Tracy’s DNA Surprise

This transcript was generated automatically. Its accuracy may vary.

Speaker 1

It felt like my identity is now gone, that they're trying to fit me into this family.

And I felt so strongly that I'm part of my own family.

So then it created a lot of angst within me about what was happening.

And I would go out from time to time, but I would be so thankful to get on the plane to come home because I just wanted to come home.

And a lot of the phrases that they would say to me is when are you coming home?

And I thought that that was almost disrespectful because it's not my home.

It was never my home.

I was conceived there, but I was not born there.

I was not raised there.

And it's not my home.

But how do you say that?

You can't say that's not my home.

Speaker 2

Welcome to DNA Surprises, a podcast that explores the life altering world of unexpected DNA discoveries.

I'm your host Alexis Oursalt.

This show centers the stories of people who've experienced NP, ES or non paternal events.

In other words, people who've learned that their biological father isn't who they thought he was.

We'll also hear from adoptees donor conceived people and the families navigating these discoveries.

Get ready to follow the incredible journeys that begin with a simple DNA test.

This is DNA surprises.

Sometimes DNA surprises aren't about misattributed parentage.

Sometimes the biggest surprises are the feelings we experience as we explore biological connections.

In this week's episode, Tracy shares how she always knew she was adopted and always knew that she wanted to find both of her biological parents.

Much to her surprise, after she reunited with them, she uncovered complicated feelings around boundaries and what she expected from her relationships.

Overall, Tracy's experience is 1 of acceptance of her life and her family.

Thank you for sharing your story, Tracy.

My name is Tracy, I am 56 years old.

I live in Canada.

My story is maybe not as unique as some of the DNA stories, but I know that this podcast also talks about adoption and donor.

We have a lot of different variations, lots of different stories within my own family, we kind of fit into every bucket.

Today I want to talk about my own personal story and my story of my journey of learning about being adopted as a child or as a baby, how that affected my life, how it affected my upbringing and my relationship with my parents.

And I will refer in this podcast to my parents being the parents that raised me.

And I will refer to my biological parents as my biological parents just for clarity.

At the onset, I was told from the moment I was born that I was adopted.

I don't ever recall being not down to being told the story.

My parents were very open and honest.

They were very willing to share the fact that my older brother that I grew up with and myself were chosen.

My older brother was adopted from a different family.

We are not technically related.

They were always you are the chosen children.

We were so lucky.

So they always made us feel very special in that there was never any anxiety being adopted.

There was never made fun of for being adopted.

I didn't feel different for being adopted.

My brother think has different feelings than I do and completely different feelings, which is odd being raised in the same household.

My household was, I don't know how to explain it.

I didn't have the best relationship with my mother, a phenomenal relationship with my father and yet I still would never change anything that ever happened to me.

Always knew I was adopted, but I also always told my parents I'm going to find them one day.

I was always curious.

I wanted to know and I didn't feel like I was missing out on anything.

I never that link and I was 13 years old.

I went snooping and I found all my adoption records and my parents never ever found that out that I that I knew.

I found my name, the age of 13 and the age I am now.

Clearly there was no Internet back there, So what was I going to do with the information at the age of 13?

Nothing.

So I hid it like I hid it in my brain that I know the information.

My parents were never going to share that with me until I turned 18.

And that was their decision, that we will make those decisions together when you're 18, and we will help you in any way when you turn 18 to help you find your biological parents.

Did you agree with that or were you OK with that when you were a child or?

OK, you wanted to know and I talked about it all the time.

So I don't think my parents ever felt she's going to leave or anything.

Like it's because it was just something that came out of my mouth every day.

It wasn't saying you're not my mother or you're not my dad and we're not really.

I never ever used it as a weapon because I never felt that it was to be used as a weapon.

Just always wanted to know.

But they wanted to make sure that I was mature enough to be able to handle the news that came, whatever that news may be.

Because where I'm located, you'd a lot of non identifying information.

