Julie R’s DNA Surprise

This transcript was generated automatically. Its accuracy may vary.

Speaker 1

I always say there's no such thing as too much love and it's not just for MP ES, it's for anybody that is meeting people that you have a connection with and it's a loving, positive relationship, then that's wonderful.

If you have to have boundaries out there to people that whether it's family or friends, then put those boundaries out there because you don't need that in your life.

But love, there's, there's always room for love.

Speaker 2

Welcome to DNA Surprises, a podcast that explores the life altering world of unexpected DNA discoveries.

I'm your host, Alexis Ourselt.

This show centers the stories of people who've experienced NP, ES or non paternal events.

In other words, people who've learned that their biological father isn't who they thought he was.

We'll also hear from adoptees, donor conceived people, and the family is navigating these discoveries.

Get ready to follow the incredible journeys that begin with a simple DNA test.

This is DNA surprises.

Speaker 3

What if finding out that the parent who raised you isn't biologically related to you is the least surprising part of your story?

What if instead, the surprise is the amount of serendipity surrounding the discovery and everything that happens after?

In this week's episode, Julie shares how she always felt that her birth certificate father was not biologically related to her.

She spent years asking her mother for the truth, but it wasn't until she took ADNA test that she finally found answers.

She shares why her experience was validating what happened next and why she believes everything happened for a reason.

Thank you for sharing your story, Julie.

My name is Julie, I'm 60 years young and I live in the North Country in very rural New York State.

It really all started when I was a child and I realized I didn't look like my sisters especially I'm a middle child but the oldest girl.

So I had three older brothers and they were lighter skinned and blonde hair, blue eyes.

My brothers were never really blonde but not as dark hair as mine and just always felt different.

With a large family we always kidded each other so I had some nicknames as well as my siblings and I just was like OK I just look and feel a little different.

I was never close to my my dad.

My parents divorced when I was around 10.

Their marriage ended because of his alcoholism and he remarried went on with his life.

My mom never did remarry but she went on with her life And as I got older I was looking more at my dad trying to find a connection like both my parents and all my siblings with blue eyes and I'm olive skin and brown eyes and I was the shortest 56 compared to my brother's all over 6 feet my mom was almost 6 feet.

I was just stood out as looking different but it didn't.

I wasn't like why is my dad not looking like me?

It was more like why can't I find a connection with him?

Why?

Why isn't it there?

Did you ever ask your parents, like am I adopted or did you ever have those kinds of questions growing up that you asked?

I never did ask those direct questions, especially at that young age.

Like my brothers would say, oh, mom and dad found you on the side of the road.

They felt sorry for you, so that's why you came home.

You know, it was that kind of thing growing up, but it really wasn't until later in life when I was in like high school even, I had this biology teacher actually in 10th grade and I was starting to question things.

I said, is it possible to have two blue eyed parents and have a brown eyed child?

And he immediately said no, it's not really possible.

And I said, well, both my parents have blue eyes.

In fact, they're blonde.

And you can see I have dark hair and all of that.

And he didn't know how to answer that.

And he just kind of changed the subject.

But I never forgot that.

And so that was just kind of put back in in my mind.

And I revisited that many times over the years.

And even when I married the first time and had my own children and people would meet the family and say, oh, what is, you know, you sometimes talk about your ethnicity.

Oh, you, you look like you're Italian.

And I would say, well, as far as I know, I'm not, I'm, you know, English, French Canadian for my mom and dad.

And people would kind of give me that look like really?

And I would say, yeah.

And it wasn't until my dad passed away from lung cancer in like 2003 that I finally had some questions for my mom.

And I was very close to my mom.

I was the first daughter.

I always felt, I like I always knew my mom was my mom because especially as I was getting older, we had some similar features.

I feel like my smile and things like that.

So I never thought that I was adopted.

I just felt like OK, because the marriage wasn't good.

There was a lot of problems.

Maybe my mom had an affair or a fling in between that, you know, in the middle of the marriage cause so you did actually.

Maybe wonder if your father was your biological father cause a a lot of times people when they feel out of place as children, they think maybe it's both of my parent, like I'm adopted.

Their mind doesn't necessarily go to somebody had an affair, but that is something that you considered interesting.

