Danielle C’s DNA Surprise

This transcript was generated automatically. Its accuracy may vary.

Intro

It's been healing, I would say as well.

I'm very fortunate, I think, because a lot of stories that I hear of people finding out about who the family is in this kind of way can be really, really traumatic.

And I guess mine is, is not really that traumatic.

It's really healing.

Like I'm sad of all the things that I've missed.

And every now and then I'll stop and think about that, but mostly I just think about all the things I've just gained.

And yeah, I'm really fortunate.

And I wish other people in this situation could have a similar experience because I know it doesn't go that way for most, which is really unfortunate, but I am really lucky in that way.

Speaker 2

Welcome to DNA Surprises, a podcast that delves into the world of unexpected DNA discoveries.

I'm your host, Alexis ourselves.

In July 2021, my life took a surprising turn when I found out that I'm an N P/E, a person who has experienced a non paternal event.

In other words, my biological father isn't who I thought he was.

Join me as we explore the stories of NP, ES, adoptees, and donor conceived people and their families.

Get ready to unravel the astonishing journeys that begin with a simple DNA test.

This is DNA surprises.

DNA surprises are often devastating to the people who uncover them.

Story 1

But imagine if the truth was a relief.

Danielle grew up believing that her mother had four children by 4 different men, making all of her siblings half siblings.

After taking ADNA test, Danielle learned that she actually shared a father with her younger sister.

This news was more than welcomed by Danielle, who had fond memories of who she thought was her stepfather.

She shares how this information affected her and how she's building a relationship with her biological father through a different lens.

While Danielle has wondered what her life would have been like if she'd always known the truth, her overall attitude about her DNA surprise is 1 of positivity and Silver Linings.

Thank you for sharing your story, Danielle.

Before we begin this episode, I want to note for listeners that there is some discussion of childhood sexual abuse that Danielle's raised father perpetrated against her.

Please take that into account before listening.

Speaker 1

Hi, I'm Danielle, I am 35 years old and I come from a little beach town in the South of Perth in WA.

I guess I'll start from the early dates before I decided to take a DNA test.

My mom had four children, four of us 2, four different fathers also.

We thought I suppose I was the first born.

So she was quite young when she had me.

She just freshly turned 18.

She was dating a man called and to my knowledge that was my father.

He was told that fact.

I didn't actually meet him for a couple of years, though.

My mom went off and had me in another town and we didn't actually meet until a couple of years later as well.

In that period she had another child.

She'd come back to Kalgoorlie, she had reconnected with an old flame who apparently she had had an affair with while she was with and they had another child and they got married and they were happily married for a while before my mom decided to leave him and I guess met another man and had another child.

So a little bit of a confusing story there, but there's four of us.

And this was all your knowledge, so you knew that you all had different fathers.

And that's part of your story, your origins.

Yeah, so all of us were half siblings to our knowledge.

My mom then moved over to the Eastern States and I stayed in WA with my we'll call him and his wife at the time.

Was he on your birth certificate?

He was, but not until a few years after.

So he didn't actually end up on there OK until I was about four.

So you stayed with and his wife while your mother?

Moved, that's right.

So maybe around four or five years old.

I did struggle with that a little bit.

It was my decision.

She did ask do you want to come and I said no.

Also I was, you know, very young, so I did feel quite a sense of abandonment from that.

Anyway, I used to visit yearly, so I'd go over at Christmas time and I'd see my family over in Victoria along with my siblings.

Funnily enough, we all knew each other's fathers except the one that I knew was my father.

But I knew the other fathers and I had quite a good relationship with all three of them.

So that was nice growing up, at least I had a little bit of a connection to these people.

That's the early story.

So I had no knowledge that there was anything different.

To be quite honest, I thought I looked like a lot of my family members on my paternal side.

So I never questioned anything.

But I actually wasn't aware that other people had questioned it.

And other people in the background wondered why I looked so much like one of my other siblings fathers.

And no.

And he even thought so.

