James’ DNA Surprise

This transcript was generated automatically. Its accuracy may vary.

James's Story: Abandoned at a Church in the 70s

I was in the front page of the newspaper.

I was on radio stations.

They put out articles and newspapers saying if you are the parents of this abandoned boy, happened on this such and such date, your parental rights are going to be dismissed on this day if you don't show up.

So I got all the court records of the day.

I became a ward of the state because no parent showed up.

Parents, John Doe, Baby Doe or all that.

So now I've got all the paperwork.

Got it.

It's only paperwork.

But everything from the night I was found up until I was adopted out of foster care.

And then I got that information from my adoptive parents.

What I still don't have is my birth date.

Like when was I actually born?

All that information.

Speaker 2

Welcome to DNA Surprises, a podcast that delves into the world of unexpected DNA discoveries.

I'm your host, Alexis ourselves.

In July 2021, my life took a surprising turn when I found out that I'm an NPE, a person who has experienced a non paternal event.

In other words, my biological father isn't who I thought he was.

Join me as we explore the stories of NP, ES, adoptees, and donor conceived people and their families.

Get ready to unravel the astonishing journeys that begin with a simple DNA test.

This is DNA surprises.

DNA Surprises often lead to answers.

The truth about parentage, insights into family dynamics, clarity about the past.

Still, as I often say, they also leave us with questions, Questions that may never be answered.

What if something as simple as a birth date was unknown to you, possibly forever?

Welcome to the Season 12 finale of DNA Surprises.

In this week's episode, I'm joined by James, a foundling adoptee who was abandoned at a church in the 1970s.

James always knew he was adopted, although he didn't learn the circumstances until he was an adult.

Then, with the combined power of research, DNA testing, and a little bit of luck, he learned much more about where and who he came from.

Discovering the Truth About My Adoption at 18

Thank you for sharing your story, James.

Speaker 1

James, 47, just last week and from Minnesota.

Happy birthday.

Thank you.

I'm a foundling.

I was abandoned at a church at about a so I say my birthday was last week.

There is no definite answer.

It could be this week.

It was approximately 10 days old when they found me at a church.

For people who don't know what a foundling is, that is when a baby is relinquished or I don't know what word you would use.

You would use abandoned, OK.

You would use that word, OK when a baby is abandoned at a hospital, church or anywhere really, and found and then put up for adoption.

So you were adopted.

And tell me more about that.

Yep, so I've always knew I was adopted.

My parents always told me you're adopted.

I have a older brother that's adopted as well.

My parents were told that they weren't able to have kids, so they adopted my older brother.

They adopted me and then biologically had a younger brother by mistake.

Kind of like they weren't supposed to have kids but they were able to have one.

So I'm the middle child.

But yeah, I've always told I was adopted, even to the point where in 3rd grade I remember telling my classmates I wasn't born, I was adopted.

So I didn't quite understood what adoption meant, but.

So it's always a part of your story.

Yep, as far as I as long as I can remember.

Did you understand that you had biological parents or birth parents somewhere out in the world, or when did that become clear to you?

That probably came, you know, later, probably, you know, ten, 11-12 years old when you understand what adoption is.

My parents always told me they would help search for my parents.

They said you're adopted, and if you ever want to find your birth parents, we'll help you.

But they always said there's a very slim chance of being able to find them because I was not told I was abandoned until I turned 18.

They didn't give any information about, you know, how it was.

It's just that I was adopted.

And so when I turned 18, that's when they told me.

They sat me down and told me the story they were told by the adoption agency to keep it hush hush until I turn 18, just in case the wrong people hear it.

And I don't know if there is even a chance for biological family to come back and claim me, but just in case the wrong person heard the story and, you know, go from there.

Finding My Story on the Front Page of a Newspaper

What was it like when you found out then that you were a foundling and the circumstances around your adoption?

It didn't really, you know, affect me.

Like I said, they're, they were my parents.

They got me when I was 8 months old.

So I was in foster care for eight months prior to that.

I just kind of put in the back of my mind at that time, it didn't really affect me one way or the other until later on life when got married before we had kids.

I should really, like, maybe see if there's a story out there or anything, because my mom did tell me that they seen an article in their newspaper about this child being abandoned at the church down in Minneapolis.

And she had contacted their social worker and said, hey, what are the chances we could get that baby?

Because they were already in the process of adopting the second child.

And they said, well, we'll see what we can do and we'll go from there.

And they were able to eventually get me.

I go, well, OK, do you remember what newspaper it was?

And she thought said it was her home paper.

But when I search, I could never find it.

I knew I was born in August in 1978.

And I knew I came from, I was born in Minneapolis.

And that's where the church I was I was left at.

So I just asked our local library for the micro fish of the Star Tribune in the Saint Paul Pioneer Press.

And I just started going through all of August and all of September and September 1st article, front page of the Star Tribune.

There I am on the front page article.

Wow, so you are a front page story.

Yep, no picture, but it's right underneath is the state fair's happening in Minnesota at that time.

Right below the State Fair article it says baby infant abandoned at church, left on doorstep.

How did that feel to see that in real prints like black and white?

So that was, it was like, OK, I made the front page of the newspaper.

Not how I thought I would make it, but it was kind of cool.

And it was a part of my history that I didn't have from like the start of my life that I could have a copy of.

So I read the article and I got a couple other copies of it from different newspapers around Minnesota and it's said in there that, you know, the child was left on August 30th.

So it's coming up on 47 years this Saturday.

They think it was about a 10 day, 14 day old baby left in the doorway.

I was left that night with a bottle, some diapers and a bag of clothes, kind of like a onesie and stuff like that.

And the bag was like a department store bag from Maryland.

So we'll circle back to that later in the story, but just keep that on the on the mind.

So then I reached out to Lutheran Social services cuz that's who did my adoption with my parents.