I did.

As I got older and in my teens and young adulthood, having my own children, seeing how much my children resembled both myself and my now my ex-husband, it was very evident.

I was really searching after my dad died and we just weren't close, you know, we would go over on Sundays, it was like once a week because my dad lived like the next town over and he would pick us up for the whole day.

And it was as I got older, it was like, I really didn't want to go.

I'm like, I just didn't feel he was really interested in me.

That's just the way it was with my dad.

I mean, he was always emotional at the end of those visits with all of us kids dropping us back off.

But I, I can't put my finger on what it was.

Even when I got married when I was 19 and living in Connecticut and my dad came with my stepmother, you know, he wouldn't be in any of the pictures.

He came to the reception, but I didn't have like a walking down the aisle kind of moment with him.

It was actually my mom's living room with the justice of the peace.

But it was just another disconnect with him that I just, we just weren't close.

He came maybe each time for the birth of my.

I have two children.

He came and spent a couple of days, but I really didn't see him when I would come to New York and one of my older brothers would say, you know, have you reached out to Dad?

Julie?

Does he know you're here?

And I'd be like, no, he kind of would be like, don't you think you should call him?

And so sometimes I would, but a lot of times I didn't.

And it was just because of that disconnect that I always felt.

So when he died, I'm like, this is to myself.

I'm saying have that talk with mom.

So because we were very close and and I told her, I said just her and I, I would say in person when I would visit and even when I moved back to New York.

So this one I'm for a year, a few years, I'd say, you know, mom, you can tell me.

You can tell me the truth.

You can tell me that there is a possibility even that somebody else is my father.

And she would say she'd look me in the eye with loving eyes and say, don't you think I would tell you, Julie?

And I said I would hope that you that you would mom.

But then I would drop it because I would never was never my intention because I love my mom so much that I would never want her to feel bad or that I'm hounding her.

I guess I felt she's going to tell me someday.

But then 2015, when she had signs of dementia, which ended up being Alzheimer's, and she was 80 and I was turning 50, I was like, she's never going to be able to.

Even if she wanted to tell me, say before, you know, she passes away, that I had to do something different.

And that's when my second husband, who, by the way, when he first met me and my siblings that summer, he didn't know anything about my back story about my parents or anything.

We were just dating.

And he said, oh, you must have a different dad, right, Julie?

And I'm like, well, it's funny you say that because I've always wondered that.

But as far as I know, I don't.

Wow.

When you would ask your mom these questions, did she respond like she was hurt?

Was she angry or was it matter of fact?

What was her kind of tone?

She wasn't defensive, she wasn't upset or emotional.

It was just kind of like, you know, Julie, don't you think I'd tell you kind of nonchalantly, like it's not a big deal, but there's nothing for me to tell you like I would tell you.

Yeah.

It was so bizarre.

I I still back my brain about that.

And, and then when I talked to my my siblings about it every now and then, especially my sisters, that maybe she had it so far back in her mind that she truly believed that because she was still sleeping with my dad.

They had two more children after I was born.

I wasn't until I was, you know, almost 12 before they divorced.

So they had two more children after this indiscretion fling.

Call it what you want, but that's what happened and she might have really pushed it that far back.

I will never know that.

Answer.

OK, so at this stage, you've met your second husband, who kind of talks that something's not right here, and you still haven't gotten an answer from your mom.

But at this point, have you pretty much accepted that maybe she's not being honest with you?

Or are you believing her?

No, I don't believe she's being honest with me.

And because it wasn't just my, my, my husband who we were just dating at that time, there would be other people that would even see me with my sisters, mostly because my sisters were so blonde, blue eyes and they didn't know my our family dynamics that would just say, wow, you don't, you don't you look different.

You know, it was never a surprise to anybody.

What happened was that, you know, by 2017, my husband did some research on his own and he said you can do a sibling DNA test, Julie.

And I said, really, I didn't, I didn't know that.

And he said, why don't you talk to one of your sisters about it?

So I did my youngest sister, and I'll never forget this because she said, OK, I'll do it.

But just no.

Mind you, our father was, you know, our dad had been gone, Mom had dementia starting.

But she said it's never going to change anything, no matter what those results are.

