Devon’s DNA Surprise

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Unraveling a Decades-Long DNA Surprise Journey

I always thought about the ending of the story was supposed to be, you know, I'd met my father and I, you know, all these things.

And it's like, no, it's that I had this story that's now 74 years old, and I went through all these things.

But look at all the roadblocks I had and all the barriers that I had to come through and all of the the hurdles that I had to go through and all the people that weren't there.

Speaker 2

Welcome to DNA Surprises, a podcast that delves into the world of unexpected DNA discoveries.

I'm your host, Alexis ourselves.

In July 2021, my life took a surprising turn when I found out that I'm an NPE, a person who has experienced a non paternal event.

In other words, my biological father isn't who I thought he was.

Join me as we explore the stories of NP, ES, adoptees and donor conceived people and their families.

Get ready to unravel the astonishing journeys that begin with a simple DNA test.

This is DNA surprises.

What happens after you take a DNA test, after you make contact with new found family, after you write that letter or e-mail or hit send on a text?

You wait and wait and wait.

In this week's episode, I'm joined by Devin, who spent almost the entirety of her 70 plus years waiting.

From being raised by an aunt to life with her mother and a man whom she never felt biologically related to.

Devon shares the decades long journey she went on before discovering the truth and making a shocking discovery about her biological father and her mother.

Thank you for sharing your story, Devon.

Speaker 1

My name is Devon and I'm 74 years old and I was born in Topeka, KS and I'm now retired living in Costa Rica.

Growing Up Knowing Something Was Fundamentally Wrong

My DNA surprise story started in 1950 when I was born.

I was born in Topeka, KS and although I was born in Topeka, KS I was raised until I was six years old by my aunt who lived in Detroit.

I never really wondered how I got from Topeka to Detroit because I was really young.

So it was just that I was living in Detroit with my aunt and with raised by my aunt and my uncles.

My mother had seven brothers and I think about five of them lived in Detroit and they worked in the auto industry and I was very happy there.

Really happy little kid.

I was the apple of their eye.

They took me everywhere, bought me all kinds of clothes, doted on me and everything.

So I was very happy.

I used to call my aunt my mother, and she would correct me and tell me that she wasn't my mother, that I had a mother, and she would tell me my mother's name or whatever.

And I do remember my mother coming around, I guess from time to time, but I never really associated her with actually being my mother.

To me, my aunt was my mother.

Anyway, from 1950 to 1956, I lived with my aunt.

And I remember when I was four years old, all the kids in the neighborhood were already going to school, and I was so looking forward to going to kindergarten.

And so in 1955 I started kindergarten.

But you know, when you go to kindergarten, you only go for like half a day.

So I was really looking forward to the next year, which would be 1956 when I was 6, so that I would be able to stay at school all day.

And I remember going to school and being so happy about being in school all day long.

And then all of a sudden it was September 30th, 1956.

My real mother, my biological mother, came back to Detroit and picked me up along with a gentleman that I had never seen before.

And they whisked me away from Detroit and my uncles and my new school and we moved to Columbus, OH.

And because my brother was born on September the 13th, he obviously was already there by September the 30th, but I don't really remember him being around.

But at any rate, I went to live with them in Columbus, OH, and I used to call them by their first names because to me they were kind of both new to me, especially the man, my mother.

Like I said, of course I knew and I knew her name, but I had never called her mom.

When you were growing up, did you seek your mother, want your mother, or did you just kind of accept that you were raised by your aunt and that was just your life?

No, I never really had any questions about seeing my mother being with my mother because to me, my aunt was my mother and I was very happy in that environment and so I never really questioned it.

I think the problem started when I actually moved away from my aunt and all of a sudden I was with my mother and with this man who for all intents and purposes now just refer to him as my father.

My mother and my father living in Columbus, OH.

I lived with them and I called them by their first name.

And I think it was probably around 1960, when I was 10, I remember my father coming to me and saying that it was time for me to stop calling my mother by her first name and I should call her mom, you know, mother, mommy or whatever.

I wanted to, but I didn't have to call him dad or dad, dad or daddy or anything like that, but I needed to start calling her mother or mom.

So I remember thinking, well, if I have to call her mom, I might as well just call him dad.

So I started calling them mom and dad, but I never really felt that they were my mother, my father, either one of them.

And I remember telling my mother and my father that I did not believe that they were my real parents.

And so they brought this birth certificate out and gave it to me and it had my name and it had my mother's name and my father's name on it.

And I was really confused.

But I was only 10.

I really had never seen a birth certificate before.

And I thought to myself, I don't know how this could be.

Now by this time, I, I did realize that my mother was probably really my mother.

So it was more the that my father that I had the question about, but I didn't understand how he got on my birth certificate.

But I really like I said, I didn't really understand what birth certificates really were.

