Chris’ DNA Surprise

This transcript was generated automatically. Its accuracy may vary.

Speaker 1

Hi, it's Alexis from DNA Surprises.

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Thank

Speaker 2

I I still have our time making sense of it.

What are the odds of you know me ended up here having that desire in my heart having that need in my heart to know and that want to know my whole life and and I end up at the very spot you know where where my my line my father's line pretty much

and unknowingly turning your life upside down.

For me and thousands of others, this is our reality.

I'm your host, Alexis Ourselt.

In July of 2021, I discovered that I'm an N P/E.

Someone who has experienced a non paternal event.

In other words, my biological father isn't who I thought he was.

This podcast shares the journeys of people who are shocked by a DNA discovery, mostly through modern DNA

surprises.

Sometimes the connections we make on our DNA surprise journeys extend beyond immediate family and sometimes beyond ourselves.

In this week's episode, Chris shares how his quest to find his biological father connected other family members with each other.

He discusses how he finally found out who his biological father is and how never knowing his father as a child affected him.

Thank you for sharing your story, Chris.

My name is Chris, originally from Virginia.

I'm 49 years old, father of five, moved to New York probably about 10 years ago to to be closer to my wife's family When I was growing up.

As a kid, I was one of four kids that my mom had and I was the youngest.

Early on, from as young as I can remember, my mom had told me that I had a different father from my siblings.

And she was she was honest about it, she said.

It was pretty much basically one night with my biological father.

She didn't have a lot of information about him.

I had always asked, you know, the growing up because I always, you know, wondered who my father was.

You knows of young boy.

I always had you know that desire inside me to know who he was and.

Misfiguring one day, you know, maybe he'd see me or I'd see him and recognize him and it's just and I guess there's little games that you play as a kid that you know your hopes and stuff but you know it never nothing ever came to fruition.

You know as I got older, like I said, it was always in the back of my mind how I want to, you know, try to find out who he is because I figured he probably didn't know who I was if it was a one night you know relationship.

So you know as technology started.

Evolving more I you know I would search and early on in the Internet days I would search and you know nothing ever panned out.

My mom had a first and last name said he was in the military lived next to my grandparents in Alexandria, VA So I and his name wasn't really common.

So I I kind of I went through my searching.

I would search for a man with with that information and that that lived in that area in 1973 when I was conceived.

Like I said it no.

I really had no, no results that came, you know, from that.

I kind of gave up.

And then about, I want to say about 12 years ago when I met my my now wife, I had told her, you know, about, you know, my search and about wanting to know who he was.

And she kind of tackled it.

And she's probably one of the smartest people I've ever met in my life and very, very thorough and analytical and her approach to things.

And I mean she really when she when she has something.

That she's looking into.

She really goes all out.

And so she she spent a great amount of time searching and had a couple hits that I thought was possible that it might be him.

But then again, nothing ever panned out, so I.

At that point, I was, I was, you know, I kind of resigned myself to the fact that I was never going to know who he was.

How did you feel about that?

Because you know, the decades of you being curious and wanting to meet him.

So how did you feel when you resigned yourself to this isn't going to happen?

It was tough because at that time I had three kids.

I have five children now and I know for me I could not imagine.

My children not being in my life, I thought, well, maybe he just doesn't know.

Maybe he'd want to know me.

And, you know, and it was just so hard for me just to let go of that because there was that little boy inside of me that still was inside that, you know, I tell people it's hard for them to understand it.

But there, you know, there's always been that little boy inside of me that wanted to look at his father, you know, and and I just couldn't imagine, you know, not my kids not having that.

So it was hard for me to let go and accept that and.

And I don't think I ever did.

And as time moved on, technology started advancing more and I had a couple more kids and I had moved to New York.

And you know, things are going well in my life professionally.

And I kept seeing the Ancestry DNA ads on TV and, you know, it's $100 or whatever it was.

And I'm like, well, I spend more than that just going out for dinner, you know, I mean, why not, you know, just take a chance.

So I did.

I it was in the beginning of August.

Of a couple years ago when my test came to me and I found out that on my mom's side, my great aunt who was 89 at the time, I found out she had taken an ancestry test and her daughters had taken one is just kind of like a family type little project they were doing.

And so I knew that when I did the test and sent sent it back, I knew that they would show up as matches.

From the research I was doing, I knew that you know it made sense to me that anybody that matched to me that weren't also common matches to them, I had to be my dad's side.

That's what I'm thinking.

And so I just started being, I sent the test back in and I just started nervous, obviously, and, you know, anxious for the results to come back.

And I started researching a lot on my on my mom's side.