Brad is the man who I've discovered is my biological father.

He thought I was his child, and he questioned it as well.

But nobody told me.

So I never knew until earlier this year.

I must have been around May.

So Ancestry, we're having a Mother's Day sale for DNA tests.

I'm very impulsive.

So I was like, sure, let's go for it.

My partner was very skeptical.

I think he'd seen some, I don't know, show some American satire show, I suppose that was talking about what they do with your DNA, what they could use it for.

And I'm like, I don't really care, to be honest.

I don't think it's, they're not going to pin me for something that I didn't do, surely I didn't really care so much.

He did make a random comment.

Imagine if you found out your dad wasn't your dad.

We just laughed it off and I kind of said that'd be the greatest thing ever because it was actually a perpetrator of childhood sexual abuse towards me.

So I had no relationship with this man from 12 onwards and I was.

Obviously, I'm so sorry, yeah.

Thanks.

It's, it's been a journey, but I kind of hoped for the day that might happen thinking it would never would.

So I sat on the test for about a month and I finally took it and it took so long to come back.

I forgot that I'd even done it to be honest.

And I had this really random thought one morning and I was like, I didn't see if my DNA has come back in.

It's probably like 8 or so weeks later, maybe more.

So I opened up my emails, went through my Ancestry account and the first thing and the only thing I was really interested in was MyHeritage, where I was from.

That was all I was looking for.

I was just thought this could be interesting.

I don't really know what I was looking for.

I certainly wasn't looking for DNA matches.

Kind of didn't think that was a thing in there that would come up.

It didn't cross my mind at the time.

First thing I saw then was that I had a strong Scottish and Irish connection and Irish was very expected.

My grandfather on my maternal side is Irish and Scottish though was not.

My paternal side was all English to my knowledge.

So they've gone back a couple of generations, Australian and then English.

I panicked a little bit and I contacted my Nana and I said this is weird, Is anyone in the family Scottish?

And she's like, no, not to my knowledge, except for my great, great grandmother.

And I think I had a little suspicion almost immediately that there was something not right.

And then I saw the DNA matches.

There was 22 male males that came up immediately that was saying that they were likely an uncle, a paternal uncle.

I recognized the surnames of both of these men.

I didn't know for sure if they were siblings of the person I thought, but I think all the pieces fit into place.

But I went into a bit of panic from there.

So sorry.

My sister who shares the same biological father as me that we now know she lives in Perth as well.

So I contacted her.

I said to her, does your dad have a brother named Tim and Steve?

And she said yes, why?

And I was like, I'm pretty sure that your dad is my dad.

And the very ironic part about this is that Brad, who is our biological father, was visiting Perth at the time and staying with my sister.

So he's normally from NSW and he was here in WA at Katie's house.

My sister, immediately he knew and he confirmed all the details.

He gave me some of the back story and we arranged to meet.

We organized a private DNA test that my sister and Brad, all three of us did just to confirm that, you know, this was actually my father.

And of course, it came back 99.99, whatever percent that this would be your paternal match.

So yeah, that was that was massive.

I think I spent a whole week walking around in shock just blurting out to anyone who came past and asked me how it was that this that I just found out my dad wasn't my dad.

It was an interesting time to say the least.

You mentioned at the beginning that you later found out that Brad had suspected and other people had suspected this, but at the time you found out, you didn't know.

The moment she found out

Was it a complete shock to you?

Was there any part of you that went instantly like this kind of makes sense now or was it just complete shock?

Immediately it made sense, which I find really odd.

But I had photos from my childhood and I remember looking at them going, I look so much like my sister Katie, and she looks so much like her dad, like I look like Katie and her dad.

That's so strange.

And other people had noticed it in my family.

And I'd say, like my stepmom said, yeah, you do, don't you?

But you know, we just thought mom's genes must have been coming through and we were just saying that.

So although I had absolutely 0 suspicions, it did all make sense in that moment.

And as soon as I saw those two last names, I knew that Brad was my dad.

