Shari’s DNA Surprise

This transcript was generated automatically. Its accuracy may vary.

Speaker 1

Hi, it's Alexis from DNA surprises.

Whether you're new to the DNA surprise Community, or you've been here a while.

I hope you're enjoying the podcast and finding stories that you connect to.

When I started DNA surprises in 2022.

I just wanted to connect with people like me and help, others feel less alone.

Since then, we've created an amazing community of people who understand the shock of uncovering.

Family secrets after taking a DNA test, I'm excited to share that.

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You can join the community at patreon.com slash DNA.

Prizes.

Thank you for being here.

Speaker 2

Even still sometimes, you know, you just gotta kind of real yourself back a little bit and you have a face

spitting

into a tube, sending off your DNA.

And unknowingly turning your life upside down for me and thousands of others.

This is our reality, I'm your host.

Host Alexis ourselves in July of 2021, I discovered that I am an NP e.

Someone who has experienced a non paternal event.

In other words my biological father isn't who I thought he was this podcast shares.

The journeys of people who are shocked by a

when the parents and a DNA surprise story are no longer alive to answer questions.

Their children are left to investigate in this week's episode.

Sherry discusses her npe Discovery including the months of painstaking research.

She did, while trying to identify her biological father Sherry talks about how she put the pieces together, why should use her surprise as a blessing and why she has empathy for her mother?

She also discusses her book.

My family tree taken to the grave and how writing her story was their pubic for her.

Thank you for sharing your story.

Sherry,

my name is Sherry Klosterman 61 years old and I'm from breast with Kentucky, so Monty and a surprise story.

Three started.

Very surprising.

I don't know.

That's kind of a cliché, but basically, I had no real and I'll say interest, but it wasn't that it was, I was more into the genealogy of things and building a family tree.

The DNA was kind of like not even a thought in my head.

My mom had started kind of a family tree on her side and it just genealogy just sounded really interesting.

And so I thought well, it Just say, you know, what we can find is really about a famous and her family and all that sort of thing.

And then it wasn't until my mom passed away in 2011.

So, it wasn't until after she passed away that I thought well, you know, if you do a DNA test to kind of get more of your ethnicity backgrounds and you get more health history and those sort of things.

So that's kind of where that all kind of came into play.

And then once my husband thought I was kind of silly Lori want to do your DNA for not like, well, you know, just for, you know, I have some health history issue is on on our in our family and so I had a brother that, you know, was diabetic.

I have a bleeding Disorder.

So I just kind of thought well you know, you know, if you can just kind of find out those kind of things and if it helps anybody along the way, then you know that it's beneficial, right?

So that's kind of how it all began.

And like I said up was just really naive about even having a thought that something could be off if you will and when I got my results back.

Okay, so these are people have you know I've got DNA with you know, and nobody in our family had ever really done anything like that before.

So I was kind of like the first person and didn't I mean I'm like okay so I'm like oh I'm got DNA percentages, I didn't know what percentage.

Is met, so, you know, and this was back in 2016, so this has been a few years

back, and you just took the test because of just curiosity around that medical side.

So you had no inkling that there might be a DNA surprise.

No, no, not in my wildest dream ever, you know, growing up our family was, you know, we were just the, you know, typical family, you know, any kind of a Ice was not even a thought in my

head.

So you get these results and do you learn anything on the medical side?

So yeah, so I get the results and and if it's okay to say I did 23andMe.

Yeah.

And so very informative, you know, and it was, you know, it didn't give me a whole lot of information as far as like this bleeding disorder.

I have or anything like that but you know, it does give you some help history.

So you You know, and what you might be predisposed to and things like that.

So it's very you know, it was very informal informative.

But if you do not look on here and I'm like, look at all these people on the right, you know, I have DNA with us and I'm like, and again, there's like 10 percent here, 11 percent here.

And I'm like, is that a big number?

Like, we're in all?

And so, but I didn't really nothing like even put a question in my head, like, I just didn't even really, you know, For a while.

That is didn't even pay that much attention to it, you know, because I knew my family, we grew up in Kentucky.

I knew my mother's family came from Indiana and and so on and so forth but these were people in Louisiana and I'm like, that's kind of odd, you know, I don't know anybody in Louisiana.

I was only there once as a kid in high school, you know.

So it was like I, you know that I'm gonna buy me Louisiana.