I took a road trip to where that line of family was from.

And I asked cousins and everybody else around, hey, did you remember my mom ever with, you know, a certain person around this time and nobody had any answers.

You know, it's so long.

There was September 18th, 17th.

It was actually the 17th.

Just turned into the 18th right after midnight when my phone beeped and it alerted me that my matches were ready to be viewed.

So I was excited.

I was hoping I would have second, third cousin match or something then and then I would have to figure out the legwork to try to, to match it back to you know, a specific line, you know, biological family.

I still don't know exactly how all that's done, but I've, you know, people that I've worked with with, with some different Facebook groups, that's helped me out.

So I was hoping for, you know.

A match like that when I woke my wife up to share the results and opened up the app and my great aunt did show up she showed up as my third highest match and there was two above her and I looked and they weren't matches to my great aunt and we had shared more than double the DNA or the the Cinte Morgan's and I was like wow who are these people and it's the the the app said close family first cousin.

It was the range that they gave us.

So then I looked, somebody told me on the the one Facebook group to go and look at DNA painter tool online and and when I put the center Cindy Morgan amount in it said that we can only be one of a few different relationships and aunt uncle have sibling, grandparent.

So this so this tool that you used, you put in the center Morgan relationship and then it tells you how the you would be related.

Absolutely.

And it was 100% that it could only be one of those relationships based upon how much that we shared.

So now I'm, I'm super nervous.

I'm like, oh wow, you know, and my immediately, you know that I got a couple hours of sleep and the next thing I did was I the app lets you message, you know, different, different matches, different profiles.

And then it's on them whether or not they want to respond.

So I immediately sent out two messages for, you know, one for each one.

And I I was kind of nervous because I didn't want to scare anybody.

I didn't want to open up any wounds or any.

I didn't want to, you know, intrude on anybody's life.

And so I preface my e-mail with that I said hi, You know, I'm just looking for some answers.

I, you know, I'm not some crazy person or I'm just trying to figure out how we're connected.

And, you know, if you'd like to share some information, I would appreciate it.

You know, I had my fingers crossed at that point thinking, you know.

Hopefully somebody you know, one of them responds and both matches.

One of them had a public tree listed that I could view and there were there weren't many names on it and it only shows you it'll show you the most like the most recent person that passed away.

It won't show you anybody living.

So I took those names, that name, that main name with that mail and I started running every search I could on you know.

Facebook and Google, you know everything and just trying to build up some more information and you know, it listed where he had died at what year.

And I found him.

I found his obituary and started going through names on the obituaries, you know, the kids and all that stuff.

And it just opened up so many other doors.

Well, I think it was the next day on the the 19th.

I believe it was the 19th.

One of my, one of my, one of my matches responded.

And she said, wow, first cousins.

And that was because of the range.

It said she thought that we were first cousin.

So we went back and forth and I found out she was right around my mom's age.

So that eliminated several of the possibilities, you know, And she wasn't my grandparent and she wasn't, you know, my niece or nephew.

And so it ended up being, you know, either my aunt or my half sibling.

Based on a, you know, going back and forth and information that she, you know, she she gave me, I found out that she was one of ten siblings.

Wow.

And in that family, yeah, so a.

Lot a lot more work to do to narrow down then.

Well, not not so much, because what happened was that the ten siblings, there were only four boys.

At this point, though, like I said, I wasn't aware that she was my issue.

You know, what relationship We were together.

It wasn't until I cross matched and and stuff and eliminated people that I could figure out that yeah, you know who she was.

But but I did find out I'd narrowed it down and eliminated any possibility that she could be anybody but but my aunt.

And the reasoning why was because I shared DNA with her mother and there was no way I would ever share DNA with her mother because I'd only have my mother and his DNA, My grandfather's DNA.

If we were half siblings.

Right.

But I didn't.

I shared the DNA with with her and I explained it to our so you're my aunt.

There's only that's the only possibility you know the possible way.

You know it was a revelation that was just like wow.

So they she was shocked, you know obviously.

And I was so grateful and she would that she was willing to, you know talk to me and share information.

And we spent a lot of time on the telephone probably the first call.

We spent like 3 hours and I had learned about her brothers and she had four brothers.

One had died and. 1968 previous to my conception.

So that eliminated one.

The one is only nine years older than me, so that eliminated the other one and that left two brothers remaining.

One.

My mom had said the man she had dated she was 26 at the time when she she conceived me and she said that that this man was her age and was in the military.

So of these last two brothers, one was her age and one had, you know, he had also been in the military.

The other one was only 17 at that time, so too young to be in the military.

And my mom said she never dated.

