Bonus Episode | Announcing the 2024 DNA Surprise Retreat!

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Speaker 1

Hi there folks, I'm Alexis, host of DNA Surprises.

Speaker 2

And I'm Debbie, Life coach and founder of the DNA Surprise Network.

And we have some exciting news for you.

Mark your calendars.

The second annual DNA Surprise Retreat will be held September 19th through the 22nd 2024 in Phoenix, AZ.

The retreat is for NP ES donor conceived people and adoptees who've gone through the life altering experience of Adna Surprise.

Registration is all inclusive and includes a three night stay at a rustic ranch, 8 meals, 6 expert LED sessions, community, and lots of fun.

Get ready for an amazing lineup of facilitators who will lead sessions on inner child work, generational trauma, breath work, and more.

Registration kicks off on November 15th, and we're keeping it intimate to just 30 attendees, so mark your calendars.

We both witnessed the transformative power of the 2023 retreat, and we can't wait to see what happens at the next one.

We.

Can't wait to see you.

Learnmore@dnasurpriseretreat.com Hi Debbie, how are you today?

I am well how are you?

I am doing well.

We wanted to have this bonus episode today where we had a chance to catch up with each other, talk about the 2023 DNA Surprise retreat and talk about what's coming up next year.

So for those of you who don't know, Debbie is a life coach and the founder of the DNA Surprise Network and she Co founded the DNA Surprise Retreat with me.

A lot of people think that we are somehow both involved in each other's other businesses because we're always attached at the hip whenever we go places like the Untangling Our Roots Summit and things like that.

But no, the DNA Surprises podcast is me, Alexis and then Debbie helps people as a life coach through the DNA Surprise network which she founded.

So I think maybe let's just start off with kind of talking about how things are going.

Full disclosure, Debbie and I are good friends, so we talk often.

But the last time that the audience heard from you, you shared your DNA surprise story, which is a little bit different than a lot of people who come on the podcast.

So can you give like a quick recap of what your DNA surprise story was and then how, how is it going today?

Sure.

So I was adopted by my stepdad.

Led to believe my biological father didn't want a relationship with me.

Was later told he was deceased.

Decided to take ADNA test to connect to his family and learned he was alive and had actually been looking for me and my siblings.

So that was four years ago, and I've since built a relationship with him and the two half siblings that I gained having taken the test.

And you know, some family, they live in Canada.

I've been very blessed to be able to go and spend time with them.

My most recent adventure with them, I surprised my dad for Father's Day.

My siblings were lovely and helpful and kept to the secret so I was able to surprise him.

And then Canadian Thanksgiving is the first Monday of October and I was able to go and spend time with them for their Thanksgiving holiday.

So two new things that I've never been able to do that were just.

Really, really fun.

And I feel very fortunate to be able to do those things.

Yeah, I'm so happy for you.

And then you also made a change legally, right?

I did, yes.

So being adopted, I obviously lost the surname that I was born with and I decided that I wanted to take that name back.

So I changed my name legally to my.

Biological father's last name as well as my now married name, that's so special.

You know, it's one of those things that I think only people in our community seem to really relate to this idea of wanting our legal documents to be accurate and to tell the full story.

So I remember when you were going down to the courthouse.

I was so happy for you.

Thank you.

It's awesome.

It feels really good.

So what about you Alexis?

Give us an update on what you have going on with your.

Discovery and everything since everything has been going pretty good since we last did an episode together.

I ended up actually taking my kids to Alabama and and my husband.

We had a family photo shoot with my biological father and my sister and her husband and my niece.

We went down to the beach and spent some time together and it just really meant a lot for me, for my kids to see the South and where they come from.

Some part of them comes from and spend time together.

We're looking at going to a family reunion next year, which will be like in the summertime fall, and I'm really looking forward to that because I've really just felt called lately to feel as connected to my history, my family as possible.

So that's something I'm really striving toward.

