Myranda’s DNA Surprise

This transcript was generated automatically. Its accuracy may vary.

The Roller Coaster of DNA Surprises: An Emotional Cold Open

I remember riding around with him and looking at him and wanting to take in like every detail.

And it was just kind of so weird to think like with my mom, like I can picture how she smells.

I know her hair texture, where the moles are on her back and how her skin feels.

And I wanted to take in every detail and like, know this person that I was half of.

And I remember seeing like different mannerisms that he was doing.

And I'm like, oh, he's a little anxious.

Like I recognize that from myself.

It was honestly so great.

And I cried like so bad saying goodbye to him because it was like I felt like I was losing something that I had just gotten.

Speaker 2

Welcome to DNA Surprises, a podcast that explores the life altering world of unexpected DNA discoveries.

I'm your host Alexis our salt.

This show centers the stories of people who've experienced NP ES or non paternal events.

In other words, people who've learned that their biological father isn't who they thought he was.

We'll also hear from adoptees donor conceived people and the families navigating these discoveries.

Get ready to follow the incredible journeys that begin with a simple DNA test.

This is DNA surprises.

If DNA surprises were carnival rides, they'd be roller coasters.

There are years spent leading up to the test results, the slow climb, the shocking results, the drop.

And from there we find ourselves on twists, turns and loops.

We can't always see where the drops are coming up ahead.

In this week's episode, Miranda shares how she uncovered the truth about who her biological father is.

Her story is one of complicated family dynamics, both with her raised family and her new found family, and it highlights the ups and downs that came with her discovery.

Thank you for sharing your story, Miranda.

Raised by Grandparents: A Childhood of Complex Family Dynamics

I was born my mom's senior year of high school.

She was 17 and ended up dropping out before she had me.

I was primarily raised by my mom's parents.

My mom was pregnant again when I was only three months old by my stepdad and they have a daughter and basically they kind of were always a family and I was more with my mom's parents.

We all lived on the same Rd.

My grandparents were pretty controlling as far as me.

My birth certificate father was seven years older than my mom so he was like 24 or 25 and my mom and him had been dating from what I've been told for like a couple years.

She met him while she was babysitting for a family.

He was like a friend of the dad that she was babysitting for.

And my grandparents had tried to keep them apart and it didn't work.

So obviously they were separated pretty.

And it's kind of like wild because I've asked my mom about this.

I was like, I know when I was born, I came home to like my birth certificate, dad's house.

And I was like, how did that work?

How long did we stay there?

Because you were pregnant by the time I was three months old.

Come to find out, we went there.

We stayed there for like less than a month, moved back to my grandparents.

My grandparents really wanted her to try to make it work with him and so my grandparents got them an apartment of their own for like a fresh start closer to my grandparents.

And then that is where my mom met my stepdad.

He lived in the apartment with his then wife and his daughter.

My stepdad adopted his wife's daughter.

She had three kids from her previous relationship and the man only would claim the older 2 'cause they were boys and he wouldn't claim the youngest that was the daughter.

Oh wow yeah so my stepdad adopted her legally and she was a part of our life.

So with growing up so close like on the same Rd.

But primarily being raised by my grandparents, I always knew I was wanted by my grandparents or I felt that way growing up, but it still was difficult not really feeling like I'm a part of like my mom and that family.

Yeah.

So you were not in the same home with them.

Was it like you had a a room and stuff like that with your mom and stepdad, but you just stayed with your grandparents?

Or was it really like you lived with your grandparents?

Speaker 1

So I did have a room at my mom's.

I would say though, I lived with my grandparents.

Like, I pretty much spent every night there until I was like 13 and old enough to go to friends.

And then I was at friends a lot.

I remember in the morning my gram would like go to work and stuff.

And so I'd have to go to like my mom's to get ready for school and get on the bus with my sister.

My sister and I are a year and three weeks apart, so very close in age.

We didn't get along.

And I'll like fully own that.

I was really mean to her growing up.

And I think looking back, it was jealousy that she would get special treatment and they would do things.

When I was with my birth certificate, Dad, I would go with him on Sundays.

My grandparents wouldn't let him take me until I was old enough to talk.

He had he was an alcoholic and he had already been in a serious accident and like almost died from drinking and driving.

So my grandparents didn't want me to be able to go with them until I could talk.

I would go on Sundays for most of the day, and then he'd bring me home.