And I would be like, of course, Sissy, it's not going to change anything except for the fact that I have a different father that changes everything.

So we did it.

The results came back.

It was, you know, 75% odds that we did not share the same father, but we did share the same mother.

So I'm, I'm very transparent person.

So I immediately was letting all my siblings know everything that I was doing about that because I didn't want to surprise them.

I didn't want them to think I was doing something shady about I'm springing something on them.

None of them were shocked.

And then it was like, OK, well, you're still our sister.

We're like, yes, of course.

It's never a doubt of that.

Even I feel like even if I was adopted, yes, you're my Big Brothers and my baby sisters.

That's when was never going to change.

We're a very close knit family.

But I just had this, this aching need to know my truth, whatever it was, and I had no clue of what that was going to look like.

When you got those results, how did you feel?

Were you validated?

Were you upset?

Oh my gosh, 100% validated.

Because all of those intuitions that I had, all of those explaining like all those memories coming back about all the nicknames and all the well, mom and dad felt sorry for you.

So they found you, brought you home.

Why I didn't look like my dad at all, Why I didn't have that connection with him.

And that's the other part of this too, which I'll never know.

And I never talked to my dad about any of this.

But it makes me wonder if he had that speculation as well.

That's another thing that I will never know if he did.

Because if he did, he, as far as I don't never talk to my siblings about it, 'cause I feel like they would have came forward with that information at the beginning of this journey.

They would have told me that.

And I think he just resented our mom because she ended the marriage because he could never be in the same room with her again after that.

It was a very difficult of blending families after that when they divorced.

What do you do with this information?

You tell your siblings.

They say nothing's changed.

And you say, of course, but also everything's changed.

So then I said, all right, I feel like I need to know what my ethnicity is besides the English and French Canadian, which my mom is.

So I did 23andMe.

That was the first one.

I think that was even being more talked about then even ancestry at the time was 23andMe.

So I bought it.

I did the swap, spit, whatever it was, waited for that six weeks to come back and bam, it said I'm almost 50% Italian.

So I'm like, there's another aha moment.

Yes, I am another validation.

I knew it.

All my siblings were not surprised.

But then I wasn't connecting to anybody from 23andMe that wasn't like on my mother's side, you know, I had to start like, like being Sherlock Holmes, like saying, OK, I'm just going to focus now on Italian connection.

Anybody that has any bit of Italian?

Because that's how I feel I'm going to find my my father.

So I was happy with those results, but still itching to know more like, OK, that's a start.

So I actually reached out to one one of my mom's oldest friends who I hadn't seen in like 30 years, kind of gave her an oversight on the phone about what I was doing and how mom had dementia.

I went and stayed with her for a day and said, you know, did you know the secret?

And she said she did not know.

But she wasn't surprised either because she knew how unhappy my mom was in the marriage.

So she threw a name out there that possibly, maybe it's this person.

So I did go down that rabbit hole.

This gentleman had already passed, but my mom's friend knew a cousin of his.

There was a couple of these ladies that lived in the same area as I did.

They met with me for two years trying to figure this out and they were so sweet to do that.

But then we realized one of them took the 23 andme DNA and we had no connection.

So that was like, and he had no Italian heritage.

As far as they knew they were, they were French and they had the documentation to prove that.

So that was another.

But I wanted, I felt like I had to go down that that rabbit hole as well because I felt sometimes best friends keep each other's secrets.

So I thought maybe she knew.

Well, and at that point you're probably just trying to explore every possibility, right?

To try to.

Oh, definitely.

So after so after that one, I went to MyHeritage and what was cool about MyHeritage, I didn't have to buy the kit.

I could upload for a small fee, like $35 from from 23andMe results.

They put it in their database.

And the reason I picked my Heritage because now that I knew that I'm like 50% Italian, MyHeritage is more of a worldwide thing.

It's not necessarily just for the States.

So I'm like, well, maybe I'll get a connection with somebody directly in Italy, I don't know.

And it was, I didn't have to buy the kit.

So I did that and then I was getting connections 2 long lost relatives in Italy.

This one gentleman shared his family tree, but of course that meant means nothing to me because there were very Italian names.

And then I, I had no idea.