She never dated younger guys and you know, so okay, and you know okay well, I know who my dad is now, you know.

And you know I started researching everything I could on this man and.

And what wasn't much, you know, that I could find through public records and the family, my match, my aunt, she hadn't talked to him in probably 30 years.

She said to me, she said, well, you have a sister.

And I was like, wow, really?

And she gave me a name.

And I had started running background checks on everybody in this family, you know, to try to figure out anything I could that would lead me to some kind of answers.

And I had had quite a bit of information, so I knew the name as soon as she said it.

And I knew that I knew who she was, but I didn't know she was, you know, how she was related to me.

So, you know, we, you know, we went back and forth, me and my aunt sharing stories, you know, not to share stories, but, you know, tell her a little bit about myself and her telling me a little bit about, you know, her family.

And well, I had also shared with her about girl Jennifer, my sister.

She I shared with her some locations that that you know during my background searches that I ran you know where I thought that she was at in the areas and.

So your aunt didn't have contact with your half sister either?

No, no, she she child.

And, you know, I hadn't seen her brother 30 years this, the family is kind of, they're not real close in it, kind of like the kids left home early, you know, when they were young and didn't really stay in touch with each other so much.

So I shared that information with my Aunt Dorothy and gave her the information about where I thought Jennifer was.

Two different places.

I was pretty sure, based on just, you know, records of stuff that I found The next day I came out of a meeting.

It was around noon, and I looked at my phone and there was a.

A message from my aunt Dorothy.

And then that message was a picture of a man sitting with four women.

Question.

I sent her a message back.

I said, what?

Who's this?

She said, that's your father and and, you know, and us girls when we were younger.

So I was floored.

I was like, wow, why wouldn't you get this, you know?

And I called her back and she told me she had gotten up that morning and decided she was going to go look for Jennifer.

And she got in her car and drove about close to an hour to the area where I thought that Jennifer was and the first door she knocked on, woman answered.

And she told her, you know, I'm looking for my niece Jennifer.

And she ended up hugging her.

And so yeah, I'm your, you know, your niece and brought her inside.

It was it wasn't, it was an amazing home.

And you did that.

You brought them together.

That's amazing.

What's more amazing?

Oh no.

What's more amazing to me is this woman.

Had the goodness of her heart got up in the morning and decided she was going to help me, you know that that that is where just an unselfish amazing, you know, gesture to give some stranger.

So she, you know, they talked and Dorothy explained to Jennifer, will you have a brother, you know, And she was floored.

She's like my way.

And so she had.

She said, well, were you willing to talk to him?

She said, yeah, you know, me and Dorothy had talked when, you know, she was sharing me this information and gave me Jennifer's number.

And later on that night I was at my hotel because I am I I do sales and I travel a lot and stay, you know, a lot of hotels.

And that night I called her up, called Jennifer up, and we spent like 3 hours on the phone and it was an amazing call and I felt something I hadn't felt.

Probably ever in my life, except maybe with the birth of my children.

It felt like, wow, I was kind of like whole when it was just so hard to explain.

I felt so full inside, you know, that somebody wanted to talk to me, you know, wanted me as a family member.

And it was just a great conversation.

And one of the things I remember, she was telling me about her father, she said, Chris, she said, I wish, you know, she hadn't talked to him in like 10 years.

She didn't know where he was.

She didn't have a number for him or anything.

And she said to me, she said, I wish that I could tell you that our father was good man.

You know, I wish that it would be the ending that that you'd hoped for that I could tell you this and that, you know, you'd find that everything was great and he'd want you and this and that.

And she said, but I I can't tell you that because he wasn't there for me.

And it breaks my heart that I have to tell you that.

And I said to her, I said, Jennifer, I said stop.

I say, you know that it.

It breaks my heart for you.

You know, yesterday I didn't have anything.

Today I have.

I have more today with all the lumps and and all the, you know, the bad, you know, or whatever the imperfections are.

I have more today than I've ever had in my life.

So I'm only grateful.

You know, I feel bad for you, anything you've been experiencing, because I know I've never known this, Amanda, you know?

To feel any kind of let down or anything like that.

So, but the compassion that she showed by even saying that was just profound to me and it just made me think, well, I'm lucky to even know you.

Yeah, you know, I mean.

What else did you learn about your biological father?

Well, I mean, he was in service and he was overseas and he came back and.

Kind of bounced around and had a serious drinking problem and you know, never really did anything with himself.

And kind of like just after I guess he got out of the service, it was he kind of gave up on life a little bit and was complacent and was like just satisfied with just the bare bones of living.

And it's it's foreign to me because I, you know, I.

Couldn't even imagine living a life like that.