The other thing I think that's changed since the last time we did an episode together is that I have really been working on being a lot more vulnerable about my story and what's happening, like with my raised parents.

And you know, I've discussed this a little bit on other podcasts, not so much here.

It's been a rough two years and you've been there for most of it.

A lot of the dynamics within my family obviously changed a lot with the DNA Surprise.

And so I was really going through it at various points and really trying to maintain a relationship, then sort of taking a step back and it's just been up and down.

I think right now we're more on an upswing and I'm, I'm hopeful about that.

But definitely something that's changed for me is that I want to be more transparent about that and let go a little bit of this protectiveness that I feel because I really feel like there's so much shame that goes around and I don't want to put that on anyone.

But I also think it's important to be truthful.

So, you know, it's just a every day, every day process for me.

Yeah, I think that's that's the way it is sometimes, right?

It's every day.

You got to work on it every day.

Yeah, exactly.

So let's talk about the retreat.

OK.

We had our first retreat six months ago, almost exactly six months ago.

We're recording this early November.

The retreat was May 4th through the 7th of this year and it was in Tucson.

And I thought it might be fun to just kind of talk about how it really originated because we were so excited and we kicked it off and now we've done it and I kind of want to like give a little peek behind the curtain as to like how it came to be.

So the first thing I will always say, and I always say to anyone that asks about the retreat is it was Debbie's idea to start this retreat together.

So can you give a little bit of a background for how it how it came to?

Be sure we had connected kind of some social media kind of in the community and then we met in person.

And I believe there was just a felt need between the two of us that it was something that would be really beneficial to our community and something that we felt compelled to to bring to the community to to help others.

And so we visited about it.

Many times.

And then finally kicked off and and put things into motion and the retreat came to fruition.

Yeah, it was really about increasing the resources for our community.

I get excited every time I see a new book come out, a new podcast come out, a new social media page.

The more the merrier has always been my philosophy.

And I believe that a rising tide lifts all boats and you and I discussed that and there wasn't really anything that specifically served people who would had DNA surprises, which was such an interesting kind of unique niche I think that wasn't fully being served.

And you know, we, it's just us and our retreats are currently limited to 30 people each.

We know that there are thousands of people that go through this experience.

So we're just trying to help and kind of chip away at the level of support that's needed.

Right.

The community keeps growing.

That's another part of what I think compelled us to move forward and want to do.

This is the community's just growing and there really is a a need for a place for people to connect and share and and heal and learn some skills to get through the challenges that come with having the DNA surprise.

Yeah, absolutely.

I think for me, and we both kind of talked about what our goals were when we started the retreat.

And for me, it was wanting to provide space for people who did not want to feel stuck in whatever their emotions were, because that's how I felt.

You know, when you when it first happens, obviously it was deeply traumatic.

We hear these stories about people who can't even look at themselves in the mirror, can't get out of bed, and they feel so stuck by this experience, but they don't want to be.

And I think this retreat is exactly for those people who are like I I want to empower myself and also feel connected with other people.

And not to toot our own horn, but I think we we did that, this.

Year.

I believe we did too.

I was going to say also that people are you're not alone.

You know, it can feel really lonely and isolating and and you're not alone.

And I think the way our community came together at our retreat really brought that home that you're not alone, yeah.

So Alexis, for the people who may are listening that may not know, can you explain a little bit about who the DNA surprise retreat is for?

That's one of the funny things I think when we sat down to think, OK, who is this for?

What are we creating this for?

For me it was very obvious that the NPE community was going to be a big piece of it.

But also donor conceived people, adoptees who maybe found out later in life.

And with donor conceived people, NP ES and adoptees, sometimes somebody discloses this information to them.

It's not always through DNA testing, but it still is a shock and it still is very uprooting.

And then there are the other people like yourself who have had these DNA surprise experiences that don't fit perfectly into a little box of of what we expect.

But you and I identified with each other on that level because you felt that betrayal.

