Charlotte’s DNA Surprise

This transcript was generated automatically. Its accuracy may vary.

Speaker 1

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Speaker 2

He has

Speaker 3

told me, he would have never agreed, he would have never.

If

he had a say of loud, that

he would have taken me and raise me the best, that he knew, how he would have never allowed that to happen.

And I think for a man, you know, to know that he missed his child's whole life, someone else for my braces and bought my car and was that my prom and I think it's been really Art and very hurtful for him and I in a way I think maybe had to take on the role of a parent in my relationship with him in that particular time

early on, we don't even talk about it anymore, because it doesn't matter.

But I just had to

say to him, I had to be the one comforting him and saying, you know, my parents wanted a daughter, and they prayed for her daughter and I Was the answer to their prayer and I don't hold any resentment towards anybody for anything.

Yes.

I wonder.

What would my life have been like, where would I have?

You know, gone to school.

My, my whole

life would have been completely different and so I just trust

that it worked out the way that it was supposed to be and that I met them at the time that I was supposed to know them, but I It was so hard for him and hurt him

deeply.

Imagine spitting into a tube, sending off your DNA, and unknowingly turning your life upside down for me and thousands of others.

This is our reality, I'm your host Alexis ourselves in July of 2021, I discovered that I am an NP e someone who has experienced a non-participating Eternal event.

In other words, my biological father isn't who I thought he was this podcast shares.

The journeys of people who were shocked by a DNA Discovery.

Mostly through Modern DNA testing.

We're telling the stories of NP, he's adoptees and donor conceived people, and their families.

This is DNA surprises.

Sometimes people stumble onto DNA surprises in the most unexpected.

Affected ways and this week's episode Charlotte tells her story.

Charlotte knew she was adopted her entire life and had no desire to find her birth parents.

What she didn't know, however, is that what she took a 23andMe test, thinking that it only gave her a health background, she was starting down a path to learn her truth.

Thank you for sharing your story.

Charlotte Charlotte.

I am about to be 54 and I am from

Texas.

So I was adopted at Birth.

My parents, My adoptive parents, who are my parents?

And always will be my parents, but I've known my whole life that I was adopted.

My earliest recollection.

I was three days old, but When my parents recently talked to me about all this, they both said five, not that it matters but I have no memory of them.

Telling me, I've just always known, I find it remarkable.

They must have shared it in the most remarkable way.

I have so much love and respect and admiration for them.

For however, they said what they said because I have zero Trauma associated with that or pain or confusion.

I, when I think about it, I only feel love and joy.

So I give so much credit for whatever they said or however, they said it or or

what, how they have related that to me.

My whole life, they have one child together.

My brother, I think of him as my brother because he is my brother but he He is their biological child.

My mom could not have any more children, and they wanted desperately wanted more children and they wanted a daughter, she did.

And they prayed for that for a long time.

And they shared more recently with me about kind of how that came to be, and it's to me just remarkable.

They had been trying to work it out for a while and nothing was was working out nothing.

All of the places that they had tried were Are extremely expensive and they were not, you know, affluent and so that was not something that, you know, they felt like they could do but they trusted that it would all work out.

And there was a county children's home about an hour away from where they lived and someone had shared with my mother.

That is County.

Children's Home was helping young pregnant, mothers was not.

Through an adoption agency or anything like that.

And my dad said he knew she was serious because he came home from work one day, and there were these people in their house.

I mean, the minute that her friends, shared this with her, she got on the phone, she called to confirm.

She said, what do I need to do?

And you know the process the paperwork of what all they had to do and so as I said my whole life I knew this it never was.

This is an issue for me ever.

I never thought about it.

It never was in my mind.

I've heard stories of children that it almost consumes them.

Did you have any idea of why your birth mother decided to let you be adopted?

No, my parents.

Well, so, I'm trying to think in a timeline because when I, when I share From my heart that it was never an issue, that's really genuinely true.

So, I have to think in my mind back to the few times when I ever talked to them about it, it just wasn't, it wasn't a big deal, you know, it wasn't a pot, it wasn't my

identity.

If it was such a special

thing to me, I have a memory and I can't remember how old I was.

Maybe a teenager, I don't know my birth mother shared with the children's home.

They had non-identifying information which I don't know if you're familiar with what that is but it's essentially information that you give the family, just so that they can have some information about their their child that they're adopting without identifying the family.

There's no names or anything like that.

I guess they had asked Your questions in the initial process.

I haven't talked to her about any of it, so I can only conclude that,

but she had,

they knew how old she was, and they had physical description of her, and of her parents, her siblings.

And then the man that she identified, you be my father and that, that was a less information about him than about her.

But the story that

she she shared she was 20.

And she was single and the story that she shared was that her mother was English and that her father was an American Soldier and they met during the war.

So we didn't know what, if any of that was true or if that was just something that she told, I have no idea if the County Children's Home, required him to sign right sign papers, you know, those kinds of Things are very different today legally, I have no idea.

It's so wonderful, but it was just such a positive experience for you.

Growing up, probably because your parents are so open.

I had imagined and you just always knew.

Did you have a desire to find your birth parents?

When you were younger?

Or were you just satisfied with the information they gave you zero, there's always going to be a Natural Curiosity of.

Do I look like

Because I think this is very funny.

My birth mother 57

brown hair,

brown eyes, and her sister,

also the same height.

Same.

I

see you laughing because you can see what I'm not.

Yeah, I'm looking

at Charlotte right now and she is kind of the opposite of those

things.

And her mother, you know, No brown hair, brown eyes about 57, her older sister brown hair, brown eyes, they had a half sister.

That was identified on

this paper half-sister that was British as well.

Blond hair blue eyes, the information that she gave on my

biological father, was that he had I think brown hair.