So I just kind of accepted it.

But I always felt something was strange because I just knew that he could not be my father because I had never seen him before.

And so this went on all through high school.

And I remember thinking that it appeared to me that everything started from age 6, meaning that there was never any sharing of information about either of their backgrounds.

Like, for instance, why was I born in Topeka, KS?

Where did that come from?

You know what I mean?

And never had any information about how they met, what they used to do when they were in school, or any of that.

There was no celebration of anniversaries.

There was no, this is our anniversary, we've been married this many years, nothing.

It was just everything started from 1956 and there was no before.

So basically that's the way I lived my life.

My father was in the Air Force, so we moved around a lot and I just went on with that all the way through college.

But I do remember that when I would have close friends, girlfriends or whatever, I would always tell them that I didn't think that my father was my father.

And they would say, why do you think that?

And I would say, I don't know because I just know.

But you know, I had no answers to it or anything like that.

So that's kind of the way I went along with my life, just knowing that something was wrong, but not knowing what it was or what I could do about it.

What was your relationship like with him?

I would say it was poor and that's one of the reasons why I did not think he was my father because by this time I actually had two brothers.

One brother was born in 1956, as I mentioned right before I moved to Columbus, OH, and he was born in Columbus, OH.

And then I had another brother who was born in 1960, and he was also a born in Columbus, OH.

And to me, my father treated me differently than he treated them, but I sort of chalked it up to the fact that they were boys and I was a girl.

And what was your relationship like with your mother after, you know, five years with your aunt who was more of a mother to you?

She she was OK.

I didn't have any like beef with her or anything like that.

It's just that she wasn't very ever very affectionate and she wasn't very talkative.

She wasn't the kind of mother that you could sit down and talk to.

She would never tell me about her life or anything like that, and I just didn't ask.

I figured something was going on and I really wasn't sure what it was.

As a matter of fact, one time when I was in high school, I said something about I don't think you're my mother, my or my father.

Because when I would get mad for whatever reason, sometimes I would just throw that up.

My mother just kind of left the room.

But my father said, if you want to know the truth, don't ask your mother.

Ask me because I'll tell you the truth.

And it was the way that he said it, he scared me so much.

I thought to myself, maybe I don't really want to know what the truth is.

So I didn't bring it up anymore after that.

But I was kind of sure after that that he probably really wasn't my father.

But again, you know, there wasn't anything I could do about it.

I just let it go.

And I was pretty miserable because most of my life growing up, I thought that I was crazy in a way, because why was I thinking that this life and this person who was supposed to be my father wasn't my father when everyone else was saying why do you think that?

Why do you think that?

And I didn't have any proof.

First Clues and a Mother's Refusal to Reveal the Truth

That went on until about 1984.

So I was 34 years old and I went to Detroit.

I used to go to Detroit when I was growing up.

Every summer from the time that I left in 1956 until I was 18, every single summer I would spend in Detroit with my aunt and my uncles and my brothers would stay with my mother and father in Columbus or wherever we were.

So I was pretty happy part of the year.

And then the other part of the year I just would think I was crazy.

But, you know, I didn't really have any proof of anything, so I just figured, well, this is just the way my life is going.

By 1984, I was married, and I had told my husband the whole story about my life and how I didn't think my father was my father and growing up with my aunt and all of that.

And we went to a funeral in Detroit in 1984.

And I was standing outside and my uncles were like, a little bit ahead of me talking in another area.

And I don't think they were paying any attention to where I was.

And I heard one of my uncles say, refer to me and then say something about her real father.

And I was like, oh, that was the first inkling that I had that I was right, that there was a real father somewhere.

And I poked my husband, and I said, did you hear that?

Did you hear that?

And he said, yes.

So after I had a chance to be alone, I went to my aunt and I said, can you tell me, because I know that this man that I'm calling my father isn't my father, can you tell me who my real father is?

And you could tell she was really nervous and she said, no, I, I don't remember.

I, I think I remember her mentioning his name once, but I don't really remember what it is.

And I said, well, tell me this was I born in 1950?

Was I born in Topeka, KS and is she my mother?

And she said yes and I said OK so I just left it went back home.

Now I'm thinking I'm really crazy.

So I was going to a therapist to see if she could help me figure out how I was supposed to deal with this.

And she said, well, you have every right to know who your father is, and you should just tell your mother that she has to tell you.

And if she won't tell you, then you just tell her that you're not going to have anything else to do with her.

My mother called one day and I said, you know, I need to know this information and I need you to tell me who my father is.

And she said, well, if I tell you, what are you going to do with the information?

And I said, well, I don't know because you haven't told me the story yet.

I suppose if you told me that he didn't want to have anything to do with me or he didn't want me to contact him or anything like that, I wouldn't.