You don't get the back story in your original documents.

I had my name, my my feeding structure was in the orphanage, 'cause I went to an orphanage for so many weeks afterwards.

Then it just kind of that type of information moving forward.

When I turned 18, I went out with my friends that night, came home, my parents had company and I said, can I please have my documents like I'm 18 now, it's midnight and out they came.

So it was actually my mother's sister and her husband that were there and we all just poured over them.

My parents then supported me in going to our children's aid society in where I'm located to then ask for the identifying information, said we're coming with you no matter what.

And at that time there again, no, no Internet, nothing along that line.

We met with the social workers and they said your your search will be about 7 years so because.

Seven years.

Yeah, there was a seven-year waiting list.

Wow.

And so these are people who are waiting to get the identifying information.

Why was the wait so long?

I mean, do they not just have it?

You can just pull it out of a file box somewhere.

Well, I think at that point in time I was just registering for the first time and then the long line up of people that are registering.

And then back then again, it wasn't I can't send you an e-mail.

Everything had to be sent by mail and then you had to wait.

And so people would wait, I guess, wait on those cases for many, many years.

You know, I then went into like post secondary school and started my career.

And when I was 25 and living in Toronto, went to get the phone rang and they said, hi, it's time for your search.

They said.

And I was like, oh, yeah, OK, I guess it's seven years.

And by this time my mom had already passed.

She had just passed earlier that year.

And they said, who are you searching for?

And I said, I'm searching for my parents.

And they said, well, are you looking for your mother, your father?

We can't look for both.

And I thought that was a little odd.

And I said, well, I guess my mom, but when you find my mom you'll find my dad.

So I did get the non identifying information and it just outlined the story about my parents were engaged to be married.

They found out they were pregnant.

They knew it wasn't a good time for them.

They had been arguing and it probably wasn't a good idea to outlined the siblings that they both had kind of the things that they like to do but no names or anything.

So when you turned 18, you went to the Children's Aid Society and you asked for two things, the non identifying information and you got on the list to get the identifying information.

And so you got the non identifying information and you see this story.

How did you feel when you saw that?

Like had you made-up a story in your mind about what the situation was and then how did that match what you got when you received the non identifying?

You were such a a wonderful question.

You know you've been doing this because you do build a story in your head.

And my story was always that my parents were together and for some reason she was young, whatever it may be.

And that was my story.

I didn't go down the road of some of the other things that could happen as to why, and that will come up in just a moment.

My head just didn't go down that road.

And my family life at home wasn't peachy.

My mom and I didn't really get along very well throughout my life.

My dad and I, on the other hand, we were thick as thieves, like just he, he made-up for anything I could ever wish for.

But I had in my mind that this was I, I don't want to say the perfect little family, but maybe, yeah, I probably did have that in mind.

So when I got the information, I'm like, yeah, that's my family.

That's my family.

I was very proud.

So validated what you believe.

And I think everybody wants to hear that their parents were in love and that validated that my parents were in love and they were engaged to be married.

And everybody fights.

And I think I probably even at that age, I was a little bit, just with my upbringing, I may have been kind of a little bit more wise in my years than others.

So noting the fact that they were arguing and they knew it probably wasn't a good idea to bring a baby in, I think I had a lot of respect for that.

But I know now when you think about learning and how biological mothers have the guilt and such, that would never, anything that ever went through my head that I never, ever thought, oh, they abandoned me.

Never.

And I don't think that was because, well, my parents never made a comment along that line.

I think they supported, they did the best thing that they could do, but it just didn't go through my mind.

It was just not there when they called to say, do you want to look for your mother, your father?

And I said, well, I want to look for both.

And they said, well, you can only look for one.

And I'm like, oh, come on.

I said, when you find my mother, you will find my father.

And then they stopped everything and they said, Tracy, you have to go and have some therapy.

So I had to go in and have a couple of sessions about your mother could have been a prostitute, your mother could have been raped.