He lived about 10 or 15 minutes away and never once in my life spent the night at his house.

Did you have like a a bond with him or what would you say that your relationship was really like?

So with him, I always remember I would say to my mom, I don't want to go with him.

And then like when I got to be the age where I was like really fighting it, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings.

So she would be like, she's not coming.

And I kind of stopped going.

It just seemed like when I got to a certain age, maybe like preteen, that he didn't know how to interact with me anymore.

But I just remember not to be mean, but I always was like, he's so weird.

I can't believe he's my dad.

I feel like I kind of knew looking back now, but I really didn't.

I just kind of was like, I guess I just don't belong with.

I guess I'm just different.

And what about your stepdad?

From Neglect to Gravestone Cleaning: A Journey of Self-Discovery

What was your relationship like with him?

Did you see him as a paternal figure at all?

I love my stepdad a lot.

He always was kind of a safe person.

He's the only adult in my life that ever apologized after he like raised his voice at me.

Like I would say that I was really sheltered growing up, but I also by my mom was very neglected as far as like basic care and things like that.

And I don't know if it was because she was a Teen Mom or just like selfishness, but yeah.

So my stepdad was kind of like a safe person.

And I guess where he I knew he wasn't my dad.

I didn't hold him as accountable as like I did my mom for my mom.

I just even to this day don't understand how you can carry a baby for that long and not like care.

Did you ever ask her, you know, growing up or, you know, maybe when you were older, like a teenager, why were you separated from that kind of primary family unit?

From like my stepdad and her and their daughter, my sister, she told me that I was not right.

Like like when I would bring that up like I'd be like, why did you go with my sister to like, why did you take her out to Chinese?

When I was with my birth certificate father, they would do stuff with her and then tell her not to tell me.

But obviously, being a kid, she would tell me to be excited and I would like ask my mom those things and she basically just tells me it's not true.

She's even like that to this day.

So for example, like her birthday was a couple months ago and my sister, I was like, what are you doing for your birthday?

Oh, we don't know.

We don't really have plans.

And then come to find out, like my sister and her family and my mom and my stepdad all went out to eat and it was a Saturday and I wasn't invited.

Wow, Yeah.

How does that I mean, how does that make you feel today?

Honestly, it doesn't bother me as bad today as it did growing up.

Like it was really painful for a long time, but I've kind of expressed to her about it and so I at least feel that I've kind of said my piece on it, but I just expect it.

It does hurt though.

OK.

So you didn't feel particularly bonded or connected to who you were told was your biological father?

Take me forward.

Like what kind of happens as you start to uncover some things?

So basically that was kind of growing up.

And after I was in high school and started having boyfriends, that's when I would say things changed with my grandparents.

And so at that point it was like, you can't stay here.

And I pretty much had to stay with my mom, but I ended up staying with my like high school boyfriend a lot.

And like, looking back, that probably wasn't a great idea because I was 16 dating like a 19 or a 20 year old.

But my mom didn't see a problem with it.

I think my grandparents didn't want a repeat of what had happened with my mom.

And my gram is a Teen Mom, my great gram.

So it's a long thing.

But so pretty much after high school, I was just like ready to get out.

I wanted to get away.

I ended my high school relationship and quickly got into another one.

I'm still in that relationship.

So I was 18.

We moved in within less than two weeks from each like from dating.

And I just really like wanted a way out.

I was working full time in Community College.

I finished my 2 year degree, then went on to finish my four year degree and I kind of just felt like, OK, I'm out, I'll just do the next right step or you know, the right step what you're told and it will work out when I'm done with college.

Well, I got a degree.

It didn't work out that way.

I, I hate to say this, but I kind of like shut down until this happened, until my revelation.

I think I just was so used of trying to be good and make everybody else feel OK.

And how can I like earn love by making people's lives easier.

I had started therapy and really knew I wasn't happy with like how things were going in my life and how I just felt kind of stagnant.

And so I was working through therapy and I ended up starting a gravestone cleaning business.

And so that was kind of a big deal for me because I had honestly really shut out like everyone.

Like I had stopped talking to friends.

I really didn't interact with family because a lot of the times I ended up disappointed.

And so I had my guard up a lot.

And the gravestone thing was way out of my element, but I really enjoyed it.

And I loved feeling like I was showing people that have passed that they still matter and that they're cared for.