And she thought about it for a minute and she said, well, I'm not at liberty to give you that information.

Oh, how frustrating.

And I said, well, then I guess I won't be talking to you anymore.

And I hung up the phone and I didn't hear from her.

We didn't speak for about two years.

And then one day, just out of the blue, she just called me, just like we had talked yesterday.

And she just started talking to me.

She said, Oh, well, we want to get a house in Houston and you know, if you want it, you can live in it and all that and you can go pick it out and everything.

So I thought about it and I thought, well she's not going to give me the information and it looks like I might get a house out of this so.

You sound so patient and and calm and collected.

How were you feeling when your mom basically admits this man who raised you is not your biological father so confirms what you have thought for decades at this point, but she will not tell you who?

I know, but I kind of felt validated in a way because then I knew I wasn't crazy.

Yeah.

Because up until this time, I thought I was crazy because I had this birth certificate and how did he get on my birth certificate is what I was thinking.

I'm like, how did this happen?

So when she finally said, you know, I can't give you that information, I was like, oh, great, at least I wasn't crazy.

And then I thought, and I'm going to get a house.

So she got a house and I lived in the house.

And that's kind of the way things went.

But after I moved from the house back to California, I said, well, maybe there's something I can do about this now it's been confirmed.

And I thought, well, I must have been adopted because I figured that's the only way someone else's name could get on my birth certificate without them actually being my biological parent.

So because I was in Columbus, OH when they first took me away from Detroit, I thought I didn't really know how to start.

So I contacted, I think it was like children's services or something like that, just 'cause I didn't really know where else to write to or who else to contact.

So I wrote them a letter and I gave them all the information.

I think I even probably sent them a copy of my birth certificate, whatever.

And I asked them if they had anything on file about me being adopted because I figured it must have happened in Columbus.

And then they wrote me back and they said, no, we don't see anything that says you're adopted, but there's such a thing as an original birth certificate.

And you can contact the Vital Statistics or whatever in Topeka, KS, and get a copy of your original birth certificate.

And I was like, oh man, there's such a thing as an original birth certificate.

So I wrote to Topeka, KS, and lo and behold, they sent me back my original birth certificate and my original birth certificate.

I just had my first name on it.

I didn't have any middle name.

It had no father's name.

It had my mother's signature.

And it said that I was born in the Florence Crittenton home for unwed mothers.

So I started kind of putting two and two together because I started trying to make my story right.

And I knew that my mother had gone to Fisk University and I figured, oh, she must have gotten pregnant when she was in in college.

And then she gave me to her sister to raise.

So then I tried to contact Florence Quinton in Topeka, KS, and they told me that the home had burned down and there were no records.

So I was like, OK, back to the drawing board.

So I'm thinking, OK, that's.

So that's all the information basically that I have.

What I was thinking to myself was that if I can't get the information from my mother, I figure I'll just have to wait when my father passes away.

Then I could probably get my mother to tell me because I figured maybe it was the fact that she was married to him or something is the reason why she couldn't give me the information.

So there went my life all the way up until 2004, from 19 to 84 to like.

This is just so much time going by.

Mother's Death and the Search for Records Continues

It is, but there wasn't anything I could do because there.

There was nothing you could do, but but how are you feeling?

Are are you just in acceptance of like, OK, this is kind of where I'm at and there's not much I can do it.

Are you hated it I.

Hated it and I was miserable, but there wasn't anything I could do because my aunt had already told me.

I knew that she probably did know, but I figured what what my thought patterns were, that my mother was the youngest of nine children and she was very smart.

And she had won a double scholarship in 1947 as a black lady to Fisk University.

And my aunt and my uncles were all very proud of her.

And I tried to put myself in their shoes because if I know that if I had a child and I had a sister and I didn't want my child to know anything about who their father was as the sister, I wouldn't tell because my allegiance would be probably to my to my sister that it's her business, it's her life.

And if she wanted her child to know, she should tell her child, not me.

So I knew that I wasn't going to get any information from my uncles and I wasn't going to get any information from my aunt.

And the home had burned down.

I had a birth certificate with no names on it.

And that was just the way it was.

So in 2004, my father passed away and I thought, OK, now I should, I should be able to get some information.

Well, first of all, I couldn't ask right after he passed away because that would be rude.

So I didn't say anything right after he passed away, like in December 2004, in 2005, she got sick.

And so I thought, well, this is not a good time to ask.

And in 2000 and 2006, she got diagnosed with cancer.

It was pancreatic cancer.

So she was getting, she was really sick and she got really thin.

And I went to visit her and everything, but I just figured that wasn't really the time to bring it up either.

So in 2007, she got really bad and we got a phone call saying that she really wasn't going to make it and that we should come.

She lived in Hawaii.

That we should come to Hawaii.