But it was another validation of like, see, OK, now you're on 23andMe, now you're on MyHeritage, you're getting some connections to Italy even.

So that was exciting and how this gentleman, this Italian man who barely could speak English, sent me an e-mail.

Let me share my tree with you.

And in the, and in the, and in that tree, there was a hint of our surname that came up, you know, after I did Ancestry.

So that was cool, which I didn't know at the time, but it was a small clue.

Wow, OK, What was your relation to this person that reached out to you?

So we were like distant cousins.

I just I love the distant cousins because it over and over again I hear stories of, you know, a third cousin or a fourth cousin or you know even further can't really even figure it out, but they help and provide information.

Sometimes I think that's me.

To go.

It really is because it helps with that validation.

It's and it's like somebody understands your plight.

Somebody gets it even though they don't know you that they can't imagine being in your position.

And I would have in my profiles for for these DNA searches, you know that I am looking for.

I was very I'm looking for my biological father and this is where I grew up.

And so sometimes I would get some other connections and but nobody.

Was close enough on my biological father's side that could actually say, Oh my gosh, we think it's this uncle or cousin or something that never happened until Ancestry.

So you've done 23andMe, you did MyHeritage or uploaded your information to MyHeritage.

So you've got, I mean there are more, but you've done two of the three kind of big ones, yes.

Now you go on the ancestry.

So what's interesting about that?

It was 2019.

There was a lot going on that year for me personally.

My daughter's husband was battling cancer, my mother was transitioning to the last stage of Alzheimer's, and I was doing a lot of going back and forth to Connecticut to be there for my daughter to help with the grandchildren.

It was very rough year not knowing what was going to happen to her husband and then spending more, even more time with my mom.

In fact, we ended up moving her to a Hospice home so she could have more time with the family and privacy because she was in a nursing home for three years.

So when my daughter, she's so smart, she's like, mom, you haven't done ancestry.

And I'm like, I know Ashley, but I just, it's just, I'm not worried about it right now.

She goes, if you don't buy the kit, I'm going to buy it.

So I said, OK, I'll buy it.

So that was by the end of summer.

I bought it, I did it, I sent it out.

And I really didn't think much about it, Alexis, because my mind was elsewhere.

But here's the thing about faith.

And things are supposed to happen for a reason.

Car, you know, karma, call it whatever you want, magic.

But when that test came back, it was in September, and it was a hard day for me that day because I was making preliminary Funeral arrangements with my sisters for our mom.

I barely looked at my phone and I was just quickly looking at my emails.

And there it was.

Your results are in.

I said to my husband, I'm like, I don't even want to open this.

And he said just just open it because my oldest brother had done Ancestry too.

So I was like, OK, he's going to be like right up there as like my half brother or cousin or whatever.

Because I was finding that out.

It's like all that changes.

So he said just open it.

So I opened it and right at the very top was 100% parent child match.

Boom.

I was like, what is this saying to me?

I showed it to my husband.

He says, you, you found your father, Julie.

You found him.

And so I immediately was overjoyed, but I didn't think about my next move.

I just did it.

I was able to send, 'cause it didn't have a picture of him.

I had a picture of me.

There was no picture of this profile for this man had his name and then had another name under it.

So I'm like, is this person still alive?

Who's this other name underneath?

And that was a female name.

And so I'm like, hmm, oh, well, let's see if they'll take an e-mail from me.

And I just sent a paragraph saying this might come as a shock, but I've been looking for you my, pretty much my whole life.

And we, I have, we have the same, you know, you're my, you're my father.

And I took a screenshot of what I was seeing and I just sent it out there.

I didn't even think about it, Alexis.

I just within 5 minutes, I did that.

And then after I did that, I said, oh, what did I just do?

But I'm like you know what, I just believed that all this LED me here and it was OK to do it.

I just had that faith and within like 2 hours the woman on his account sent me an e-mail back and we started the conversation.

Well, like what makes you think that my husband is your?

Father, it was his wife.

It was his wife.

I mean, I can't imagine how you're feeling at this point dealing with your mom and what you're experiencing there.

And now you've found this person that you have been looking for and had some indication was maybe out there for many years.

What is going through your mind as you kind of balance these two extreme life events that are happening?

