Brytanie’s DNA Surprise

This transcript was generated automatically. Its accuracy may vary.

DNA Surprises Podcast Announces Summer Break

Hi everyone.

Before we jump into the Season 14 finale, I wanted to share a quick announcement.

DNA Surprises will be taking a short summer break during July and August.

I’m excited to come back in September refreshed, recharged, and with more stories from the NPE adoptee and donor conceived communities.

Thank you so much for listening, sharing, and helping make this community what it is today.

Have a wonderful summer and we’ll see you in September.

Now on to the show.

Confronting Mother’s Denial About My Father

I just wanted her to be a mom.

I just wanted her to be a mom and.

Speaker 3

Let whatever she was.

Speaker 2

Holding on to go in in sake of our relationship and she just kept denying I was.

I was.

Actually house sitting for a friend at the time and cat sitting.

So I wasn’t even the comfort of my own home when I was having such an adverse reaction to this conversation.

And I’m begging and crying and pleading and it it didn’t phase her.

It didn’t.

Phase.

Her and I had such mean things to say to.

Her.

But I couldn’t.

I just couldn’t because I have I.

That was the beginning of me recognizing that she’ll never be the mom.

That I hope.

For that I need, that I want.

And she had no desire.

She had no desire to, you know, do right by someone else other than herself.

Speaker 4

Welcome to DNA Surprises, a podcast that explores the life altering world of unexpected DNA discoveries.

Exploring Unexpected DNA Discoveries: Brytanie’s Story

I’m your host, Alexis Ourselt.

This show centers the stories of people who’ve experienced NP, ES or non paternal events.

In other words, people who’ve learned that their biological father isn’t who they thought he was.

We’ll also hear from adoptees, donor conceived people, and the family is navigating these discoveries.

Get ready to follow the incredible journeys that begin with a simple DNA test This.

Speaker 1

Is DNA surprises?

DNA surprises take time.

Time for the secrets to be kept, time for them to be uncovered, and time to connect with new found family members.

So much of this experience is a waiting game.

In the season 14 finale of DNA Surprises, Britney shares how her difficult upbringing made feeling like an outsider in her family seemed normal.

She never felt like she belonged, so she never suspected that the man she believed was her biological father wasn’t.

It wasn’t until a DNA test and later a seemingly harmless comment revealed the truth.

Thank you for sharing your story, Brittany.

Growing Up Feeling Like an Outsider with My Aunt

My name is Brittany.

I am currently 39 years old and I’m originally from Pennsylvania but currently in Tennessee.

There’s going to be a.

Lot of.

Family dynamics that have to keep up with because my mother did not raise me.

Her sister did.

My aunt finally took me.

Really.

At 18 months permanently but.

I was with her.

And with other family members pretty much since.

Birth.

I was raised.

With her and her husband and their five children, which I was like smack dab in the middle.

That was a very hard.

Dynamic in itself because the aunt who raised me.

Was.

A very young mother and really just starting her life over when she kind of.

Got stuck with me so.

It was a lot of resentment, a lot of resentment.

She was starting over.

And as an adult, an adult starting a new family with her new husband.

And then here I am to kind of.

Wreck the wreck their whole.

Story and dynamic my aunt.

Had two older boys who.

Were teenagers by the time I really came into the.

Pictures, so we were.

Really only in the house up until I was, you know, four or five years old, maybe 6, and then they moved out.

So then I became the.

Oldest with her three younger.

Girls.

We all refer to each other as.

Siblings, you know, if I talk about them, they are, they aren’t the cousins that I was raised with.

Those are my sisters and my brothers and their families are my nieces and nephews and so forth.

But while being raised their mother, my aunt made it apparent that she wanted to keep us.

Separate if we were.

Out in public it was oh, these are my three.

Beautiful.

Daughters.

And this is my niece who lives with me.

I developed a complex very young because I was always compared to her children and then she would always throw it in my.

Face that, If I fail, it’s because.