But again, I didn't really put a whole lot of thought into it and it And every now and then I would get messages from people, you know, hey, you know, does this surname is this tin, your family blah blah blah and I'm like no, none of these kind of sound familiar so that other surnames ever matched up.

One day I spoke to my sister this is probably been, you know you're to after this was all done and my sisters, 20 years older than me.

So I was the late in life kind of kid.

My parents were 41 and 45 when I was born.

So totally Expected.

I can remember my mom saying, she didn't think she was ever.

Forgot have any more children.

She hadn't planned on handing it's having any more children and here I am.

So, you know, accidents happen.

So when my sister, she proceeds to tell me a lot of things about my dad that I didn't know obviously and so my dad died when I was 12 so and that in itself was pretty traumatic, you know when you're a young child and you lose a parent very suddenly he died of a heart attack, not having your Dad growing up, it's different.

So it was just, it was just my mom and I are growing up.

And so, my sister kind of filled me in on things that I didn't know about my dad.

So when I told her that, hey, by the way, I've got people that I'm supposedly, I guess I'm related to that live in Louisiana and she's like, really, you know, and I'm like, yeah, she said, well, you know, maybe dad had some children in, you know, that we never knew about Undead frequent, you know, beer Depots and things like that when siblings were very young.

So he was a good provider for the family.

He probably, I guess you could say, you wasn't the best husband.

He didn't mistreat my mom in any way, but, you know, he just wasn't home a lot.

So, you know, kind of led us to believe that, you know, we probably have some family out there.

We just didn't know about.

So, that kind of spark of curiosity to dig a Little Deeper.

How did you feel?

About that idea that your dad maybe had another child out there.

Well, you know, it was kind of like, wow, this is kind of interesting, you know, you know, we could we might have other siblings out there that we never knew existed.

You know, you know, my father dying.

When I was 12 and my mom lived to be 92, she know, she lived a great life, you know.

So nobody was here to ask, you know?

So we just kind of like, you know, maybe you know, we might have siblings out.

We all know about you know so they can I thought well, none of these names are going to match up.

That's probably why because, you know, if my dad had, you know, children out there that we never knew about, obviously they live in another state, or maybe they were passing through because my family really never left the state of Kentucky.

So it was like, well this is kind of interesting, you know, his style laughed about it.

So but you know, it was just kind of okay well let's see what we can find out here, you know?

So then I kind of started looking A little deeper, I have a sister and a brother still living.

There were five of us growing up and my oldest brother and my middle brother, who was diabetic, I have passed away.

So I thought we know if you get mail in the family to do DNA, then you can kind of get more the paternal side of your DNA and you know, try to get more information if you will.

And so I had a nephew, actually, my brother who had passed.

His son, he's like well, I'll take it, you know, because of my brother being a diabetic and thought it would be helpful for, you know, their family, he does his DNA and it comes back, you know, he matches to me, obviously he's my nephew and it's like 12 something percent.

But the only thing I thought was kind of curious, I thought a match to this lady in Louisiana, like, it tends something percent and I have absolutely no idea who this person is whereas I matched 12% to my nephew.

Who have known the whole life and I that was the only thing I was like, what's going on.

Weird, you know.

Yeah, you were kind of make your making the connections that.

Yeah, it's person had to be kind of close to you

genetically, even if you know, they were, yeah, had no idea and she had reached out to me, actually, and we were trying to like, again, match surnames, and she lived in Louisiana, all her life, and all its kind of stopping on the site.

Conscious is crazy, like know.

Ames white matchup.

I just nothing, you know, and I was like, this is so weird, six months and you know, whatever goes by and I don't really think that much about it.

And then so my sister and I, you know, we talk a little bit more and she was like well wonder what would happen if I did my DNA and in my head I'm thinking about.

Well, I mean, it's gonna be the same, like mine, you know, you know, like that and then I'll ago, I was really stupid.

That's like that.

So the First thing I noticed is she matches to our nephew it like 24% and I was like what cause she matches more to him than I do?

You know again that's weird.

And then I look at her and I and we matched it about 20 claim was like right around 24% and without even really knowing anything just in my own head.

I'm thinking we should instead Billings be closer to 50 like duh, you know and LOL, look down and it says predicted relationship have siblings.

And I went, oh shit.

And it was just like, and I'm sure, you know, as other listeners can relate.

There's just this.