Well, I think because the open communication between my biological father's wife, which by the way was his second wife, and she came into his life after I have two half sisters.

He married after this little fling that he had with my mom.

So that was kind of more of a relief once I found that out because then it's like, Oh my gosh, if this was his is his wife, how long have they been married?

And what is the dynamics with all of that?

Because as you know, it's not always easy when this with these revelations come to light.

There's so many people that it it affects, but I was always conscious of that, I believe.

So I was telling her I wasn't talking to my father yet.

I was saying take your time to process this because obviously he had no idea, which he didn't.

He had no idea that he fathered me.

But as time was going on and I'm sending pictures of my mom from when she was younger, I had to call my oldest brother because I was born in 66, the beginning of 66.

So I was conceived in 65.

Vietnam was going on.

Come to find out that he was drafted in the Army.

He was in the same city area that I was finishing growing up in later in life, raising his two daughters in his first marriage, but they were younger than me.

Our paths never cross, which is so crazy to me.

But this just came to me years after all of this happened, because this happened in 2019.

I was getting ready for my 40th class reunion.

So I was looking at a yearbook.

And he was a custodian in my high school my junior year.

I mean, that was crazy to see that.

Like, he he barely remembers doing that job.

When I see his picture and I showed it to him, he's like, Oh yeah, I guess I did have that job very for just a little bit.

He said.

Like maybe not even a year, but anyway you.

Do end up connecting with him so.

Take me to.

So you're messaging his wife.

She's she's kind of like, what's this?

You know, who are you kind of question, which I feel like, you know, is a healthy amount of skepticism when someone reaches out with this information.

And then you provide the proof and tell her to take her time to process.

Is she immediately open to you after that?

And how do you connect with your father?

Yes, she is immediately open to that and she's talking to him about all of this and he she's like, once I was giving all that information.

It was being very transparent.

He found out where my mother worked at that time and it he remembered her.

So when once he said that he talked to his wife about that first, then he was like, OK, this makes sense to me.

And I was sending a picture of myself along with my adult children so he could see me.

And then they sent pictures of him so we could see.

Definitely there's some similarities that, yeah, indeed the evidence and then the pictures and then the story of of who my mom was.

It all made sense to him and her and me.

So it all was coming together pretty quickly because that was what was that?

That was September 24th when we connected on Ancestry and then we met in person October 3rd.

So what is that like a quick, I mean, it was so fast that we met and I brought my husband, he brought his wife and we had talked on the phone.

He called me, we had a couple of conversations on the phone.

But I was surprised at how fast they were ready to accept me and meet me.

But I think they were just thrilled to be honest, because he had no idea that he felt bad about that.

I remember holding his hands and telling him, it's OK because I think my mom was in denial about the fact that this fling led to the conception of me when she was still in her marriage, still trying to make it work, still trying to believe that my dad would get sober.

But it just didn't happen.

It was just it was the best gift ever.

I got to tell you was meeting this man.

And we connected immediately.

And we still have been.

That was, you know, seven years ago.

What is your relationship like now?

It's wonderful.

It's, it's just he was able to meet my adult children, his great grandchildren, because I'm a grandmother, but he's 85 now.

But unfortunately he is battling vascular dementia, which I know what that's going to turn into, but he still knows me.

He's having mostly short term memory issues.

But now it's even more important for me to spend as much quality time as I can with him and his wife.

But it's wonderful.

It's just been the gift that keeps giving and he feels the same.

Here's the other thing that's interesting about this because it's not just how you look, but it's your attributes, your characteristics.

We are so much alike.

In fact, his wife would say you're so much like your father.

Like our personalities.

We love raspberries.

We're smiley all the time.

He cares about people.

He'll strike up a conversation with somebody that's opening the door for him.

I mean, we, how does that happen?

It's genetics.

It's not just how we look.

It's just not our, just our physical characteristics.

It's some of that DNA that's inside us of, of who we are internally.

Because I didn't know this man.

I met him when I was 53 years old.

Kind of on that note, how would you describe your relationship because you you were 53 when you met him?

Do you feel like he's your father?

Do you feel like it's a parental sort of relationship or do you define it?

Or how do you if you?

Do that.