And I had asked, hey, do you have any paperwork or any kind of thing involving my file?

So this was back in 2006.

And they sent me back a baptism certificate that I was baptized that night at the church and kind of like a day-to-day what I did with the foster care I was in for eight months.

But then it also had a like a little write up from that night and I was taken to the local hospital.

It says in the notes that the doctor said, well, this child needs a birth certificate.

And by looking at the lines on his feet and the weight and everything, I'm going to approximate it.

August 21st the birth certificate was issued for August 20th 1978, so that's the birth date I go by.

But when I found out back then that there is no definite date, I call it a birthday week, so I celebrate all week.

Well, that's not too bad, is it?

Giving a week.

OK, All right, so this really starts your journey in uncovering where you came from.

What happens next?

So that's in 2006.

Got the paperwork from Luton's social services and it was very minimal.

Like it had the baptism certificate and just some write up.

So the baptism certificate was actually signed by the pastor there.

So I didn't do much with it in 2008 and I just put it on the back burner.

It's like, OK, that's part of my history, let's just go with it.

DNA Testing Leads to a Shocking Rejection

Well then and we're going to Fast forward to 2019 because that's when it kick starts into full gear.

I've got two kids and we kind of like we should know some medical history and stuff like that.

So me know in my past, it's like, OK, I have no medical history.

I've told my doctors, I've done my health checkup.

They goes, hey, what's your medical history?

Well, it starts with me.

I have nothing.

And then 2019 I reached out to that pastor.

I found him on Facebook, on an e-mail, emailed him and he replied back saying he was kind of curious.

He's like, I, I want some more in depth information, kind of like fishing, like who is this really?

Are you really the child?

So I told him everything.

He goes, yeah, you are the kid.

I remember that.

I think it was probably late 2018.

I took a 23 andme DNA test, the one with the medical history part of it.

Took the test, checked my medical history, nothing that stuck out real much.

And then on where it gave the matches, I didn't have anyone closer than a second cousin three times removed or not.

Nothing in particular.

So then someone suggested you should do Ancestry.

So I did that in 2019 because they have a bigger database of people.

Again, the closest person was like a second cousin, probably a legit second cousin, nothing removed.

But so I reached out to that person and through Ancestry and heard nothing back.

So then I looked down through some other matches.

So then I jumped from the second cousin down to her thirds and fourths, messaged a couple and I got a reply on like a third cousin that says, well, I can see that we match on her father's side.

She goes, you come from here, but we're from a different state, too distant to see, you know, exactly who my father would have been and stuff like that.

So that was in 2019.

You know, I didn't get any headway there.

So then I more or less again put it on pause till 2023.

How are you managing with these pauses?

Because sometimes people are like full speed ahead.

They want to find all of the information they can and and they will not rest until they do.

And then I talked to other people who sometimes there are 510 or more years between, you know, a revelation or between like a kind of a Sprint to try to get as much information as they can.

Are you thinking about it a lot during this time or is it just something that kind of comes and goes?

Well, so it kind of comes and goes, but then COVID happened in 2020, so I had a bunch of time to sit around and I kind of dabbled back into the Ancestry side of it because I had more matches on Ancestry.

So I started putting piercing together.

We know you can call it a family tree, but I'd have to start way up on great, great, great grandparents.

And I didn't know where I was even going on that.

So I'd put it on pause, come back, dabble here and there, but nothing really.

I've got busy with life again and stuff like that with kids being active until 2023.

It's like, OK, I want to sit down and go through these names and see what I can find.

Cuz then I started listening to other podcasts about, hey, I've been finding relatives through this way.

So in 2023, this is probably February, I have seen these two names pop up on the ancestry side like multiple times.

Oh, there's a third cousin with it.

There's another third cousin and they were both, they turned out to be the father's side and the mother's side.

It's like those those two names kept appearing.

I said, OK, well, I'm going to see if I can Google all this information.

So did the father's side.

And that's couldn't, you know, find much information.

There's it's not a common name, but it's not an uncommon name either.

The mother's name was not a very common name up around where we're from.

It's like, that's an interesting name.

So I Googled it.

Actually I Facebooked it, the two names put together and this one account came up.

It was a lady and heard the last name.

She went by these both last names like so they're like hyphenated.

I said, well, that's interesting.

She's got both last names that are in my family tree.

So I reached out to her.

I sent her a Facebook message.

You know how Facebook works where if you're not friends it goes into a spam folder.

So I just messaged her on there.

I said hey, I have no idea who you are, I'm adopted, but you happen to have both last names that are in my family tree.

I would just love to talk to you or message you and see you know what do you know?

No reply.

So then I googled that name and found AI hope was an e-mail address.

So I emailed this lady, gave her the same spiel.

Hey, you have the same last names and that are my family tree.

You know anything about this?

So that was in February 2023.

It went about a month and then I got a reply from this lady and it was how the reply was.

Me and my wife looked at like it looks like lawyer speak.

Like it wasn't like how you would just reply to an e-mail.

It looked like lawyer speak because it said we understand that you're looking for some ancestry.

We know that ancestry DNA can give answers, but people may not want to be bothered about this or answer questions.

So please do not reach out to us again going forward or anyone in our family.

And they gave both last names.

No one in either of these families.

Do not reach out to them going forward.

How did that feel?

So I thought OK I hit someone close here.

I still at that point no idea who it was.

So I said to myself OK you're someone close.

So I'm going to reply back assuming that you're someone close to me or know the story or something.

So I just reply back hey sorry to bother you.

Going forward, I won't reach out to anyone that I shouldn't, but I was just looking for medical history because I have nothing.

And if you have any kind of information that would be great.

So then it went about another month, so we're back into like April with a reply and the reply was like 3 sentences.

We have this in our family, this in our family, this in our family, and that's it.

There's no greeting, no like talk to you like, no like, no nothing.

Just three sentences from a hidden e-mail address.