You could have been a victim of incest like it was.

They they kind of put all of the ugly on the table so that I had a little bit better expectations of what to find.

And that's because of your insistence that they would be together.

They wanted to make sure that you were prepared for these other possible outcomes.

So still had in the back of my head, I know that they're going to be together.

It just something I felt in my gut and they said, OK, now that we are now going to start your search and it will take up to a year.

So they'll open up those boxes, do the writing back and forth.

And about four weeks later, on a Saturday morning, my phone rang and it was the social worker.

And she said, Tracy, we spoke to your biological mother last night.

And I, I was just like, I couldn't even speak.

And she said, and I don't know how you knew it, but she's married to your biological father.

And I said, I know.

And I don't know how I know.

What I didn't know at the time was that I had three siblings that are full blooded siblings that are younger than I am.

I never, I don't think I ever dreamt that think I ever thought about that scenario.

It certainly wasn't disappointed.

I was quite excited.

I'm the youngest in my entire family, like for like cousins, everything.

Now I'm the oldest.

And she said we spoke to them both at length last night and they had given me up for adoption.

They never ever told anybody they knew.

So that was probably half the battle that that I was able to connect with them is that when she got the letter, she was able to go home and talk about it with her husband that this is what has happened.

And they'd had some issues in their lives through couple of, you know, things that happened.

And my biological father said, hey, this is a blessing.

This is not a death in the family.

This is even though back then it may have been a little scandalous, it's not a scandal in today's day and age.

It's another person that we can open our hearts to.

And they both were arms wide open.

I knew it was going to happen.

I think I knew it was going to happen.

But I was also only 25.

And even though I thought I was very mature, living on my own, doing my own thing, working in my field, it took years for me to understand that being 25 was maybe a little young to do this.

So I connected with my dad and I said, dad, this has happened.

He knew it was going to happen one day.

But he said, I just need you to slow down.

I need you to take a deep breath.

And I need you to know that I'm here for you.

And whatever you decide, it's fine.

So I ended up, we ended up getting on a phone call, my biological parent, myself.

And it was like, we've known each other for 100 years.

And you hear that, I hear that on your podcast all the time.

It's like I knew I knew who they were and I got the pictures in the mail.

I got everything.

But they gave me their home address.

They gave me their home phone number.

They told me all about their children.

But what they asked was that I not reach out to anybody quite yet because they haven't told the children yet.

And they want to make, they want to sit down and be open and honest.

And I thought to myself, you don't even know who I am yet.

And you gave me your phone number and your address.

And you're just making you have the trust that I will not break your confidence.

And I kind of knew right then and there too, that this is meant to be.

So at that point in time, a few weeks later, I think my biological father thought, well, I'm going to call her adopted father.

And my dad had just gotten off work.

He was working a midnight shift and I think he was sitting down with a beer at 8:00 in the morning before he went to bed.

And the phone rang and there's this other gentleman on the phone.

And he said, you know why?

I just want to thank you for what you did for, for our daughter and just want you to know that we're never, ever going to try and take her away from you.

And my dad's like, well, that's very nice, but like, you can go ahead and try, but good luck to you.

And I think they both laughed.

And throughout the overall relationship, my dad would go out to visit them.

They live several provinces away.

My dad would go out and visit them on his own.

Like it was just uncanny how similar the families were in their beliefs, their, their family life, their connections.

It's like we're all meant to be together.

But the first time that I would, they came to where I live first for the first meeting and it was good.

Like I was excited.

It was 10 days and I think that it was too long for a very first meeting and we were staying within the same house.

And I think it gave me anxiety that I didn't know I had.

And it was kind of making me feel, I don't want to say smothered, but I've never to look after anybody for 10 days in my own home.

And then it's the expectations and such.

So I have to say I was happy when that visit was over.

And then, of course, you feel guilty that you're happy that the visit is over.

It's a lot, though.

What was it like to see them and be, you know, physically together?