That's really cool.

So you start this business and kind of, I mean, foreshadowing, right?

Kind of interesting that it has to do with like family history.

There's a lot tied to to gravestones and obituaries like all of those things.

And you're feeling a lot of, you know, pride of ownership that you have done something for yourself.

Yeah, the way it started out, my gram that raised me had a baby sister that, well, she was four and she passed away from complications with her heart.

And so her stones from the 60s and it was like pretty dirty.

I'd plant flowers, but I was like, there has to be something more.

And so that's how I got into that.

Like I just researched it and kind of did it as a hobby and just remember how like was so emotional about it and it meant so much that that's kind of what got me into it.

And it just really felt good to do hard work.

And so I did that.

It's seasonal where I live.

And then I was like, oh, I don't need therapy.

Like I'm good.

Like I think I've grown.

This is this is good.

And I stopped.

The Ancestry DNA Test Reveals a Life-Altering Secret

And then my boyfriend had bought me ADNA test and Ancestry DNA.

So originally I had bought him one.

And then I was too scared to take it because I'm one of those people that watches a lot of true crime or I used to.

And I was like, what is going to be done with my DNA?

Actually, I don't want to take this.

You take it.

So he took it.

And then but I was like, oh, it's so cool.

I wish I would do this.

So he had bought me one like a few years later.

It sat on the kitchen table for quite a while.

And I remember him being like, when are you going to take it?

When are you going to take it?

And I got sick of it.

So I just took it.

And maybe this is helpful, maybe not.

But at that time, I was actually like, I had gone through a long period of not talking to my mom and I was starting to rebuild a relationship with her.

I kind of had opened up a little bit to people because of the gravestone cleaning business.

Like I had been interacting with more people and I was I, I'll be transparent, I was less judge mental, like I was less quick to cut people off over mistakes.

And so at that point, after I was 18 with my birth certificate father, we would talk probably once or twice a year, maybe not even see each other even despite living so close.

And I even like had put myself out there to kind of reconnect with him.

But I guess I say this all to say I was like working on relationships with family.

And I told my mom I remember walking in the cemetery with her and my stepdad and showing them like graves that I had done.

And we were just like, meeting for a morning walk and just chatting.

And I was like, yeah, I'm taking Ancestry.

I was like, tell me my stepdad's my dad because I really respect my stepdad a lot for him having adopted his first wife's daughter and sticking through with that even after they divorced.

And then also, he never really made me feel different than my sister, which is weird because you would think he would be the one that did feel that.

But I felt it more from my mom.

And my mom's, like I remember her saying, sorry kid, your dad's your dad.

I got my ancestry results on September 30th and literally September 27th, I called my birth certificate father and was like, hey, we don't really know each other as adults.

I am open to really getting to know each other and building a relationship.

And like, he was really happy about that.

I think he always wanted that, but he didn't know how to ask for it or to say, I do feel really bad about the timing on that because I wouldn't have said that if I knew.

So it was a Saturday night and I was laying in bed and I had been waiting like I was going watching the steps through the test.

And it said, your results are ready.

And so I yelled out to my boyfriend, hey, my results are ready.

He's like, wait for me.

I want to see with you.

So he came in and I opened it and I really only expected like ethnicity estimates to be like, what was going to be the surprise?

It was pretty boring.

Or I felt like it was.

And he was like, oh, who are your matches?

And the first one I see, it's like in all capital letters and name I didn't recognize.

And it said 50% father, parent.

I can't remember.

And I just remember kind of at first being like, is this a demo?

And then I was like, wait, this last name's from our area.

It can't be.

Oh demo.

I haven't heard that reaction before.

I've heard a lot of it.

This is a mistake.

My DNA was mixed up.

Is this a demo?

I I like that one.

Like, I was like, is it telling me, like, what it's supposed to look like?

And so this is not going to paint my boyfriend in a good light, but I feel like it's important.

And I told him this.

So.

So his reaction was to get up and say I'm not fucking surprised and walk out.

And how were you?

I mean, I know we can kind of like laugh a little bit about our initial reactions now, right?

And in hindsight, but but how are you actually feeling when you open that up and kind of first had the reaction of, oh, this isn't real and then this is real.

How do you feel at that point?

I like the blood draining from my face and just kind of feeling cold.

And I remember a pit in my stomach and just feeling like, wow, my whole life's been a lie.