So yeah, you're close.

Yep.

So I started doing more in research on that person, starting to put together my family tree off of her because you can find, if they're old enough, you can find all information on an ancestry with birth records, yearbooks, all that.

So I put her together and then found, you know, through online stuff who her husband at the time is put them together.

He has a other last name that was in my family tree.

I say, I think I found them.

So then I reached out to, I just put a post on ancestry message board asking if anyone kind of like Adna Angel can help just verify my family tree I have.

So this lady reaches out to me.

She goes, Yep, she goes, just give me your access and I'll look through it.

And within I think 24 hours she goes, yes, that's, that's your parents.

And she put together a whole family tree for me that went back, you know, 3-4 generations.

Wow.

I can only imagine the different feelings that you must have had in that moment because you've identified who these people are, but also they've expressed that they don't want you to contact them or their family.

So what are you thinking at that point?

Like what do you want to do with that information?

Uncovering a Long-Held Family Secret and Siblings

So I it's like, OK, so I got my family tree.

I researched and I guessed it correctly who these two people are when I had messaged her on Facebook, then emailed her and then she's kind of said don't go forward message anyone.

She blocked me on Facebook.

So that was another another mark saying OK, I'm close.

So with being blocked, I did some more research on ancestry to say, OK, is there siblings related?

Does she have siblings?

Does he have siblings?

So that was in, you know, April 2023.

I went through the summer of 2023 just hardcore Googling, researching.

I threw just threw records that is public.

Found out that they got married eight months after I was born and proceeded to have two more children and that they're still married today and have two sons.

How does that feel?

How did that feel to read that?

It's like, OK, well, I can understand.

Well, at that time it's like, OK, I was given up why or abandoned why or whatever.

But then it's like I have two full siblings out there that I didn't know about and I'm guessing they had no idea about me.

And you're biological parents were together?

Yeah, and married.

Stayed together and got married.

That's not the story that I think many people imagine, right in these kinds of circumstances.

So it's like, OK, we found your parents.

You have two siblings out there.

She's telling you not to reach out to anyone.

So I honored that for a bit.

It's like, OK, we're complete strangers.

I'm guessing no one knows that I was abandoned at a church in your family.

So I just I won't touch it by just I continued research through the summer of 2023, trying to put together their siblings.

So my aunts and uncles.

So I got this whole family tree and found OK, I got a aunt and uncle on one side and aunt and uncle on the other side.

They're still living.

And then they, you know, they got kids would be my cousins.

So 2023 I said, you know what, I'll go around her.

I'm not going to reach out to the sibling, my full blood siblings yet because I don't want to disrupt the family dynamic, but I just want to know about if the their siblings know about anything.

So what I did was I found that my birth father has a sister who has a couple sons.

My aunt wasn't active on social media and so can't reach out that way.

Well, her son is so August 30th of 2023, I'm Facebook messaged this guy saying Hey, is your mother so and so?

I think she's my aunt.

These people are my grandparents.

I didn't say who I thought my parents were.

I just said, your mother's my aunt and I think we share grandparents.

So again, no, no idea where this message is going to go or how long it will be.

It was literally like a day and a half.

Two days later, I'm heading to the golf course.

I get a Ding on my phone and it's a message.

I always get choked up about this one.

But he goes, hey, nice to hear from you.

We need to talk.

Can you call me?

I always said, what a strange reply to a stranger, that hey, nice to hear from you, We need to talk.

It's like interesting, OK.

Like he was expecting you or something.

Exactly.

So I said, OK, let's I'll call you on such and such day.

So it was September 1st actually of 2023.

He called me and then he goes, I've known about you for 11 years.

He goes, I don't know who you were or where you were, but my mother told me when her husband was was dying or died, she goes, hey, if anything happens, you have another cousin out there.

It's my brother's son.

He was put up for adoption, but that's all the information they had.

So he told me that I said you were under the impression I was put up for adoption.

He goes, yeah, I said, well, I wasn't I was abandoned at the church and I got the front page of the newspaper to prove it.

I got papers from the social services to prove I was abandoned.

He goes, that's very interesting.

So then we we talked for about 45 minutes to an hour about my birth father's side of the family.

And he goes, well, I'm going to talk to my mom and I'll get back to you here.

So he went that night.

He couldn't even wait to tell her that I had reached out.

So he just drove down the block to his mom and said, hey, James reached out.

He's alive, lives in Minnesota, but he wasn't put up for adoption.

He was abandoned at a church.

And what was her reaction?

So she was under the assumption.

What I've learned later is so my birth father told her that they were pregnant, they're going to put him, put me up for adoption and supposedly a doctor and his wife was going to adopt me and that was the end of the story.

How old were they when they?

So my birth mother would have been 22 and my birth father have been 20-3 ish.

Not old, but not young either.

No.

Did they explain why they were going to relinquish you for adoption?

They weren't married at the time and I don't know, my aunt told me that they probably wouldn't have been able to afford a child at that time.

So.

So she always knew about it but never said anything to anyone because I think he had asked her, hey, don't say anything.

But when her husband was dying, she told her son, hey, in case someone reaches out, there is a cousin out there.

OK.

All right.

Does she have any desire to speak to you or talk to you or?

Of course they they wanted to.

So they live down in southern United States, a ways away.

So my cousin was kind of like the go between the mediator.

We got emailing together, talking on the phone together for a while.

And he goes, well, my mother would really like to talk to you.

So we set up a call and I called and we called and we talked.

So she filled me in about my birth father growing up, how he was as a boy, my grandparents on their side, all that stuff.

And she said if her parents would have known about me, I would have never been put up for adoption.

How did you feel hearing that?

Would you say that you had a good childhood growing up?

Yeah, I didn't have any qualms about my being raised typical Midwestern raised, all that stuff, no issues of any kind.

I was fine with it.