Well, I am the spitting image of my mother.

So that's, you hear that a lot too, that like I, I now look like somebody.

The first time I was heading out there was about a year later.

So that would have been our second meeting.

And my dad said to me, I'm, I have no problem that you want to go out there.

No problem coming with you.

I'm not letting you do this by yourself.

And he just wanted to be there as my support.

And so I was 26 at the time.

So we go out there and we go to the house.

It's, it's lovely.

It's, you know, it's, it's great.

And they said, just so you know, we have a big party on Saturday for everyone to come over and meet you, all of your cousins.

So when they told the family, everyone was like arms wide open like nobody, nobody was like, what is this all about?

So when I was going out there, they were going to have this big party on the Saturday.

But the night we got there, I think it was probably a Thursday, they said we just have a few people coming over, like just the close relatives after dinner.

OK, whatever, 60 people come through the door and I'm like, you have a few people coming.

I'm just like I was.

It was so overwhelming me.

It was too much.

And I remember just kind of looking everywhere for my dad.

He knew my dad knew.

And I just wanted to sit beside him.

I just, I needed his.

I'm 26 years old and I needed my dad to be there.

And it was hard.

It was it was a preamble for what I was going to see on Saturday because everyone's like, Oh my gosh, would you look at her eyes?

Oh my gosh, she looks just like her sibling.

Oh my gosh, she looks just like.

And everyone was talking at me and not to me.

No one was asking me any questions.

They were just pointing to me like I was an object.

And that's when the panic started setting in that like, kind of, what have I gotten myself into?

But it was the first time I was meeting my siblings.

And that couldn't have gone better for for three people that didn't know about me at all to suddenly, not only do you have a sibling, they're coming out, they're older than you are.

They too, welcomed me with open arms, which was such a wonderful feeling because again, I didn't really have that kind of feeling growing up.

The on the Saturday when 300 people came to the house, again, I was just like, I couldn't get to my dad.

He was like here, there and everywhere.

Every all the uncles were all over him.

And like, I was just the second we got on the plane to go home, like I thought, I think we both just exhaled and just, you know, it's time to go home.

And I think from that point, I needed a breather.

I thought, I cannot visit.

I can't.

I can't do this.

Like it was too intense.

And I felt like I was being scrutinized.

I felt like every time I moved my hand to move in one way, or I blinked my eyes or I leaned over something, Oh, you know who does that?

Your aunt so and so.

And I felt like my identity is now gone, that they're trying to fit me into this family.

I was conceived there, that I was not born there, I was not raised there, and it's not my home.

What it led to for me is a little bit of angst in I'm the one who started this process.

I'm the one who entered your lives and disrupted your lives.

But at the time that I did it, I didn't know my own boundaries of what I was going to accept and what I because I didn't know what they were going to be until they started.

And then I kind of felt like I was pulling back.

And then I felt guilt for pulling back when I don't really want to pull back.

My, my husband said to me, why don't you just cut off all communications?

I'm like, no, no, I don't want to do I like, I want them as part of my family, but it's hard for me to put boundaries in place because I'm not necessarily sure what those boundaries are.

Here's a weird part about it all is everybody knows that I didn't get along well with mom.

And sometimes I feel like it was when I grew up.

I used to think, I think she regrets that when they adopted me that I was, I was the choice.

Like I I kind of wondered if my mother thought, jeez I wish we could have got somebody else.

She used to make comments about, well no daughter of mine would have done this or like it just always kind of made me feel less than or not good enough.

Whereas my brother was the golden child, but my dad was made-up for everything so it was what it was.

So when you think about me reaching out to find my biological parents, most people would think that I am looking for a mom.

And that was never my intent.

Like it wasn't my intent to find I wanted my parents.

It wasn't that I wanted to meet them and find out who they were.

But even with my mother's passing and then meeting her, like I think people thought that, oh, it was going to be this beautiful relationship.

You've got this mom who is arms wide open.

She wants to give me the world.