It was, yeah, this random moment of everything just suddenly fit in place.

You mentioned at the beginning too, that Brad was somebody that your mother had had an affair with while she was with.

The Story of Brad’s Mother’s Affair

What I now know Brad let me know that this was the story.

My mom did not tell me this so I had no knowledge that she was with two men at the time.

That was yet not my knowledge until after until I spoke to Brad.

But he said that my mom and Ryan were sleeping in a tent in his backyard.

My mom was working for him as his apprentice and one night she came in and they hooked up and she got caught by allegedly.

So this was the story that Brad told me.

My mom told me that she left because he was abusive and that that was all I know.

So I actually don't know exactly what happened.

When I confronted my mom immediately when I found this out, I said when were you going to tell me that Brad is my dad and not?

And she denied it and she said that's not possible.

I haven't been with Brad and I said, well, it has to be DNA doesn't lie.

And even up until the moment that I sent her my DNA test that I did with Brad that stated very clearly, she still says to her knowledge that she did not sleep with Brad.

So the story on her and is very different.

But I will say she's not particularly a reliable person.

So I don't always trust what comes out of her mouth necessarily.

But she does acknowledge that she was with him at some point because she had your sister, correct?

So she's just saying before that she has no recollection.

Yes.

So when I was conceived, she's saying she doesn't recall that happening.

Then she had me in another town.

So she's left, had me in another town, met with another man, had my brother, and then she's come back to our hometown small country town, and then she's reunited with Brad and her and Brad then had a child and got married.

So there was a child in between us to a different father.

OK.

Yeah, OK.

It's very confusing to to tell that part.

One, yeah, no, it I mean it does, it makes sense.

So at that point now you have a full sibling.

You thought you always had 1/2 sibling.

How does that feel and what's your sister's reaction?

My sister was absolutely over the moon because Brad had never had other children so it was just her and then it was only the half siblings.

The Reaction of My Sister

We had a good relationship but we were all separated.

We all lived with different families, different states around the place.

A lot of us ended up with the fathers.

I think only my youngest stayed with our mom before eventually leaving in her teens.

So we all felt a little disconnected being half siblings.

And there's a weird sense of loneliness when they're not your full sibling.

And it's, it just doesn't feel quite the same.

As much as I love them as siblings, it's just not the same.

And I had two brothers, have two brothers from as well, so that they were my half siblings as well to to my knowledge at the time.

And I always felt that was so weird.

I have so many siblings, but they're all half.

There's no full siblings here, so it was nice.

Did you keep contact with anyone else from family after you stopped contact with him?

The impact of the news on her family

Rightly so.

Did you still have a relationship with your brothers or any extended family members?

Yeah, I did.

When this came out, that this was happening, I was around 12.

I was living with my stepmom, who was married to.

I'd separated but I chose to stay with her because she was, you know, nurturing, motherly, all the things, and she'd raised me since I was quite young alongside him.

So I was living with my stepmom and my two brothers.

So I stayed in contact with them.

I was living with them and continued to do so until I moved out of home.

I still had a relationship with his mother as my Nana and I still do.

Although since finding out this news, she's quite conflicted and our relationship's been conflicting because she maintains a relationship with her son, knowing what he did to me.

So that was always a little bit of a sticking point for me.

But I did allow her to continue a relationship because she does love me.

And she's she's very kind.

And you know, a different generation of, you know, they have different views on how the world works.

No answers from your mother.

No.

And I must admit I did cut contact with her at the point where I sent her the DNA from Brad and I, I cut contact because I, I knew what her response was going to be.

I just wanted to give her an opportunity to maybe give me something else.

I don't know.

And I didn't even know if I wanted an apology, just some kind of empathy.

I don't know, something which I didn't get.

So I cut my contact with her at that point and I knew that I was going to do that prior because I've done it before with her.

Our relationships been difficult from the beginning, so it's not the first time I've done this and it was just, it was probably waiting to happen.

So yeah, I don't know where she stands with this all at the moment and she hasn't contacted me and she could contact me.

