Bonus Episode: What’s Next? An Interview with Life Coach Debbie Olson

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Speaker 1

May is almost here and so is the DNA surprise Retreat May 4th to the 7th and Tucson.

Arizona DNA surprises are shocking and uprooting, but you're not alone and there is power and connection.

Join me and Debbie Olson from the DNA surprise Network for four days of community.

And healing six sessions will take you through the DNA surprise experience from the shock and Trauma of urine.

Initial Discovery to acceptance and finally, how to use your strengths to heal registration closes on Friday, April 21st, invest in yourself and your healing process.

Reserve your space today at the na surprise retreat.com.

Speaker 2

People don't recognize that they I'm having a bad day.

So I'm just going to go down three beers or I'm just going to go not talk to anyone or I'm going to be grouchy or I'm going to angrily clean my house, which maybe isn't necessarily a bad thing because then your house gets playing.

But I have you pick, have you just real quick?

Have you been in my house?

Have you been around lately?

Welcome to a bonus episode of DNA surprises today.

I am joined by my good friend and co-founder of the DNA, surprise Retreat Debbie Olson.

Debbie is a certified life coach and founder of DNA surprise Network.

She hopes others navigate life's path.

After having a DNA surprise having experienced one of her own, she enjoys using her skills of empathy, understanding and communication with her coaching clients Debbie session.

In at The Retreat, is called what's next.

And she'll talk about building on our strengths, the power we already have and the next right moves to keep practicing after the retreat.

In today's episode we talk about what a life coach does.

How it's different than therapy and why there is room for both in our healing Journeys, we also discuss how coaching can help people navigate a DNA surprised by using your existing strengths and emotions to move you forward.

Today, I am joined by my co-founder and friend of the DNA surprise Retreat.

Debbie Olson.

Welcome Debbie.

I Alexis.

Thank you.

Nice to see you again.

Nice to see you again too.

Let's go ahead and just jump right into it for people that aren't familiar with you.

Who are listeners of the podcast.

Can you share a little bit about your professional background and how you found your way to life coaching?

So historically,

Actually, I worked in what I always refer to as legal, and I worked for family law.

And the last attorney I worked for actually did criminal law, I did that for over 20 years and I feel like that gave me a lot of understanding and empathy.

Generally, when people are seeking out legal counsel, you know, things aren't well, things aren't good in their world.

And so I think that teaches you a level of patience and understanding and again, just empathy.

So I did that.

And then just before I had my DNA surprise, Fide started becoming a certified life coach, and then having the DNA surprise, I felt that it would be very beneficial to our community and to others.

And so that is why I'm doing what I'm doing,

what specifically about life coaching, appeal to you because like you said, you started before you had your DNA surprise?

So what kind of made you transition from legal land over to life coach land,

I've worked with the life coach for about 10 years and I have found it, very beneficial, I didn't work with her from, you know, day one.

For 10 years, we have done things sporadically off and on, but I just find it very beneficial for reaching goals as your life, changes your dreams, change your desires change, and I find that very helpful in helping me get where I want to be with

life.

Yeah.

So you told your story, your DNA surprise story in season 3 of the podcast.

But for people who maybe haven't listened or aren't as familiar forgotten your story, can you quickly kind?

Of tell everyone what your DNA surprise was, and kind of how that parlayed into coaching when you pivoted your coaching

business, sure.

So, I was adopted by my stepdad at a very young age.

My biological mom, took myself, and two siblings.

I have two little siblings away from our biological dad and told us that he didn't want us and then once I became an adult, she told us he had passed away.

So I did a DNA test hoping to connect this and paternal family Lee.

And after a few months, my unknown to me have sister, did a DNA test match to me, immediately knew who I was and reached out.

And eventually in our conversations told me who she was that my dad was alive and that I also have a brother.

I, this is every time you tell this story, I'm just like, uh, I mean, everyone's stories are so interesting but you have one of the most unique DNA surprises.

The I've heard because you don't have the typical, MPEG any surprise.

You also don't have a typical late Discovery, adoptees surprise.

So it's really different and for listeners, we've been trying to come up with a name for Debbie's like group.

I think the closest we've landed on his, it's complicated.

Yeah, complicated color, eye color a DNA surprise experiencer.

But we've got to come up with something something else.

And how did your life coach help you through your

In

a surprise, I know you went to therapy, but how did your life coach

helped?

The really nice thing for me with my life coaches?