But I don't know what he's been through.

And so, you know, she didn't know a ton, I mean, just a little bit because he was never really there for her when she was younger, You know, he'd come around every once in a while.

But then it had been a lot of years, like I said, at least 10 years since they'd seen each other or spoken each other.

And I told her what I knew about, you know, like I said, based on my, you know, us looking out into stuff, you know, where I thought he was and a little bit of information that I had on him.

But I asked her, I said, you know, I said, would you take an ancestry test as well?

Just so we can, you know, just narrow down everything and, you know, she said, yeah, absolutely.

So I went ahead and ordered her.

One had that sent to her and she took the test and sent it back in.

And you know, meanwhile, while we're waiting, I'm still doing research and trying to find out where this man is.

His name's Tom.

Pretty much.

I had it probably got 95%.

Certain where I had him narrowed down to was it was getting to the point where because he was he's, you know 70s and the back of my mind I kept thinking what were you know, if he's if he hasn't taken care of himself and you know all these years and who knows how much time he has where I didn't want to waste anymore time.

You know, I wanted to try to find him and make contact with him so he knew about me and I would have the opportunity to at least at least to say something to him.

So he knew you know that he had a son.

And I knew if I waited too long, you know, it might not be around, you know, to have that opportunity.

So I I decided, I talked to my wife.

I said, you know, I'm just going to make the jump and just just go and and and find this man.

So I booked some flight and book some tickets, airline tickets in a hotel room and a rental car and get all that done.

And about two or three hours later on that afternoon, Jennifer, she messaged me and she said my results are back.

Phone just, you know, alerted me and I was like, wow, OK, I said wait a second, just hold up, You know, I'll call you.

And I called her up and I said, all right, soon, let's go.

Let's go ahead and log on to our apps and logged on to our apps.

And my jaw hit the floor.

It listed her.

Yes.

I think sharing a less than the amount that I shared with my great aunt and it put her in a category of when I ran the Cm's, the sunny Morgans.

There's no possible way she could be my half sister that she is could only be my first cousin.

So yeah, I was floored.

So I'm like where does that lead me?

Well there was only one other son and who was 17 and my mom you know, swear that you know she was never with a younger man and.

So this man was the only possibility.

So now I'm like, what the heck is going on here?

How did you feel?

I mean, did you feel sad?

Did you feel any relief maybe that Tom wasn't your dad based on what you learned about him?

It's a mixture there.

So it's funny you say that because I went back and forth in a way.

There was a little bit of relief, but there was a little bit of sadness because we, Jennifer, Jennifer was.

Was pretty upset.

She, you know, she thought she had a brother.

I told her I'll always consider like my sister, you know, I mean, we talk every day and we got really close and I felt bad for her.

And then then you say about, you know, did I have any relief?

And I did to an extent.

I was like, wow, OK, well, thank God, you know, But I hate to say that, you know, and I don't want to get to come, you know, sound malicious or anything because.

It's just a just a feeling that you go through and I don't know.

And so it went back to, you know, the 17 year old and I had already did research on pretty much everybody, but not too much on him because he had passed away in 1983 and he was 27 when he had died.

And that the realization of that is probably what hurt me the most is that, you know, I knew then it was it was over, that I would never have the opportunity to meet this man.

And he would never find out that he had a son because I don't think he knew and just you know, based on what my mom had said.

So that in that it was kind of like super, super upsetting because I, you know, I'd always wanted dad and for somebody to die that young and but I at least there was that relief that I knew.

But now I had these tickets to go to Florida.

And to go down and meet Tom or to go find Tom and when you know, because I I can't refund the tickets so I might as well go and make the you know make the the trip down.

And so I did and I flew down and and I was right.

Exactly the 1st place I went to he was there and he was he was.

I remembered I had knocked on the next door then it was like a house that was split into two and the right hand side was the door, left hand side was the door and I went and knocked on the left hand door.

An old man answered and I looked at him and I didn't know who he was and I said, I'm looking for Tom, So what are you looking for him for?

And I, you know, kind of briefly explained it and he said, oh, he's over there.

He pointed to the door over there and he told me that kind of existence.

He he lived, he drinks a lot and he might not respond.

And so I knocked on the door and kind of yelled inside and it it was kind of brought up just a range of emotions because when the door kind of cracked open and.

The the stench, you know, from the room and the, you know, it was just, it just hit you.

And I said, you know, I called his name and he kind of got up and came out and he was disheveled and half blind and sat down and I explained who I was and there was some relief at that point for me.

You know, I felt incredibly bad for this man that he lived his life like that.

But I couldn't stop thinking about Jennifer and.