Oh my God.

And it just like a ton of bricks just fell on me and I'm like, oh my God, it's not Dad.

It's yeah, Mom.

And I lost it.

I absolutely lost it.

And, and I was at home by myself and it was actually at there were no words there.

I don't know if it was shocked.

I don't know if it was just disbelief.

Like, is this real?

Like it's dead DNA doesn't lie, you know, it's Your imprint, this is you.

And again like everybody can relate to this, it's just an unbelievable feeling that you can't even

describe.

I mean, when you realize that it was your mom, what did you

think?

Well my I think probably one of my first thoughts was, you know, you think about how or what's going on?

You know, and it just the blonde sidedness of it.

All was just a lot to take in.

I, I just sat here and you know, and then my thought process went to when I was a kid and how I was a kid, people would say, you know, you're the mailman's kid, you know, there was such a despaired now say disparity, but my brother and others like ten and a half years of between us, you know, between him and me, he's the next one.

In line.

And you know you were such the late in life, kind of kid, you know.

You were probably the mailman's kid haha.

Those were just come a little jokes at, you know.

You know.

You would hear growing up and all my brothers and sisters have blue eyes.

My parents have blue eyes.

I have brown eyes, I have brown hair, I have more darker hair features than any of my siblings but even then I didn't I mean that, you know growing up.

And I mean nothing was Ever thought of anything different wrong is she, you know, Mary Charles does kid, you know, I mean none of that but you know, we're talking about the 60s to like, you know, I was born in 61 DNA, wasn't a thing obviously.

And but when I set there and looked at that computer and I just there was just such a shock like yeah, yeah, you know, it just, it took me a while.

It took me a long time to Come to terms with

that.

Did you call your sister?

Not right away.

My husband was at work at the time and when he called me on his break, which he didn't know, I had gotten my sister's results, and I was about a ball, and I came extensive and it was like, oh my God, I can't believe this.

And and he was shocked.

It was like, are you sure?

Are you serious?

Like I'm like, yes, like And a doesn't lie, you know, it's that's a concrete thing, you know.

This is who you are.

It's that there's no mistake in this and so after I probably waited several days because a I didn't know how to tell her be what everybody going to think about this.

How's everybody going to proceed as however?

Is that has everybody going to perceive our mother?

What happened was this a consensual thing.

Was this, you know, all these thoughts, just go see her head and just, it took me, you know, it was probably the better part of it could have been probably up to a week before I even told my sister because I just couldn't wrap my head around it, but I just, I told people in my immediate family, The, before told my sister, I told my daughter and she was just she's like, what, you know, must have my daughter at the time, she was 33 32 33.

She's like what?

Yeah, she's like, have you towed?

And Nancy, and I'm like, no.

I haven't told anybody because I kept this to myself for a long time, Alexis, I just didn't know.

How to tell people should I tell people so it was it was a while before I could even muster up the courage to tell anybody.

And so he sat with it for a bit when you did connect with your sister, what was that conversation like a first?

I don't think she understands.

I don't think she grasped, you know.

What I was getting at.

And so when I told her, I said, Anthea said, got your DNA results back and I said, you're not gonna believe this.

I said, we're happy sisters and she said, we're half sisters and I said, yeah, I said, so, she still thinking this one, I'm telling her, she got, we got her to get her DNA results back.

She's, you know, we're still thinking that it's Dad that, you know, obviously and I said Nancy is, it's not Dad.

Dad, it's Mom, obviously, apparently truthfully have a different father and she said, are you sure I said, yes, I'm sure.

Don't really remember how the whole gist of the conversation went, but she immediately starts thinking of about people that it could have potentially have been.

So when I was born, you know, she was about 20.

And so she was trying, Think about how things were and in, are in that stage of everybody's life and she obviously remembered me being born and things like that.

But so she's trying to wrap her head around it.

We're like how and where this, you know, how this happened, you know.

And so there was a lot of, there was a lot of shock, and I just I couldn't bring myself to To tell anybody and so after I told my sister I just in a few close friends, had I just didn't know what to do at that point.

And where do I go from here?

People ask me.

Like were you angry, were you, how did you feel?

And I'm like, you know, I don't, I can't say that.

I was angry, I felt a little lost.

Maybe Be, you know, I didn't have a bad childhood growing up, I mean, and I think part of that when you lose your father at such a young age and you don't have your father growing up with you and you don't have that that long time of a bond with with your parent, you know.