I’m my mother’s child.

I’m going to turn out just like my mother and there was never any praise.

Or.

Love or affection from her.

It was always criticism, very verbally and mentally abusive, and sometimes physically.

She would always take out.

Any kind of anger out on me.

Her kids seemed untouchable, and that’s what alienated.

Us from each other too.

Did you like maintain regular contact with your mom at all during that time or were you pretty much with your with your aunt?

Yeah, so.

She, my mother, was always a part of my life.

She.

Would come and visit.

I seldomly got like night stays with her.

It was very rare, just.

Because my mother had several men, I can’t even count the number of stepfathers.

She was married like 4 times and has two children, me and I.

I actually do have 1/2.

Sister from her, but I was never.

Raised with her, I was.

Never, you know, I never.

Had a relationship with her because her father.

Kept her and never allowed us to, you know it.

And it wasn’t against me.

It was just the fear of what would.

How would my mother sneak in and make her way into the me and Brookson so?

OK.

The Traumatic Story of My Presumed Father, Perry

And what did you know of your father?

Oh, so that is where it gets a little crazy.

So I was raised knowing.

A man, Perry as my father his.

Story is just so.

Traumatic.

He was in the Marine Corps.

He got out after five years.

And while he served, he.

Was a special.

Equipment.

Hazardous equipment.

Truck driver, so he realized that he could get out.

And make more money on the outside doing that as a private.

Driver.

He was also adopted by.

A stepfather and never ever knew of his biological family father’s side anyway he was raised with.

Several I think.

He was one of nine children in on the.

Mother’s side, but his stepfather.

Was just awful to him, would severely abuse him and cut him down and.

It was very bad, so.

Growing up, he.

Always grew up with a chip on his shoulder.

So that’s what really made him join the Marine Corps to prove himself.

So his five.

Years in the military he came out was truck driving well in between routes on the.

Delivery.

Routes He would come home and bounce at the local.

Bars.

You know, he’s this very stout Italian, you know, dark skin, dark complexion, dark, you know, everything.

And then the Marine Corps in him.

Really, really did.

Keep him visible.

You saw this man coming so he would bounce at local bars and sadly one night.

He broke up a fight.

And they followed him home and left him for dead.

Oh.

My gosh.

Oh wow.

He had a traumatic brain injury and had to start over.

He couldn’t feed himself.

He couldn’t.

Walk.

He could barely talk, so he was in years.

Of rehabilitation, which I was just an infant.

I was just an infant when that happened.

And really, he wasn’t stable until I was like.

Three or four years old.

Always Asking: Whose Nose Do I Have?

Did you have any sort of relationship?

With him, sadly.

Again, this aunt of mine.

She is very controlling, she.

Kept me from Perry and the whole time her and my mother.

They were sisters, but they had.

Zero relationship, They really only were civil and cordial because of me.

So they.

Both brainwashed me to think.

That Perry’s.

Traumatic brain injury.

That I couldn’t trust be trusted with him.

I couldn’t be alone with him.

He always had I’ll intentions.

Well, he lived like.

24 miles away into a different town.

And would have to hitchhike or walk those.

24 miles to spend any time with me.

My aunt would hide me from him.

Or leading up to it.

Knowing if he was coming leading up.

To it she would get me so just scared.

Of him that I wouldn’t visit with him.

Come to find out, this man is the most beautiful human.

Good hearted, just perfect he was.

Very present in my life.

I just did not get to develop any kind of real feelings for him until I was 18.

My whole entire childhood, I just did not.

Already I was already the outcast I was.

Already, you know, placed in this world that wasn’t mine.

My family, you know, technically they were, but.

I always felt outside.

I felt.

Different and that entire time I would ask randomly completely random starting at probably you know, 8 years old saying whose nose do I have?

You know this Perry gentleman?

Very dark.

Complected dark.

Skinned dark eyes and I’m this, you know, fair white girl with lighter skin, lighter hair, blue eyes, my mother.