OK, so your mother you're not having contact with you do not have contact with you do have contact with your half brother.

The reaction of the family

Well, who?

Who you thought were your half?

Brothers, the half brothers.

That you grew up with as well as your stepmom.

What do they make of this situation?

It was very confusing.

One part of them that was really happy for me because they knew that it meant that was not my father and they knew that would bring me so much comfort and peace.

Another part that was sad that they're not my siblings.

But I don't think it's changed anything.

And they know that it's that hasn't changed.

And I've never put a lot of wait on blood relatives over anything else because I wasn't raised by my blood relatives.

It was my stepmom and her ex, her family, her parents that are not my blood relatives.

But they were the biggest role in my life.

So it's never been important to me anyway.

So they knew that that wouldn't change and nothing's changed for us.

Just I think mentally for them, it feels a little bit different.

They feel angry at their dad because they're like, it's not your dad at their dad.

And so that's been some conflicting feelings for them as well because they don't have a relationship with him either.

To your knowledge to know that you are not his biological child.

I'm don't know.

There is a little part of me that wonders if he did know, but I don't believe so.

My stepmom is absolutely certain there's no way he could have known.

There has been some gossip from extended family friends that hell are like, you know, we heard this and I'm like, I don't know that I believe that necessarily.

So I don't put any weight on any of that either it.

Certainly doesn't excuse anything.

No, no.

So I, I'm not sure to be honest with you.

I would like to think that he didn't know because I feel like it would be very unfair if these people did know this and did not tell me.

I don't know if he knows.

Now, my Nana knows and she was a bit skeptical in the beginning and she's like, how do you believe these things?

And she said she hadn't confronted him on the last conversation I had, but I hoped that she would to be honest, but I don't know if she has.

I can't really question it.

I'm not going to go and talk to him.

So I've just left that for now focused on more important things.

Building a Relationship with Your Biological Father

So.

You're in this kind of unusual situation of you very much know who your biological father is, and he is the biological father of who you thought all of your life was your half sibling.

So how do you go about building a relationship with him in a different kind of way once he learns that you are his daughter?

That's been a really interesting one because he's a man I always was fond of.

And the day before I found out about this DNA surprise, I had been seeing my psychologist and we were going over a timeline because my family tree is incredibly complicated before this alone after.

And she asked me about the first four years of my life.

And in that time, who do I remember that was loving, nurturing, you know, those who were the people that you can remember from that time.

And the one person that came up there was Brad.

That gives me chills now thinking back because it was literally the next morning I woke up to find out this news and it was paired with the fact he was also in WA visiting.

I just know that it was meant to happen at that time.

On a lot of my visits over to Victoria, he would also come in and visit for Christmas and we'd go camping with family and he would often be there.

So I would see him probably every other year maybe.

So I still had some contact with him and I didn't know that whole time he'd been questioning.

He actually still just imagined me to be his daughter throughout that whole time and just never felt like he could say anything.

And he did actually ask for a DNA test when I was very young.

My mum declined and he feels really upset that he didn't pursue that further or ask me because I certainly would have taken a DNA test much sooner.

But the relationship with him it's been, he has been over the moon.

The relationship with her father

He's very old school.

He is a man who just travels around in his car with his dog and lives off the grid in NSW.

Lots of love give.

He's like person that calls, he doesn't like texting.

He doesn't have social media which is very odd and weird for me.

So he will often call me and it's really nice.

It's just so awkward because I'm like, I don't like calls at the best of times and I'm talking to you like I know you and my father, but it feels it's still in that awkward face and I don't know how to receive love from a father in that kind of way.

So that's really tricky.

So he will sign off the call saying love you and I, I say it back, but it's really weird.

I'm just like this is this is such a strange feeling.

So you said that when you spoke to your psychologist the day before you found all of this out, he was somebody that stuck out in your memory.

Did you spend a lot of time with him when you were younger?

Yeah, when when he and my mom were married, we lived together in a house as a family.