So I don't, I don't say that there was to disconnect my dad and I were very close.

He, you know, he did a lot of things together that apparently he didn't do with my other brothers and sisters, you know, when they were growing up.

And so Be able to doted on a little bit more, you know as the late in life child and and that sort of thing.

So and I adored my dad, you know, he was a drinker and I didn't like that and that kind of resonated into me and you know, as far as the heavy drinking this, that went on it, bothered me a lot but I had to do a lot of soul-searching and to figure out what my next steps were going to be.

Be and do I tell anybody?

How do I tell anybody?

You know that sort of

thing.

So what did you decide to do next?

I still have you know some other that's my sister my brother and got my brother was really really close to my mom and it worried me how people were going to proceed this.

It worried me because the last thing I ever wanted was for There be any kind of negativity towards my mom and what may or may not have happened being, you know, and all that kind of thing.

So my brother you know, I lived this outside of Louisville and my brother lives much closer to my mom at the time.

And so when she needed, you know, to go to the doctors and you know, just things like that that him and my sister-in-law were the ones always, you know, to to make sure she got where she needed to go.

So, when I called Him to tell him this.

I was a mess and, you know, he knew that, you know, I was doing DNA research and it was building a family tree and things like that.

And I think there was a great sense of surprise there from him.

And from all of us, I mean, it was just a thing.

We saw that could have ever been a part of our family Dynamic and, you know, so It was it was a much of a surprise to him.

Were you curious at that point?

Did you want to figure out who your biological father is?

Oh

yeah.

So finally got around to telling my aunt and several months several several months went by before I told my aunt and my aunt lives in Arizona actually she lives in Mesa.

She's the baby of all of my mom's siblings.

I asked her, you know, did mom ever Confide in you and anything, you know told her what happened and she's like, no.

But you know, us living so far apart, you know, you know that maybe blast you never did you know, that sort of thing.

And so she knew nothing and she at first, you know didn't understand how being any worked either and she's like, are you sure?

She's like, you know, and I'm like, no it, this is, this is true, you know, so I was on a mission like I was damned determined to find out.

Who is this person?

Are they still alive?

Like, do they have children?

Then the wheels start spinning.

Like, I don't find out who this person is and then it kind of started doing the math and I thought well, you know if they are still alive, they're going to be up in their 90's, the odds, you know, probably they're not going to be alive.

Which didn't prevent me from trying to find out, but it was funny.

So, my uncle, my mom's brother lives in Indiana.

So up, finally, after I talked to my aunt, in Arizona, I talked to my uncle, one of the first things she did, you know, she tells me my uncle's wife, my aunt, she's like, you know, when you were growing up, we just never, we always wondered why you didn't look like your other brothers

sisters.

Mmm.

I was like, what?

I know I never said that, you know, I don't like I kind of laughed but then, I was like, well, damn.

Did everybody think that?

These unspoken kind of wondering.

So, you know, I had started like building our family tree and, you know, as a lot of us do, there are a lot of free sites out there.

And I started with my Heritage found, some really interesting things on my mom's family.

I'm actually a direct descendant of a gentleman by the name of John Wagner, who was a bodyguard?

Of General George Washington in the Revolutionary Army.

Wow, yeah.

So it was really, you know, some really cool information.

So, you know, so I started building this family tree with my Heritage and then a co-worker of mine whose wife as a genealogist.

She told me about a family free site called familysearch.org, which is, you know, ran by the Mormon Church.

You get a lot of information, it's a very large database.

I'm sure a lot of people have heard of it.

Hmm.

And so, I started building my Family tree from that because I mean they've got records for days as you well know.

And so I kind of was building my family tree from that as well.

So with both websites and I was kind of using those, a go back to the people from 23andMe who had messaged me and I'm like, okay, so update I've now found out a whole nother Side of Everything.

I'm trying to see if I could possibly locate who this biological father.

Might be.

So the lady that I match to in Louisiana she said well I'm not really into genealogy but there's another cousin who is and I was like okay and she tells me her name.

Her name is Natalie and I see Natalie on my, you know, my list of people I'm related to.

So she was very Very helpful.

She's like, well, I see you're related, blah, blah, blah, her percentage in ours, were, it was a much smaller but she starts giving me a bunch of surnames, which are all like names.