And I, it's still even to this day, the adoption part of it, or even now I know the amendment part.

It doesn't bother me.

It's just part of me.

But knowing that some people knew about it but didn't know about it per SE, and that knowing that the grandparents would have never let it happen if they would have known that.

There was a it's complicated, right, because it's like you, but it's the what ifs.

But then you also, you know, like you said, you had a good childhood, LED you to where you are now.

It's it's a complex sort of thing to to process.

Birth Parents' Continued Denial and Gatekeeping

OK, so you learned this about your grandparents.

I'm I hopefully I'm not fast forwarding so you can slow me down if I if I am.

But I'm really curious to know, does she reach out to her brother at any point?

My cousin came to Minnesota Mother's Day weekend of 2023 and he met with my father at their place.

He goes, hey, I'm coming back for a wedding, I want to stop by your place and just catch up.

So he did that and he pulled my father aside and went outside and said, hey, your son James reached out to us, my mother, your sister, my mother know about it and he would like to meet you possibly.

And what are your thoughts on that?

So I think that took him kind of by shock that oh, I'm out there and I found them type thing because at this moment I don't.

I've been only communicating with my birth mother by by those two emails.

We've come to the conclusion she probably never filled my birth father in that I reached out because when my cousin brought it up, he was kind of like, oh really?

He asked to see a picture of me, asked to see where I if asked where I lived, if I was in still in Minnesota or around and my cousin goes, he would really like to meet you guys.

He goes nothing formal, just hey, just to check in.

He goes well, I'll have to check with my wife to see if that's OK.

Do you think that he knew what happened to you?

I knew.

So after that meeting with my cousin and my birth father, we kind of kicked it into some more high gear.

I reached out to them before that Mother's Day meeting.

I had sent an e-mail message to both my birth father and my birth mother. e-mail addresses, right?

Describing what I did, what I found out, who you are, who I am, and what the story is.

That was before that Mother's Day thing.

And when I addressed the letter in there, it was just an e-mail letter.

I had said, Hey, I hope I have your e-mail addresses right.

Well she replied back to me saying hey don't reach out to us anymore.

Don't.

This is intrusive.

How do you think we feel about this?

Don't reach out to our kids.

Oh and that e-mail address of my husband's is wrong.

Well it wasn't the wrong e-mail address because my cousin had just used it.

So then we were thinking she has to be jumping into his emails and maybe deleting these records or anything.

We can't.

We don't know that for sure, but that was a possibility because just how he was surprised to hear that I had reached out.

OK, so he says I'm going to talk to my wife before agreeing to meet or speak to James.

My cousin goes, well let's give it a week and see if I hear back from him.

If if he's talked to his wife, a week goes by, nothing.

So then I contact my cousin and I said, hey, heard anything goes.

Nope.

He goes, you know what, I'm going to call him.

So he called up his uncle, said, hey, do you give more, more thought about it?

He goes, yeah, she has.

She wants to keep the past in the past and not bring anything up.

It's good as it is.

No, we don't want to meet or talk.

How does that hit you?

It's like, OK, you're still hiding or keeping it a secret of what you're essentially trying to do.

So my 2 birth parents know I know the story now.

My aunt and cousin know the story on my father's side.

You know this, the secrets not staying hidden anymore.

Why are you still trying to keep it hidden?

They're trying to keep it hidden is what they're on.

They don't want it.

They don't want anyone to reach out to their sons about it or nothing like that.

OK, so your brothers, can I call them your brothers or how do you?

They're I call them my brothers.

So they don't know at this point.

Correct.

And that my birth father even told my cousin that yeah, the boys do not know about this.

All right, so you've, you've hit another dead end.

Your birth mother kind of freezes you out like from from the start.

As soon as you identify her, there's speculation maybe she was intercepting any communication that you tried with your birth father.

So he has no idea.

He finds out much later that you exist in the world that you found him.

And he also learns, whether he accepts that or not, he learns what actually happened to you after you were born and or, or maybe he knew and it was awesome.

I mean, I guess you don't really know.

And so your cousin is really helping you navigate this.

What does he suggest that you do next?

Like after this rejection?

So this is in now spring of 2024 getting to be the summer, so just about a year ago.

And he wants to reach out to my he'd be my youngest brother.

He wants to reach out to him himself and just say, hey, you have a brother out there your parents didn't tell you about.

And the reason he feels comfortable with the youngest one is he was his godfather for him.

And we first talked that first night I reached out to him, he told me that my youngest brother was baptized at the church.

I was left at like 4-5 six years later at the same church.

And that church, the main pastor or main pastor is from the hometown of my mother.

And when I was talking to the associate pastor, the one that baptized me, he's told me in an e-mail and over the a message saying I've always had the assumption that the main pastor, we'll just call him Pastor John, had an assumption on who possibly left this baby, but he could not say.

So as far as you're concerned, you've got the information you need.

This is what happened despite what your birth parents are are saying.

OK, what happens when your cousin reaches out to your little brother?

Obtaining My Original Birth Certificate and Finding Family

So he never did because I I didn't want to wait around anymore.

And in 2024, July 1st, Minnesota passed a law where I can get my original birth certificate.

I did not have that.

I had the one that's amended with my adoptive parents names, my generic birth date and all that, right?

So in July of 2024, when that hit July 1st, I mailed that thing off, paid the fee for it so I can get my original birth certificate.

I said there has to be that because the doctor even said he wanted to fill one out.

So two weeks come by, I get my original birth certificate in the mail and it has my name, James.

Which kind of surprised, didn't surprise me, not really, because my parents always told me that the foster family named me Jimmy or James, and I was used to that after eight months.

So they decided to keep that name.

There was a last name on the birth certificate, which just threw me a curveball.

It's a common one around in Minnesota, but it's like, where did they get that name?

The where I was born address was the church I was left at and that was about it on the birth certificate, you know, male, white, and then I think they gave the weight of 1.

