Amber’s DNA Surprise

This transcript was generated automatically. Its accuracy may vary.

Speaker 1

That first hour I was like, oh, this is not right.

And then I started panicking and then I started thinking, Oh my gosh, what has my like, what have I gotten myself into?

What is going on?

I stirred until probably just after 5:00 in the morning.

And I knew that my mom was getting up to get ready for work at that time.

And so I called her and she answered the phone just very like, hey, good morning, what's going on?

And I said, mom, I said, I'm, I'm on ancestry.

And these results came back and they're not connecting me and him together.

And I don't, I don't know what to think about this.

And she immediately got defensive and was like, well, I don't know what you're talking about.

There's no way.

I said, mom, I just need you to be honest with me.

There are last names on here that I'm seeing that I have no idea who these people are.

They're not in his DNA profile.

I need you to tell me the truth.

There is no way around this.

This is possibly anyone else.

And she was pretty persistent until she kind of started losing it a little bit herself and just said, oh, my God, I can't believe this is happening.

I can't believe this is happening.

Speaker 2

Welcome to DNA Surprises, a podcast that explores the life altering world of unexpected DNA discoveries.

I'm your host, Alexis Ourselt.

This show centers the stories of people who've experienced NP, ES or non paternal events.

In other words, people who've learned that their biological father isn't who they thought he was.

We'll also hear from adoptees, donor conceived people, and the families navigating these discoveries.

Get ready to follow the incredible journeys that begin with a simple DNA test.

This is DNA surprises.

Fool me once, shame on you.

Fool me twice.

That expression doesn't exactly translate to the DNA surprise community.

As I often say, we believe what our parents tell us, and many times our surprises are shocking even to the people who raised us.

In this week's episode, Amber shares the winding Rd. she walked before discovering the truth about her paternity.

She reveals the steps she took more than once to connect with biological family and how it ultimately LED her to amazing relationships.

Amber's story is 1 of compassion, persistence, and optimism.

Thank you for sharing your story, Amber.

My name is Amber, I'm 42 and I am in South Central Wisconsin.

My story starts well, I think kind of a, a long time ago, 'cause I am a person that always felt a little just kind of displaced and like I didn't quite fit in life, but just a little kind of background.

So I grew up in a family where there was three sisters.

I was the oldest, my mom and my, I guess my, who I thought was my birth father were together until I was 13 years old and then they divorced.

My childhood was there was a lot of moving.

There was a lot of I don't know, I don't I kind of want to call it chaos or just, you know, life was interesting and my father was an over the road truck driver, so he was gone a lot and my parents actually ended up divorcing when I was 13.

That's just a little background on kind of where it came from.

But ultimately Sunday, February 25th, I remember it pretty vividly.

My husband and I have two girls, and it was an early on a Sunday morning.

And our youngest daughter actually had had some friends over that night.

And so we were kind of getting up early in the morning to make some pancakes.

And my phone rang and it was my mom.

And that was kind of just a really rare thing for her to call me that early in the morning.

And so right away I was like, OK, what is this about?

And really, without much hesitation, she started saying, I need you to come over.

We need to talk about something.

And I said, mom, I can't just do that.

And I have a house full of kids.

And this is really unexpected.

But what's going on?

You have to tell me now because now you have me really curious and wondering.

And she said, well, let me just say that this is a secret 40 years in the making.

And right there it was like I felt something in my gut that was like, here we go.

So I said, OK, well, what is that?

You know, I'm 40 years old.

And she said, I'm just going to call him Jay.

Is is not your real dad.

And at that point, like, even I though I had always had some sort of just like questions.

And I had always thought, like, sometime in my life, somewhere, I'm going to get to the bottom of why this disconnect and you know, why I've been so different from my sister's all of these years.

But it was like just like hitting a nail, just like right on the head in my, it was like, oh, a gut punch.

But it was like, finally, you know.

Did you have a positive relationship with your birth certificate, father or?