Had light eyes, but.

Really kind of more.

Hazel so.

But I the nose I did not have, The nose I did not have.

I always say the our.

Last name.

And I always say I don’t have the, you know, fill in the blank mouth.

There’s a distinguished mouth.

That all that side has.

And I said I don’t have that.

I don’t have the nose and they would just.

Brush it off.

Aubrey, you know, stop.

That oh, OK.

You can tell me I’m adopted, it’s fine.

And they would just, you know, just blow it off and.

Change the subject.

Or tell me I was crazy.

Fast forward to.

Military Service Reveals ‘Father Unknown’ on Birth Certificate

I joined the military.

I could not wait one second sooner to join and get.

Out of that household.

It ended up becoming my.

Proof of self.

To to my aunt saying you know you’re not going to hold me back and I am better than who you’re trying to make me out to be.

So really I have this parallel with Perry that just.

Proving myself and joining the military was the answer without even knowing it, you know.

So on my birth certificate it says Father unknown.

Did you know that like growing up?

Or was that something you discovered when you went to join the military?

It was a revelation.

To me once I joined but I did not pay any attention to it until more.

Recent years so I.

Was overseas with the military in 2016 and since I was over there, the motherland of all immigrants sent you know you can find your ancestors.

Overseas.

So I did my ancestry and I got them back and I, you know, very Italian rooted and I was trying to.

Sightsee places that his these.

Relatives of mine came from but you have to remember.

Perry was adopted.

So all of these.

Names that weren’t on my mother’s side could have been his family.

So.

I was not recognizing these names, but it didn’t even clue me in.

Because he was adopted, you were.

Able to dismiss it or not even dismiss it.

You were able to explain it?

Absolutely yes.

Ancestry DNA Fails to Connect Me to Perry

So that was in 2016.

I was building my tree on ancestry building building, building and my mother’s side goes back to the 1800s.

Like I already knew that I had seen oil painting portraits of them growing up in my an uncle.

‘S house, so like.

I knew the the surnames from back to the 1800s.

In 2018, when I really wanted to dive deep into learning Perry’s actual lineage and maybe finding some of his family, you know, uploaded his DNA because he was so limited.

He does not know how to work a computer.

This DNA didn’t make any sense to him.

A computer.

He’s never worked, you know, e-mail or a text or anything.

So I made all these accounts as I was him.

And when I went to link him and me and say Ancestry, it didn’t click, it didn’t connect.

At this time I had estranged like completely from my mother.

So when?

The.

Ancestry did not connect Perry and I.

That was my.

1st 1st.

Conversation get a hold of her.

And I said, you know, why is Ancestry not linking Perry and I?

Oh, well, I would have no idea, you know, it was just.

She was just beside.

Herself, I could never understand that.

And I’m like, well, DNA doesn’t lie, you know, Like, there’s no denying this.

There’s there’s.

Some kind of mix up and she just kept on denying there’s no way and I’m like.

Just this is your.

Chance I’m asking you, this is your clean slate.

I’m an adult.

Because I was 32 years old.

You’re an adult.

This is your.

If you want to gain any kind of trust and relationship with me, then you.

Need to get that every dark.

Demon out right now, everything out right now and I will not judge you.

I want to know.

If it’s a possibility.

Of five men, 30 men.

I just need to know.

Who those possibilities?

Are and she was adamant, very adamant.

No, ma’am, there is no possible way.

Perry is the only possibility.

And I said that’s that’s just not true.

You have to tell me.

We ended that conversation like with me begging like hyper ventilating, bawling, begging her.

Please tell me the.

Truth.

Just please.

And she No, not at all.

You said you were were hyperventilating asking her for this information.

Was it coming from a place of upset about Perry?

Was it desperation to know the truth?

How are you feeling at that time and why were you having such a strong reaction, do you think?

My only guess would be that I just wanted her to be a mom.

Holding on to go in in sake.