They weighed me that night, whatever.

But when Minnesota did that original birth certificate search, they also search for adoption records.

There was 2 records they also searched for.

I knew I was abandoned but my birth father and birth mother are saying you were put up for a private adoption.

Well when I got the files back that there was no adoption record in Minnesota that went that were under those parents names even not married like the maiden name or the married name.

There was no records.

So I got that back.

So after I got it back, I emailed my birth mother.

So this is probably like the third, only third or fourth communication.

I have had her head with her by e-mail.

I had three questions.

I said when is my birthday because I don't know it.

Is there any medical history, like relevant medical history I need to know of?

Not just generic cancer or heart disease.

I want real stuff.

And then are you questioning the story that I was abandoned because she told me I was lying about that in what previous e-mail and that I was put up for adoption?

She replied back, I don't know when your birthday is.

It was a day in August.

Here are your the detailed cancer stuff or diabetes stuff like that.

And no, I'm not questioning your story.

Someone else must have left you there.

OK, so in this scenario, the doctor and his wife who adopted you or it's.

Like, so I even thought to myself, I said, I don't care if it's a private adoption unless it's like a backdoor alley adoption.

Any adoption's gonna have a record.

And if someone else left me there, I'm pretty sure the social worker is gonna check on the family that they gave a child to like down the road a month or two.

And where's this baby at that you had?

Right.

Yeah.

How?

How do you feel to be getting these responses from?

Her So now me and my wife are like, OK, she is not not painting a very nice picture of her because she's like, you know, putting up wall after wall and then essentially, I don't know, lying about it or trying to deceive me.

So I was like, we're not getting a very good first impression.

So that was July of 2024.

Last year, of course, it took her a week or two to get back to me asking those three questions.

And that was the last time I communicated with her.

It was a couple days before my birthday last year.

And me and my cousin, we've been talking.

I talked to my aunt in in that time frame of the last six months.

She had talked to her brother and said our parents will be upset with you if you just close him out like this.

He's not asking to move in, he's not asking for money, he just wants to meet.

That's one of my cousins asked me multiple times.

He goes, what's your end goal?

I said I want my brothers to know about me and if we have a relationship, fine.

If not, that's fine either.

Just as long as they're aware of me.

Because even looking through social media of theirs, we attended the same concerts together in Minneapolis, same night, same concert, we have the same likes.

We were able to find my siblings, Facebook's accounts and my wife.

And even now my friends, they go, my Lord, you are identical to the oldest one.

I'm the oldest.

But in the middle one, their oldest spitting images of each other, they go, oh you are for sure related to them.

What is your birth father say to your aunt about this?

It's all it's up to his wife and right now we want to keep it in the past.

We even question the abandonment story he told her one time, if that's even true.

So that was.

Have paperwork to show it.

I mean multiple multiple places to confirm.

So that was August of last year.

Since then, I didn't have any communication with my birth parents until last week.

But last fall, I said, you know what?

I know my birth father's side of the family, talked to a cousin, talked to an aunt, got the details on that.

I'm going to find my birth mother's sister, which only lives two hours from me.

So again, an older lady.

No social media whatsoever.

I found her son, reached out to him on Facebook again, a generic hey, is your mom so and so?

I think she's my maternal aunt and these are my grandparents.

I'd like to chat with you.

Or if you even get me her e-mail or phone number, I'd like to call, chat with her.

Radio silence.

It's like, OK, I'm the most impatient person you'll meet.

But when it came to this stuff, I kind of was patient.

I put it off, put it off.

I think it was early November.

I said, you know what, I'm going to mail an actual letter to this lady, my aunt.

So in that letter, all I wrote was, hey, I think you're my aunt so and so are my grandparents.

I'd love to chat with you.

So I sent that like on a Monday or Tuesday on a Saturday morning, I'm standing in Walmart and I get a call from a number I didn't know.

Then all of a sudden it's a message left.

Hey, James, this is so and so I think we need to talk.

It was my aunt from my mother's side.

So I raced home, called her up.

She goes, so tell me who you are and who are your parents?

I go, well, I'm James.

You're my aunt.

I'm pretty sure because your parents are my grandparents.

She goes, who's your parents?

I said, it's so and so.

Are you sure?

I go, Yep.

So I told her the story.

I said, Yep, I was abandoned at a church in 1978, da, da, da, da.

And when I called her, she goes, just so you know, you're on speakerphone.

My son is here, my husband's here, and I have a friend here.

I said, yeah, that's fine.

Well, while I'm talking to her on speakerphone, the friends in the background on Google searching Star Tribune 1978, September 1st, she goes, yeah, the articles right here.

And she shows it to my aunt that I wasn't lying or made it up.

She goes, I had never knew anything about you or nothing.

So she's nine years older than my birth mother.

She goes, I had no idea, not not a clue.

You know, nine years apart.

That's a long gap for sisters.

She goes, I didn't have much of a relationship with her until their mother died.

She goes.

Now, we communicate daily.

She goes, At first I thought this was a scam, and then her son piped in.

He goes, yeah.

So how the story goes is she got this letter from me, Rhett, read it.

She goes, this has to be a scam.

Sent a picture of it to her two daughters and her son, and the two daughters go, throw that away, mom, that's a scam.

They're probably looking for money.

And the brother goes, wait a minute, let me check something.

He goes back to his Facebook.

He goes, yeah, I seen this message pop up, but I thought it was a scam, too, so I just left it there.

He goes, yeah, he reached out to me with the same story.

He goes, I think this is legit.

And then, you know, on Facebook, you can see, like, your profile picture.

And they go, oh, my Lord, he looks just like the other sibling.

This has to be true.

Discovering Unexpected Family Connections in My Hometown

So you're making lots of inroads here, although not not with your birth parents, but all around.

And it seems like people are pretty open to you.