I not only went to high school with her and was already a friend of hers, but we have been coaching for so long that she's very accessible to me.

So I can call her.

I would say I have a 911, you know, can I talk, can we speak?

And we arrange a time to talk so she's very familiar with my life.

She's very familiar with my stories.

I very open to her suggestions and her teachings and so she she helped It's me in all of the ways in my life, not just my DNA, surprise.

She's very good to help me with my emotions to help me use those in my favor.

She's taught me really well, how to take a timeout to recognize when I need a break.

And to know, when I need to do something about how what I'm feeling and how I'm feeling so full

transparency and you and I have talked about this, but for listeners of the podcast, I had a lot of conceptions about what life coaching is.

And I think if you're terminally online, I am you see a lot of coaches, like an Instagram space.

There's like a coach for this coach for that, there's tons of coaches, some of them kind of border on the like mental health, professional.

And I'm very cautious about that because I'm such a proponent of therapy, you know, with somebody who has those skills and as a clinician and so I think there's a lot of like misconceptions about what a life coaches because there are so many different kinds out there and So many different ways of presenting oneself as a coach.

One of the first things when we met, I was kind of, like, can you describe to me what a life coach actually is, and just sort of dispel my Notions of what it

means to hire a life.

Coach sure.

A life coach believes.

You already have everything in you to succeed and to reach your goals, a life coach can't diagnose illness.

We can't prescribe medicine.

We generally I shouldn't say we I should say.

Aye, I will speak for myself as a life coach because yeah, I feel like a life coach just like a therapist, you have to find someone that you feel good with that.

You connect with, I would say to anyone who is seeking coaching or seeking therapy.

Give it a chance.

If you had, you know one experience with a therapist and it didn't work.

You probably just don't have a good connection with that person and I would you know, invite you to Speak to someone else and in legal and people would ask me well, which attorney do you work for?

And I live in kind of a smaller town.

So attorneys are well known and I would say, you know, I work for so and so, oh, I hate that guy.

He represented my ex-wife and she kicked my butt.

There you go.

That's mean, that's a good attorney, right?

So I just invite you to that if you had experiences try again, because I think it's all beneficial again, I think a life coach believes you already have the potential inside you they can help.

You pinpoint what your goals are?

We can help you clarify those and meet and exceed those

one of the one of the other questions I asked you.

When we first met was like, let's say somebody reaches out to you, they say, I've had a DNA surprise, I'm in crisis.

I'm freaking out right.

Those initial feelings that we often have at what point do you say, you know what, I think it would be better to go with a therapist versus me as a life coach, even though you do have that.

At DNA surprise

experience, I believe, if you're for lack of a better word obsessing, if you're if it's interrupt in your life, if you're having thoughts of self-harm, if you're medicating in any way, shape or form regularly, you know, if you really just cannot get through your day, you probably need to speak to a therapist that is definitely not something that I would feel comfortable helping someone with and I have no problem telling someone I think you need to speak to someone more qualified.

Myself.

I went to therapy.

It was very, very beneficial for me and I'm a very big cheerleader of someone going to therapy.

Yeah, that's great.

And that's part of, I think why we connected so much is because you do see the value in that and through our friendship.

Like, I've really learned the benefits of having a life coach, as well.

So it's like, there's a place for both just depending on what your goals are.

Absolutely for someone who has maybe been in, In therapy, or maybe their DNA surprise hasn't been particularly traumatic for them.

When would they reach out to a life coach?

And how would a life coach help someone with a DNA surprise?

I love this question so much.

Because when you talk about stuff like this, it's really exciting to me.

I can help you use your emotions for your benefit.

We all have days.

Even if we've done therapy or were in a good point on her journey that includes, I think you.

And I both, you know, I think we're both feel, we feel We're now to a point where we feel better about what happened to us and we yes and it worked through some things, some hard things.

So I think once you kind of get to that point or like you said, if your DNA surprise, didn't knock, you off your feet or you know, different things like that using your emotions to your benefit are so powerful, using your emotions to your benefit.

Using them to reach your goals, using them to say, you know, emotions are meant to tell you something, they're meant to say, you know, this is a dangerous situation.

This person may not Be someone you want to date.

So I feel like when you learn how to use emotions to your benefit, I mean, that's definitely one thing that I think a DNA surprise can brings out lots of emotions and I think that can be very beneficial ultimately in learning how to use those.