She wants to be the best mom anybody could ask for.

And here I am going whoa.

And yet my biological father, who was very, very, he's since passed two.

He was very easy going, just went with the flow.

I felt an incredible connection with him even though I already had a dad that no one could break that bond.

How can I have this incredible connection with this other man, like a dad, who I loved and adored.

And I love my mom too, my biological mother too.

But I didn't feel that connection.

I didn't feel that bond.

And I know she felt the bond and I couldn't.

I mean, do you think that because you had kind of a, a difficult relationship with your mother, there was something there that maybe, you know, you had like an easier relationship with your dad?

It might make sense that you'd feel more comfortable getting to know your biological dad or connecting with him versus your mother, right?

I don't know but.

You're, you're, you're bang on.

Like I've thought about it for years thinking why is it this way?

And I feel bad because my biological mother is she's beautiful, beautiful, beautiful soul.

She's just a little overbearing for me and I just need a little space, but then I feel bad, like I just feel so bad that I want this space, but then I feel bad because I'm I feel like I'm breaking her heart.

She really over the years, like it's just been 25 years now that we've known each other.

So it's like it's the journey is long and it took me such a long time to realize that I was in her stomach for nine months.

She bonded with me.

She gave birth to me.

She cried, she felt that loss and for me, I didn't have that.

So it took me a long time to understand that her guilt feelings, her her feelings towards me, I couldn't understand that at 25.

I understand it now.

I'm I'm grateful, I understand it now.

But for that, I just, I wish I could take that away from her.

She knows that I have no ill will towards them at all, and I know she's good with that now.

But it's been a, it's been a bit of a difficult ride at times, the length of time between phone calls and such.

And I, I haven't been out there in a long time and I know I need to go because, you know, she's not getting any younger, neither am I and I want to maintain it.

I haven't spoken to really any of my brothers in a long time either.

It's been a long, long time.

And but at the same time, I think I know that if I pick up the phone, they'll be there.

Like I probably haven't talked to them in years.

I grew up in this household, very strict, had a mom I wasn't close with.

I could have lived at this house like I had everything worked out and I lived with my biological family.

I'm sure it would have been lovely and beautiful, but I wouldn't change my upbringing.

I change the way I had a relationship with my mom.

Like I think it made me who I am today.

Interesting.

I don't have any children of my own.

I wonder if there's some who knows but I am married to someone who's got children of his own who are I'm very close with.

I wouldn't trade what I grew up in for my biological parents, but not to to diminish who they are, what they are, what they did, how they raised their family.

It would have been an honor to be there too.

But it's just what I know and I have a super life and having this aspect of my life has enriched it.

It's got its trials and tribulations but not anything I would ever change.

No regrets.

I wouldn't want to be part of any other biological family.

They are super and I just wish I could get over some of the anxiety at times and I don't know how to do that.

Yeah.

Well, you know, we talk a lot about radical acceptance on this podcast, and it sounds to me like that's where you've kind of arrived.

We talk about the what ifs and, you know, what if I'd grown up in a different house, and what if I'd been, you know, with my biological parent, what would life have looked like?

And I think a lot of people sort of arrived to the conclusion that not that everything happens for a reason or anything like that, but just that what happened happened and we can't change it.

And you've really seem to have made made peace with that.

And with respect to your biological family as well.

Yeah, it like it's hard to believe that, oh, I've known them now more than half of my life and we still go on the journey and the phone calls and that thing and the, the size of that family of my biological family is enormous.

It was so overwhelming.

Whereas the family I grew up in not so big.

We have a big family, like extended but not so big.

So it's just taught me to be a little bit more resilient in my acceptance of others.

You know, we've heard about, well, the Modern Family while people, this is, this is the old time Modern Family.

There's so many new modern families.

I think one of the things that I am struck by with your story, because this comes up a lot in the DNA surprise community, is there is that excitement at 1st and the, you know, trying to figure out what everything means.