So my aunt, my father's side welcomes they they want me to come and visit, which I am scheduling here in the next month or so to go down there and visit.

But they welcomed me in.

My cousin, I've been communicating with his brother wants to meet all that stuff.

And now this aunt that didn't know any idea about me, she even sent me pictures of her family, like my grandparents and my my mother and stuff like the following week and then signs it Aunt so and so and she goes, yeah, you're part of the family.

And then actually within a couple weeks of that, me and my son, we are doing campus tours.

We stopped by and went and visit her in person so she was able to meet me in person and all that stuff.

Well, what was that like?

Was that the first time that you'd been around anybody who's biologically related?

To you first biological person ever.

Attached.

What was that like?

That was kind of crazy and it was cool to see.

So yeah, we took a picture and we sat there for an hour and chit chatted and all that.

And then since then, she's come to my town where I live.

We spent a day together.

I took her around the town because what is absolutely mind boggling is I was born in Minneapolis.

And then through the adoption, my parents ended up we're in northern Minnesota in a town that has more relatives of mine than my wife that was born and raised here.

I actually have a cemetery.

It's a old country church cemetery, all relatives of mine that I had no idea about.

I ended up in a town that my grandfather played hockey in, one of the very first hockey teams in this town.

He played here, his brother played here.

My aunt that I met, my mother's sister would come and visit their family in this town and she knew all about this town because they are only three hours north of where I live now.

It was where they grew up, but in the town back in, we're talking like the late 30s was a big lumber mill type hub where my grandfather grew up, played hockey, all that stuff.

And you know, we hear about this sometimes, but like, lucky that you didn't end up dating a relative or something.

Because after I did some more research on my family tree, some hits come up and it's like he's my classmate.

He was actually my friend in high school.

So I messaged his brother, another one I knew.

I go, hey, is so and so your great grandmother?

He goes, Yeah, Why you asking?

I said mine too.

He goes, what?

I go, yeah, here.

This is who my grandparents are.

He goes, oh, I know your grandma and your aunt and all that stuff here.

My classmate which I graduated with is my second cousin.

You know, once or twice removed been to his place, never knew.

I had no idea about it when I called my aunt that weekend.

She called my mother the next day and she said hey, you know they usually communicate daily.

She goes a James so and so-called me today.

You know who that is?

My mother goes Nope, never heard of him and my aunt goes stop lying.

I know who he is, I know the story and everything with it.

My mother, I guess, went silent and in a minute or two hung up on her, hung up on her sister.

What did, what did your aunt say about that?

So she's, I call her a little whippersnapper.

She was another one that just welcomed me in and she wants me to meet my siblings.

She so in the main meantime since then and till now, she's been after her sister saying you need to meet your son again.

He's not asking to move in, he's not asking for money.

He would just like to meet one time, even if it's just one time or even have some kind of conversation with you.

And even that weekend where she came up and spent the day with us, we took pictures at a local hockey rink because lo and behold, this local hockey rink we have has these ginormous team photos from back in the day when hockey originated in this town.

My grandfather isn't kneeling on the front pitcher of one of them, so she had to see a picture of that.

And it's how crazy it is that so my son played hockey, played in the same arena that my grandfather did back in the 1930s.

And we had no idea about it.

So then my aunt told her two daughters about this.

And the one daughter even mailed a letter to my mother saying, hey, I heard about this.

This is kind of cool and astounding.

You really need to maybe reach out to him and meet.

There was no reply to that letter to this day when I met with my aunt, when she came to where I live.

This was in June of this year.

And she's been she didn't want to upset the apple cart per SE either cuz she just got into a relationship with her sister, my mother in the last like 6 years.

Cuz here I find out my mother's mother died in 2019.

I would have known that I've been to that town where she lived when my son was playing hockey.

I was in the town watching my son play where my grandmother lived.

And I missed, missed her by, you know, however many years you want to say.

Direct Messages to Siblings and the Quest for Connection

In March of this year, I got my brother's cell phone numbers and I messaged them myself on my text from a text I seen that they read it.

The first one was just, hey, we're related.

I'd like to talk to you.

I got no reply, waited a week, sent one another one saying, hey, I'm your brother.

Your parents are my parents.

I'd like to tell you about the story again.

I seen there was red but no response and people have asked why don't you just call them?

It's like I just don't know what I it's so much easier in a text message what you would say then calling someone that has at this time no idea I existed.

I think something that's coming to mind without judgement, to be clear, is that I think there's sometimes this question that adoptees or NP ES or donor conceived people get around.

Why do you want to know?

Why do you want to connect with these people?

Why do you want to like keep reaching out?

And so I'm curious like what was compelling you to want to speak to them?

I think that would be really important for people to hear and understand.

I've been asked that multiple times and as of right now I don't care if I meet my birth parents right now they're putting up too many walls and if they don't want to meet me, they're lost and I've got really nothing to lose.

I didn't have them in the first place so I have nothing to lose.

But I think it's important that my brothers siblings know that I exist.

I'm open to meet with them and I could, I agree past is in the past, but it's always present still and I'm I'm still around.

Let's just get over it and go forward.

And if we have a relationship, that's fine.

If not as, as at least they know I'm out there now.

It's just the part that doesn't keep me up at night.

But I, I keep going back to ancestry all the time, checking to see if any new hits is there's a family out there that I'm not part of, but that they could just, they don't even have to acknowledge me, but they could say, hey, that happened.

Here's the reason.

Because that's one question I have for my birth mother.

What was the reason behind it?

And I don't care.

It was your prerogative to do that.

But let's just not lie about it and that the secret's out now.

Let's we don't need to keep burying it.

Yeah, yeah.

Do you want to have a connection?

I mean, you said you've, you've released maybe an expectations from your birth parents, but do you want to have that like family feeling from the people that you have spoken to or like from your brothers that you've, you know, haven't necessarily connected with?