You were witness to the secret keeping and it really upended everything that you believed about yourself and your family in the same way that it did for me.

So when we created the retreat that that is who it is for.

It is for people who have had their identities rocked by a DNA discovery, whether that is through testing or whether that's through somebody's parents sitting them down one day and telling them the truth.

We created the retreat for this community and as I mentioned earlier, it was really for the people who want to feel empowered after their experiences and not feel stuck.

So like you said, we really wanted to build in workshops where people can get skills and learn things so that they can take those with them after the retreat is over.

And those things will help them navigate not only their DNA surprise, but their entire life.

And so in May, the sessions that we had were for trauma, grief, radical acceptance, self-care, writing, and then next best steps, tapping into your strengths to move forward.

And then there was lots of time for connection and healing and fun.

I always try to emphasize that when I'm talking about the retreat, it's not all super heavy.

There's some really heavy pieces of it because we're all there for kind of a heavy reason.

But I think it's important to acknowledge that there can be light as well, and that's what we really try to bring with the community.

So on that note, I'm curious what some of your most memorable moments were from this year's retreat.

Oh my goodness.

It's hard to pick a couple because there was very many.

My favorite memory is just the way the attendees rallied around each other and loved each other and supported each other.

We had planned an icebreaker for the first night and we didn't end up having it.

It wasn't necessary to have it because everyone was just there 100% in spirit in.

And just physically at the retreat, it was incredible to witness that because, you know, that was our first time hosting anything like that.

We weren't sure what to expect.

And it was all these people coming from around the country, and it was all women, which we are open to men.

It is not for women only, but in this case it was 15 women from around the country coming together from all different walks of life.

And we thought, OK, we're going to need to do an icebreaker, get people comfortable around each other.

And when I tell you, people just opened up immediately and I remember, like, sitting in the backyard, we had this soft lighting and everyone's gathered around the tables eating dinner and you were like, should we do the icebreaker?

And it was like, I don't, I don't even think we need to because everyone was already so connected and vulnerable.

And I felt like the magic of that feeling just carried through the entire weekend and I've never really witnessed anything like it.

I feel so grateful.

And it was all women.

But they were all women of different ages and experiences.

So what's different is our personal experiences are we had that many more experiences that people brought and shared at the retreat.

I think there were so many special moments.

Each of the sessions had something special that I took away from it.

I loved making session.

Her session was really good, really grounding.

For us to understand how trauma affects us.

Grief very overlooked.

Feeling that we go through that session was great.

The radical acceptance session was more than I expected.

I had volunteered to take people through this radical acceptance exercise.

For people who aren't familiar with radical acceptance, it's not really about saying this thing that happened to me is wonderful and I'm OK with it.

It's more about saying this thing happened to me and this happened and you can't change it, so you have to accept it and move through it.

That was one of the sessions that I felt really passionate about us having.

We were planning the retreat, and when our facilitator asked if I would be willing to practice with her in front of everyone, I said yes.

And then it shocked me.

It brought up some things, but I felt so supported and safe to be able to do that and that was really powerful.

We keep saying that.

I do believe that the retreat is a very safe space for people to come be vulnerable, share how they feel and be loved in it.

Yard activity was one of my favorite things.

We had our friend Nicole came and did a Konsuki craft with us.

And so that's when you have a bowl or something and you break it and then you mend it.

You glue it back together with gold glue.

And the idea behind it is, even though you're broken, you can be repaired and be more beautiful than you were in the 1st place.

And it was very fun at at the house where we had the first retreat, there was a really long dining table and we were all sitting around the dining table and.

Some people broke their bowls into many, many pieces and some not so much.

And so it was fun to laugh and and experience when you know somebody's bowl would they'd get it all glued together and fall apart, or mine had a big hole in the bottom of it that I had to try to figure out how to fix.

It was just so fun.

There was just a lot of laughter at some point in time.

Blow dryers got drugged out so they could try to blow dry the glue.