No, no, I mean, unfortunately I just didn't.

We just could never really find common ground.

I don't want to say I have all bad memories because when I was younger, I really have some very good, fond memories.

But, you know, I was the oldest and I knew he was always harder on me than what seemed to be to my sisters.

And I'd had different people.

I'd heard different people say things like that over the years.

So I always thought, well, you know, it's probably because I'm the oldest.

But then there was a lot of things that just happened along the way.

The older I got, the more questions started coming from like, close friends, you know, gosh, she looks so different than your sister's.

So yeah, roundabout way of saying no, we didn't.

We didn't have like some sort of very fairy tale father daughter relationship.

That was never really us.

Your mom sharing this with you, was it a relief at all?

Or was it just kind of like, oh, that makes sense.

Plus, the kind of devastation of just a secret being revealed.

It definitely was both of those things.

It was like, OK, here we go.

This makes sense.

And I remember just like, standing up and my husband was right next to me, and I just said, OK.

And at that time, I was mad.

I was irritated.

I said finally, I said, why now?

I'm 40 years old.

What took you so long?

And I just had a lot of questions at that time.

And, you know, it was a weird feeling because something just like inside of me felt really sad, like almost like a validation of like, This is why he was different to you.

And you weren't wrong.

She was very forthcoming very quickly with information.

And I was not ready to hear it at that point because she gave me a name right away.

And she was kind of like, you know, he wants to meet you and he has children.

He has grown children.

And I was just like, that's enough, you know, I can't take this right now.

And I basically said, I am going to go and I will have to let you know when I'm ready to hear more.

And at that point I'm just so frazzled.

And I just asked my husband.

I said, can you take all the kids and go do something?

So he did.

Did your mom say why she took 40 years to tell you about this man?

Like what was the reason?

Yeah, her reasoning.

And to be very honest, I like, I was like, OK, I get that was, you know, we were young, Amber.

I was 18.

I was so in love with him.

He was the better choice.

He was stable.

We had been dating for months and then they had broke up, but they had reconciled.

And then she found out that she was pregnant and, you know, he was excited and he was ready to take care of her and grow up with her and marry her.

And it was just like, you know, I just decided at that point that I was, this is what it was.

And, you know, I, I didn't look back much on it from there.

I sat on the couch what seemed like for forever.

And it really was a couple of hours just taking these few names that she'd given me and of course, jumping on social media and looking at Facebook and trying to see if I could make sense of anything.

I ended up calling my mom back and she gave me the name of one of the, the daughters.

And I was like, gosh, you know, what am I going to do with this information?

And I really thought at that time, like nothing, but very quickly that changed because I'm a curious, emotional, just got to know what the truth is person.

And so, you know, pretty quickly I found this man's daughter and looked her up on Facebook.

And within that same day, I had just sent her a message because my mom had told me like they know they've known for a couple of months they've been waiting for me to tell you.

So whenever you're ready, I'm supposed to tell you that you can reach out.

So I did.

I reached out to his oldest daughter, who is actually just like maybe 2 years younger than me, maybe not even.

And I could tell she by her response was kind of waiting to hear from me.

She was so sweet, so kind, so patient, so gentle, so all of the things that I needed at that .0 just knowing that she lived less than an hour from me and kind of just from having the small talk, it quickly got to like, let's meet, you know, let's get together.

So we did, we ended up meeting, I think that was like on a oh gosh, that was I think a Sunday.

So I think by the next Friday I was picking up my best friend and she was going with me to meet my new sister.

So we met.

It was so funny because she shows up and like we're dressed the same.

We have like black sweaters on with like, purses that could match and shoes.

And it was just like, wow, this is wild.

And we had a really good time.

Of course, we were there for hours just talking.

The time passed like, like, nothing.

And then she had asked me like, well, can I take a picture of us?

And can I send it to my dad?

I was like, sure.

So she did.