That's interesting that you say that, because I I've never called him dad and he immediately said you won't you know, I'm dad or you know, but I, I call him by his first name most of the time, but I will introduce him as my father.

I only had one dad.

I have regrets about not being more forthcoming with my speculations with him, but that's neither here nor there.

But that's still my dad.

That was my dad and this is my father, but it was just Father's Day.

Sometimes it's tricky for me.

What kind of Father's Day card do I get him?

I'm very mindful about that because it's a special relationship.

Yes, he's my father.

He did walk me down the aisle when I married my husband.

We've been together 14 years, but we've only been married 4.

So that was significant defining moment for me.

The difference between that relationship with this man and the relationship with my dad and my wedding.

So 2 very different types of weddings.

The sad thing is my mom passed away shortly after finding my biological father.

She was on Hospice.

I was staying with her in that Hospice room.

I showed her the picture that my husband took of me and my father and I felt like that was that closure with my mom, even though she was non verbal at that time in her disease.

But I felt like she needed that.

She needed that and I needed that.

And it was like all of this was happening at the right time.

I mean, it all quickly happened and she and then she passed away on November 9th.

So I met, you know, all this happened very short term times together.

Yeah, but you did get to tell her that you found.

I did, I did and I showed her and I and I said there was no, there was no forgiveness needed because I was.

And that's the thing about this journey for me.

I mean, I can only speak my truth and my story, but it was never out of anger, never out of, of hurt.

I was never hurt about this.

I just felt bad that my mom didn't think she could, that maybe she thought I would judge her or or it would change our whole family's dynamics because that was the farthest from the truth.

But I think maybe I wasn't supposed to know at at a younger age.

I mean, I'm in a great place in my life right now with my second marriage with my with who I am.

But it was finding that truth that has defined me.

You can't put a price on that.

Even if this happened to me when I was 66 or 76, if I was still here, I still would find thank you.

Like, thank you for giving me my answer because I deserve it.

We all do.

We all deserve to know where we came from.

And I just got lucky.

I got really lucky that this man was still alive, that he lives 25 miles from me, that he just came back to New York from Texas literally a few years prior.

Like it all came together.

The only thing I have some, you know, I wish I could have known my grandparents.

I hear they were wonderful people.

I wish I had more time.

I 'cause I was a teenager that had a lot of I, I was insecure.

I didn't have the confidence that I have now, so that might have changed all that.

But who knows?

Maybe I would have resented my mom.

Maybe I would have been angry with her.

But there was none of that and there never has been.

And even my dad, I'm not angry with him.

I just maybe now I have some understanding why I didn't feel close to him.

That's such a wonderful perspective that you have on on your situation.

You know, I I had a great childhood as far as growing up with my siblings and all of that.

And I know my dad loved me.

It's just we weren't close, you know?

And you could do that whole woulda coulda shoulda's of like, yeah, I have those regrets with him more so than even with my mom, because I knew my mother always loved me.

She would say you are my heart.

She would say that to me time and time again.

Were you able to connect with your sisters from your biological father and how is that relationship?

It's a good relationship.

I just started really connecting with one of the half sisters.

Unfortunately one of the other ones she had passed away.

She passed away before I got a chance to meet her because I remember telling my biological father and stepmother, please, yes, you take this information and share it with as many people as you want or don't want.

This is part of your story.

Now.

No pressure on any of that.

And they did not immediately, but I'd say within six months, told his adult daughters and then encouraged them to meet me after he started to get to know me and all that.

But they were hesitant, which is understandable.

And then she got sick and it just didn't happen.

But with, with the remaining sister, we're, it's still a work in progress.

But now that our father has dementia, we're all we're on the same page.

And then I have a wonderful step sister that the three of us are just trying to do the best that we can for our parents, You know, because I went through so much with my siblings, with my mom and, and as our parents age, you have to help be their caregivers.

So we are doing that together, the three of us girls.

And that makes my heart happy.

She's the one who's told me I love you, Julie.

She was the first one to say that to me as a sister and that meant everything to me, that she accepts me and wants to introduce me to some more of her family.

So it's good.

It's just, it's a slow process, but that's OK.

I always say there's no such thing as too much love.