So we went to Hawaii.

And I thought to myself, my brothers were there and everything.

And I thought to myself, now she'll tell me because she's going to be passing away.

My father's dead.

You know, my stepfather is dead and there's no need to keep the secret anymore.

So every time my brothers would go out to do something, I would stay at the hospital.

And I thought, OK, I'm going to stay here because she's going to tell me, right?

And she kept getting worse and worse and I would stay there and everything, but she never really told me anything.

And then she got so bad that they would put her in the Hospice and she was kind of just going in and out, in and out.

And I couldn't stay because I was working.

And you never know how long someone's going to be in the Hospice.

And I also had a child in back in California.

So I left.

She never told me.

I stayed there, you know, as long as I could before I caught my flight and everything.

I stood, you know, I sat by her bedside and waited for her to tell me and she didn't.

And I left and about a couple of weeks later, she passed away.

So no answers, no answers.

But I thought, well, maybe, maybe now some of the some relative will tell me.

Well, by then just about every one of the relatives had already passed away because my mother was the baby and there was only one other relative who was as the wife of one of my uncles.

And I said I'll ask her.

So I called her up and I was going to ask her and she was so distraught about my mother passing away she was crying.

So guess what?

I couldn't ask because how do you ask a question like that when somebody's grieving?

So I thought, well, I'll just wait a little while and I'll give give her like a little bit of time and then I'll ask her.

So the next time I was going to ask her, I tried to contact her and no one answered the phone.

And I googled her name and she was deceased and she was the last person left in the family that could give me any information.

What's going through your mind at that point?

I was so sad and I was mad and I was just like, why?

Why is this happening to me?

There must be some way.

So I spent most of my time trying to figure out how I could figure out what had happened.

And so that was about 2008 or something like that.

So I think it was or 2009 or 2010 I contacted Florence Crittenton and I thought let me contact Florence Crittenton and tell them my story and maybe they can help me figure out what I can do or maybe they could just give me some information.

So I sent an e-mail off and lo and behold, I got an an e-mail back from the president and she was like what is happening here?

And she said first of all, the home didn't burn down.

And I was like, really?

And she's like, no, the home didn't burn down, she said, but it merged because in 1950, in the 50's, the homes were segregated.

And I was born in the Florence Crittenden Home for Colored Girls.

And they combined the homes because she couldn't find any information on me at at the home.

And then one day she called me up and she said, can I ask you a question?

And I said sure.

She said are you black?

And I said yes and she said that's why we couldn't find any information because they were looking in the white home.

But the records had been consolidated by then and there still wasn't much information.

I think there was only like about 6 girls in the colored home and my mother was there.

But at least she said we have some pictures of what life would have been like.

And there's another lady that handled one of the other homes and she's still alive.

Maybe I could contact her and see if she remembers anything or if she could give us any information.

So she said, I'm going to fly you up to Portland where the offices were, and we're going to give you a tour and we're going to just give you all the information, answer any questions that you might have, even though they didn't have my particular information.

So they flew me up there and it was great.

I had a really great time and I came back and OK, I had this information.

I felt a little bit better.

I'd seen what the homes were like and all of that.

And that's all the information I had on that until 2019.

And now this is the time when DNA tests are coming on.

Unexpected Sister and a Doubted Biological Father Identified

So I took the 23andMe and I took the family tree DNA test and I got all these DNA matches.

But I you, you know, they give you like a million of them.

And it was just too hard.

I couldn't begin to try try to figure out what side they were on and I couldn't investigate everybody.

But I had the DNA test and in 2000 and also in 2019, I got an e-mail from another person who said that they had done their dnathroughancestry.com and that their mother was a match to my half brother.

So he was asking me, is there a way that your mother could be my mother's mother is the way he put it.

I said, well, when was she born?

And he said she was born in 1951 or whatever.

And I'm like, no, because I'm, I was born in 1950.

So if I had somebody that was after me, I would know, right?

I said, or it could be some of my, you know, my, the uncles or something like that.

So I gave them all, he would ask me all these questions and I would give them all this information on all the uncles and everything.

And he would say thank you.

And you know, that was that.

And we went, I went on down the road.

So in 2021, my niece, this is the niece to the brother who was born when I was six.

So the older brother, so that the younger brother had already, that's where he had already taken his DNA test.

And now my other brother's daughter was going to take DNA test@ancestry.com.

So I said I'm going to, I think I'm going to go ahead and take the test at Ancestry because my half brother is on there.

I'll have my half niece on there.

And what I'll do, I still won't be able to figure out who my father is.

But what I'll do is whatever doesn't match with me, I'm just going to attribute that is from my father.

Just to kind of clarify for anyone listening, so you're testing on the same ancestry site, which is where your brother and your niece were testing.