I don't have any idea who they are on.

I think it was my Heritage.

I spoke to a genealogist.

I saw a person, you know, you spend a little bit of money, whatever and you do talk to somebody.

They look at your DNA results, they try to help you match up.

And help you kind of steer away through everything.

I was really determined.

I wanted to find out who this person was and it was just like pedal to the metal.

I just like, I mean not ever found out, you know, but I was going to try and see what I could find after I speak to this genealogist.

And she tells me, you know, this lady, I matched in Louisiana, it's like ten something percent.

She's Ed and I may be a little bit wrong and how I'm saying it but basically the gist of it was she said she's likely a first cousin or maybe a first cousin once removed she said it's a higher number.

It's not a number.

I'll see all the time.

She said that, you know, it's in that vicinity is like first cousins, first, cousins once removed and I'm like this lays the first cousin and I'm like, you know, that pain even like like I can't even, it's still such a bizarre thing for me to accept.

So she said, if you can go back and find her maternal line and any I think with her grandfather or something and find any male children that she would have had one of those is most likely your biological father.

I will.

Oh, okay.

So that was again just It kind of like I'll say a kick in the head but it's just like it was very overwhelming.

It's really real.

At that point.

Very real at that point, she gives me like some suggestions and what to do.

So I'll go back to the family search website and I start plugging in names and I didn't, I didn't really hit on anything and but I could go back to Natalie and I tell her what she's He's told me and she said well how about I'll let you see our family tree on Ancestry so you know like they'll let you share, you know, with someone you can't edit anything but you know you can see only in that conversation we get to talking.

I found out she's a nurse and I tell her like why did my DNA?

And I said, you know, I have this bleeding disorder, it's kind of a rare kind of thing and she says, oh, do you have?

I'm hungry.

And I'm like, no, I said, but it it mimics itself as Von Willebrand's and we talked about, it's a platelet dysfunction and she goes, my son

has that.

Wow.

Oh, okay, I said, well, you know, it's kind of funny.

I was told it was genetic and we always wondered.

It probably came from my dad's side of the family but there was nobody else in the family had it but now I see.

Yeah, it's my dad's that anyway, it's something that you know and So she was, she was really helpful.

And so she gives me the link and I look at her ancestry account.

And I find the cousin I go back, and I find all these names and, you know, there's a lot of them and just like one by one.

And I would go back to the family search website and just seeing, if there's any information out there and I'm thinking, you know, you know, it's a shot in the dark, you know, you don't know if you're ever going to find, Anything or not.

It's just the needle in the haystack, kind of thing.

And I just kept running into dead end after dead end.

I really wasn't having much luck and I was getting kind of discouraged and I thought, well, it's it is what it is.

Maybe it's meant for me to find out, you know.

Maybe it's a secret.

That's just gonna become a secret and it's going to stay a secret, but I didn't want to give up, you know, because then it's like you gotta find out, you know, you you're driving or at least with me, my drive to uncover what I could find.

And I was like, oh my own little investigator here and I'm going to see what I could find.

I'm going to I'm not going to quit until I can get an answer or if every is a dead end and so be it.

But I'm going to try to find and look for every clue.

I can until I can get an answer.

What happened next?

I mean, how were you ultimately able to figure out who your biological father was

so after probably, A couple of weeks of searching, I will go back to the family research site.

I came across a marriage certificate to a couple here, in Louisville back in.

I want to say like in a 30 so I guess and that was the only.

There was the only thing that I ever ran across that even had a tie to Kentucky, much less Louisville Kentucky into the Kentucky and in FamilySearch when people upload information, Action.

And you can attest that this information is factual and you have an account build up, you know, there's like an email address or there's some sort of like information where you could reach out to this person or the individual that uploaded the information.

So I thought, okay, although the after all of this time again, you know, you're trying to uncover every every little thing.

So I emailed this person and in the email, I explain to them my name.

And what I've discovered and I know I'm a member of this family, some Association while blah blah.

If you might happen to have any kind of information that you could be willing to share with me, I would be forever grateful, leave my phone number, my email address and I go on my way and about I leave work.

It's like 20, 30 minutes later I get a phone call and it's phone call from Georgia.

Yeah, well, I don't know anybody in Georgia either, so I'm thinking it's spam.

Call.

Almost didn't answer it but I did and he's Gentleman on the phone.