And, you know, you mentioned that you haven't spoken to your brothers maybe in a few years.

And, you know, leading up to being 18, you didn't even, you know, think necessarily that you had siblings.

But all you wanted really was to find your biological parents.

And now you're kind of in this place of maybe it's not what you thought it was going to be when you found them, Not because they aren't lovely and all of that.

And I guess I just think it's interesting.

I'm trying to think of of what the question is that I have because I just think that there's a lot of people who myself included, frankly, who have experienced that, where the relationship is positive, but it cools.

And I think it can be challenging sometimes to build these relationships, these deep relationships with people that you don't know and you meet as an adult.

Is that something that you are perfectly OK with now?

Do you wish that there was a a closeness that had been maintained or are you in the radical acceptance?

Well, this is what it is and I'm good with it.

Kind of that's another super question.

I think at the age of 25 and leading up to it, with all the visions of grandeur in your head, I've had the question asked to me.

What were your expectations?

And I asked myself, like, I don't remember, did I expect my parents to be living three blocks from me like I was where I was born?

Like, obviously she gave birth to me in this hospital.

Do they live in the area?

Would the relationship have been different had there been a closeness in vicinity versus literally halfway across the country?

Would it have made it worse if it was close?

I don't know that.

What I do know is that my conversations with my biological mother are so much more positive now.

I don't feel the scrutiny and the why don't you do this?

And, well, our family does this.

How come you don't do this?

Like that went on for years.

And I think that's the stuff that really kind of turned me off, that I am my own person.

And I think I finally got that cross to her that I'm happy with who I am.

I want you to be happy with who I am.

I can't fit your mold.

At the same time, I need to try to fit some of her thought process.

Like I have to try.

I can't just be, this is the way I'm doing it and you have to adjust to me.

So I'm being also a lot more open in a lot of the stuff I would just keep to myself and I'm trying to be more open so that we can have more adult conversations.

As for my brothers, that is just, I don't want to say it's my fault, but it is my fault.

Like I haven't reached out.

They have wives that I probably talked to a lot more often on, you know, Facebook, that type of thing.

But I really should reach out them.

I did see one of them about just before the pandemic.

He lived in a completely other province and welcomed myself, my husband with open arms.

Like no loss of a love or any.

We just don't haven't kept up the communication.

But if I call so I don't want to be stagnant and saying this is what it is, this is what it's going to be.

I do want to make an effort because life is short.

I lost my dad about a year and a half ago and I'm not feeling a pull towards my biological family because of that.

But I still know that life is short and my biological mother is not getting younger either and she's got some health problems.

So I really a should make an effort to go out and see.

It's not up to her to come see me.

You need to do that.

And I do take that responsibility.

And I know that she would love it.

BI really should just reach out to those boys, even if it's just a, an e-mail saying, hey, thinking of you.

Just so that they know that they're not far from my heart.

Just because I may have had some smothering issues with my biological mother, that doesn't extend to them.

But I also don't want to.

That's their mom.

So I don't want to disrespect anything either.

I don't want them to think I'm disrespecting her.

And I don't know, just like life's good with us.

But like, I don't want that.

So I need to maintain a good, healthy, positive relationship with my biological mother.

I love her, she did the right thing for me.

She's a lovely human being.

People adore her.

She does everything for the family, no downfalls.

It's just my own anxiety and my own walls that I built that I never knew I had till this happened and it I think it was.

I was too young at the time to understand what could happen and it was too much too fast for me.

And I didn't know.

I didn't know how to stop it because the guilt, I didn't want to say, can we take a step back?

And by the time I finally did, it may have a little, maybe feelings were hurt, but we're on a good path.

We're on a good path.

That's good.

You mentioned that you had to figure out what your boundaries were because you didn't know that you had any going into it.

And, you know, I heard you kind of say some things like take a step back.

I'm my own person, I'm good with me, kind of, you know, those, those sort of boundaries.

Have you found a way to let go of the guilt about having those?

