The person I thought was my biological parent is not related to me.
I'm the biological parent, sibling, child, spouse, or another relative affected by someone else's DNA Surprise.
I'm
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A DNA Surprise is an unexpected discovery about your family, usually revealed through consumer DNA testing. For many people, it means discovering that their father isn't their biological father – often referred to as an NPE (Not Parent Expected). Others learn that they were adopted, donor conceived, or uncover another family secret.
Every story is unique, but you are not alone. Millions of people have experienced DNA surprises and there is a growing community who understand what you're going through.
Having the language for DNA surprises helps us feel less alone. Below is some common terminology within the community.
Non-paternal event/Not parent expected. When a person discovers that one or more of their parents isn't biologically related to them. People who have experienced non-paternal events are also called NPEs.
A person conceived using donated sperm, eggs, or embryos.
A person who learns later in life that they are adopted.
An event that leads to unexpected parentage. Often used interchangeably with NPE.
A unit that shows how much DNA you share with someone (higher = closer relationship).
Every DNA surprise story is different, but in the beginning, many people have the same questions. Here are some of the most common.
This is a question almost everyone asks themselves when they're trying to make sense of this brand new information. Consumer DNA tests are extremely accurate at identifying close biological relationships. Before you reach any conclusions, take some time to review and understand your results.
There is no "right way" for how to feel after a DNA surprise. Many people feel shock, anger, grief, relief, excitement, or curiosity - sometimes all at once. However you are feeling is completely valid and you are not alone.
There is no rule book for your exact situation, because every DNA surprise story is unique. But here's the important part: you don't need to make any immediate decisions. Take some time to process this discovery, learn more about your situation, and assess your options before taking your next step.
There's no one-size-fits-all answer to this question because everyone has different circumstances and many factors can influence that decision. Only you can decide what is right for you, but seeking support and hearing other's experiences may be helpful before you decide.
DNA surprises can feel isolating, but the good news is there are dozens of podcasts, books, online groups, in-person and virtual gatherings, and mental health professionals ready to support you.
DNA Surprises is also more than a podcast. There is a community including monthly virtual support groups for people affected by unexpected discoveries.
Find community and resources →
For a comprehensive glossary and additional resources, visit Right to Know or visit our Community & Resources page.
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