Half of who I am has been a lie.

My last name's a lie.

Is he alive?

Is he going to like me?

Like I just had so many.

And I hate to say this, but I do feel like it's important because it was something that went through my mind was I remember being like, was my mom raped?

And maybe that's why she hates me.

So when I felt like that, I was like, I'm going to ask my Gram if she knows this name.

A Gravestone Connection to My Biological Father's Family

Because if that is the case, I don't know if I want to say something to my mom.

And I called my Gram and it was like 9:30 at night.

And my gram was like, I don't know that name.

It's wrong.

And I was like, Gram, it's not wrong.

And she was like, well, it's 930.

Like let your mom sleep.

You can call her tomorrow.

And like, no, I'm not letting her sleep.

So I called her and I was just like, my dad's not my dad.

And she's like, stop, you're kidding.

And I was like, no, I'm not.

My dad is.

And I said his name.

And it was like a pause, which I don't know how long it was, but in the moment it felt a long time.

And she was like, Oh my God, I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

So she apologized right away when you heard her say, I'm so sorry, what did that do for you?

Or how did you, I guess, interpret that?

Did it make it real?

I pretty much kind of brushed over it and was just like, I guess I was like, yeah, she's owning this, which is good 'cause she doesn't always.

But I was just like, who is he?

Where is he?

She's like, I don't know where he is.

And then like she was like, do you know this woman's name?

And I was like, yeah, I know her.

So this is where like the gravestone cleaning comes into play.

Is the first paid gravestone I had was for this woman's grandparents.

Come to find out it is my great grandparents.

It was my aunt that hired me to clean my great grandparents stone and they pretty much raised had a big part in raising my dad and his sister.

Oh my God.

So your biological father, your biological.

OK, I have like goosebumps right now.

So your biological father was also pretty much raised by his grandparents like you were?

Different grandparents, but he had a similar similar upbringing in that way.

And then your aunt, his sister was your first paid job cleaning gravestones.

And it was your great grandparents.

Did they know of your connection?

No.

And so to my mom, I was like, how would you even be with her brother?

Because I knew my mom, like, wasn't close with my aunt.

I didn't know her that way, but she was like, oh, do you remember, like, this other name that my mom had been friends with in high school?

And I was like, yeah, I remember hearing stories with her.

And my mom's like, that's their sister too.

They just have a different dad.

And I was like, OK, so how did this happen?

And my mom was like, it was like a one or two night thing.

I was spending the night at their house with the sister and he was home on leave from the Air Force.

I didn't think that he was your dad.

It's weird because at first I was so protective of my mom, thinking of that 16 year old that was pregnant and maybe she really didn't know.

And I just really wanted to protect her from like the shame, I guess of this happening because obviously with her and my birth certificate father being separated my whole life, he paid child support for 18 years and I'm not his.

And so I just like felt guilt for that.

So pretty much that night immediately I sent a message to the aunt that I had cleaned the gravestone for another thing is that's funny is she like owns a craft business and I had just ordered a sign for a nursery for a baby shower gift from her.

So I messaged her and I said hi her name.

I wanted to reach out because you're the only one I could think of to have this tough and scary conversation with.

I took an ancestry DNA test and it just came back with blank as my biological father.

I asked my mom and she said that it was a one or two time thing and that she never thought it was a possibility he was my father.

My mom said he's your brother and that she was friends with your sister.

I'm in shock and not really sure how to proceed.

Please keep this between us for now.

She asked who my mom was.

I told her and she said I have to say I'm in a bit of a shock.

Wow, did she end up coming back to you?

We actually went back and forth a lot asking questions.

And that same night, actually, she was like, do you want me to like tell him or do you want me to give you his information?

Because he lives in the Midwest, and she's like, he was just home in June, like, visiting family.

And I was like, actually, how about you tell him like, I'm a stranger?

And a big question in my mind at that time was like, does he have a family?

Because I didn't want to.

Like, I couldn't imagine how it would feel for kids to find out that he does have a son who is 10 months older than me.

And he chose not to be a part of his life.

Yeah, so my brother that I found through this didn't know about our dad until he was 16 when his mom and dad got divorced.

The mom decided to tell and.

So was he an NPE?

Like did he think that his the dad who raised him was his?

Yeah, Yep.

When he was 16, he found out our dad was stationed in Iraq at the time and so he had to write him a letter to kind of introduce himself because obviously he can't come home.