You know, the things that she was missing in her life.

And it's a tough meeting, but in a way it was good because Jennifer was able to talk.

I called Jennifer and she was able to talk to her for her father for the first time in over 10 years.

And then I called my Aunt Dorothy and she got, she talked to her brother for the first time in over 30 years.

So there was some, some goodness that came out of that didn't have a lot of stories about his brother.

They they were a little bit, you know, the difference in age.

And they didn't, they didn't, you know, hang out a lot when he was young.

So he didn't have a lot of stories to share with me.

But I was glad I did make the trip, you know, to get, you know, Jennifer got, you know, back in her father's life and he has since passed away, passed away like about 8810 months after that meeting.

And Jennifer was able to, you know, take care of his arrangements and everything and at least they had some kind of relationship at the end.

So I'm grateful for that by this time too.

I'm also talking to another one of my aunts that my second match.

And talking to Cousins, and I've actually met in person a couple people.

The trip, I think it was all the way around.

It was good for everybody.

Um.

But I did feel that relief a little bit that maybe my dad wasn't like that, you know, at least, you know, maybe use.

And I, like I said, I hate to say that because it's not trying.

To put down though, yeah, it's valid.

What?

What have you learned now about your actual biological father?

Yep.

Well, he he wasn't the military.

But he was not in the military at the time.

My mom and him were together, obviously because he would have been too young.

He left home or at an early age.

And he, like I said the other siblings had not seen him in years.

And it's, you know, since he was a kid, pretty much a teenager.

He moved out mid to the Midwest.

And I did find a, you know, death record for him.

And it didn't miss much information, but it told me where he had passed away at and.

You know when and what city.

So I went ahead and and sent a request in with the state for his his death certificate and waited and couple months later I I did get that.

I was hoping because I had heard that he had.

He was married at the time of his death and I was hoping that I would get a name of who he was married to and maybe try to find this person and hopefully they could tell me something about him.

The record came back a couple months later and and sure enough it it did list, you know a wife's name.

I waited, though I I didn't do anything with it for a little bit because I was unsure if I wanted to open up any more doors.

I already had my answer and you know, I don't know what there is to gain out of this.

But I I did decide to probably a little bit later on I did decide to try to reach out and I was contacting him.

But I could you know on these reports that I ran the acquaintances and this and that and I got a hold of somebody that said.

They were real standoffish at 1st and they were like, well, let me see what I can do and I'll get back to you.

And her name is Elizabeth and still alive.

Just think it was the next day I get a message on my phone from that acquaintance person that I had contacted saying Elizabeth wants to talk to you.

Can you call at such and such time?

And I was, yeah, absolutely.

It was just an amazing, incredible experience when I when I when I called, it was her, her son.

His wife and one other person, these people were all in the house together with my father, you know, at that time when he was, you know, when he was alive and then when he passed away and they were shocked that he had a son.

And these people were amazing.

They we spent probably 2 hours on the phone and they were sharing stories about my dad telling me, you know, different things about him, what he liked and.

They were like, well, there's no way he knew about you.

He didn't know about you, Chris, because if he did, he would have been there.

He was a he's a good man.

And you know it was an incredible experience.

I mean that these strangers would take time out of their life to share stories about it.

But man has been gone for so many years, decades, and they they for them to share those stories, you know, with a complete stranger, just a testament to to.

The goodness of those people.

And I found out, you know, how he passed away.

He had died of an aneurysm, which is a good bit of information for me to have because one of my aunts had also died of an aneurysm.

So I have five kids and having that medical information is, you know, kind of important.

Yeah, and it was an Ant on on his side.

His sister, one of his sisters, died the same thing.

So, you know, having that bit of information was great.

But they told me that, you know, he had been cremated and they still had his ashes after all these years.

I was floored by that.

I was like, wow, It wasn't until later they'd asked me for my address and I didn't think much of anything.

And I gave it to him.

They said, we're going to send me something and the kind of.

Think of think of it anymore and month or two past and I come home from work being on the road and there was a FedEx package there for me or UPS package and opened up and in it what they did is they had taken his ashes and they sent it to a company that makes memorials like in the roses and stuff and they had one of those made with his ashes and then had his name and his.

Date of death and stuff on there and sent that to me in A-frame.

And so I was like the first time I had my father there with me, you know, in a sense.

But it's just an incredible thing that they did and it's just it's an amazing thing.

So while yeah, it was I I was completely floored.

You know, that I found out my father was 17.

You know, I'm, I'm, I was grateful to find out he was a good man and he wasn't you know, he wasn't some.