And it's not just for MP ES, it's for anybody that is meeting people that you have a connection with and it's a loving, positive relationship, then that's wonderful.

That's beautiful.

And I, I do want to ask you about your podcast because you have taken your experience and wanted to help others by sharing your story and you have a podcast of your own.

Would you like to share a little bit about that and why you started it?

Sure.

So my podcast is called Nearest and Dearest Podcast, Bridging Family Dynamics.

And I think after this discovery in 2019 and then after my mother had passed.

So you have to take some time to reflect about your life.

And I was older, so I was ready to put a podcast out there.

It's like journaling.

I decided to talk about all my life experiences up to that point and it turned into a podcast.

And now it's still there.

I still love doing it, but now instead of it just being a narrative of my own sharing my own story, I'm interviewing other people that are ready to share, you know, some things that that are special about them.

I'm very active with the Alzheimer's Association.

I'm an advocate for that.

I've talked about that in my podcast.

I think it's just, it's been my own pleasure to help me share my story in the universe to own it.

In fact, that first episode is owning my truth.

Because when you find your truth, whatever your truth is, it doesn't have to be about something this dramatic.

It could be a truth about maybe knowing what you want to do, what's your purpose, and speaking it out loud and putting it into the universe.

That's powerful.

So that's what I encourage and knowing that we all have choices, but we can't control anybody else.

So that's really the premise of my podcast is.

Knowing that you have control of your life but not anybody else's, but then find ways to live your purpose.

That's what I'm trying to do.

I'm always interested in people sharing their journeys as well.

Yeah, thank you.

And we'll be sure to link your podcast in the show notes for anyone who wants to listen.

All right, what advice do you have for a parent who may be keeping Adna surprise from their child?

I would say that that child definitely deserves to know the truth, but you as the parent have to decide what, at what age do you do that?

I do think timing is everything on that, but I think the sooner a child knows their truth, the better that they'll be able to accept it.

And as long as it's coming from a loving place, it'll be OK.

You know, I was a product of a fling, not even an affair, but that led me to being where I am now.

Two children, 4 grandchildren.

You know, if it affects not just that person that might be keeping that secret, every single human being deserves to know where they came from.

I'm 100% I'm bored with that.

That's what I would say to a parent.

Just tell the truth, it'll be OK.

And what?

Advice do you have for someone who just uncovered adna surprise?

You have to realize that it is a roller coaster ride for me because I always felt that.

So it's always been this burning desire.

So is it easier for me to accept?

But every story is different and just know that you're going to have your highs and lows on that.

And then if you can first realize that you are an amazing person that deserves to live their best life and that no matter the circumstances of how you came to be, you are here for a reason.

So you have to love yourself.

You have to really find that love that.

Don't let that change you.

Let that define you about that you're here and it's OK, and then that you control the narrative.

You put the boundaries where you need them.

Have only people in your life that are giving you love and support and the ones that don't.

Then if you have to put those boundaries, then that's OK 'cause I, I have had to do that in my life with other relationships in my life.

And it's OK that you have one life to live.

Live it to the best of your ability.

And know that this journey is going to have ups and downs.

Get that therapist.

If you need a therapist, it's OK to ask for help, but just know that you're going to get through it and you're going to have those moments where you finally can look in the mirror and you can say I know who I am now and it's OK.

The good, the bad and the ugly.

But don't let your parents choices be the defining moment.

You take control of that narrative.

Well said, Julie, thank you so much for joining me on the podcast and sharing your story.

I'm so astounded by the way that the pieces really fell into place for you and how you've been able to integrate it into your life and make meaning of the timing and circumstances that led you to where you are today.

I wish you the absolute best and thank you so much for joining me again.

Well, thank you, Alexis.

And you just keep doing what you're doing.

You're making a difference.

Every time somebody comes across that podcast, you are making a big impact.

Just know that.

Thank you.

Thanks again to Julie for sharing her story.

If you have Adna surprise that you'd like to share, please submit your story at dnasurprises.com and for early add free access to episodes, join me over on patreon@patreon.com/DNA Surprises.

Until next time DNA surprises is.

Hosted.

Produced.

And edited by me.

Alexis Oursalt.

It is mixed and mastered by Josh Auersault of Siren Recording Studios.