Once he got back, my brother and his friend went out to visit and think basically their their relationship just kind of dropped off after that until I came into the picture and then kind of reconnected everybody.

And so my dad is married, so he had a wife, but they didn't have children together.

How did you feel hearing that he had a child who was just a little bit older than you and chose not to be in his life?

Did that like color your perspective on reaching out to him or any perception you might have had of him at that point?

It didn't because of the way my aunt had painted it.

My aunt had said which there's some truth to this and I still don't 100% know the truth.

My dad had met my brother's mom when she worked at a fast food restaurant and I don't know how if their relationship was friends with benefits or if they had a relationship.

They both, I think their stories are different on that.

Either way, she, they were both going to be going into the Air Force together and my dad had been wait listed.

She was like going through the testing and when she started the testing, they found out she was pregnant.

And my dad was like, I'm still going.

And the story kind of that my aunt said was that when he was at basic, she had reconnected with somebody from high school or she met this guy and he wanted to raise the baby.

My dad was 21 at the time and basically was like, OK, and because he was going to be in the military after that, like he went overseas for like 10 years.

And so I didn't think anything bad about him doing that.

Yeah, that's OK.

An Emotional First Meeting and a Father's Commitment

I was just curious because, you know, sometimes I think people will paint these like heroic pictures, right, of, of the father they didn't have in their minds.

And then sometimes they learn things and then they're disappointed or not.

You know, there's not a like right or wrong reaction by any means.

So does your aunt reach out to him?

Yeah, she was like, he was surprised.

But when he asked, like how old you were and stuff, he kind of accepted it.

She was like, honestly, it was pretty underwhelming, his reaction.

Like he was like, how old is she?

Who's her mother?

Yeah, that sounds right.

I guess his wife's reaction because she was with him was, well, I know one thing about her.

She has a really cool stepmom.

That must have felt so good to hear, like that kind of warmth was an initial reaction.

It it did.

I was kind of like, OK.

And so basically she said you can add them on Facebook to get a look at like what their lives are like.

He's willing to talk to you.

He just like wants to know ahead of time so he can be available.

We FaceTime the next day and it was like about an hour.

And because I really just wanted to see him.

I had seen pictures from like Facebook and we had message that night, like very formal introduction, Facebook message back and forth.

And so it was kind of nice to talk to him and get to see like him moving and be like, this is actually a real person.

It was cool.

I just did not really know what to expect the next day after I found out.

Like I did not sleep that night.

I was like crying a lot.

My first thing I did at like 7:30 in the morning was call my birth certificate father and tell him I really didn't want to hurt him, but I felt like he should know.

I texted and was like, hey, are you awake?

I called and I just was like, I got my ancestry results and you're not my biological father.

And he was quiet and I was like, are you there?

And he said, I really wish you wouldn't have done that.

What do you take that to mean?

Did he suspect anything or was it just he he didn't want to know?

I don't know, he's an odd guy, but I think people had doubts.

I never knew, but I think his family had doubts and he really loved my mom and wanted to be with her.

Like he didn't really accept it that easily when she moved on.

What was kind of weird with that is he tried so hard after I told him this to be in my life.

And it's unfortunate based on the conversation we had right before, he was like leaving presents.

I had never really gotten presents from him.

He was asking to go out to eat.

He was saying we're the victims in that.

It was very overwhelming to me how he responded.

Like I had no capacity for supporting him.

Like I was kind of trying to be OK.

You said earlier that you didn't feel super connected to him when you were growing up.

And then you did reach out to him and say, hey, I'd like to try.

Unfortunate timing is then a few days later you found out the truth.

But at that point, once you had that information, did you feel any desire to remain connected to Him?

I.

Felt obligated to keep the connection we had before, which would have been in through text once or twice a year, maybe seeing each other once a year.

I was comfortable with that.

That was about all I could give.

But honestly, it was a relief to know that I wasn't obligated to try like I I don't need to try so hard to to connect.

So you.

Are just dealing with so many emotions.

I can only imagine because you just found this out.

The whole like my whole life has been a lie.

That sort of feeling that that many of us go through and then breaking the news to your birth certificate father.

Your mother knows.

And now you've also connected with your biological father.

Yeah, it moves very quickly.

So what?

What do you do next?

Yeah, it moved really quickly.