Of our.

Relationship and she just kept denying I was.

Actually house sitting for a friend at the time and cat sitting so I wasn’t even the comfort of my own home when I was having such an.

Adverse reaction to this.

Conversation and I’m begging and crying and pleading and it it didn’t phase her, it didn’t phase her and I had.

Such mean.

Things to say to her, but I couldn’t.

She had no desire to, you know.

Do right by.

Someone else other than herself.

A Cousin’s Comment Uncovers My Biological Father

It’s a really hard thing to come to terms with.

And that was.

Always in the back.

Of my mind, but I am I am so loyal and yearn for family so much that I would I would dismiss her shortcomings and she’s still my mom.

You know, as a teenager, her and I had a very close friendship and probably in my mind I did think that was a mother.

Daughter relationship but.

It was not.

It was much very clearly she just needed a a friend.

Yeah, that unfortunately seems to be a a recurring theme around this community, I think.

OK, so you don’t you don’t get any answers from your mom, but how do you move forward?

Within a few days and I was so naive to what was going on at that time I was out of the military and in Omaha, NE.

So still not able just to run into a family member and ask, you know, crazy enough within a few days of that conversation and a few texts back and.

Forth of her still.

Denying and oh, pretty I’m you know, I’m so sorry, you know, I can’t believe this is happening.

Nephew.

Just happened to reach out to.

Me and Brittany haven’t heard from you in a while.

How’s things going?

Well, hindsight, I realize now that.

She had reached out to her brother, his dad.

And was like Brittany’s asking.

Questions but it.

Did not even occur to me I really.

Thought a cousin was just.

Reaching out.

We trust, Yeah, we trust people.

We do.

Yes, ma’am.

So I was.

Like, my goodness, you know, crazy enough, I’m having this interaction with Melissa that it just isn’t, something’s not right.

And he’s like.

Oh, he’s like.

Because Roger’s your dad.

It was just like.

Oh, it is sunny outside.

Roger’s your dad.

You knew that.

And I was like, what?

Who’s Roger?

That’s what I was going to ask.

I was like, OK, cousin, what do you know about this, Roger?

And she he’s like.

To be honest, I and he’s only a few years older than me.

He was like.

Four or five years.

Older than me, he’s like.

To be honest, I really don’t remember much except that he had a.

Really cool purple truck.

He had a lifted purple car or truck.

Some kind of?

Vehicle that he.

Recognized when you know.

This Roger guy would come.

Around he was always in awe of this vehicle and he said his last name started with an M and he lives in this area.

But that’s all I know.

I said, well, you got to find more.

You got to find out more.

I mean, you know, I’ve never heard of this and.

So a day or two later, he reaches back out.

I asked my parents and here’s his name and you need to.

Ask all the.

Other aunts and uncles because it seems that my aunt knew this whole time and I’m like so my world just continues just to crush and weigh on me and I’m like it was like an out of body experience like what, who?

There was always the secret that I thought I was pretty aware.

Of my surroundings and, you know, dynamics of growing up.

But never once did I catch wind.

Of this secret.

Wow.

Everyone Knew the Secret, But My Mother Denied

And then you find out that your cousin just knew.

Did did everyone know that?

They absolutely all knew.

The aunt who raised me ended up telling me that.

She worked with his sister.

And.

Always, always said.

How much that I resemble his sister, my aunt.

OK, so you find, you find out it’s Roger.

What do you do with that information?

Is there anyone that you can talk to to get more specifics about who he is and are you able to connect with him?

Well, I immediately reach out to Melissa.

All right, secrets out.

Oh, a guy I dated.

OK, well, I need to know everything about him because clearly everybody thinks that he is my biological father.

And she’s like, well, I just, it couldn’t have been.

But this is this is.

What I know about him And she was so nonchalant, like she knew nothing but crazy enough.

She would.

In past relationships and with best friends who I still talk.

To she would point.