And then just kind of slowly over the next week or two, a couple of weeks, I started just kind of reaching out, ultimately ended up reaching out to him.

And then there were two other siblings that I met as well and bonded with very quickly, very kind, very wonderful people.

And I felt just so fulfilled, and I was so excited.

But I look back now and I think that because my mom had just told me so directly, like, this is the man that is your biological father, that I didn't question anything else.

I was just like, OK, OK, here we are.

But myself and this man, you know, said, OK, let's make this official.

Let's do an ancestry test.

Or rather, he had already been on Ancestry and I hadn't been.

So I got an Ancestry test and I did the whole thing and sent the sample in.

And within that, what has five to six weeks that it took to get that result back?

That time was just very much spent with like bonding with these people who lived very close within 1/2 an hour to me meeting his three kids and their families and basically just waiting to get the official, you know, yes, our DNA matches and really not having a whole lot of fears that it didn't.

Other than now that I look back, I can kind of be more cognizant that there was something inside of me that was very worried.

But I think just because of, you know, my past with with Jay and the fact that he had left our family so early when my parents divorced when I was in my early teenage years and I had two younger sisters.

And when you're you're raised like that, you just don't have a whole lot of trust.

There's just like some abandonment and trauma.

And maybe I didn't even know that it was there as much as it was until this all happened.

But yeah, so weeks went by and we kind of just kept getting to know each other.

Had to have been deep into March of 2024, even into April, I had been talking to this this gentleman.

We had been talking regularly.

And I remember when I had gotten the e-mail that said that my result was almost ready.

I had talked to him that night and was like, oh, I can't wait for this.

And we were like joking, like maybe I'll show up on your doorstep tomorrow and say like, it's a girl, you know.

And so all the conversation was pretty light and there was just a lot of like getting to know each other and love being found at that time.

So you get your DNA test results and it's very light hearted.

You've bonded with this family, you feel.

It sounds like you you.

Felt and accepted that they were your biological relatives.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

And even people that you know, know me and love me were like, gosh, this is crazy.

You look like these people.

It makes so much sense.

The last thing we just needed was like, let's get this DNA test result and, you know, bury all of the reservations or fears or any what ifs.

It's like I said, I had talked to him that night and said, oh, you know, I think my results will come in tonight.

You know, maybe we can go to breakfast or do something in the morning and then said goodnight.

And of course, I didn't sleep a wink because I was just waiting for that that Ding to come through that my result was in.

So I slept out on the couch with my laptop in my lap.

And I think it was like 3 AMI heard my phone Ding and then I heard my laptop alert that I had had an e-mail.

So it's like, Oh my gosh, here it is.

And so I logged on to my ancestry.

It said that my results were there.

There's so much information that you get put in front of you right away.

Of course, it's a little confusing and kind of overwhelming.

But the one thing that I knew that I wanted to do was go to his profile and see what we matched or what that looked like.

And so I did.

And I thought, OK, like, what's going on here?

Because I definitely had some DNA matches that were showing up.

And some of them were like cousins or people on my mom's side of the family, but there was none of his family showing up or himself.

I didn't want to wake anyone in my family up because I was very convinced that I was doing something wrong that, that, that there's just no way that, you know, it couldn't be connecting us.

And so I logged in, logged out, went back to his profile and his youngest daughter's profile and those words.

And I can't exactly remember what they say, but it basically says like, you do not share any DNA with this person.

And I was like, what?

And then I started panicking.

And then I started thinking, Oh my gosh, what has my like, what have I gotten myself into?

I stirred until probably just after 5:00 in the morning and I knew that my mom was getting up to get ready for work at that time.

And so I said, mom, I just need you to be honest with me.

And was like, no, you have to tell me.

And so then she just kind of came out and said, there's only one other person that could be Amber, and this is his name.

And I couldn't bring myself to tell you to that possibility because he died 10 years ago.

And so I was like OK, so she told me the last name and I looked at my ancestry and sure enough that name is all over the place.