That's one way that I like to coach someone with a DNA surprises, really, just utilizing your emotions.

Can you,

can you give us an example of that.

So, let's say I've had my DNA surprise and I am Upset.

I'm having a hard day.

I feel upset about what has happened to me.

How could I use that emotion?

So when you're upset you generally don't make clear decisions.

Often times people when they're upset, they will make poor choices or they think they're making a poor choice.

The thing that popped into my head just now is I bought McDonald's for my kids for dinner.

Shame on me, I didn't feed my children.

Well, well, did you not feed your children?

Well, or did you provide you and your children with a break?

Because you recognize that you were having a hard night and adding additional burden, on top of yourself by cooking dinner and happy to clean up, and being frustrated, just, you know, was bad for the family and in general and a on a whole.

So you give McDonald's for your kids for dinner.

And you go take a bath, or you go read a book where you turn on a movie and you watch it as a family.

There's ways that your – and I don't necessarily think any emotions or even really – but there's ways that you can learn how to work through those things.

And help yourself.

I love that.

And I love that example because I'm going to be completely honest with everyone here.

That is something I've really struggled with that is specifically.

Even thought example, where I'm overwhelmed, I have a lot going on and on top of that, maybe something has come up with my DNA, surprise, or work, you know, or something like that.

And and I'll say, you know what, let's just go get Freddy's tonight, you know, it will do that or make Models.

And and then I will feel very guilty about, you know, heating up Bagel Bites for my kids for dinner instead of cooking them like the super nutritious home-cooked meal and my husband is really good about going.

Give yourself a break.

It's fine like he's great for that but I'm not.

I am my own worst critic when it comes to those things.

So that specific example is actually really powerful to me, because you're right.

Sometimes there's, there's Always to look at things and the benefits that it provides like this McDonald's like the healthiest food, probably not.

But if it saves your mental health, for it

a day, like, that's good, right?

Absolutely.

And your children are probably like, hey mom, got us McDonalds.

They don't know that you're getting McDonald's necessarily because you're having a bad day, right?

They're extremely happy because they probably wanted french fries.

Let's be honest.

Yeah,

exactly, exactly.

So let's look at the flip side.

I know, you know, DNA surprise, Can be traumatic, they can cause those really upset sort of, you know, not to label, but sort of quote negative feelings.

But sometimes there's really positive feelings.

Excitement about embarking on new relationships with found family members, if they're receptive.

How would you leverage that emotion to build Upon Us strength?

So, for myself, when I had my DNA surprise, I found my biological father who I always knew was out there so it's a little bit different for me.

Then other people's experiences but there was what I call the honeymoon phase.

So probably like, for the first year I constantly thought about what ifs I constantly was, you know, getting to know my family.

I just there was not a day that went by that.

I didn't send my new sister an email or it was just this Euphoria.

And once I started to come down from that Euphoria, that's when I started to experience and more negative emotions, you know, when some anger set in and those kinds of things.

It's not an even path, you know, DNA surprise is not you're not going to start and end and have this even experience.

The outside world will say things possibly and your friends will face a things possibly we hi.

Every one of us has gotten that well, why do you care?

Your dad, still your dad.

It's not that big of a deal, you know, we get those things.

Again, not an even path, not a even killed thing.

And that's when even the positive side of it can be a

challenge.

Yeah, that's really.

Ali true do you help people navigate as they make those new connections and are trying to figure out how do I reach out maybe dealing with with whatever the Fallout is positive or negative as a result of those Newfound relationships is that something that you support people with.

If that's something that they're interested in, I did help a girl who had connected with her biological mom, she was adopted and she was so excited that she could not Envision anything but Happy ending and thankfully for her.

It was at least as far as your mother was concerned.

There's some some different experiences with her biological father, but I do try to advise people that it might not be what you're hoping for and and again you know, that's that could be going back to a therapist as well.

I can guide people along with things but traumas trauma and I think that if you have a really traumatic experience and something that really, you know, flips your life upside down, it's probably Lee a therapist.

Yeah, see ya.

Yeah, that's a good point.

Now, you are the final facilitator at the DNA surprise Retreat, which is coming up very soon.

If anyone's listening to this in real time we're just about a month away, a little less than a month away and you are going to facilitate a session on what's next.

So attendees are going to learn all of these great skills going to learn so much about their Shins and then you're taking it home at the very end using a lot of the skills that you have, as a life coach.