He says, I'm the person you emailed on the FamilySearch website.

Oh, I'm thinking that was fast and he said, well, my family lived in Louisville and he proceeds to tell me that his dad was in the Army, no ties to my mom.

Fort Knox is, you know, 45 minutes ish.

From the Louisville area of where we live my mom to my knowledge has never been to Fort Knox.

So he tells me they lived you know off base tells me a lot about his dad.

He fought in World War Two.

He was got an on-field commissioned by Patent and you know, all these things and I'm like, let's that's great still as note out of Fort Knox.

Hey, they lived in an area not far from where we lived at the time.

But again, my mom Drive either.

She was at home, raising kids, you know, she had my dad worked.

He worked like a swing shift kind of job and that everything we talked for like 15 or 20 minutes and nothing, nothing matched up to.

And there were that, there would be a connection to my mom or to my dad or anybody outside.

Well, I said, I'm, I'm sorry.

I said, I guess, you know, it's just another dead and I thanked him for his time and right before we hang up And I don't even know Alexis like I don't even know what provoked me or it would even thought for me to even ask him this.

But I'm a bowler and I was raised in a bowling center and so I asked him by chance.

Did your parents bowl like buying, you know, like for recreation or just whatever.

And he said well yeah as a matter of fact, they did I thought, oh my God, I said, do you Remember the names of where they made of gold, and he tells me the name of the bone Center and head.

I'm not been sitting in my car, I would have fainted, I know would have fainted because it just felt like all the blood just left my body.

And I said, oh my God, and I said my mom, both are she worked there.

It was about a mile from our home at the time and the lady across the street had introduced her to bowling.

So She's got a bold, the neighborhood pick my mom up and they'd go to bowl or whatever.

And she ended up working there years later, Ash.

And this is like, I just put my hands in my face and I told the gentleman, I said this might be a real stretch.

I said, but I don't know.

Maybe you might be my half-brother and he kind of laughed and he said, well, I wouldn't be surprised and I thought, oh, that's it.

Really.

And then he said, yes and I had to go.

So can we finish this conversation later?

He's like, absolutely.

So, and then all the emotions just kind of kind of overwhelm you again.

And, you know, and you're just thinking how all this kind of came into play and it just was so, so all so surreal again in emotional.

And, but then I felt like, okay, I got a potential leave here, you know, so he called me back later and we talked a little bit more so we ultimately ended up taking we ended up taking another DNA test on Ancestry because he had an account on Ancestry.

So he takes his and I take mine and it comes back that were half brother and sister.

So before that even came, that result came back.

We had talked a few times and the whole time I'm and I don't ever want to say anything to them, but he talks about their time that they live Channel oval and his dad was transferred from Louisville to Georgia, right before I was born.

So did this person even know that it was his child did?

This person even a man feel like he probably knew my mom was pregnant because I'm sure they probably still bold and, you know, that kind of thing.

And did he ever know about me?

You know, my thought process thinking is probably no he didn't, but the whole time before we got those DNA results, back my half brother and I, we talked a few times and I'm I'm just kind of thinking, you know, I'll bet you.

This is this is it.

I'll bet you it just in my head.

I kind of felt like he's my brother.

But I didn't want to say anything, you know, like you don't want.

To jump the gun.

And I don't want to be presumptuous and ask something that, you know, is not correct or right to ask.

So I had sent him a picture of my mom.

It was a picture when she was on her 90th birthday.

He goes, I remember her.

So my brother would have been about 14 to 15 years old at the time and he said, oh I remember her very well.

He said I would have remembered her at whatever age.

She was whatever picture you would have said to me.

He said she was so nice to me, she would bring me something to drink, she'd bring me popcorn, you know, whatever.

When my mom started bowling, when her friend introduced her to bowling, she really liked it.

She you know she didn't do a lot outside the home and I think that was kind of a night out for her.

It was enjoying that my dad never, you know, he wasn't into that kind of thing.

And then later on, she started working.

There she started coaching kids and teaching them how to bowl, and she started leagues and She ran tournaments.

And so she was very involved in the in the community as far as, you know, the bowling community at the time.

And so I can see her being friendly and, you know, being nice to the kids that are there and that sort of thing.

But he told me, he said, I remember her like, oh my gosh you know he said you know obviously you're not going to know him he said but I'll send you a picture of my dad and I said okay and I like those I'm sitting there he sends me a picture Of his dad, my husband and I are sitting in the living room, and when I tell you, I gasped, I gasped and I just went and he goes what?