My half brother and and my niece half niece right?

Yes, were testing.

And anything that overlapped with them, you could safely assume would be from the maternal side because you shared the same mother, or your niece, the grandmother.

And then anything that didn't overlap, you're thinking that's going to take you to your father.

Right.

And and what I was more interested in, I really didn't think that I would find a father.

But you know how they tell you your ancestry is in England and Africa and all these places.

I figured, well, I'll be able to figure out where the DNA is from on my side and I'll just attribute that to my father and that's probably the best thing that I'm going to be able to do, right.

So I, I took the test and I'm in Costa Rica.

They sent it the test to me and I did this, the spit test or whatever it is and I took it to send it back.

I went to DHL to send it back and they said, well, what is it?

And I said, well, it's my ancestry thing.

And they said we can't take it.

And they said because they don't take live biological specimens, I guess.

So they said they they weren't going to be able to take it.

And I'm like, well, how am I going to get it back?

They're like, I don't know.

So I came back, I'm like, boy, everywhere I go, there's like a dead end.

So I was went home and I was like, OK, I don't know what I'm going to do.

So we had a friend that was going to be going back to the States and he would be happy to take the test back for me.

So I said, OK, he took the test and took it back.

And I got a message from Ancestry saying, you know how you can trace it?

We've got it.

We're doing this.

We're, you know, stand by, stand by.

I'm waiting and waiting.

I'm, I'm actually sitting at my computer.

It's January, like January 15th of 2022.

I'm sitting in my computer and I got the little message that my results were in.

So I click on and I'm looking because I'm thinking, OK, so the first thing I'm going to see is my half brother and then I'm going to see my niece.

And then I'm going to see and I click on and the first thing I see is a sister who's a full sister.

We had like 50 some odd percent DNA match.

And I'm thinking to myself now, how can this be?

So then I'm thinking that they made a mistake.

I'm like, well, now what do I do?

Because they've obviously made a mistake because I don't have a sister.

And then I saw the next person after my sister was the gentleman that had contacted me in 2019 to ask me if my mother could be his mother's mother.

And I'm like, Oh my God.

So I sent him a message back and I, I said oops.

And I sent him a copy of, you know, the list and everything, right?

So now I have a sister and I, we hired A genealogist and Florence Crittenton referred me to someone that was the genealogist that was also a private investigator.

And they could help me go through all the matches and everything and help me figure out, you know, what they could to help me figure out if I could find my father, right?

I don't even know if it took a week.

I get a message back.

We found your father.

I was like down my father.

They made a family tree for me and had like about 80 something people on it, all these different people and told me where the family was from and all of this stuff.

Now, in the meantime, my sister, after she's finding out what, who I am, they send off for her birth certificate and everything and her birth certificate comes back.

Well, first we're trying to figure out how this happened.

And my husband's like, wouldn't it be funny if she was born in Florence Crittenton home too?

And I'm like, she couldn't have been born there because I was born there in 1950.

I'm not my, you know, my mother didn't go back one year.

We're one year and two months apart.

I'm like, I know she didn't go and then turn around and go right back again.

So my sister sends off for her birth certificate and lo and behold, she's born at Florence Crittenden Home for Colored Girls too.

She was born in the one in Kansas City, MO and I was born in Topeka, KS and I think they're about 45 minutes apart because if you get pregnant, you can't go back to the same home twice.

Then we get adoption papers that my sister, my mother put my sister up for adoption and she put her up for adoption as soon as she was born.

So we're like, OK, so we got the redacted information from her intake form or whatever it is when they do the adoption.

All the names were redacted, but it gave us a little bit of information about how tall the father was and everything you know, and all about the family and all that.

So we had that information.

And then when the genealogist got finished and the private investigator, he put the family tree together and he said that he had found our father.

So I but he didn't have any information on him.

He all he knew was that my mother was born in 1928.

He was born in 1929 and he died that he went to school.

It said that I think he went to school like till he was like 11 or something like that.

And they did this by process of elimination because, you know, they take all the family and then whoever doesn't have an alibi, you know, then they they weed them out like that.

Like he didn't have an alibi.

He was around my mother's age and I was in the family because there were a lot of people whose like cousins and whatever, whose DNA that I matched so closely that it had to be along that line.

So now I know who my father is, or so they say.

That's who my father is.

But again, I wasn't buying it.

I'm like, I don't see my mother being with someone who only went to school until they were 11 and no information on them at all was like nothing.

Why would she be keeping that a secret?

It's like, that's not that.

That just didn't seem like worse a secret.

And also knowing my mother, that she was so educated and so smart, I was like, I couldn't even see her being with somebody like that.

I don't know.

He's the genealogist.

You know, he's doing the work.

So I said, OK, so there was going to be a family reunion the following year in 2023 near Pittsburgh.