The house where she grew up

So there was the three kids at that time, mom Brad were married, Brad was raising us.

And I remember the house that we lived in and I recently went back to the country town we grew up.

And after I'd found out about him being my father and I took, went into the old house and took a photo of it and sent it off to him as well, just for memories.

Because that house is, I remember that being a stable part of my life for a brief period, but it was a stable part.

And he had purchased in this time when they were married, he purchased a house in NSW for us to move to as a family.

Him and my mom agreed You know all five of us were going to move over there so he purchased the house and we then only probably 3 or 4 days I'm told before due to get in the car and drive over.

My mum left him for another man.

So none of us went and he ended up having to go on his own because he had work he bought this house.

So at that point he was just heartbroken as well.

I think he probably lost his way for a little bit, not quite knowing what to do with himself.

So he yeah, that that was a difficult time for him.

I think he didn't ever quite recover from it, to be honest.

He's not remarried.

He's not had any other children or anything in that period.

So yeah, that was really sad because our lives would have been a whole lot different.

Something that comes up for people in our community are the what ifs.

What ifs

Yeah.

And for you, having had such a traumatic childhood in the home that you were in with and your stepmother, did you have those feelings of what your life would have been like if you'd known that it was Brad all along and never would have been in that house?

Yeah, that was probably the hardest part for me.

I think finding out Brad was my dad was this weird blessing in disguise that I was this thing that I knew, never knew I needed, but I didn't.

It was an immediate weight lifted off my shoulders that I wasn't connected to my children, didn't have to be connected to him in a biological sense.

All of the things that worried me lifted.

So that was so nice.

But I was really angry at the fact that I wasn't given an opportunity to have a better life.

I will say that the life if I had of stayed with my mom when she separated from Brad and went to Melbourne would not have been any better.

Maybe it would have been worse.

My siblings experienced an extreme amount of abuse in the household themselves so living with her was not going to be much better.

But had she have stayed with Brad and they had gone to NSW where he's got a lot of family, a lot of very warm and welcoming family.

They have all embraced me beautifully.

Like it's been incredible.

Just suddenly I've got this whole family that's also some of them knew or felt that this that I was always brides anyway.

So definitely was one of the the things that upset me the most.

I think about the whole situation, aside from the lies, it was just what could have been.

You said that Brad's family has welcomed you with open arms and that they're very warm.

How are you dealing with the change in your family dynamic?

He says.

I love you when you hang up the phone and that's something that you're navigating.

How are you dealing with this complete kind of change to your family dynamic as you've understood it to this point?

Oh, I am a I don't know how to explain, but I am known as an over sharer.

I'm a very open book.

So I just kind of going not even thinking.

I just things, just I just say all the things.

So I have spoken to Brad's got four siblings, He's got two sisters and two brothers and then I've got children.

So I've spoken to some of my aunties and told them my whole life story essentially.

I just, it doesn't feel too strange, but it is over social media and there's that disconnect.

It's not in person.

So it's easier to have those conversations and share those things about your life, I guess.

I think one of my aunties had made this comment on, I put a post on my Facebook just on my private 1 and it was about finding out that, you know, Brad was my bio father and just a little spiel about what had happened.

And one of my aunties had commented on it saying you have just hit the jackpot.

Brad is the most amazing, caring man.

And I bawled my eyes out and I'm not a crier.

I'm not a crier at all.

But that was the most amazing thing.

I just felt so I don't know, it was beautiful and the little things matter and I didn't know that they mattered.

So Brad has sent both of my boys have had birthdays in October and December and he sent them a card in the mail with some money to say happy birthday.

And of course that made me cry.

I was like, I didn't even know that you knew my kids birthdays.

And the fact you sent them a card with a gift is more than I could ever imagine because we've that's, we've never had that.

It's just not.

My kids have always had such a disconnect from their grandparents because of my complex family.

So it was, it's been really lovely in that aspect.

So your kids know, how are they taking all of this?