Out at his house, that’s Brittany’s real dad’s.

House.

This is where Brittany’s dad really lives.

Oh, Rodger, Britney’s real father.

All these years that she would tell other people about, but.

To me, anytime I confronted her, she knew nothing about him and didn’t even think for one second that he was possible to be my father.

So you call your mom Melissa?

Yes.

Yeah, OK.

So Melissa, your mom, from what you can tell, from what you’re hearing from other people, knew.

She knew.

She even talked about it.

But to you, she’s telling you she did not think that.

Did she say that she really believed it was Perry?

Yes, Perry was the relationship.

After Roger.

And there was.

A small break, break up and that’s when she went.

Back to Perry.

And that’s when she ended up pregnant, and then her and Roger ended up breaking.

Up before I was born, so.

But Perry?

The Prom Photo That Confirmed My Paternity

Oh, he was ecstatic.

To have another baby.

Just was.

So in love with my.

Mother so head over heels.

In love with my mother and so he didn’t question it so reaching out to all these people and finally like getting the.

Secret out that of what I.

Know when trying to find her aunt, she sends.

She actually text a picture.

A prom photo of Melissa and Roger to a cousin of mine who then sent it to me.

Alexis.

When I say that, I saw myself finally for the first time.

It popped up as just the little.

Preview thumbnail on my little tiny iPhone back in what, 2018 or something and.

Just.

Seeing him, I was like, that’s him.

That’s me in that photo.

I threw my phone.

I was like, I can’t like.

It was.

Looking in the mirror and seeing somebody that I resemble, I it it.

I could have.

It could have been me.

Wow, so you have this proof in your hand basically like this is him you see yourself, Yes.

Connecting with My Paternal Grandmother and Aunts

Are you given any contact information or anything like how are you feeling at that point?

I guess I should ask like, do you want to contact him or how are you feeling about exploring that relationship at this point?

Well, now I have to go back to Ancestry and figure out all these connections, all these matches.

Who are they?

They is Rodger in there?

Maybe Rodger is in there, you know.

So I find his last name in those contacts and I reach out to everyone of them and I said I don’t know.

Who you are to Rodger.

But here I am.

I just found out this was a secret to me.

I have no idea one single thing about him.

But please tell me what you can about Roger and one person which I believe it was like.

A niece’s husband replied.

And he was running her page.

He’s like.

I honestly don’t know much about.

Him.

He’s.

Not very involved with our family.

I I don’t know what to tell you.

And I said well tell me who to contact so I can I can find out him anything I can so.

Several months of me like asking and waiting and him just like I don’t I don’t want to be in the middle of this.

And I was like, I don’t blame you.

I understand.

But please tell me somebody who is willing, you know, finally I came in contact.

With Roger’s sister.

And I really forget, kind of.

The beginning stages of it.

But we end up texting the next time I’m home in Pennsylvania.

We meet, it was beautiful.

It so was his two.

Older sisters.

They had a full feast.

And welcomed my family and I just like with open arms and like never batted an eye this whole time.

Roger’s mother was.

Alive this.

Whole time I get to meet my 90.

Five year old biological.

Paternal grandmother and she was just in the middle stages of Alzheimer’s.

But it was beautiful, she.

Held my son, who was five months old at the time, and talk about funny at 95.

She was so sharp.

And quick and witty and made us laugh and she would just hold my hand and say, you know, I’m so I’m so glad to have.

Met you, you know it was.

I could have died happy.

At that time, because I had my grandma and I couldn’t see what a bright spirit and, you know, beautiful human she was, but.

Thankfully, she did live for.

A few more years and anytime I would go back to Pennsylvania, I did get to spend time with her.

Connect with your grandmother.

Connect your aunts.

Years of Unanswered Letters and Baby Photos

Do you meet anyone else from the family?

So I immediately started writing to Roger as soon as I found out about him.

Within a few weeks, maybe month of getting that picture of him, I.

Did a side by side like.