People always say that mirroring thing, you want to see yourself and someone else.

I've yet to do that.

My aunt is the closest, but when I see pictures of my brothers, you can spit in images of each other.

And I even came across a high school picture of my birth father playing baseball and I took a quick snap shot of it and sent it to my wife and my son and my daughter.

I said, who is that in that picture?

And my wife and son both come back.

That's me.

That's our son.

I go no, that's my father at the same age as my son, spitting images of each other.

What do your kids think about this?

They've been asked about that.

It's kind of like a cool story for them to talk about or something like that.

But it's also, they know kind of where I come from, from my adopted family side, but nothing that's not in their blood, you know, it's not blood related.

Until this opened up and I started meeting people, the story of me and being abandoned, they understand what happened.

We even went and visit that church a couple summers ago.

Full Circle: Meeting My Foster Parents and Learning My Name

I went to the church myself and then seen the stairway I was left at.

That was kind of cool.

It was after a Sunday Mass and this parishioner comes running out.

Hey, come back next week.

We're at 9:00 Mass.

I said, I'm just looking here.

I go.

By any chance how long have you been a parishioner here?

And she goes, ah, only since like the 80s.

She goes, why do you ask?

I said, well, I was abandoned here in 1978.

She goes, you were what?

She goes, come with me.

There's a Bible studied happening down in the basement and there's some old people that been around since then.

So she took me in there and I met a couple older people that vaguely remember the story of happening in that that church and what a full circle moment to come back to the church you were left at.

So when the wall has been kind of put up for my birth parents ever meeting them, I kind of just acknowledge this and OK, the siblings will come along sometime.

Hey, after my birth parents die, the siblings are full game.

I'll just show up at their doorstep if I have to.

But the birth mother's kind of playing gatekeeper per SE.

I said, well, let's move on to the foster parents because I was fostered for eight months.

I'd like to just touch base with them saying, hey, thanks for taking care of me for eight months.

I'm still alive and kicking.

So I had asked Lutheran Social Services for any information and they go, well, you have to fill out this application and pay for it.

I go, I did that in 2006 and there wasn't much in there.

Can you just tell me if there's any more in there?

They go, well, you really need to fill out the application and submit it, but the laws have changed since you asked in 2006.

And kind of she didn't give a wink, wink in the e-mail, but kind of like beat around the Bush, like you should really reapply to get paperwork.

So I did that and I got assigned a person after 12 weeks to go look at my records.

And she goes, yeah, here's more records from the foster family that you were there.

She was able to put me into contact with them for the foster family.

And we're actually going to, I'm going to meet them for the first time again here this Friday.

I'm going down there to visit them.

Oh my God, you'll have to give me an update on how it goes.

So they fostered over 1200 kids, but they were an emergency shelter.

So she said that they had kids from within from hours at most a couple weeks.

They all they had the kids.

She goes, I was an exception.

They had me for eight months because of the scenario that I would there was no parents.

And so they had me for eight months.

They named me.

She told me that they had three kids of their own and her husband never wanted to have like a junior.

It's named after him, no son.

So when they were able to name me, she named me after him.

So now I know where my first name comes from.

So that was cool to hear.

So I've talked to them on the phone and I'm going to meet them in person this Friday.

But they remembered me because we had to communicate through the social worker.

They go oh baby Jimmy, I remember him for sure.

Oh my gosh, that's so cool that you're able to connect with them and that they're still alive and you're able to.

They are, no.

They're in their mid 80s, so very lucky that they're, like you said, they're still alive.

That I was able to meet because my parents got me at 8 months old.

I have nothing before that eight months of my life.

Nothing besides the newspaper article and some police reports I have from the night I was found.

So now I should be able to be filled in a bit from my foster family how I was those eight months because they got me like that night.

I got 34 files of the night I was found.

So I got the official police report detailed by the police officers, names, badge number, them coming up to the scene at the church who reported it, all that.

And then I've got all the paperwork of me going through the system becoming, you know, my parental rights being let go after a search and such date.

You know, So I was in the front page of the newspaper.

I was on radio stations, they put out articles and newspapers saying if you are the parents of this abandoned boy happened on this such and such date, your parental rights are going to be dismissed on this day if you don't show up.

So I got all the court records of the day I became a ward of the state because no parent showed up.

Parents John Doe, Baby Doe or all that.

But everything from the night I was found up until I was adopted out of foster care, and then I got that information from my adoptive parents.

Are your adoptive parents still alive?

My dad is my mom died 10 years ago.

She knew.

I reached out to Lutheran Source Services the first time, and I'm pretty sure she got to see the newspaper article, the front page.

She thought that was cool, but she remembers a different article when they read about me.

I could never find that one.

But then she died before the DNA testing and stuff happened.

She'd be tickled pink right now.

And what I found out?

Oh, that's so amazing that they were supportive of you trying to find this information and and that they were open with you just from the beginning with what they felt was age appropriate, right.

My dad still asks me, you know, weekly or monthly, like any headway.

He knows the story.

Up to now, he just never really said what he thinks about or feels.

But he just asked me where we're at with it.

Now you alluded earlier that when you were abandoned there that you were left with with things like a.

Bottle.

And yeah.

So in the police report, a detailed plastic shopping bag with plastic handles and you know, those plastic handles on bags that actually like snap together, that's what it detailed in there.

It's like, wait a minute, I have that bag and cuz I just thought I my parents gave me that bag.

The stuff that was found with me when I turned 18.

They gave it to me.

They said they'd never looked into it.

They said that is your stuff.

We never looked into it.

They had no idea what was in there and I just thought it was a random bag that they had taken because it was from a Maryland department store.

Well, my mom had an aunt that lived in Maryland.

So I just put two and two together that it was just a bag that they grabbed.

Well, speaking with my mother's sister, my aunt, my mother lived out in Washington, DC the year before I was born.