You know somebody that like to kind of just gave up on his kid and you know like you take Tom did with Jennifer and you know I had went back to my mom during this whole process, you know, and and and that's another delicate you know, delicate dance you have to do when you're dealing with issues like this.

You know, because I love my mom.

You know, I love my mom and I don't I'm not who am I to judge her life.

You know, on whatever she, you know, she's done in her life.

But and I'd went to her and I said mom, this this, you know that this is my father right here.

And she said there's no possible way I would know I was there.

There's no possible way.

And I think she believes that.

But there's no other possibility.

There's no one else.

Yeah.

Did she maybe just assume he was older based on how he looked or something?

Or do you think she's?

I'm I'm thinking it's one of those things where it could be it could be one of the other he could have.

I I would sit there and say I would like to think maybe he just looked older and but if you look at this picture when he was in the military he looked so young so I I kind of discounted that I I kind of chalked it up more like maybe my mom was out at a party.

And something happened and she doesn't remember.

And the reason why I say this is because you know, my other siblings, it was kind of funny.

My sister, my one sister, Sherry, she's only 14 months older than me.

So there were some some holes and stories and information that I found the contradicted things we were told.

And I, you know, I talked to my sister and I said I don't think.

Your father's who, you know, I said.

But whatever you want to do.

She was like, oh, I'd do a DNA test to find out.

And so Mother's Day, I bought her one and her results came back.

And it wasn't who my mom had said.

And and the person that we found was her father, ironically, was my mom's age was in the service.

He fit all of those things that my mom told me was real with me.

You know, that with my father, that information.

So I think she had that bit of information mixed up.

You know, that brief relationship she had with this man that fathered my sister.

I think she kind of put that on to me.

But in any respect, I I didn't push the issue much with my mom because like I said, I love her and we all have wild times where we're younger and you know, and it's, you know, I don't want to hurt my mom.

But I I sent her a picture of me and my my father, you know, right beside each other.

And you know, anybody that looks at it can tell, you know.

Yeah, I you sent it to me.

And for listeners they are definitely related.

So I let it go at that point.

I didn't want to hurt her, you know, and I didn't want to push for anything else because she's, you know, it's been almost 50 years and she's, you know, I'm sure she's forgotten a lot of things and like we all have and when I was.

First talking to Elizabeth and her family on the phone and they were telling me about my father and type of person he was.

They had asked me, you know, I I was telling him my story about, you know, taking the test and you know all the timeline of it.

And I said, yeah, I said it was just it was the 17th and it just turned in the 18th when my phone chirped, I was right after midnight.

And the one son, Tim, he said, he said what day was that?

So it was September 18th And he said.

He said to me, he said, that's the day your father died.

So I was like, wow, that's yeah, that's a coincidence.

And, you know, wow, that's kind of weird.

You know, I didn't think really much more of it.

And until I started researching this family a little bit more, it was, it was kind of, it was kind of wild because I had never, when I when I moved to New York, I knew nobody here.

I live in a small village of like 14,000 people.

And I I have no connections here, no ties whatsoever.

But I come to find out that my father's parents, my biological grandparents on my father's side, they met, married here, same place they lived here, got married here.

They didn't start their family until they moved more towards Pennsylvania and it was wild.

So another aunt that I was talking to her and her husband and family.

They have a lodge every year in the summer they go to and they invited me to go to this like meet up with family members where they, you know, all get together every year.

So I went and took my youngest son and and met a lot of these family members.

And it was, it was wild because I had ended up meeting a couple people that I had ran into previously in my town, in this village, you know, at the redemption center turning in, you know, bottles and cans.

I met a guy and and he's there and I'm like, oh, wait, what a second.

Heard your cousin.

So I had met cousins and and never even knew that we were related to him, you know, to each other, just to my everyday travel, which was wild during this, this get together.

A lot of people kept telling me they said, you know, a lot of the older generation like ladies and guys that were there, they said, you know, you look like just like your great grandfather.

I know people are sharing a lot of a lot of different information with me at this point, cuz I'm like the talk of the family right now, you know, some some kid and you know they a lot of people were, well, the sisters.

The two sisters were grateful because they didn't think, they thought.

My father died without having any children.

Elizabeth's son was not his biological child, so that's why people thought he didn't have any biological children.

She had she had him previous to that that marriage and but he was you know he was a child in that home when when my dad was there.

So then though the other aunt that I was talking to her name is Libby and she's one that has the camp and when I went there like I said I was the talk and everybody you know wanted to hear the stories about you know how I found them and.

All of them shared stories with me, you know, a little bit about stuff that they knew, which wasn't a ton because these kids, like I said, all of them.

There was 10 kids and pretty much all of them left home early.