So after the first FaceTime, the day after that, like he texted and like checked in or he called me and I was cleaning a gravestone and I picked up.

And I don't know why because I'm, I am very direct and I will say things that most people wouldn't, but I'm looking back, I'm surprised how brave I was to say this.

But we were on that phone call like the second day and I was like, So what kind of relationship do you want to have?

Like, do you want to be a dad, a fun uncle or friend?

I was so direct to ask him that.

And he said that I, I'd like to be your dad.

I never have been.

And I don't know if I can do it, but I want to try.

And that meant so much to me 'cause like I had said, I, I had, I still had my guard up a lot, like it had come down some, but it was, it was pretty, pretty high up there.

And it just was like very distrusting, I guess.

Like I kind of like wanted to check everything.

But basically we talked like text every single day.

We talked on the phone often.

We would like share photos.

It was really something totally new for me.

I never had family that cared that much.

He could sense I was like hesitant and trusting.

And so he flew out to meet me within three weeks of finding out he had so many delays and he ended up being in the airport all day on a Friday.

He was supposed to be there Friday through Sunday.

He got there at like 11:30 at night on Friday.

I met him Saturday morning and he had to leave Sunday at like noon.

It meant a lot to me.

Like I had a mom that was like, oh, sorry, I get paid next Thursday.

Like your birthday's today.

We'll have to wait till next week.

Like I, that's the kind of mom I had.

And so for someone to fly, spend their money to fly and meet me just for like a day and 1/2, it really meant so much.

I really want to explain.

Like the moment I met him, I wanted it to just be us because I didn't know how I was going to feel.

And so I met him at my boyfriend's business.

He got there first.

I got there, and when we got out, we just kind of walked to each other and just hugged.

And I just couldn't help but smile.

I feel like I've heard other people say this.

It's kind of interesting because I've actually heard adoptees that have connected with family say this.

But when I hugged him, it was like my soul like knew that that was my dad.

Like I I felt whole and I didn't even know that something had been missing.

That's amazing.

That's so cool.

What was your day with him like?

Yeah, it was cool to see him in person and I just remember.

So we rode around a lot.

I love to go for rides.

We rode around a lot and talked and he showed me, 'cause he's from here.

He showed me like his grandparents house and different things like that.

We went to dinner with his sisters that night and did an escape room and the next morning we got breakfast with my brother like his son that he hadn't seen in like 8 years.

And it was just like so nice.

Like I recognize that for myself.

Stepmom's Shocking Comments and Family Interference

But after that, we still texted daily, talked often.

And like I had said, I was sheltered but also closed off.

So I actually booked a ticket to go and see him at the end of that year, a couple months later by myself for a week.

That was only my second time on a plane.

I was going to be staying at his house with him and his wife.

I guess it just speaks to how much love can make you like do something.

I just was doing one step after the other and getting there.

And I went for his birthday, which is around New Year's Eve.

So I was there for his birthday and New Year's Eve.

And it was a rough trip, but I I also would say it was a great trip.

It was.

Rough.

It was rough with his wife.

I think it was the day I got there, he went in the bathroom to like freshen up before we went to dinner and she stood across the kitchen island from me and held her hand and said not to be crass but I hope you know it's not your fault that your mom was getting Dick down by three guys.

Wow.

And I said, yeah, I know.

I was just so caught off guard that I, it really made me feel like trash.

Like it made me feel like I was unwelcome.

And how disappointing after she had said she has a cool stepmom and it probably set you up for feeling like it wasn't going to be like that.

Yeah, she had made a weird comment before, like because I had texted her a little bit in the couple of months and a couple things I thought were weird is like when he came to visit me, I was like, hey, thanks for supporting it.

Cuz she stayed home with their dog that was sick.

And she was like, oh, I understand you weren't ready to meet me yet, but he's going and I I would like to meet you, but I just miss him so much.

Like she said that before he had even landed on his first flight.

And I just remember thinking that was a little bit odd.

And I'm like, but maybe this is just hard for her because she wouldn't have expected this.

But then like another weird thing was my mom, I guess tried to add my dad on Facebook.

And my dad was like, are you OK with that?

And I was like, well, I'm an adult.

You don't have to be friends with my mom.

Like don't feel obligated, but I don't mind If you want to accept it, you can.

When he went back to get the friend request, it was deleted.