And I all I said was OK, well.

That's it, I'm so sorry.

Yeah, it was like, it was like the worst feeling I've ever felt in my life.

I felt like so embarrassed.

I felt just like so shameful.

I felt so lost all over again.

And I was just like physically shaking and physically ill.

But I brought myself to Google this guy's name and the first thing that popped up was his obituary and his picture.

And so I woke up my husband and I said hey.

And he was just like, what is going on?

And I showed him the picture that I had found online.

And he looked at me and he's like, oh honey, that's your dad.

And I was just like, Yep.

And I broke down like I've never been physically I'll from feeling so much emotion.

But I was just beside myself.

And so that morning I just laid there and I cried and I thought, I stared at this picture and I thought, how am I going to tell these people this?

Like how you know, and to say I just felt like such a fool and I felt like I was carrying it all on me.

And my husband who has been so good through all of this was like, this is not on you.

You stop, stop carrying that.

Stop blaming yourself.

This is not you.

This is not on you.

Did your mom check in on you afterwards or how did you leave things with her?

She really didn't.

My youngest sister was probably the one that did the most checking up on me, but I feel like my mom was kind of more like she'll talk to me when she's ready.

And I did eventually.

And of course, when you find something out like that, like you want to know all the things, right?

Tell me everything.

How could this have happened?

And you didn't say anything to me that this would be a possibility.

I would have had a lot different approach to meeting this whole other family if you would have told me that this could have been in the cards and.

She was just very insistent that I really thought it was this guy and you know, your biological dad and I, we were friends.

We had mutual friends.

It was a one time thing.

It was the 80s, you know, we were drinking, we were doing who knows what.

I don't hardly remember it.

It was kind of like we just picked up and never really talked about it again.

And then that story changed a little bit when I would ask her about it later, she couple weeks down the road.

Well, I, I did try to reach out and talk to him at one point and anyway, all of these things.

And then ultimately, she ended up saying to me, when I found that he passed away, I was so devastated that I just had myself just convinced that that was not possible.

But I mean, I look like these people.

I don't.

I really do.

And I don't know how she got herself convinced otherwise.

But you know, my mom battles very, very much with mental health issues.

And she is bipolar.

And so I know a lot of her decision making has been affected by that.

That's, that's a lot.

And, and I can hear that you still have a lot of compassion for her, right?

But you understand why she made the choices she made.

You might not understand the decision behind the choices, but you understand maybe why she got to where she got.

What do you do about this family that you've grown to bond with over the last month and a half, two months?

I brought myself to sending them all like a text message later in the next morning and I don't even remember what that said at this point because it's such a blur.

But I just thank them for their kindness.

And you know, I was I had said, you know, I'm sure by now you guys have been able to find out the ancestry that unfortunately things didn't turn out like we thought there and hoping that they would.

And they immediately were like, it doesn't matter.

We love you like you're a part of this family now.

And they were all so, so very sweet.

I stayed very close to his oldest daughter.

I mean, I still talk to her.

I, it was just, you know, when you have that newness and that freshness of like, oh, I have this new sister and you want to spend all of your time together and then something happens that's causes pain.

You know, we definitely, we're still spending time together, but time is, has faded and those relationships have changed.

Not based on anything negative, just life and kind of losing track.

I think those first couple of days we were all very convinced that this was meant to be and we were going to be close forever.

And I still think that they are all wonderful people and I do not have anything other than great things to say about all of them because they wholeheartedly were just like willing to just take me into this family.

But there's a whole nother piece of this that I had to figure out for myself and figure out how I was going to do that or if I was even going to do that.

Because after all of that, I just wasn't sure that I ever really wanted to know anything else about my biological father and his family.

Not for any reason of them, just that I just couldn't take like a rejection or something that I was just so fearful that something else would happen.