Photo of him and I and I will have to send it to you to.

Show you like.

The resemblance and I was like, sorry, there’s no denying it.

I’m just learning about you.

Here’s a very, you know, short snapshot of my life.

I’m an outstanding human.

I promise I have no I’ll intentions.

I don’t need anything.

I am just just finding out about you medical.

At.

The very least medical, please.

And it went unanswered.

You know, I started sending, that was in 2018.

So 2021 when I had my first baby.

I sent photos and I said here’s an update.

Maybe this will entice him, You know, in my mind, maybe this will entice him to develop some kind of communication with me because he has a grandbaby because him and his wife never had babies, never had any children of their own.

So I’m his only child.

Do you have any indication of why Roger wouldn’t respond or?

‘Cause it just it’s.

Fascinating to me when other family members are open but then the the father is not.

Did his family give you any insight?

They.

Did tell me that it.

Would be a very far stretch to.

Think.

That he would reach out.

They also did say that if they.

Had known about me especially.

When their father was alive, that there would be.

No question, I would have been with that family, you know, there would have been absolutely, his parents would have absolutely made him be involved.

But come to find out, my mother.

Just was so.

Nasty and mean to him and then his new relationship that he’s.

Just like scared.

I did this again in 2024.

I had another baby.

I reached out again.

Here’s.

Another baby of our mind.

She looks just like me.

IE you and I would love to, you know, connect if you’re willing.

And still nothing.

And, and, and during that time sometime he told his sisters to tell me no, stop reaching out, leave him alone.

But I wouldn’t, I just, I couldn’t, I just could not.

I wanted him to tell me.

Fast forward 2025, I’m home in Pennsylvania and we are actually me and my family are actually on the way to his sister’s for a lunch meeting a new cousin and his family.

So excited.

Knocking on Roger’s Door After Perry’s Passing

It was kind of a bitter sweet visit because that.

In that.

Visit Perry had passed away, so I was.

Mourning the one father who would have done.

And he did.

He had nothing.

He had nothing and did everything he could in his you know his means for me and wanted me.

And he passed away.

So here I am on the flip side now, like begging this other man who is my relation to want me.

And so crazy enough we’re driving and I’m on my phone just dilly dallying and I look up to my husband and I was like, hey, isn’t this?

Aren’t we coming up on?

Roger’s house.

And he’s like, yeah, it’s like right around.

It’s coming up.

He I’m like, pull in.

And he’s like Brittany.

And I said pull in and he’s like, are you?

Sure, I said.

Absolutely.

Just do it.

Just do.

It I have nothing to lose.

I want this man to see me and I want the chance to spill my heart out to him and promise him and hope that he can trust that I have no I’ll intentions.

We drive by.

And I was like, never mind go.

And we we continue going.

So I.

Call his sister.

And I said hey.

We just passed Roger’s house.

What would he do if I stopped?

And she said, I don’t know, Brittany.

She said don’t get your hopes up.

That’s totally up to you.

I said all right.

And I said, you know.

I was just so.

Down about Perry and I was like.

I I.

Don’t know if I can handle the rejection right now.

Let’s not.

Then all of a sudden I get a text message from his from Susan, the aunt I just got off the phone with, and she said Uncle Jim, her husband.

Said do it, do it.

I said all.

Right.

I turned around and we pulled in.

I went up to that house.

Knocked on the door, knocked on the door, rang the doorbell, nothing.

And I was like, I know they’re home.

I know they’re home.

Their vehicles are right.

There, I know they’re home, so I just kind of stood there and I was like, I don’t know if there’s.

Cameras out here, but.

Obviously you know who I am.

Can we please speak?

And then all of a sudden the door opened and it was his wife and very, very hard demeanor came out.

Why are you here?

Very just dismissive, very annoyed and I said I want to know why, just tell me why he doesn’t want me.

Why?

Does he want to know my family?

This is not my.

Fault I was a baby.