And I was like, maybe she was creeping and like undid it.

But his wife had said to me on the phone, your mom tried to add your dad on Facebook.

And she's like, honey, you slept with my husband one time 30 years ago.

Why do you need to be his friend on Facebook?

OK, so some complicated, complicated dynamics there.

Where are things at today with everyone?

The Legal Adoption and the Pain of Feeling Unwanted Again

How are things with your mom, your dad, your brother?

With my mom things have kind of went back to how they were way before I found out where.

She will text me to say I love you if I respond and say I love you too.

She won't write back for like a month and then she says it.

It feels really about her, like she just needs me to say it to know she's OK or she'll always say she misses me.

But there's never asking how I'm doing or want to get together.

So that's about the same as it was my brother.

I actually just visited him a couple days ago because he lives in Maine too.

Since we met, he has gotten a girlfriend, gotten engaged, gotten married, bought a house, got a promotion, had a baby.

I'm like just so grateful to be able to like have found him at the time to get to be a part of all these things.

I actually just met my niece this week and I'm just like so grateful.

Even on the one year of finding out he like texted me to tell me like happy like one year of finding out.

I'm glad we found each other that Christmas.

He had gotten me a card.

Wrote like you as my sister has been like the best gift this year.

And what about with your dad?

I mean it sounds complicated because of his wife.

Like how are things?

Yeah, so with my dad, honestly, he texted me almost every day for almost a year.

Me and my brother visited him again.

I guess I'll put the timeline like September 30th is when I found out.

He met me in late October.

I went and flew out late December.

My brother and I flew out in April.

That's another thing we had planned.

So my dad's wife travels for work we had planned when she wouldn't be there.

Well, she scheduled surgery for the day that I flew in to get a growth removed on her finger that had been there three years.

It was getting on her nerves.

She said I think I was getting on her nerves, but I I offered to reschedule and like move my trip.

My dad was like, no, I think that this is just how she is and he's aware we made the best as we could of the trip.

She hasn't spoke to me since that.

That was April of 2024.

After that we took a paternity test in May of 2024 so that I could get my birth certificate fixed.

I actually had a birth certificate with a dash where the father was and I didn't think there was a dad.

Come to find out my birth certificate.

Father put himself on it when I was 5 and so I had to ask him to do a denial of parentage form.

He refused, so I had to get the paternity test to add my biological father.

They added him, but they didn't remove my other one and I really didn't like that.

I also changed my last name to my dad's last name.

And then so when I got the birth certificate and had both, I really didn't like that.

Basically the only way to get rid of that was for me to get legally adopted by my biological mom and my biological dad.

So we had a court date and I was legally adopted in October of 2024 by my parents.

That's really cool because a lot of people talk about doing that but don't know the steps to take.

And so thank you for sharing that.

I mean, I know it's different from state to state and everything, but that's that's really cool.

How did that feel to like have it officially recognized accurately and and why was that important to you to have?

Truth is important to me.

So I really kind of wanted to correct that.

It was emotional because at that moment I felt wanted by both of my parents.

I had always felt unwanted by my mom, and even my mom was like emotional about it.

And so it was like really important to me.

And then in June of 2024, it was my 30th birthday and my dad had driven across country like multiple days to be here for my birthday.

And we were going to spend Father's Day together because it was around that time my dad's wife threw a fit on my birthday.

She called 6 times and it was like the first day I got to spend with him and it was my actual birthday.

And then the next day he told me which was a Monday.

He told me he had to leave early because of work.

So he I didn't get to spend Father's Day with him.

He left that Friday morning and it would have been Sunday.

So it's weird because.

I hugged him in my driveway when he was going to leave.

I remember knowing that I wasn't going to see him for a long time and I was just like crying like I just had AI had a knowing of that and then I haven't seen him since.

So it's been like almost a year and a half do.

You think it's because of his wife?

I think that's a big part of it.

He had a back surgery in December of 2024.

And after that, communication was like cut back, like it was probably like a couple times a week versus every day.

And then I would say I was supposed to visit him in May.

He wouldn't get on the phone for like 3 weeks.

I had told him I wasn't going to book anything until I could talk to him.

So that didn't happen.

And then after that, it's been probably like once a month or more.

It's been over a month since I've heard from him.

It was so hard at first because it went from, I just wondered what was real.

Like how did the guy that dropped me off at the airport when I visited him the first time and had to walk away because he was crying.