And Washington, DC is next to Maryland, where this department store was.

So this this bag she brought back with her and proceeded to got it.

I'm 99% sure she's the one that left me there. 99% sure.

But there's that 1.1%.

But how would I get left with the bag that you brought back with you?

And I just found that out here last month when I got this police report.

Navigating Family Dynamics and Offering Advice

It's like I have that bag sitting in my storage.

It's amazing how much of the information that you find is, I don't want to say luck because you put a lot of work into it, but it it's wow.

What are your feelings towards your birth mother and birth father?

So if I'm being honest, I think it's, and I've been told this from both my aunts, that my birth mother kind of runs the roost there, runs the house.

They're not surprised that the siblings have not responded.

When I had texted my siblings, I never heard nothing back.

About a month later I sent a certified letter to the oldest 1 so I knew it would get to him explaining the whole story.

Never heard nothing back.

Probably in June of this year my aunt called me.

My birth father's sister said he called me last night and told me that the boys know of you because the oldest one came and asked him if this is true.

Supposedly he got a letter or a message.

So as of right now they know about me.

They have not reached out back to me, but we don't know what story they've been told.

Last week was my birthday week.

So the day before my birthday I emailed my birth mother first time in a year.

Told her this past is the past secret does not need to be buried anymore.

I just want to let you know that your siblings on both.

I emailed it to both my birth father and birth mother.

Blind carbon copied so she didn't see that he got it.

Just saying hey I've met and talked to your siblings and their families.

They've welcomed me in.

They're awesome people.

I said I'm open to meeting you.

If you don't want to, that's fine.

My son graduated this last spring.

We sent them a graduation announcement unmarked, just had the address label and send it to them just so they can see.

My son is 18.

They could have had 18 years.

My daughter's 15.

I'd say they missed out.

So that's not a regret of mine, but it's something, you know what, that they missed out on.

So she replied back and she said, I understand our communication isn't what you want or like we did acknowledge the graduation announcement for your son, which she did.

She just did a random e-mail, got the graduation announcement.

Congrats, that's all it was.

She never calls me by name on emails either.

It's just hello, no name.

But she has been signing the last two emails now, her and her husband's name, her and my father's name.

She did sign it like take care or whatever.

So I think there might be a little bit leeway.

But she said, I understand we're probably not communicating like you want.

And she goes, you know what, I'll talk to the boys and see what we want to do going forward.

I would like to meet my siblings.

I have brothers, you know, adopted brothers or however you want to call that.

I got brothers, grew up with them, but again, they weren't biological full Blood Brothers.

Did that give you some hope?

Yeah, you know, a little bit like I, of course, I hurried up and called my cousin.

He goes, that's a huge breakthrough, but he goes, let's not hold our breath on it either because we might be holding it for a while.

But he goes, it's a huge step.

I've had people tell me I should just show up at the doorstep, I said.

That's a little awkward.

I'm not that.

I'm not that outgoing of a person just to show up at someone's door.

I keep going through the nuance of the fact that she stayed with your birth father, you know, and maybe there's, I mean, I don't know her, you know, but I, I imagine that there's some shame and.

She says there's not.

She told me that one e-mail that there's no shame or guilt and she never felt connected to me.

Those were when I got that, that was a probably a year ago after I first reached out to her and I told her who I was.

That kind of stung a little bit that, you know, no guilt, no shame.

I never felt connected with you, which you had to have that first couple hours or however it happened.

And the reason I pursued this more was, you know, sometimes when someone gives up a baby like that, it was due to some awful reason, like, you know, an assault or some kind of something like that.

The reason I pursued it was she was still with my father, married and had kids, other ones.

So they're put in my words, they're making it worse than it needs to be right now, so.

Yeah, that's an interesting perspective because you are so open, makes you wonder what's maybe really going on there.

What advice do you have for parents who are contacted by a child that they relinquished or abandoned in your case?

I know it has to be shocking, but today's DNA home testing, you almost have to be waiting for it to happen.

If you so did something like that, take a moment but don't lie about it.

And then it's going to come about because like me, even I'm a little bit passive aggressive.

I was going to let people know what happened.

I'm going to tell everyone it's not.

I'm not going to keep the secret anymore.

She can, that's her own prerogative, but be honest with your family.

If you have other children that don't know about this other child, you need to maybe tell them like you said, age appropriate.

What advice do you have for someone who is embarking on a journey of figuring out who they are using DNA or other research?

Keep digging and ask all the questions and don't take no for an answer.

I I could have shut down two years ago after that first e-mail saying hey don't contact anyone.

But then people told me, it's your story, you can tell it and tell it how you want it to be said.

So that's why I've always been in the back of my mind is, yeah, it's my story.

I'll tell it.

I'm part of it.

There's a there's three people in this story and I'm one of them.

And I'll be able to tell my story if I want to.

The past is always present.

That is so true, so true.

Host's Farewell and Podcast Milestones

Well said.

James, thank you so much for joining me and sharing your story so generously today.

I hope that you get more answers and, you know, maybe that damn breaks a little bit more because I can tell that you are so open and willing to connect even after all of this, and that's pretty remarkable.

Thanks again to James for sharing his story.

If you have Adna Surprise that you'd like to share, please submit your story at dnasurprises.com.

We'll be back in 2026 with brand new DNA Surprise stories.

But before I sign off, I want to thank you for listening.

DNA surprises recently crossed 1,000,000 downloads, something I never imagined when I started this podcast nearly four years ago.

Thank you for your reviews, your Patreon support, your emails, and your messages.

It all means so much.

But most importantly, thank you, thank you, thank you for listening.

I hope that this podcast has been a place of support and education for you over the past four years.

I'll be back next year.

Until next time.

This episode of DNA Surprises was hosted, produced and edited by me, Alexis Ourselt.

It was mixed and mastered by Josh Ourselt of Siren Recording Studios.