And I said to be honest, I have the most beautiful babies out in that truck and I want to share with him.

And her demeanor just kept.

Like.

Changing and changing and changing.

And she said, look, he’s in the middle of physical therapy.

He’s not coming out right now.

I’ll tell him you’re here and we’ll see.

And I said, all right, my number has not changed because in every and I have never changed my phone number from when I left Pennsylvania, what, at 19 years.

Prior to this, so just.

In case somebody like him had it and wanted to get ahold of me.

That was in June of 2025.

A Breakthrough: Roger’s Wife Reaches Out

October is me.

And my daughter’s birthday.

And then November 2nd is my son’s.

His wife reaches out through text.

I was so excited.

She’s like.

I just want to wish you a happy birthday.

Rodger has no idea this is happening so do please keep this between us.

I will do my everything.

To be the.

Bridge for you and him.

Please.

Trust me, I can tell you’re a good human.

You’re a beautiful.

Soul.

Your children are amazing.

I want to get to know you and I will do what I can on his.

Side SO.

That has been now our relationship me and her text more and more frequent and send photos and laugh and.

Cry through text and her.

And I happen to have.

A very similar childhood.

So we have that bond.

As of yesterday.

New revelation as of yesterday.

Because I finally said like, I’m trying to come home to Pennsylvania in the next few months, like are.

We able to.

Start working towards me a visit and she said.

OK, this is how we have to approach this.

Write me a letter.

Write us a letter.

Say that exact thing.

Don’t mention that we’ve been texting and just, you know, say maybe.

That.

Texting and phone calls can.

Get us to a place of.

You know, you know where we could meet.

So she received the letter yesterday and wrote to me.

And said he’s game, he’s game, he’s in.

Oh my gosh, Oh my goodness.

I’m so wow.

You’ve been so patient.

I’m so happy for you.

And this was my last attempt.

This is my last attempt.

I’m not going to keep putting my babies.

Out there for them, but.

In our conversation, she’s made it clear that she’s always wanted babies and so.

Happy for our relationship.

And that she really has been.

Surprised herself with his reactions.

Even though they’re.

Slow, she said.

Just please be.

Patient, and he’s growing to trust.

Patiently Awaiting a Meeting with My Biological Father

This So what is your next step?

Like is he going to reach out to you or you going to reach out to him?

So since it was just yesterday me and her just kind of coming up with a game plan about my.

1st or her first text.

To me to open up that you know, first line of communication.

But yeah, the.

Both her and I are in high hopes that by the time I go and June or July is the next one that we kind of tentatively have planned, but we definitely are going home in September.

That we.

Get to meet.

I have, you know, goosebumps right now just thinking that maybe I could be one of those very.

Rare stories that.

You know, hopefully we can develop something, she did say.

She’s like please.

Not to be mean, but don’t.

Expect the title of Dad.

And I said I don’t need it, I don’t need it.

I just want some more people, my more family to love my babies.

That’s all I need.

My Mother’s Trauma and Roger’s Hesitation

Do you think that he really knew about you, like fully knew, or did he think that you were Perry’s?

She very explicitly explained that.

For the first year of.

During the pregnancy and first year of my life.

That he reached out.

Several times to Melissa asking is is this baby mine?

Is this baby mine?

I need to know if this baby is mine and in spite she would say no, I would never have a baby with you.

It’s not your child or then in the next.

Breath, she would say.

You are such a bad dad.

You’re not.

You have nothing to do with.

Your daughter, how dare you?

And that’s.

Why he?

Is being so hesitant with me is because he doesn’t that trauma with her for you know nine months of pregnancy.

A year of life, two years stray of her.

Just messing with him.

She would find them in public and harass them and like look, look at him.

He’s a.

He has ditched his baby.

He’s a bad father.

Like make a huge spectacle out of him.

I guess what’s what’s striking me right now is a lot of times we do think about ourselves and these situations and what and what we need.