Pretty reasonable.

Boundaries, I think.

So I think time has healed.

I think I feel.

Here's the other thing too, is when you first find your biological parents, you feel like you're a child.

And by the time I am, I feel that I can voice my opinion because I didn't again, grew up in a household.

I was to be seen and not heard.

I have now feel that I can say something without feeling like I'm going to hurt somebody or that I'm going to get in trouble for saying it.

At one point in time I did write a letter just to say I am feeling smothered, and I think that was probably a turning point as well.

So I don't feel that I have to say these are my boundaries because I actually think the boundary issue was probably in the middle years.

And now that I feel like we're in a better place, I don't think the boundaries are necessarily there anymore.

Or if something is said that may have been a trigger for me years ago, I'm old enough and mature enough now to like let it go.

Like, am I looking for something?

Like maybe before I was looking for triggers and I'm not looking for triggers anymore.

Like life is too short.

And you know, I've had a lot of great wonderful things in my life.

This is another great, wonderful thing.

And I'm thankful and I'm it's a blessing.

And maybe if they were closer now I would be there all the time.

I don't know.

It's hard to say, but they are.

I've never met a group of people that an entire family, the Beaver Cleavers, like everyone loves everybody.

There's no issues.

Everyone supports everybody.

Like, how could you ask for anything more than that?

And I am aware, I'm grateful, and I just have to get over my own anxieties at times.

What advice do you have for adoptive parents who have a child that's getting ready to embark on finding their biological parents?

First of all, the advice that I would give is I really hope, number one, that you have always told your children that they were adopted because the more they grow up with it is being the normal, the more they it's just normal.

But when they embark upon the journey of looking to find out what their roots are #1 is they have to put their own feelings aside and understand that you are always going to be your child's parent.

Nothing will ever change that.

Don't expect a new dynamic to suddenly change that where someone's going to want to move out and go live with their other mother and dad.

Support your children, love them, give them the rope that they need to go out and make their own mistakes and make their own absolute decisions on what they want to do.

But just tell them that you were there to support them and it will mean the absolute world.

What advice do you have for someone who is beginning their search for biological family?

That's another good question.

And again, patients have patients.

Understand that what you have in your head may not be what the reality is and just keep that in the back of your mind.

But keep hope, keep yourself engaged.

Make sure that you have friends and family that are surrounding you and make sure you take it one step at a time and listen to your heart.

Listen to what's going through your heart because it may take you one way.

Listen to what's going through your head and if you have to slow down, then slow down and take a step back, but don't close the doors.

Make sure that you understand that journey is going to change with every decade that you live.

You're going to have different feelings in your 20s.

You're going to feel one way your 30s, you're going to be a little bit different with life experience your 40s and your 50s and it will evolve.

So do not close any doors.

Make sure you're open.

Make sure they know that the journey you're taking and make sure that people are there to support you and it will be a good outcome.

Well said, Tracy, Thank you so much for joining me today and sharing your story.

You know, one of the things I think that struck me throughout hearing your story is while it may not be a traditional DNA surprise, you did have a surprise and maybe not Even so much in what you found, but what you learned about yourself.

And I think that that's something that.

Many, many people in this community can relate to so thank you so much for sharing your story and I wish you the best as you continue to navigate these relationships.

Oh, thank you so much.

And that's what made me want to do this because all of the feelings that people have brought forth, I'm like, I feel that way too.

I feel that way too.

So I really appreciate being able to tell my story and you are an incredible like you bring out the best in the storytelling.

So thank you and this has been a pleasure.

Thanks again to Tracy for sharing her story.

If you have Adna Surprise that you'd like to share, please submit your story at dnasurprises.com and for early ad free access to episodes, join me over on patreon@patreon.com/DNA Surprises.

Until next time, DNA Surprises is hosted, produced and edited by me, Alexis Oursalt.

It is mixed and mastered by Josh Oursalt of Siren Recording Studios.