I guess it's a grief of like, I have to accept that I can never be the little girl I was and have a dad that saw me and got to play with me and spend time with me.

But it's really hard to have time now and have a dad that is in his early 50s.

He does have like back issues, but like a dad that could do things and it's kind of like, why do I have to grieve something that we could like this is something within our control.

I've offered to fly out like so it's weird now 'cause I'm at a place of from feeling wanted when I was adopted to now feeling like, 'cause I never felt that way from my birth certificate father or my stepdad have not wanted.

So now it's just so weird to feel.

It's sad to feel unwanted by your actual parents.

What do you hope for like as you look ahead?

Personal Growth, Parental Advice, and Podcast Conclusion

I honestly don't know what to hope for.

I guess I I really hope that I can be there for myself through whatever it is because there was a point where him pulling away just made me feel like something was wrong with me.

Or I like why why?

And it's like where my dad's wife is, she's a very nasty person.

I just don't understand like how can you not fit me in your life even when I've been so understanding about it being difficult for her and being respectful of like their time together and stuff.

It's just it's sad that he can't even make any time for me.

I really don't trust him anymore and that sucks because I had never trusted anyone like I trusted him.

My walls were like blown up.

I, I don't even think I could put them back if I wanted to.

I'm so grateful for this, even like with how it's turned out because I feel like it was an opportunity for both me and him.

For me, it was a wake up call of, OK, you thought your life was going to be this, like this is the next step.

This is the way actually, you don't know.

It can be whatever you want it to be.

And I feel like it was really an opportunity to evolve and grow.

And I think I took it, and I kind of feel like my dad just chose to go back.

I was really well said and I'm so sorry though that it has.

I don't want to say it turned out like this because to your point, you don't know what it's really going to turn out to be.

But for now, you know this is where it is.

But you have such a good outlook on it.

What advice do you have to a parent who may be keeping adna surprise from their child?

I would ask that they consider how it might make their child feel that this is a shameful thing for you.

Like, why are you keeping this secret?

In my opinion, like in my mom's case, I think maybe it was some shame.

But it's like, how do you think that that would make your child feel?

Let your love for your child be greater than the need to protect your ego or your reputation.

Your child has a right to know.

I grew up feeling unwanted and like I didn't belong.

And I didn't have to, even if my dad would have made the same choice as he did with my brother, I would have had aunts that would have stepped in.

And I just, I feel like it's really important.

And like many other people have said, consider the health.

You don't necessarily know that other person's health history, but your child might need to know that.

What advice do you have for someone who just uncovered Adna Surprise?

I would say be there for yourself.

That's the most important thing.

I I did get into therapy again quickly after that.

I definitely recommend too.

But as far as being there for yourself, I think in the beginning I felt so much guilt for my birth certificate father and I was taking on a lot of the burden that should have been my mom's and I was so protective of her feelings.

I remember checking in and asking her how she was doing with this more than she was checking on me.

I guess I'm just giving other people permission because I didn't feel like I had the right to to do what was best for me.

Even if that's like, mom, I need time to process this.

I don't.

I don't want to talk right now.

Yeah, I love that.

Be there for yourself.

Miranda, thank you so much for joining me today and sharing your story.

You've been through such a roller coaster throughout your life and you know, I hope that things evolve in a way that, that you hope for them to.

But most importantly, like I'm, I'm proud of you for the fact that you are being there for yourself and doing the things that you need to do and, and choosing to see kind of the, the ways that you've grown through all of this, even if it isn't ultimately maybe what you would have hoped for.

So thank you.

I hope that things move in a positive direction for you and and please keep in touch and let me know how things are going.

Yeah, thank you and thanks so much for having me on here.

I've really been looking forward to this and I'm glad I was able to share my story in a way that I didn't feel like I had to be filtered or or protect anyone else.

I don't know who I'm going to share it with from my personal life.

And I think that's kind of like the beautiful thing.

Like this is one of the things I am doing for me.

Thanks again to Miranda for sharing her story.

If you have Adna surprise that you'd like to share, please submit your story at dnasurprises.com and for early add free access to episodes, join me over on patreon@patreon.com/DNA Surprises.

Until next time.

DNA Surprises is hosted, produced and edited by me Alexis Ourselt.

It is mixed and mastered by Josh Auersault of Siren Recording Studios.