But thinking about maybe what Roger experienced and some of his his experiences of maybe feeling burned or, or feeling rejected on his side maybe made him hesitant.

And maybe it’s important for us to keep in mind what the other parties are going through when we reach out and hope to have these relationships and that, yeah, sometimes it might take time.

Wow, so.

Eight years now, 8 years from my first letter to him and here we are.

I don’t know how I did it because I’m the most impatient person on this earth and you know.

I don’t know how you did it either like that is that is some patience, but it it goes to show like truly things can change.

Anything can happen.

And really, I know the motivation was my babies, and because I did, I kind of gave up and was OK with his family, his sisters and that part of the family.

But when I started having my babies, I wanted to do everything.

Say I was able to say I did everything to have your.

Grandparents in your life?

Struggling to Tell Perry’s Son the Truth

It weighs so.

Very heavy on me because now I am the liar.

I never told Perry while.

He was alive, which?

It wouldn’t have made any difference.

But.

Because of his brain injury, he almost.

Likely would have forgot about it very quickly anyway, but I.

Refuse to tell his son who I have the most beautiful brother sister relationship with.

In absolute fear to change.

Anything about me and his dynamics and his family.

But I go.

Home and I visit with them and they call me auntie and we talk about family traits and all this and it’s like it’s not true.

We’re not.

Related.

And I can’t even believe we’re not related because him and I are so much alike.

I’m like, there’s no way that you and I did not come from the same scene, you know, like.

Do you think it’s something that you will tell him eventually?

I.

Have just recently decided that the next time I’m home.

That I have.

To get it off my.

Chest I have it weighs.

Way too heavy on me and I don’t I don’t want it to continue that I knew.

And then if he ever does, find out otherwise.

That I.

You know, I just don’t.

Yeah, I so.

The next time I’m with him I do plan on getting him alone and having that conversation.

Good luck with that, but I get it that holding on to secrets as we hear on the podcast all the time, it is a lot to carry.

Guidance for Parents and Discoverers of DNA Secrets

What advice do you have for a parent who is keeping adna surprise from their child?

Please, please.

There’s no right time.

There’s never going to be the perfect timing for any kind of secret like this to come out.

But just let the child.

Start processing and developing as soon as they can.

I mean as soon as they can.

That’s that’s all I have.

And to be honest, another great thing that I have a, you know, I hoped for.

Was the people that did.

Know, reach out, reach out and check on these children that are learning this because they were all quick to tell me that you know the secret they knew.

About all these years, but.

I can count on let one hand let you know that amount of people or times that they have.

Is are you OK?

Is is everything, you know, working out?

So it makes you just feel that much lonelier and, you know, alienated.

What advice do you have for someone who just uncovered Adna?

Surprise?

Don’t let this.

Define you so many people and it’s going to happen more and more often that this happens to people.

It doesn’t define you.

Your circumstances have changed, but it doesn’t change who you are and.

I get it.

I feel like a whole.

Different person, I don’t know.

Who I was I still.

Kind of, you know, suffer from a little bit of identity, self identity and who am I and who would I have been use it to.

Motivate you to change.

And break the cycle and be a better parent, family member, advocate.

For other people going through.

This.

Thank You and See You in September for Season 15

Brittany, thank you so much for joining me on the podcast and sharing your story.

It has been such a like long process for you, but I am so happy to hear the twist at the end about Roger kind of, you know, coming around.

I hope it moves in a positive direction.

And yeah, I just, I wish you the best.

Please stay in touch.

Thank you.

Alexis, thanks again to Brittany for sharing her story.

If you have Adna Surprise that you’d like to share, please submit your story at dnasurprises.com.

For early add free access to episodes, join me over on patreon@patreon.com/DNA Surprises.

That’s a wrap on Season 14.

We’ll be back in September.

Until next time.

DNA Surprises is hosted, produced and edited by me, Alexis Oursalt.

It is mixed and mastered by Josh Oursalt of Siren Recording Studios.