But they did tell me about my, you know, my great grandparents and great uncles and I had, I had researched some on them, but not much.

But everybody kept saying I looked like my great grandfather and I didn't, you know, I was like, OK, whatever and.

It wasn't until later on when I was at home doing some research on Ancestry, I decided to look into this man to try to find out a little bit more information about him.

And I did, and it shocked me to find out that I could leave my house.

I can open my front door and and walk to where he's buried in like 5 minutes.

Oh my gosh.

All the places in the world I could end up, you know, I end up in a small tiny town.

That I can walk to.

I mean, I bought my home here in 2014.

Test results came back like two years ago.

So this wasn't like, you know, something that I it was just, it's just stunned me that what are the odds that I could walk to my not only great grandfather, but my great grandmother, my great uncles, my great aunts, they're all buried at a cemetery that I can walk to in 5 minutes from my house.

And I I was forward.

It's just like, wow, what are the chances of that, You know, I mean.

They talk about I forget what the name of the word is.

So synchronicity.

I don't know if somebody had said that one time and it is just an incredible, incredible coincidence.

I don't know.

I mean, I hate that.

I think I try to think of myself as a logical person and not put too much, you know, thought into things that don't make sense, where I have tangible proof of things.

But when things happen like that, it's just like it blows your way.

And I don't know, it's just make.

I think maybe there is something, you know, beyond this, and maybe something drew me back to that.

But I'm just incredibly grateful for the experience.

And and what blows my mind is to think that we have come so far as a society that you can spit in a little while and send something back and have answers that you've wanted for so many years.

There's so many people like me out there that, you know, that have that little boy inside of them or that little girl inside of them.

That live with it every day, you know, and it and it does, you know some people do.

It does cause problems and you have issues as a person growing up because you know you didn't have your father, you didn't.

I mean it's not an excuse for anything, but you know it does affect your life and to think today that.

It's so easy to find out you know we can trace back our family.

It's just amazing the thing that you know society has done.

I I can't speak enough about that that technology because like I said I I do find I do finally fill some closure in my heart.

You know like that little boy is kind of grown up now you know kind of shut that dope.

I'm just incredibly grateful and you know the communities that I've met through this process you know I've got a got a lady in Colorado that just helped me not only with.

My and my sister's DNA test, but I bought tests for another cousin of mine on my dad's side that never met his dad, trying to help him out.

Recently I did another test for another family member and she's helped me tremendously.

And this these groups that they're filled with a lot of volunteers.

So there's a lot of people out there that are willing to help to offer their time and stuff and not seeking out anything in in in in terms of you know.

Getting something back, except the just joy of helping somebody else, you know, close a chapter of their life that's been open for a long time.

And I'm, you know, the incredibly grateful for the whole experience.

You.

I mean, it sounds like you you dove right and and you are like an expert researcher now and figuring all this stuff out and getting all these background checks and you've connected with people.

Do you still have questions?

The main thing, here's the main thing, breaking down the the the history of this family and the brothers.

The one thing that I one thing I haven't let go of.

All right.

So the the only possible way the 17 year old couldn't be my.

But now obviously we don't have DNA testing of him.

He doesn't have somebody else that he or he.

You know he was a father too that we can compare anything.

So I have nothing that can go directly to him.

So it's an assumption there's no other other son.

There's no other one that it could be.

The only possible way is if my grandparents, in the midst of having these ten children, had a secret boy that they shoved off somewhere that nobody ever found out about.

That's the only possible way anybody else can be my dad.

But the one thing that the one question I I want to have answered and I haven't found this day is, and I haven't put him there is how did he meet my mom?

What was he doing in Virginia?

Can I place him in Virginia?

If I had that, then I think I would be totally content for the rest of my life.

But I think that's something that I will have forever.

You know, I'll have that thought.

I mean, not that I doubt.

I mean, I know this is, this is my family 100% and I know that this is my father.

But I think I would have liked to found out, you know, why was he in Virginia and how would the circumstances?

I wanted something to place in there with my mom, you know, in that timeline then I would have been like, OK.

That seals it.

But.

Yeah, I think so many of us in this community, we have to accept that there's certain things we'll probably never know, and that's hard, but it's true.

You know, there are there's certain things that you just have to sit there and accept and then it's like it's true with that is one of the things that say DNA doesn't lie, people do, Memories fade, you know, this and that, so.

So what's next for you?

Do you still have a pretty strong relationship with your newfound family?

No, I do.

I talked to, actually.

I was just chatting with a third aunt that is one of the younger aunts.

She texted me just probably about 10 minutes before we started talking today.