And I just turn my phone and I look and I showed it to my husband.

He said, you sure.

You don't need a DNA test and I said, nope, I don't, I look just like him.

How how did it feel to see your reflection back at you?

So, I just I started crying and then you just get all these emotions and it's just like and I'm sure the audience can understand this.

It's just so overwhelming and I said you know I told him then I said I don't need a DNA test said as I'm 90 percent 9 percent, sure that you're my brother, my half-brother.

He said really because I had to seen a picture of him nor had he seen her picture.

Me and this point, I said, yeah, I said there's so many distinct features,

so you, you did end up getting that confirmation that this is your brother.

Did you continue building your relationship after that and did you connect with any more family?

Yes.

So about it was a few weeks after that, we, you know, we got the confirmation and it called me and he says, well hello sister.

Brother and I found out, I have another sister.

There was another brother who had passed away.

My biological father had died in 1985.

He liked my dad was a very heavy drinker.

I'm, he had cirrhosis think he developed cancer of the liver cirrhosis of the liver, something at for that nature.

My my brother was very.

I want to say excited that it didn't.

And that he had a sibling, I hadn't talked to my sister at that point.

So my brother had made it a point to come to Louisville and we could meet him and his wife drove.

But from Georgia and we met at a restaurant here, locally, my husband, my daughter, my brother here, his name is Dan and his wife.

We all met at a restaurant here and brought some pictures, and, and it was a very pleasant evening.

Everybody was happy to meet other people.

Happy that there was a we found a resolution that we had a confirmation and and we've stayed in contact actually.

It was just down there at Christmas and it's been a really good experience and it's been a blessing honestly, you know because sometimes When you find things out like this, it's not always good, right?

And sometimes it can be very hurtful, it can be very sad while.

I don't know why things happened the way they happened.

It's irrelevant at this point.

You know, DNA is such a thing to wear, you know, I mean, gosh, they're solving murders and, you know, and people are somewhat skeptical about doing it but You know, I was very fortunate that I had a good outcome.

It was a really trying time.

It was God an emotional time.

And then you think back about, did my dad know did my mom?

No did she know that I was in Charles's dad but that I was my biological father's name is Lee.

Yeah, I'm curious to ask, you know, What are your feelings about your mom?

After learning all of

this?

Well, to know my mom, she's just a great.

Great, great mother.

I was such a brat as a kid, but she, she was such a wonderful person and that was part of the reason, you know, how someone going to be perceived and knowing that you had a child outside of their marriage.

And I didn't want my mom being perceived in a negative light, and for the longest time, like I said, we didn't tell anybody.

And even at this point, when I meet my brother, I haven't told everybody.

I hadn't told my Aunt, my uncle, I hadn't told my nieces and nephews that are, you know, that I have.

And I wasn't ready to tell anybody that yet in my, in my heart.

And in my head, you know, I have conversations with my

I'm

in for whatever reason, and she chose not to tell anybody for whatever reason she had to keep this to herself.

Did she even know that I wasn't Charles's daughter?

Did she know when I was born?

I want to thank that.

I don't think she did, but as I got older and as much as I resemble Lee, I can't help.

But think she had to have known that.

I was least child and not sharp my dad Charles

Yeah,

I was never mad.

I wasn't ever angry.

My daughter asked me.

She said, mom, what would you say to Grandma?

If she were still alive and I'm thinking, I don't know, you know, at the end of her life she never nothing was ever said.

So hence, the title of my book.

But yeah,

yeah, let's talk about that.

So so for listeners, what is the name of your book and where can they find

it?

So my book is called my family tree taken to the grave and it's on Amazon.

There is a paperback version and a Kindle version.

I came up with that title because literally mom took it to her grave and there's a lot more in the book.

It's a short read, but there's a lot more in the book that talks about my mom's life and my dad's life.

And things that really we haven't discussed here today obviously, but Is available on Amazon and if you have Kindle, if you have the monthly subscription, if it's free on Kindle.

So,

yeah, and I'll be sure to link it in the show notes but I want to ask, you know, why was it important to you to document your

story?

You know, somebody had asked me once when I want to watch tell the whole story because there's, you know, what here that we really haven't touched on yet but there were so many coincidental things that happened and I talked about the family search website.