How are your kids taking this?

This was a tricky 1 because my kids, my older boy, he's 8, he's just turned out.

And I used to tell them he start would start coming to me and saying, do you have a dad?

Who is your dad?

And I found that really hard one to explain.

So I would say something like, yes, I do have a dad, but I don't I don't see him because he's not a very nice man.

And you know, as kids do they ask more questions?

Why?

Why isn't he a nice man?

Is he in jail?

Why isn't he in jail?

All of these questions that come up and I'm just like, how do I answer this?

So my kids were of the understanding that I had a father.

I don't see him because he's a bad person, a bad man.

That was all they know.

So then when this happened I had to try and explain to them that that person that was the bad man isn't my father and that this one is and that he's not a bad man.

So that was really tricky and I don't know if they fully grasp it.

I also believe in honesty.

I feel like they need to know.

They shouldn't be left in a state of confusion.

So I try and be open about the things in a child sensitive way.

My youngest has autism, so he's very, he's very much just Oh yeah, cool, you know, excited.

And they refer to Brad as my new dad.

I think that's how I refer to him like my new dad.

So it's the only way I could think to help them understand.

But they've been OK with it.

There's still a distance.

They've met him a few times when he was visiting.

I've spoken to him briefly on the phone to say thank you for the cards.

So they they know and they did meet my cousin.

So my cousin did visit from NSW just last week I think.

And yeah, that was nice.

So one of my uncle's daughters, she came over, she wanted to meet me.

She's about 10 years younger, but we'd have a very similar resemblance.

She was staring at me the whole time and I was like, weird, what are you, why are you staring at me?

And she said after it's because she's was just spun out by how similar we looked.

Yeah, it's it's a lot to take in.

So this is not very many months away, about six months.

How Brad is processing the loss

How have you been processing this?

What is helping you move through it?

I've been writing a lot.

So my lifelong dream was to write a book well before this.

And I've always worked in mental health and in those kind of fields of work where I do a lot of, I guess, caring, nurturing type of roles.

So I thought I would love to be able to share my story with people because I'm quite proud of where I've come.

Despite my my background, I have a really beautiful life and family and doing all the things I could have only dreamed of.

So writing has been really helpful and this DNA surprise has been the thing that I needed to be able to make to start this book that I've been wanting to do for 10 years or more.

This was the point I felt like was it's the beginning of the end or the end of the beginning.

It's just this moment where I knew this is what everything was leading to so that I could do my next piece of work.

In that period, I was already seeing a psychologist, as I mentioned, so I was able to talk through with her.

I just talk a lot about it.

I share a lot on my social media as well.

I find it easier to share with people that don't know me directly.

You don't tend to get as many confused looks or more inquisitive people on social media as opposed to the ones in your life who are like, maybe questioning it and like, is that real?

Can you really go off these DNA tests and things like that?

Sorry, I haven't had too much negative feedback, which is good.

Most people have been equally as shocked.

But yeah, I've been trying to do a lot more for myself in the way of getting out.

I love the nature.

I love nature.

I love going out for Bush walks for the ocean.

We're very close, so I've been spending a lot of time trying to get up earlier, go for a walk so I can start my day fresh.

And I guess mine is is not really that traumatic.

And every now and then I'll stop and think about that.

But mostly I just think about all the things I've just gained.

What do you hope for next?

I mean you, you haven't even hit one year yet so you are just starting on this journey.

What do you hope?

For well, I think Brad has made it quite clear that he wants to be able to move to WA to spend more time with me and my sister.

We're moving to the center of the state very soon, which for him is quite nice because he actually really loves to travel and he's a bit of a grey nomad.

He just gets in his Ute with his dog and he will go anywhere.

He doesn't care how far it is.

I hate driving, he loves it.

I think he's planning to sell up in NSW, get himself a caravan and then he will probably come and spend some time with us up where we're moving to in the Pilbara.

And hopefully we'll get to know each other a little bit more, I guess more personally.

So that that's what I think will come.