I've been down two years in row now to this camp that we go to.

I talked to a lot of cousins.

I talked to Jennifer all the time and I see her every time I'm in that area.

Some of my accounts for my job or.

Pretty close to where she lives.

So I try to get down there and take her out to dinner and we'll spend some time together.

And, you know, I seen coming back from Thanksgiving from Virginia, I went on the way back home and stopped at my other aunt, the first one on Dorothy that I'd spoke to.

I stopped and introduced her to my children for the first time and spent time with her.

Yeah, we have a great relationship and talk quite a bit.

They're very.

Very happy to have me in a family and include me on things and think about me and call me out of the blue.

And that makes me feel pretty good.

You know, I'm just incredibly grateful that strangers would be OK with sharing the life with me, you know?

And in that respect, I mean, some people think, you know, it's just warning, yes, that I'll never meet my father.

But I'm grateful because there's people out there that that are in this situation that they might not have doors open for him and say, you know, hey, we want to know you.

Do you know your family.

I I consider myself you know incredibly grateful and and and lucky that I had the experience that I had even with the the hiccups and the and the surprises and the issues that kind of, you know set me back a little bit about not meeting him and you know him being gone and but just I mean I have so much more now than I did before I took that test.

I have so much more now and and it cost me 100 bucks.

You know it just an amazing amazing thing.

I'd encourage anybody that had questions to just dive into it and and you know there's so many people that are willing to help you and and you know, we deserve.

I think it's people to know who our fathers, mothers and family are and we don't deserve to hurt each other.

We don't deserve to you know intrude on people's lives.

I mean.

I, you know, well or cause problems, I don't know.

It's one of those balancing acts.

But we deserve to know.

I mean, I deserve to know what my dad was, you know, and I'm grateful that I took the journey.

So, you know, you can't, can't leave those questions go, you know, because like I said, that boy was inside of me living for a long time.

And now, fortunately, you know, things are a lot better.

What advice do you have for a parent who might be keeping a DNA surprise from their child?

I'm interested to hear your perspective because.

Your mom was sort of honest with you about your birth, but then maybe not so much about who your father is.

So what advice would you give your young mom?

Wow, it's such a delicate dance, you know?

It's really is.

Because I, my mom, was 26 and already had three kids when she got pregnant with me, and it was a different time.

And there was a different, you know, I don't know why she's stuck with her story.

And maybe she didn't know.

And so it was kind of one of those things where you know, but if you know and you have a surprise and you're keeping it, try to understand.

And I know it's probably hard for you to put yourself in somebody else's position, but you just got to be honest.

I mean, I I couldn't imagine.

You know keeping a secret like that but I who am I I mean I don't know Sir.

You know circumstances of people it's such a it's such a tough question because circumstances are you know are so different for everybody.

Why was the information kept was it protect somebody or was it.

It's one of those I I can't really give you an honest answer because it I'm all over the place on that you know I mean for me I want to know.

I mean if somebody if my mother had that information I'd want to know.

You know I mean I deserve to know it I feel like that but.

Her reasons are her reasons, you know, I don't know.

Yeah, that's fair.

And what advice do you have for someone who is just embarking on this DNA surprise journey?

Well first of all just go full force at it if the only answers that you know, I mean you you've got to go searching if you if you wanting you know to know the true story.

But I will say this, just be prepared that the doors you open up you're gonna open up doors that you probably didn't expect.

I mean, I know I did.

I opened up some doors that I mean we haven't even went into.

And you will find surprises along the way a lot of times and they might not be very good surprises that will sit flattering to you know people and you might learn things that that that you'd probably rather would not know but you know I'd rather know things and and know you know have some finality in my life with answers than.

Than not.

So I I would encourage anybody just if you're on the cusp, I mean take that chance I mean what do you have to lose.

If you really if you really want that information and really want finality on some answers in your life then then like I said technology has some come folks come so far now that that we have these options and and there's so many people willing to help out you know but it's been an incredible ride.

Well, Chris, thank you so much for coming on the podcast and sharing your story.

I think it's incredible to hear how you've connected so many people who maybe had lost touch throughout your journey and the connections that you've made yourself as you have, you know, moved along and I wish you the best and continued connection with your family.

But I really appreciate the opportunity to come on and tell my story and hopefully, hopefully maybe that inspires somebody else that that you know.

Has lived with with not having answers.

It inspires them to take the journey and and you know take to get what they deserve and that's to to find out you know their own answers.

But thank you, I really appreciate it.

Thanks again to Chris for sharing his story.

If you have a DNA surprise story that you'd like to share, please e-mail DNA surprises@gmail.com.

Until next time.