It was just really fun.

A little fun souvenir to take home if you know you wanted to, Yeah.

And then the next day we went into self-care and self compassion, which was again, you're right, we do keep saying the safe space thing, but it it's so true.

We did an exercise where we sat with a partner in silence and let them just feel their feelings and just holding space for them.

And that was wild because I felt things from my partner and she felt them for me and it just felt so supportive and really incredible.

We also learned really tactical type skills like taking your shoes off and putting your feet on the bare ground to like bring yourself home and center yourself.

And that's something that I had never done before.

But once I did it, I realized how helpful that was to me whenever I'm feeling overwhelmed.

Or and again, this is general, in general, it's not just about the DNA surprise, although our DNA surprises can bring about those feelings.

And then we had our lovely friend Christine come and teach us about writing and what writing can look like.

It's not what everyone thinks.

You don't have to be a memoir writer in order to write your feelings down and and be transformed from that.

And and then you took it all home with just reflecting on what we had talked about over the weekend.

And then talking about how we had so many strengths that we could tap into that maybe didn't have anything to do with our DNA surprise, but were something that we could really look and point to to carry us through.

And I thought that was really, really cool because like I said earlier, there are those days where people don't want to get out of bed or it's really difficult to try to think about how things are going to get better.

And to have a literal list of like here are all the things that I am awesome at, was really, really cool.

So thank you for leading that session.

Yeah, yeah, that was a fun one.

I loved every session that we had this year, but one of the things that we really wanted to do for next year's, which I will say the very last day of the retreat, we were like we're going to do this again.

Instantly.

We took a little break and then we started planning again and we knew that we wanted to to mix it up every time and bring in different topics, different facilitators and that kind of thing.

So without further ado, would you like to share when our 2024 retreat will be?

Yes, absolutely.

So we have it scheduled for September 19th through 22nd in Phoenix, AZ.

We have reserved a lovely rustic ranch location.

It's very calming.

It's very beautiful.

The people at the facility were very welcoming and excited to host us.

It's just such a beautiful spot.

I remember we pulled in and the trees and all the things.

It's just so beautiful.

Yeah, you know, we checked out a couple of places, a few places, a lot of places.

We spent a lot of time Googling and researching and trying to find the best fit.

We did a survey after our last retreat because we always want to get better.

And one of the things that we heard was that people wanted more opportunities for like solo accommodations.

And this ranch has private cabins.

There are some that have two bedrooms, so people could share a cabin and each take a bedroom.

There's somewhere you would get an entire cabin to yourself.

And then of course there's ones where you would share a cabin and all different price points that will work for different people.

But for people like me, you know, I'm people might be surprised, but I'm actually an introvert.

And I like to have my alone time where I can process things, especially when I'm at things like this.

When we went to the Root Summit earlier this year, we're going to go again in April.

It was amazing.

And Debbie can attest.

But every now and then I would look over at her and be like I need to go lay down like I am tired.

And so I think it's going to be really cool that people have more opportunity to do that kind of thing.

And even if you share a cabin, there's grounds where you can walk and go sit in a chair.

There's add on activities like horseback riding and kayaking and tubing for people who want to do things that are more physical.

It just is a really great spot and we 100% go off of vibes.

How does it feel when we are there?

The 1st place where we had the retreat in Tucson, it was that feeling of when you just walk in, it's calm, it's welcoming and we got the same feeling when we went to this ranch.

So we're so excited to bring that to everyone.

Yes.

Can you share what kind of professionals and experts we've been invited to facilitate this year?

Yes, I am so excited about our line up this year.

I think you and I both have like our our areas of the retreat that we're very, very passionate about and mine hands down is the facilitators.

I I go all in on researching and talking to people and vetting people and making sure that they're the right fit and that they are empathetic and understand why this.

Event is such a big deal in our lives and why it is so important that we facilitate healing and community.

So we are going to follow the same framework that we did for this year's retreat.