And my sister was in Kansas City.

So I wrote, wrote to my sister.

My sister had two strokes and she had had cancer, so by the time I met her, she was in a wheelchair and she could talk, but it was very difficult for her to talk.

So it wasn't like I just had a sister and I could call her up and start asking all these questions.

And so most of the things I had to go through my nephew, who I had a pretty good relationship with since I had been leading him down the wrong path since 2019.

So I would get all this information from him.

But I, I arranged to meet him 'cause he was in Atlanta and one of my other nieces were in Atlanta.

We did like a family reunion there.

I had my daughter and my son and another cousin that was from one of my uncles.

We all met in Atlanta for like a reunion dinner and everything.

And then I was going to go to Pittsburgh for the family reunion on my father's side that I didn't know any of the people except I had contacted some of the people on the DNA matches and.

So they were, they were welcoming.

Yeah, they were very, they were very welcome.

Union.

Like they invited me to the family reunion.

I thought, well, this is great.

I'll go to the family reunion.

Maybe somebody can tell me about the the guy that dropped out of school at 11.

And, you know, maybe I'll feel a little bit better about about it and then I'll go see my sister.

So she had you, your mother had you, then took you to live with her sister.

And then?

Pregnant.

Again, with the same man, right?

Mystery man.

Who you?

Eventually identify, right?

And because she had very recently had you, she couldn't go back to the home where she gave birth to you, and I presume could not give your aunt another.

Baby to put.

Her for adoption.

OK, OK.

And so you said that your sister had had cancer and some strokes.

Was she aware of who you were or was she excited to see?

Forgiving Mother, Finding Father, and Sister's Farewell

You very excited, OK, blood relatives and knew nothing by this time.

I mean, I was 72.

She was 71 by this time and she never knew anything.

She knew that she was adopted and that's all.

OK, wow.

I know I go to the family reunion and I'm going around it so that they're introducing me and they call them Junior.

So they're like, it's his daughter and people are like, really?

We didn't know he had any kids.

Well, actually that made me feel better because it made me it more like it was, it might have been true because I was a secret, right.

So I was talking to some of the, a couple of the cousins, the older cousins.

Not many of the people knew anything because remember, I'm like 72 and these guys are, you know, 30.

They don't know anything about this guy.

They don't even really know who he is.

But like a couple of the older cousins, so I was talking to them because they lived close to East Palestine where they had the train derailment and all the chemicals went out.

And a lot of people in the family, as I had been researching, had died early, Like my father had died at like 63.

And I was like, well, had anybody ever thought of the fact that maybe it was some chemicals or something that.

And she said then they said, well, that's the case for some of them, but some of them bring it on themselves.

And she said, like your father, he was a drunk.

I think he drank himself to death.

As soon as she said that, I was like, Oh no, Nope, I'm not having this for a father.

After all of this, This could not be my father, my mother.

She just wasn't.

You have to know my mother.

When you say this can't be my father, you don't mean like I'm not claiming him.

You mean literally like I do not think that this is my.

Exactly.

And I had been saying that ever since they told me who it was.

I was like, no, I even have a therapist since this whole thing started.

And I was talking to my therapist and I was telling her I just don't think it could be my father.

And so that the when I thought that my story had ended, I said I'll just have to accept it or whatever till I heard this stuff right.

And I, I'm like, this can't be my father.

This can't be my father.

What can I do?

I don't know what where else I can check.

I don't know what else to do.

When I was talking to my therapist and she was telling me all about the primal wound and we were talking about adoptions and everything.

And I said, you know what?

I actually was adopted because that when I, when I went to see my mother, when she was passing away, I found my adoption paper in the drawer.

But it didn't really prove anything.

It just had her name and the guy that.

I never thought was my father his name on there.

So that just proved that he adopted me and that was the end of that.

So I just had taken the paper home.

But when I was talking to her, I said, you know, I was, I was adopted because I never really thought of myself as being adopted.

But I thought if I could just get the papers from when I was adopted, maybe there would be like a clue as to what happened with the adoption.

Because I I had been led to believe that from Florence Crittenden since my mother had not written down a father's name, that I probably would not find it because the mothers did not have to write down their names.

My mother was actually 21 when she had me, so she was an adult.

And actually at the homes they sometimes took fake names to shield the person from other people ever finding out that they had been pregnant.

So they did everything that they could to conceal it.

So I figured pretty much I was not going to be able to find out the name.

And it was redacted on my sister's copy.

And I told them that they could, you know, see if they could check further, whatever.

But it cost more money.

And I don't think they were as interested in finding out as I was because I think they were a little more content with just finding out who her mother was and finding me and me finding the family.

I think that was enough for them.

And I had given them a name of who the father was.

So, you know, it was fine.