So can you talk a bit about what your session will be about?

Yes.

So I am going to talk about building on our strengths, identifying, our strengths, and building on those.

And then using those in our favor, I'm really excited to be last because I feel like I'm going to pay attention to what other people to speak about teach us about and I can wrap all that up in a really pretty package.

And send our guests away, you know, feeling good about things and just again, kind of what to do with your emotions and how identifying and using your strengths can be beneficial to you in, not only your DNA surprise, but everyday life,

I love this topic because, and it even going back to the McDonald's.

You can tell him, like, still thinking about that because maybe it's maybe not hit home for me this week, but there's so much compassion and what?

Talking about compassion for yourself and being proud of yourself and like, just recognizing what you are bringing to the table and how that can help you move forward.

So, again, kind of in this DNA, surprise realm.

Can you give an example of how someone might identify a strength that they have and then how they can use that to move forward in their DNA surprise?

Process.

I think it's really easy for people to see what they're not good at, right.

You go.

Oh, I'm not a, I'm not a good Mom.

I made McDonald's for dinner, but I think in general you don't feel that way until something happens, that sort of rocks your world, right?

You can be chugging along to you in so good.

You made dinner six nights in a row.

But on the seventh night you need a break.

And now you're now you're suddenly a terrible mother.

When you identify your strengths when you say, you know what, I really am.

A good mom, and here's 10 reasons why I am I really am a good daughter.

And here's 10 reasons why.

I am, I really did have a challenging childhood and it's okay for me to feel like I had a challenging childhood.

So when you can recognize that, yes things are going to happen, they're going to pop up and kind of slap you in the face.

But here's all the good things that I've learned about myself that I could celebrate.

It makes those trying times a little bit easier.

Hmm.

What are you most looking forward to about the DNA?

Surprise Retreat?

Josh, we We worked really hard.

I'm going to toot our own horn, for sure.

We've worked really hard.

We've got.

And I when I say we Alexis, mostly got us some amazing facilitators, we're going to have yummy food.

We're going to bring our community together in a loving environment.

I'm just excited to be among, you know, these people and share this time and make new friends and, you know, be a little bit on vacation even though it's going to be a little bit of a working vacation for me, it'll still be nice.

As we know it's in Tucson Arizona, I Of an Idaho.

I told Alexis before we got on recording, I can look out my window and still see snow and a little bit over it.

So I'm excited for the weather as well.

Yeah, yeah we're just so excited to increase support in our community.

This is such a rapidly growing space and there are more and more resources groups, Retreats conferences, books, Facebook groups, podcasts, more and more every day and it's It's so exciting to see, and I think we're both just so honored and excited to be part of that growth.

And we're really looking forward to seeing everyone in Tucson and met Debbie has graciously decided to make a very special offer to listeners of the podcast.

So, I'm going to let you speak to that.

What what, what do listeners have in

store if they like, if they want to just reach out to me, they can send me an email at Debbie.

It's D.

EB, B.

IE at DNA, surprise network.com and I would be happy to do a free coaching session so just hit me up and we'll figure out a time.

I do it be a zoom so it doesn't matter where they live.

We can just to set up a zoom call and or even a phone call.

I've done that a few times as well, you know, if they're driving home and that's when they have private time, want to chat world, we can work something out and I'll do a free coaching session.

Awesome, thank you so much for that offer.

That's I hope people take advantage of it because I I can attest to the fact that throughout this planning process Debbie has been my sanity.

I'm just helping me, and she is such a calming presence and I think anyone would be lucky to have her as a coach.

So

thank you.

I appreciate them.

And if people just want to find out more information about you, Debbie also has an amazing list of resources on her website.

Where can they find you online?

DNA, surprise

network.com and then DNA Price Network on socials.

Yes, Instagram and

Facebook.

And we will I'll put the link to all of her resources and contact information in the show notes.

Great.

Well, Debbie thank you for joining me.

I'm sure we're going to chat a ton right after this.

We are deep in finalizing Retreat plans, but we really hope that you will join us May 4 through the 7th and you can register at DNA surprise retreat.

Eat.com, thanks again.

Debbie thank you.

Thanks again, to Debbie for joining me.

If this conversation resonated with you we hope you'll join us.

May 4th through the 7th and Tucson Arizona for the DNA surprise Retreat.

Registration closes, April 21st, but there's still time to reserve your space at DNA.

Surprise Retreat.com see you soon.