So six sessions, three sessions on Friday and three sessions on Saturday.

Friday sessions will include.

Megan, she's coming back.

Her expertise, aside from trauma, is also inner child work.

That's actually where she does a lot of her work.

And that was something that previous attendees had mentioned that they wanted to learn more about.

It's definitely helpful the the re parenting, the being the person that you needed when you were younger, all of that kind of stuff.

So Megan is going to facilitate a session on inner child work.

So excited for that, and so is she.

We are also going to have a fellow NPE facilitate a session on betrayal, trauma, which I think many of us can identify with.

And her perspective on it is so interesting because similar to me, she has a lot of empathy for why her parents made the decisions that they made, but it's still a betrayal and so I'm very excited.

She's a therapist and she's going to help us with that.

And then going back to the survey that we did for attendees this year, one of the things we heard is that people wanted more physical things.

They wanted a little bit more movement and body work and those.

All kinds of activities.

So we are going to close the day with some restorative yoga and sound healing.

And if you are like me and you do not necessarily enjoy Chaturanga and downward dog, yeah, those kinds of things, that's OK.

That's not what this is.

This is really about feeling present in your body and mindful.

We're going to do a lot of emotional work and this is going to help us move it through.

So I'm actually very excited about that.

I think that we've been really lucky because as we've looked for facilitators, we've actually had people contact us and reached out to us that want to be involved and help and you know, love on our community.

And so it's been really exciting to have a lot of choices for things we can offer at the retreat.

Saturday's line up?

I'm also really excited about we're going to kick it off with a breath work session led by somebody who is incredibly, incredibly qualified to facilitate this session.

I'm talking like years long study of breath work.

I think that's going to be very helpful and an actual skill that people can take with them after the retreat.

The next session that we're going to have is on generational trauma, secret keeping.

Shame.

I think a lot of us can identify with these things.

But more importantly, how to break that cycle.

What does that look like and how to build a new support system, especially if you don't have one.

And then we're going to put a bow on it At the very end of Debbie, we're going to talk about what to do next.

We're going to highlight, I think, some of our favorite moments from the weekend.

Make a plan for ourselves that we make sure we're taking care of ourselves after the retreat, because it doesn't end right.

This is an ongoing journey.

And then I think it's also important, like we called out before we do make space for fun, we are going to have another art activity of some kind.

We will have a party on the last night just like we did this year.

This year's was a Fiesta, which was super fun and we had lots of yummy Mexican food.

And then I believe the plan for 2024 is a cowboy cookout that the ranch offers.

I do have to say that the Fiesta was also one of my favorite highlights of the previous retreat because again, at this point now we've spent three days together or you know, close to three days together and everyone was just having the best time.

Everybody was together in community and laughing and you know, becoming Facebook friends and exchanging emails and phone numbers and.

And I know that those relationships have lasted well beyond their time of the retreat.

That's so true.

I mean, I've heard of some people going and staying at each other's houses.

They are keeping these connections and I think that is so special.

Because we have so many amazing online communities.

But that in person connection is just irreplaceable and I feel honored that we were able to facilitate that.

Me too.

I'm curious what advice you would give to someone who is considering attending the retreat.

My advice would be to to come.

My advice would be not to be afraid.

You know, we had many women of all ages were there.

Some were new in their discovery, some had been in their discovery for a while.

And I believe that everyone felt a sense of support and connection and really gained a lot from the retreat.

Again, we we're still friends.

We still, you know, see each other either on social media or, you know, private messages, this and that kind of thing.

So if you're thinking about it, I really just would encourage you to come and join us because you will receive love and support and care and recognize that you're not alone in your DNA discovery.

I agree.

I I second all of that and I think just come with an open mind, right?

You know there's.

New concepts, new ideas, new framing, new ways to think about our situations and open mind and an open heart because you will receive love and support.

Yeah, yeah.

And it's OK if you're shy.