I kind of just took that information and kept it to myself while all the people that are close in our lives, they kind of knew what had happened, but everybody was obviously very respectful of just kind of me talking about it on my own time.

So, yeah, there was a pretty good, I don't know, I think at least a couple of months there was a gap where I, I wasn't really actively trying to find out more about my true biological family, but it was little things that would make me curious.

I would check in and go on social media and I found out just from small town Wisconsin.

Of course, everyone knows everyone, especially when this family and my biological dad grew up and lived within 1/2 an hour of me.

I had found out that he had passed away at I believe it was 47.

He died when he was 47.

He had some fluid around his heart that led to a cardiac arrest.

So it was really kind of abrupt death.

I found out that my aunt, so my paternal aunt lived in Florida and that my grandmother also lived down there with her.

And there had been a lot that had happened in their family in that year as well, because my, my aunt, her husband had passed away actually at the end of February.

And he was only his 50s.

And so there had been a, a big loss in the family within that year.

And then ultimately I found out that my biological dad had a son and that he lived out in Arizona.

And then I kind of just came to find out just by Google and social media that he was alive and well and had a family out in Arizona.

And so I kind of just sat with that information and stood on it.

And it was like one day in July, actually, I wrote it down.

It was July 10th, 2024.

I just had been watching my aunt's Facebook page.

Something came over me and I'm like, I want to know.

I want to know.

And so I allowed myself to be impulsive and I put out a just a Facebook Messenger that was really vague and just my mom's name is this.

And I'm told that my biological father was your brother that you lost.

And I know that's a lot of information to take in, but if you are, you know, willing to talk more about that, I would, I would love to.

And then I immediately was like, I think within 10 minutes I was like, no, delete, delete.

So it turns out if you send something on Facebook Messenger and you try to retract it, it will still send a little bit of information there.

So a couple of days later, I was driving for work and I got a message back from her that, you know, just made me freeze and get butterflies in my stomach and feel nervous and excited all at the same time.

So I pulled over into some parking lot and just read her message and was very much like, was this a legit outreach from you?

My brother has passed away.

And so from there, there was a little bit of small talk and I was just trying to be as tactful and respectful as I could with my words and how I wanted to approach this.

But she, again, very kind, very welcoming, very OK.

Well, you know, I'm here to help you figure it out.

So that was like huge.

It was like something just forced me to to message her.

And I'm so glad that it did now at this point.

But at that time I was like so mad at myself.

Why did you open this door?

Now here you are a nervous wreck every day.

Like not can't think about anything else.

You're just so fixated on this piece of your life.

We ended up having a phone conversation I think like 2 weeks ish after I had reached out to her and it was so funny because she answered the phone and I was just like taken back because our voices are so similar.

I sound so much like her.

And my husband who was kind of just listening on the other side of the room was like looked at me and he was like Oh my goodness her voice.

And I said I know it's weird right?

She started telling me a little bit about my biological dad and their family.

And she had told me that Tyler, my brother, you know, was, was a nurse out in Arizona and I'm also a nurse.

So that was that was pretty cool.

Did it feel different than when you connected with the other family or did it feel the same?

It was different, it was very different.

It was, it was very natural and it was very like from the minute I heard her voice I was so relieved.

It just felt like I had never known her and this was my first conversation, but I felt so comforted and reassured by her voice and just the way that she used her words and just that unknown.

Whatever connection that was there, it was there.

And I guess that was when I realized what was missing the first time, right?

Even though I had felt so drawn to them, there is that biological piece of whatever's there that makes a difference.

We had talked and, you know, at that point we had decided, you know, no rush on things, but she was going to wait for a good time to tell my brother this information.

And so she had a trip for her and my biological grandmother to go spend some time with my brother that was upcoming, I think like 4 to six weeks after this conversation.

And so she thought, and rightfully so, you know, I'll, I'll talk to him about it when I go out there.

Well, a couple weeks went by and then she's like, I'm just getting so excited I have to tell Tyler.

