, what is he going to say now?

But I hit the lottery with sisters and she's the best.

Thanks bro.

From Adopted Family Strife to International Sibling Reunion

Oh, Dan, how has the rest of your, your adopted family, your raised family taken all of this?

It's funny that you should say that because none of them know and the reason behind that is because my mother and father have both passed away and I do not talk to my brother and sister that I grew up with.

My brother is he's been in and out of prison and has a terrible drug problem.

I haven't seen him in 20 years which breaks my heart.

But then my sister decided to not talk to me and my daughter out of nowhere and I didn't know why for no reason.

It just happened out of nowhere.

And apparently, and this is the woman the the, the, the woman that I grew up with that is my adopted parents real daughter, blood daughter.

As they started getting older, there started to be somewhat of a fight over money and, and property and things like that, which I never cared about at all.

And if you, if you ask anybody that knows me, they'll tell you that.

And then so I found out my father wasn't responding to me, my adopted father and my sister wasn't.

And Long story short, it was because she was trying to avoid us to inherit everything from my father and not share with my brother and I.

It's a, it's a wretched story.

It's terrible.

And I'm glad it's over with because I never cared about that type of materialistic.

I just wanted them around.

That's so unfortunate.

And it's, it's too often that those are the kinds of things that break families apart in in many ways.

I'm curious like kind of what's next for your relationship with your your found biological sisters?

Have you met yet in person or are there plans to?

Oh, we've met.

I was over the moon happy and I like didn't even know like my body never felt this way before.

But when I find out I live in Wisconsin to find out that Melissa lives in Maine and that our other sister Sonia lives in Austria and that our father lives in Thailand, I was like, do you think you guys could live any further away?

Which I thought was funny.

But so anyway, since then I visited her and her husband in Maine.

I think 7 or 8 times She she came.

She's 2-3 times here.

Oh, and then in Kentucky, because I'm working in Kentucky right now.

So what, what was it like?

I mean, obviously it's gone well because you've continued to see each other in person so many times.

What What's it been like seeing and hugging and?

Well, the I went to go see him because where I live, there's not like a hotel nearby and I didn't want him in my house right away.

So I was like, I just, I wanted to go visit him where I could have a hotel room.

And if it turned into a trip to Milwaukee, that's outstanding.

But if, if we get along and we want to hang out all weekend, that's great too.

But I'm going to have my own space to go back to.

That was the end of September.

So we first message at the end of August.

So end of September was the first visit and yeah, I mean, it was great.

I, we, we met at a bar across the street from the hotel that I was at.

Cause again, I, I didn't want him to know my room number or anything, which seems so silly now.

But so I was like at this bar in the corner 'cause I wanted to be the first to see him.

So I was like trying to hide out on this patio.

But he saw me first and and almost ran over some kids on bikes and.

I mean, literally, I, I was, I, there was 2 entrances into the bar and I missed the first one.

And then I was turning across the, the road of Four lane Rd. and I saw her in the corner and it was like the first time I've ever seen her.

And like I didn't see anything else.

But I didn't hit him, thank God and pulled in and we, we hugged and I just like, I'm going to try and say this without being sappy as hell.

There were, I'm going to be sappy.

There were two people in my life that I knew that I loved before I met.

And my daughter was the first one and Melissa was the second.

And his his kid is a top notch human.

I mean, after that first meeting, Dan came to see me.

His stepdaughter had invited me to dinner for the special dinner that they were having.

So I went out for that.

And then he came through the winter, like he said, 5-6 times after that.

But then it was Sonia's chance, the sister that lives in Austria, so the three of us and Dan's beautiful Angel of a kid.

We all flew out to Ireland.

So it's sort of like a happy medium spot.

So we got an Airbnb and just hung out in Ireland for a while, just like a week.

But it was awesome to just see.

That's.

So my sister and my Big Brother together and my.

Little nibbling.

And Dan, how was it to meet Sonja?

It was incredible.

It was, it was really amazing and it was really cool just to see that similarities between the two.

Both of them are just incredible, nice, giving people, very compassionate and just, they're like, I mean, I, I just don't even know what to say.

I, I, I was always so worried that I would finally find somebody and like, it wouldn't matter.

We wouldn't care, or they were snobby or, you know, whatever.

And they're just the opposite of all that.

They're just awesome.

I couldn't ask for better.

I couldn't ask for more.

I really couldn't.

Same bro.

I was visiting, we went on kind of a whirlwind tour visiting friends in different spots and one friend in particular.

I mean, everybody is, is psyched for us, possibly my husband almost more than anyone.

But this one friend, Shannon, she's the first to cheerlead this situation for us.

And I don't know what what got her to say this or what got her to to think this, but it made sense also.

And she goes, I never realized that you were looking for something until you told me you had a brother.

And then it all clicked.

So I thought that was really nice.

Finding Peace Amidst an Unresolved Birth Mother Search

I love this.

I love this story.

That's such a perfect bow on it.

But I, I would be remiss if I didn't ask Dan about your birth mother and where that piece is because, you know, you kind of have for now your answer around your biological father.

What have you learned about your biological mother?

Have you connected with any family on that side?

You know, going through the Ancestry, I also did 23andMe prior, you know, to ancestry.

And at one point I saw the last name of someone that was the same as my supposedly my mother's last name and it went nowhere.