It's OK if you're an introvert.

Everyone is welcoming and accepting.

It is a judgement free zone.

And you will have opportunity to reflect and have space for yourself.

That was something else that when we planned the retreat was super important was that we built in break time for people to pause, journal, go for a walk, talk to a friend, call home, whatever is needed.

But you will get that time, and you will meet people who understand you and no pressure to share anything that you don't want to share.

You can come and share as much or as little as you'd like, Just, you know, be there to receive the love and support that you might need.

Yeah, so you are the big dreamer.

You're the one that that pushed me in a in a loving, supportive way to start this retreat.

I'm curious about your hopes and dreams for the future.

As we mentioned before, the community is growing vastly and quickly and I think there's a felt need.

I think there's a definite need for what we're offering and what we're enjoying offering.

We get a lot out of presenting this retreat to our community and so it is my dream that we are able to do a few more a year than we're doing.

We can reach out to more members of our community, just offering the love and support that is needed to our peers.

So you think I'm the dreamer, but I would like to know what your dream is for.

I think same.

I think it would be great to offer more because like we talked about, we're 30 people.

I think it's important that we keep that intimate feeling.

Because that's just integral to the experience, so it probably be scaling out and doing more retreats.

I would love to do one somewhere Tropical Hawaii name I would love.

That and then also it's very important to me to make the retreat as accessible as possible.

We put a lot of thought into our pricing keeping that in mind, trying to make sure that it is as accessible as possible and we know that even with our best efforts it's still difficult for some people to attend.

So in an effort to make the retreat as accessible as possible, we launched a scholarship fund this year.

So if you are hoping to attend the retreat and.

Maybe financially or having some difficulty with it.

Please e-mail us at dnasurpriseretreat@gmail.com.

We can send you an application.

An important part of what we're trying to do with the scholarship program is if you are able to support us financially, 100% of the funds that anyone would donate would go directly to the scholarship.

We don't keep any of that money.

If you're in a position where you want to pay it forward.

Or support other people in our community and you'd like to contribute to the scholarship fund.

Like Debbie said, 100% of the donations received go directly to scholarships.

We want to support as many people coming to the retreat as possible.

If you are in a position to offer a scholarship, we definitely welcome it.

Please contact us.

This is a truly about paying it forward and helping other people.

And there are opportunities for sponsorships and things like that.

If that's something that you're interested in, please reach out to us.

We are totally flexible.

But I'm really excited about offering this to more people, and if I could have any dream, it would be, I don't know, for Ancestry to just fully fund our retreats.

That would be amazing Ancestry.

I'm going to put that out into the universe.

That would be incredible.

So yeah, I think more retreats.

More people and funding so that we can do that.

Yeah, I love the beach idea.

I'm down for that 100%.

Can you tell the listeners where they can find more information about the upcoming retreat?

So you can find us at dnasurpriseretreat.com.

You can e-mail us at dnasurpriseretreat@gmail.com.

You can also follow us on Instagram.

DNA Surprise Retreat, Facebook DNA Surprise Retreat.

We'll be sharing more information there.

Be sure to sign up for our newsletter.

We'll introduce you to our facilitators and more things as we keep going.

We know that the retreat is kind of a long ways away, but we wanted to give people as much opportunity to plan as they could.

So that's why we're starting this all now, and I really just hope to see you all there.

All right, Debbie.

Well, it was nice catching up with you.

I'm sure we will text each other later today.

No, I'm just.

I'm so glad that we're doing this.

It has been one of the most rewarding things of my life and it just feels so good to have found a purpose and a passion and.

Connection with so many incredible people and I'm just so grateful for all of it and I hope that we just continue because I think as long as people need us, we'll be here.

Great.

It's interesting that this life changing experience brings genuine friendships and a lot of love and community, so even though it's life altering, it ends up being kind of a lovely, positive thing.

Sure does.

All right.

Love you, friend.

Talk to you soon.