I was following the Cleveland Adoption Network and I had I saw where the records were open in Ohio for adopt, for close adoptions or whatever that the records were open and I thought maybe I can contact Ohio and least they could send me my records and I would have the story right.

I also had sent away for my mother's military records because the genealogist said that maybe my mother had written my father's name down because maybe, you know, they get a lot of information from me because my mother had gone into the Air Force.

That's where she was when I was with my aunt.

No one ever told me, but that's where she was.

So I sent for the military records and I didn't get anything.

So I contacted Cleveland Adoption Network.

I said, can you help me find out how I can get the papers that go with my adoption?

And they said you have to know where you were adopted.

And so they gave me the number and I contacted the lady there and I, I gave her the case number and everything.

She said here's the process, it's free.

She sent me all the information.

I got all the paperwork together and I sent it off.

And two days later I got back a packet from the Franklin County and it was 13 pages long.

And on the very last page, it named my biological father.

And it wasn't the guy who they said it was.

It was his uncle.

So they were very close.

But the reason why they didn't get him is because he was 20 years older than my mother.

He was also prominent in Detroit.

He was in politics.

He was of an alternate for the Democratic Convention, National Convention and 1960.

He was a a union Stewart.

He was very intellectual.

And I was like, that's my father.

He was a snazzy dresser anyway, So, you know, that made more sense to me.

And so, yeah.

So he also was married in 1940 and had a son.

So now I have 1/2 brother, too, right.

So I looked it up and he passed away in 2021 so.

No, no ABS brother.

But his wife was still alive and she was on Facebook.

So 6° of separation.

I found somebody that knew somebody that knew somebody, and they contacted her and told her that I was trying to contact her, that I was a relative.

That's all they said.

And would she, you know, be interested in speaking with me?

So she said sure.

And she gave the phone number and I said oh, I don't even know how I'm even going to get into this story.

And so I said, well I want to tell you my story.

And I was telling her how I didn't know who my father was.

And she stops me and she says, oh, I am so glad you're telling me this story because my husband, who is my half brother, always thought that his father was hiding siblings somewhere and that it was a secret.

And I was like, yeah, well it was a secret and we're the siblings.

So I told her all about my sister and myself.

So before I even had told her that I was contacting her because her husband was my half brother, she already was saying, Oh my goodness it.

My husband had the same situation.

So she sent me pictures and everything of him and the pictures that she had, but she was estranged.

My half brother was estranged from our father because he was so secretive that they just stopped talking.

And my father was in Detroit and he, interestingly enough, one of the relatives that I met at the picnic, the family reunion was with my father when he passed away.

Now, at the time that I was at the picnic, I wasn't looking for that guy, that is.

So when you learn this information now granted he was married and everything and and he was older than your mother, were you more satisfied with the outcome as to totally your biological father was?

Totally.

I was so satisfied with that and also it explained why she didn't give me the information right then.

I like I just forgave her because it was like no wonder because I'm not even sure that my adopted father even knew about my sister because they got married in 1955 and you know, my mother had given her away in 1951.

I don't know if this the truth or not, but I'm thinking that my my mother probably married my stepfather, adopted father, whatever in 1955 without telling him about that and only telling him about me.

So I figure my mother could never tell me the story because if she would have told me it would have opened a Pandora's box and then I would have found out about my sister.

Or I guess she thought the best thing was just don't say anything so she didn't and then I would.

I had told my my sister that I was going to come and see her every year because we had never had any time together.

And I knew that.

I mean to me she lived a long time after having two strokes.

So she had the strokes in 2011 and it was 2021 when I found out, 2022 when I found out about it in 2023 when I went to visit her.

And I was so happy to have a sister.

They were so welcoming.

And I met my other, my other niece and my, my daughter met her and my my son met.

It was a grave.

And so I said I was going to come and visit them in Kansas City because she can't travel.

And so we made arrangements for me to meet for us to meet up again.

We were going to go in July of 2024 and I talked to my therapist and I had all this information to find out about her because she really couldn't speak that well.

So I made like this list of all these questions that I can, you know, things like what's your favorite color?

What, what, you know, just 'cause I didn't really know anything about her, but I just felt like she was my twin.

I just had that feeling, you know, we just had that.

They were so close in age and I just kept origin story.

If we were to, I was so mad because all my life I wanted a sister.

And I used to tell my mother, well, I wish I had a sister.

But you know, you can't make a sister.

You can't make a sister.

You know, if your mother's not gonna have a doesn't have a girl, you won't have a sister.

I saw these relationships that people had with their sisters.

And when I met my sister, I thought, oh, I always wanted the sister.

We could have been trading clothes and we had our kids.

Around the same time in May, I got a message from my nephew saying that my sister had been taken to the hospital and they didn't know what it was.