And I said, OK, So he like nurses do, he works a lot of crazy hour shifts, sometimes days at a time.

And she caught him like when he was very sleep deprived and he, I think, was just very caught off and, you know, was really confused.

And of course, I think anyone that's been through this jury that journey, there's some worry like, oh gosh, what kind of person is is this?

And how do we know that this is legit so guarded and rightfully so because I had those feelings myself before I reached out.

At this point in my life, my relationship with like my mom is distancing.

And it's distancing not only for this reason, but for other things.

I find myself stepping back and being less tolerant of some of the things that I in the past would have just brushed off as normal behavior.

I started taking more time for me and standing up more for myself.

And, you know, she didn't like that A lot of my life was just being consumed by what was under my roof with my husband and my kids and then, you know, finding, finding these new people in our lives.

So Tyler finds out.

We end up connecting a couple of days later.

He had asked if he could call.

And I talked to him.

And one of the first things he said was, wow, you sound like our aunt.

Oh wow, so he heard it too.

Yeah, I said.

My husband said that.

He goes, wow, No, it's really weird.

Like, I feel like I'm talking to our Aunt Lori right now.

That conversation was kind of like, wow, this is crazy.

You know, like, what do we do now?

Right.

Like, I don't, I don't know.

So he's like, well, you know, I, it's not that I don't trust what's what you found on ancestry, but at this point I'm going to do one too.

And let's see.

So he does an ancestry test.

Good news.

Yay, I found them, he's my half brother.

Were you still a little bit scared that maybe it would come back?

100% I was so nervous.

Before I had even confidently reached out, I had talked to Adna Angel that I had connected with.

And so she put this whole family tree together for me and was like, you know, show this to her.

There's just no other way like this.

This is your biological dad.

So I had had that to share with them, which was kind of crazy.

But then, yeah, also.

Yeah, he's my brother.

And wow, here we are, right.

So at that point, you know, it was like, we have families now, you know, like, I want my kids to to know your kids and I, you know, I want to meet your kids.

And so we set up just a video chat one night, him and his two kids and wife and my husband and I And yeah, it was very awkward at first.

I mean, it's just like, hey, how's it going?

You know?

And then you're just like, looking at each other and trying to see the genetic similarities, which are 100% there.

His kids are younger than my kids.

And they were just like, so cute and giggly and getting in the screen and saying hi and running away.

So yeah, then it just kind of turned into more phone calls and wow, my Aunt Lori and grandma were in Arizona with Tyler.

They sat down my grandma and got my grandpa on the phone and told them about me.

And I ended up being able to like, see her on video chat.

And bless her heart, I think she was just like you.

Wow.

You know, like, she had just found this information out.

And then here I am waving at her through a camera.

But my grandfather lives about an hour away.

This is probably one of my favorite parts of the story.

So, you know, my Aunt Lori and my brother Tyler had said, like, well, you just wait.

You know, grandpa is going to be very excited about this.

And so, yeah, he, he called me I think the same night he found out, got my address.

And then the next morning, Grandpa pulled into my driveway, 80 years old, on his Harley.

Oh my gosh, that is so wild.

And and what happens?

Like do you just run out and?

Yeah, So I just kind of walked out and stood there on the porch and he looked at me and he's like, oh, he goes hi, Chucky.

That was my dad's name.

And I was just like, hi.

And he's like, oh, honey, you look like your daddy, come here.

And I was like, and he was just full of hugs and love and everything that I was so afraid of.

I was so worried that they would be like, don't reach out to us.

We're not interested in this.

All of those things that go through your head, 'cause you hear that not all of these stories turn out well.

But as soon as I opened that door, I felt nothing but love and being just like taken in by these people.

And there's Grandpa, and he just kind of came in and sat at the kitchen table and.

It was like it felt really natural.

It did.

Yeah, it did.

It was really cool.

I'm still so blessed to to have him and.

So where are things today with everyone?