One of the things that I did learn though in this search is that prior to 19, and I don't know if it's true, I'm just going off of what my friend who told me that I had a sister who knows her stuff, I think from high school, she said that prior to 1973 the adoption records were very inaccurate and they weren't strict about getting real names of the mothers and the dates of you know their ages.

And then in 1973, apparently something was passed, I'm not sure exactly, but to where now they made it more accurate.

So I don't even know if the name that I've been searching for since my mother that adopted me told me her name like 30 years ago is even legitimate.

Even the first name, last name, anything.

I did actually find someone that I thought might have matched, like the name and everything and and they lived in Virginia or somewhere.

And I actually wrote her a letter and she was so sweet that she wrote me a letter back saying that she had no connections to Chicago.

It almost makes you emotional that a stranger was so nice to me.

And she said that I have no connection to Chicago whatsoever.

And I really do hope that you find what you're looking for.

She actually took the time to write me back, put the letter in the envelope, lick the stamp, lick the envelope and send it to me, which I thought was incredible.

But I have no answers whatsoever on my mother's side at all.

Like complete zero.

To be honest, after what I found already, I kinda.

I'm not saying I don't care, but like I'm so happy with what I have already that I just don't even care.

If you say your like birthday and the hospital and maybe it would ring a bell to someone, I don't know.

I've been listening to another podcast that has had me just like crying, just thinking about his mom, Liberty Lost.

It's about women, girls, children who have to give up their babies for adoption when they don't necessarily want to and when they're not given all their options.

And it just, it, it's absolutely heartbreaking.

And the whole time I I listened, I was thinking of what his mom may have been going through in that 1970s.

I mean, I was born on June 10th, 1970 at Grand Hospital in Chicago.

I think I was born in the morning, but that's about all I know.

OK, well if anyone is listening and might have any insight based off of that, please reach out.

You can reach me through the contact form at dnasurprises.com and I'll be happy to pass your message on to Dan.

When I was going through the psychological tests through the Oprah Winfrey Network and that show I was supposed to be on, that broke my heart.

They kept asking me so many different questions and one of the questions was how are you going to react if we do find anybody that you're related to and they don't want anything to do with you?

And it caught me off guard at 1st and I get it.

For me, I mean, everybody has to evaluate what they're really looking for in life, I guess.

I think in the beginning of my search, I was just looking to find out where I came from.

Obviously as the search went on, it meant a lot more than that.

But for me, the bottom line was if that was the case, because I've been told by so many different people that there's so many different outcomes of, of searches like this.

I got lucky as hell.

And I've never, I, I, I've never been happier since I met Melissa and Sonia.

And honestly, I I'm, I have a new outlook on life.

Embracing New Love: Advice for DNA Surprises and Wrap-up

What advice do you have for someone who has just uncovered family, Somebody who's been searching and and just found them?

Obviously have an open mind.

I mean, my biggest fear was that we'd be so different than being raised from different parts of the United States.

Like people are so different from the East Coast to the West Coast to the Midwest to, you know, Texas, I mean, wherever.

I mean, obviously just keep an open mind and don't judge.

Don't be too early to judge anyone and I would say as much as I hate to say this, keep your expectations low.

Hope.

Don't expect.

That's a very good way of putting it.

Hope don't expect.

Thank you, Melissa.

I feel like in some ways this really was your DNA surprise because Dan was looking.

He he knew somebody was out there.

He didn't know if it was siblings or, or with the parents or who he was going to find, but he he was on a quest.

So what advice do you have for somebody who has uncovered Adna?

Surprise, like finding a sibling you didn't know was out there.

I, I would say just kind of like Dan said, be open to it.

I think if you're not expecting it and it happens.

I mean, what's, what's the problem with having more love around you, a bigger family?

You know, I started reading immediately about it and started listening to podcasts like this one immediately about it and just trying to figure out what I should do.

Like I said, I fired my therapist.

I hired anyone just trying to figure out what I should do and and people said go slow, don't do anything too fast.

And and I think that's something to play by ear because I mean I I did go fast, but because I felt like it was right, not because I thought I should or I didn't want to hurt someones feelings.

I felt like I this person is awesome.

I want to know them in reality.

I would say as far as like hobbies go and like that sort of more surfacey stuff.

We have 0 in common.

But I can spend every moment of every day with this guy.

And so I would say just be open and just be willing to get to know someone because it's just, it's just more love in your life.

And if it doesn't work out then it's easy to just go.

Not for me.

Melissa, Dan, thank you so much for coming on the podcast and sharing your story.

I think it perfectly encapsulates how sometimes these things go right?

There's these beautiful relationships that can be formed and these wonderful positive outcomes.

And sometimes not the outcome that you would have hoped for, but it's so awesome to see the connection that you 2 have felt.

I really hope that you get more answers, Dan.

But I, it's amazing to see your outlook though on, on where things are today and how you have accepted where things are today.

So thank you.

Thank you.

Thanks again to Dan and Melissa for sharing your story.

If you have Adna surprise that you'd like to share, please submit your story at dnasurprises.com and for early add free access to episodes, join me over on patreon@patreon.com/DNA Surprises.

Until next time, This episode of DNA Surprises was hosted, produced and edited by me, Alexis Ourselt.

It was mixed and mastered by Josh Ourselt of Siren Recording Studios.