And so she went to the hospital.

They said she had pneumonia and they said that, you know, they were working on her and everything.

And then they said that she was better.

They were going to send her home.

So they sent her home.

And then I got a message about a week later saying that she wasn't eating and she just wasn't cooperating.

They took her back to the doctor again and they said, well, she needed a heart valve transplant or something like that, and but she wouldn't survive the surgeries.

And I said, well, what are they going to do?

And my nephew said, I don't know.

And I said I'm going to go for a walk.

And so I went for a walk.

And when I came back from my walk, I had a message saying she's gone.

And that was that.

But because we had said that we were going to go back in July, we went back this July anyway.

And her husband had an 80th birthday surprise party.

So we went back to the party and my daughter was there and she was with her two cousins and we were out at a restaurant and they were talking and my husband said he heard the girl say she's just like mom.

How did that feel?

That just made it even more like that we were twins.

But I feel like at least I got the information to her 'cause she got to know who her real father was before she passed away and she got to meet me and she got to know about her mother.

And maybe that's just the way it was supposed to be.

Before I sent the information off to the adoption agency, I just thought, am I just going to die and never know?

And then I got the information.

I got the family and I got to meet my nieces and my nephews and I got to at least meet my sister because I almost didn't get to meet her 'cause I didn't get to meet anyone else.

Advice for Parents and Those on a DNA Journey

Because it, you know, half brother was passed away and, you know, so that's where we are.

I always thought about the ending of the story was supposed to be, you know, I met my father and I, you know, all these things.

And it's like, no, it's that I had this story that's now 74 years old and I went through all these things.

I didn't have a lot of support on the side of on my my half brothers that are still alive.

One of them isn't speaking to me since we were going to do the reunion in Atlanta last year.

He just stopped speaking to me and didn't go.

And the other one is now he also has the same cancer that my sister had.

And in addition to that, he is, has early onset Alzheimer's.

So doesn't really do any good really to talk to him.

So other than that, it's like, I don't really have any support there.

And that's just, I, I think another one of those roadblocks or one of those things, I'm so used to them now.

You know, it's, it's more of a surprise to me when I, when I do find something, but I'm tenacious and I, I'm, you know, I stay at it and, and I stay on the trail.

And so I'm pretty happy with what I found out.

I'm, the information that I've been able to find out about my, who my biological father was is wonderful information.

He seemed to be like a really great guy and he seems to be a lot like my sister and myself.

Well, my mother is a lot like my sister too, but my father was a kind of like a, a political activist, which I am, and he was an accountant, which my sister is, and he loved to dress, which I like to do.

And so I'm very happy.

Absolutely.

What advice do you have for a parent who is keeping adna surprise from their child?

Don't do it.

It's better it.

I mean, there are other people like me who live to be my age or maybe sometimes even older that have to live with that emptiness of the question of who their, their biological parent or parents are.

And it's something is missing.

It's just something that it, it can't be filled up and it's, it's not worth it.

It's really not worth it.

It's like, and I think now even like for adoptions, they're not doing, they're doing more open adoptions now, which I also think is a good idea.

And if you ever have an adoption and you have to give a child for adoption, I think it's really nice if you fix it so that you can meet the child at some point.

It just does so much because look at all the that it did for me.

And I didn't even get to meet my my biological father at all, you know?

So no secrets.

This is the end of the secrets in our family.

Thank goodness.

And what advice do you have for someone who just uncovered Adna surprise?

First, take a deep breath and know that you may be in for some twists and turns, but it's very, it's a very interesting, I think to actually find out how you link with the people or the, the person or the persons that you find that are in your family.

And you'll probably discover some traits that you have some things that they do that are just like you.

I, I thought that was one of the greatest things to find out because when you don't have it, like when I was living with my adopted father, he was nothing like me, you know what I mean?

But when I found out about my biological father, as I just mentioned, we already had all these things like, oh, he did that.

Oh, that's why, that's why.

So just take a deep breath and just dive into it and see what you can get out of it.

And I think either even if it's not a good surprise or ends up not being what you want in the end, I think you still will gain something from it.

And you it's, it's up to each person to to make something out of whatever it is they find, I think.

Devin, thank you so much for coming on the podcast and sharing your story, and I wish you the best on wherever your journey takes you next.

Thank you.

Thanks again to Devin for sharing her story.

Devin started a YouTube channel to document her amazing journey.

I've linked the channel Silva Sistas in the show notes.

If you have adna surprise that you'd like to share, please submit your story at dnasurprises.com and for early ad free access to episodes, join me over on patreon@patreon.com/DNA Surprises.

Until next time, this episode of DNA Surprises was hosted, produced and edited by me, Alexis Ourselt.

It was mixed and mastered by Josh Ourselt of Siren Recording Studios.