And yeah, hopefully I'll write my book and I'm starting a new job and lots of things happening.

So all of that's very exciting, moving to a tiny little country town.

That's great, yeah.

Where it comes to my, I guess my identity and the impact of not knowing or being told someone is your father.

The impact of not knowing someone is your father

When I had my first child, I did not want to carry the name of into the delivery with my son.

I didn't want any of his birth records to have that name.

I wasn't married at the time, still not married, but I wasn't married.

And I went to great lengths to legally change my name while I was pregnant so that I didn't carry the surname of.

And looking back, that just fills me with a little bit of sadness and anger.

And I don't know really, but mostly sadness and anger that I had to go to so much length to do that.

And I said to my partner who I've been with for 10 years, I said, this is your options.

I'm either going to we're going to a registry office and we're going to elope so I can change my name or I'm going to legally change it to your name.

Which one?

We weren't even engaged.

We'd been together for a long time.

And it's like just change it, whatever.

We're still not married.

We are now engaged.

But I did that.

I changed my name legally to my partners.

So all of my birth records have that.

So looking back, I'm just like that never needed to happen.

That never needed to happen.

So that's been a journey.

And I think the next part of that is I would like to see if I can change my birth certificate to reflect my birth father.

Don't know if I can not or not, but that's path I'm going to have a look down so well good.

Luck with that because that's something that so many people, I think unless you've been through the experience, you don't necessarily understand the closure that that can provide or like the piece that that can provide just to have your records accurately reflect.

It's such a, it seems such a miniscule thing for most I think, but it really isn't.

It's really big, like it's my whole identity and I even things like my e-mail address.

I've had to change my e-mail address and now I'm like, how do I get everything from one e-mail to the other?

Because this carries that name that I had so much like hurt over anyway.

Now I'm like, it wasn't even my name in the 1st place.

So it's just so many little things that pop up for me that I'm like, yeah.

What advice do you have for a parent who's keeping a DNA surprise from their child?

Advice for parents who are keeping a DNA surprise from their child

Oh, gosh.

I mean, I just think it's always better to be honest.

Always.

Because otherwise you end up in a situation 35 years later where your children might not want to talk to you because you've just found it out by accident.

They need to know.

It's really important, Really, really important.

What advice do you have to someone like yourself who just found out that they have adna surprise?

Don't follow my advice, I guess, because mine would be to just blur it all out and get it out.

I know some people aren't like that.

Some people like to get it off their chest.

That worked for me.

I needed to tell the whole world immediately because that's the only way that I know how to process things healthily.

But I probably do things too fast because of that.

So I don't think of the consequences of who might be affected by this.

I just go to whoever I need to and say this has just happened without thinking how that might impact them.

If I could go back, I probably would have sat with it a little bit more and been a little bit more tactful about how I share this information with people.

So taking a little bit more time and remembering that we didn't choose this, this is not wasn't our choice.

I always like to think I've had a difficult life, but I don't let any of those things define me.

I can choose tomorrow, I can choose how my life looks.

I'd say I'd like to think of myself as quite a positive person and I can always see the positives.

So just grab onto all those little positive things in your life that you can to keep a grasp on, you know, the things that you are grateful for because it can be really hard at times.

Danielle, thank you so much for coming on the podcast and sharing your story.

Again, I have said it a couple times, but just to to share so vulnerably after this happened so recently, I know will help other people who are just in the throes of of figuring all of this out.

So thank you so much for coming on.

I hope that your relationship with Brad continues to blossom and I look forward to reading your book.

Thank you.

Thank you for the opportunity.

It's been great.

Thanks again to Danielle for sharing her story.

If you have Adna Surprise that you'd like to share, please submit your story at dnasurprises.com and for early add free access to episodes, join me over on patreon@patreon.com/DNA Surprises.

Until next time.

This episode of DNA Surprises was hosted, produced and edited by me Alexis Ourselt.

It was mixed and mastered by Josh Ourselt of Siren Recording Studios.