My brother my new brother who is Mormon has a lot to do with that family website.

And when we talked about that there were just so many little things that kind of piece things together.

And when I told people this story, they're like, oh, you know, you should write a book about all.

This is soda.

Citing and so interesting.

Oh, my partner, read books by Pleasant.

I gonna be able to write one and, but I found it so therapeutic and maybe that's kind of cliche, but it was so helpful to write down.

What happened, how things happened?

The emotions of what you feel, what goes through your head, what goes through your thoughts and your emotions of Thing that you learn and discover.

Like I said, I was 59 years old, when I found this

out.

Well, I don't think it's cliche to say that writing is therapeutic because I do think it's so helpful for us to tell our stories, right?

And I did read the book and I was struck by some of those coincidences specifically the FamilySearch website and isn't that how so many of us are able to put our pieces together, right?

It's just these coincidences and luck that, you know, for you your Brother happened to be very involved with that website and therefore there was more documentation for you to find and I just I think it's it's fascinating how these stories come together.

It's been a blessing it really truly has something that just basically shook us to the ultimate pour.

It just really just nobody saw coming and to now I have another family and a lot of them came up a year and a half ago and both sides of my family, got to me and I talked about that in the book and how amazing that was it.

And is yeah, a local TV station, you know.

They happen to be hearing a lot of that.

I oh, thanks to 23andMe.

So a big, you know, shout out to them but it was just such a remarkable day that my family was here.

All the ones that premature here live here in Louisville.

And and then most of my new family, they made the journey up and we spent the whole day and it's just that piece of that puzzle now is all together and it was just such a fascinating beginning of it of a story that none of us knew was there, you

know.

Yeah I'm really interested in your perspective on this because you have had such a wonderful ending to your story.

Although I suppose it's a never-ending right but we're things are now is so positive and you do have so much compassion.

I think for all of the parents involved in this situation.

What advice?

Ice would you have for a parent who is keeping a DNA surprise from their

child?

Whoo, you know, that's hard.

I think ultimately you know it's as the as the saying goes the truth shall set you free.

It's hard to Fathom where a parent would be in that point in their life.

Do you tell this child?

Hey I've got something I need to tell you.

Do you Heard that in your soul and your heart and you take that to your grave or do you take it?

And let that child know, you got to think about why are you holding that in or why?

Why is it that you've been scared to tell that child?

I think ultimately I would have to tell them for a variety of reasons but I think the main thing is I think the child has a right to know and you know and maybe that might not always be true with every scenario and maybe I'm looking at it from my perspective.

But I think if you have that opportunity and I think if you have that good relationship especially with your child that you feel like, hey there's something I got to tell you and it was this this and this happened and you know, if you dispel out the whole thing, you know, is there, is it going to be emotional, huh?

Yeah, absolutely.

Is it was there going to be some hurt?

Feelings?

Absolutely.

But at the end of the day, A, is it going to make things better and it, depending again, on the situation?

I mean, if it was a bad situation to begin with, you know, on this person and you know, who that person is, and if it's not a great thing, maybe that's something you shouldn't do.

But I think every story or every person's situation is different.

But I think, you know, you have to really look into that and weigh that out and Tell that child it you know that made that might be something you need to discuss with them but again, every

situation is different.

What advice do you have for someone who just uncovered a DNA surprise?

First of all, just take a moment and get your thoughts together.

Don't jump to any rash decisions don't and it's okay to be angry.

It's okay.

To be emotional.

And it's all of those feelings that you have inside that are, you know, pent up inside of you.

It is.

So this is not something you expect it, it's not your fault, you know, it's not it's okay but I don't jump to conclusions, don't be rash in any decision making.

Just take some time, take the time to get your thoughts together and How you want to approach this?

Try not to be irrational, try to have keep a level perspective, a level thought in your head of where do I go with this?

And how do I need to approach this to my to my father, or my mother?

Yeah, that's great advice.

Well Sherry, thank you so much for coming on the podcast and sharing your story.

I'm so happy that you've had an amazing journey and made amazing connections.

It's always nice to hear those positive stories in the DNA surprise world.

It's appreciate the opportunity to share my story, and thank you so much for having me on here.

Thanks again, to Sherry for sharing her story.

If you have a DNA surprise story that you To share please email.

Do you need surprises at gmail.com until next time?

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