So my grandfather goes down to Arizona every winter to spend some time with Tyler, my brother and his family.

So last December when he was flying down, I flew down with him and I met my brother and his beautiful family and spent.

It was just like a long weekend down there and came home and we've just continued to kind of get to know each other.

Him and his family came and stayed with us for five days over the summer in July.

So they stayed in our home with us and it's very natural and I'm so very comfortable.

My whole family is around them.

It doesn't take a lot of effort.

I just, it's really, I feel very, very blessed.

There was a big part of my life and my family that was missing and you know, I, I have it and it still baffles me.

And I'm definitely, I am like a very emotional person.

Like I wear my heart on my sleeve and I'm always lots of you know, I love yous And Tyler is he's very kind and very loving, but he's very not emotional like I am.

So I've had to apologize and say I'm sorry, here comes your sister being a sister.

And he just laughs at me or like sends me goofy emoji or just like hearts my way over explanation of something.

I sent out a text message.

So thankfully he he seems to get me.

I think my best friend said it best.

It's like you deserve that.

You deserve somebody that loves you like you love other people.

And I don't know, I think there's just like we're so early in the story, you know, I, I think about it and it's like not very much time has passed at all, but it feels like at the same time, I've known him forever.

But yeah, we're getting ready to go to my whole family are flying down to Arizona next month to spend time with him and his family.

And we're already making plans for, you know, him to come up here again with his family next summer because our oldest daughter graduates and he wants to be here for her graduation.

So yeah, I think just a lot to, you know, unravel and hopefully a lot of good memories to come.

But you're a double NPE, right?

So you had this revelation, do you think?

I mean, and it's hard to know, but do you think having been through it once before helped you prepare the second time around?

Or is it just as raw both times?

I think it was just as raw both times.

I think the second time there is a lot more hesitation and nervousness and fear of like rejection.

But ultimately I'm, I'm glad I, I did.

And I, I just keep thinking to myself now, gosh, you know, if I would have sat with this and decided to not do anything with this information, I would have been missing so much.

What advice do you have for a parent who is keeping adna surprise from their child?

I think that it is so important to remember that that child will grow up someday and there is a lot of things that is rightfully theirs to know.

My biological dad passed away.

I have a cardiac event in his 40s and now because of that I have a cardiologist and I have much closer following on my health because I know that piece Your children.

Deserve to know the other half of them, the other piece of them and to never have met my dad.

That is the biggest piece that I stir with because, gosh, I would have really liked to see myself in him.

And I would have liked to know what that feeling felt like to really have, you know, a biological dad that I saw myself in.

And I'll never have that.

And that's something that I feel like I really deserved.

And I'm probably the most, you know, sad about about that.

So I just don't think it's worth keeping a secret.

It seems so heavy.

But I mean, things will work out.

They will.

And no matter what comes from it, it's it's information that everybody, as a human, deserves to know.

What advice do you have for someone who has just uncovered Adna Surprise?

Yes, it's OK.

Take a deep breath, be patient with yourself.

It's OK to just feel completely different one day than you do the day before or the day next.

There are days where that's all you can, all you can think about and you can't focus.

And then there's other days where you just almost want to forget that it's even a part of your life.

But just be patient and be kind with yourself.

Know that this is not your fault.

And yeah, I think that's that's it.

Amber, thank you so much for joining me today, for sharing your story.

What a roller coaster you've been on.

But I'm so happy for you that, you know, overall it was a positive outcome, and I hope that your connections with your family just continue to grow.

Yeah, me too.

Thank you.

Thanks again to Amber for sharing her story.

If you have Adna Surprise that you'd like to share, please submit your story at dnasurprises.com and for early ad free access to episodes, join me over on patreon@patreon.com/DNA Surprises.

Until next time, DNA Surprises is hosted, produced and edited by me, Alexis Oursalt.

It is mixed and mastered by Josh Oursalt of Siren Recording Studios.