I can't remember.

That's how so non-important.

Some of this was to me, I think she said He had green eyes, he was 56 you know just the basic thing, she shared his age and but it was very minimal that she shared about him and he had one I think sibling so this is all I ever knew which is like I'm saying is very minimal but in answer to your question.

No I had zero desire.

When you don't know anything about your backstory.

You don't know what it is.

Is and when you don't know what you might find or not find, you're just not willing to go there

and my parents are my

parents.

I would I would never want to hurt them and I knew them well enough to know that that would make them feel, maybe almost betrayed.

I in the last year or two, having all of this happen.

I've read things that I would have never read just To try to help understand, maybe how they would feel or how I feel because I didn't even know how to.

I don't even know how I felt about it when you're not trying to do something and it happens then you don't know what to do with

it.

And

so

women I was

in my mid-20s I suffered from several miscarriages and it was very traumatic and very very difficult very hurtful Very heartbreaking.

I had never lost anyone that I loved 25 and to lose my child.

And then for it to happen again and I remember this, I do remember having a conversation with my mother and telling her this was very hard

because

they want biological information, they want medical

information so that they can

try to help me and I don't have any and she got very quiet on the phone and Just said, I'm so sorry

if I had it to give you, I would, if I knew something to tell you, I would tell you, but I don't

know.

And she told me that

when all of this happened that the family offered to share their last name, I did not know that until that

day when I was 25 years old

and she and my dad talked about it and they decided they didn't want to know.

The the the

County's Children's Home said it was a very common name and so then they

thought, oh

my, if it's a common name then every time we hear it, we will wonder you know,

and they just felt it best.

Then if if I ever ask questions they can be

honest and say we don't know and

so that part of it at that time

was very hard for me because I didn't know if what was happening was the genetic problem and I wanted to be a mother And thankfully that wasn't God's plan for my life and I have two beautiful healthy children.

Our son was born premature with several birth defects and thankfully we lived in a community that was a medical community with

amazing doctors and Children's Miracle Network hospitals and they were they saved his life

but always wondered.

What?

Is his birth to fix a genetic thing.

We knew on my husband's side, it wasn't because he knows all of his, you know, family and history.

But I did

not.

So that was

kind of a hard time, you know, my husband had shared with me when we met and dated and, you know, eventually married.

He said I, if you ever wanted to find your parents, if you ever wanted to find your family, that would be really hard for me to say,

For you doing

that.

And why is that?

Well, I think

probably many people have, you know, you have a Prejudice, you

have a bias.

We all have biases that we don't even know we have that, it's comes from, you know, our culture it comes

from the inputs that we have based on family and friends and stories and in his world in his mind, those things don't tenor illegal.

Well, and he loves me and will do anything to protect me.

And his greatest fear would be that.

I might find these people that did want to be found, and they would hurt me and he didn't want me to be hurt.

And that was his, I mean, I guess Prejudice is not the right word.

I'm not really sure what the word is that I'm searching for, but we, I think we all have this way of viewing things and it in

Net.

And in

like I said, our input in

life, causes us

to have a view.

And so in his mind and even in my

own mind, I felt the same and I would say, yeah, I say want to find me that would be fine.

I would be totally fine with them finding me because then I would know that's what they wanted and I can be happy then knowing that

they made that decision, you know, I knew nothing.

And so

for all I know

they're married and have families that know nothing

about me.

And how selfish I would have felt to just

literally turn their world upside down, rock their world, you know, and also very much considered my parents and never wanted them to feel that they were anything.

But that so it was just never

a never a big deal, you know, my

birthday.

So I would think

about her and I would wonder if she was still alive, and I would wonder if my birth father, was still alive my biological father on Mother's Day or Father's Day.

I would think about them and

for people who

are Christ followers, this is going to sound bizarre, but

I pray.

I would pray for them and I would pray that they would have accepted Christ.

Christ because in an acceptance of

him, then I'm I'm not only I would not only be blood-related to them, but I would be eternally a part of an eternal family with them that even supersedes

that DNA.

You know, the Bible

tells us that in heaven, we will know one another and I couldn't think of a more perfect thing like on this Earth, my relationship with them.

Could it be

Because none of us are perfect.

None of us have perfect relationships, but to know, that some day they died went on before me.

They be there like those babies

that I lost.

I believe we're there, we'll

know each other and so that just always gave me such peace about it in a way that you know, you can't explain it unless, you know, right.

So

but I never wanted to, I never prayed to meet them.

I never.

That was okay,

if that makes sense.

Is that

was never important to me.

So this is how we got there then

since I would never have done this on my own.

Yeah.

How did you get this?

How did you end up having a DNA

surprise?

Yeah, okay.

So in 2017 early 2017, my husband who is the most

amazing person I've ever met in my

life.

He's always trying to find

fun things, new things, you know to give me

for gifts or to find

for us to do.

I mean, This is how we end up going to Switzerland and running a

marathon, you know, I mean it's all him there.

So he comes to me and he says, hey, I've been thinking about this

gift.

I want to give you for your birthday

but I wanted to ask you what you thought about it.

He says I was thinking about getting a 23andMe kit and you know I wanted to ask you what if you wanted one and I said, what is that?

I don't even know what that was.

He says oh it's this kid and they send Did you this file and you you

send in a saliva sample and then

they analyze analyze it and they'll

send you back your ancestry

composition.

And I just thought that would be really fun to see

your ancestry composition.

And I said

yeah that would be really cool and he said and you can also

send off to get your

health and

analyzed and you know we don't know anything about your biological family.

And I just thought that would be really, really cool thing.

What do you think?

I said, oh I think that sounds really

fun.

I think that would be fun.

We had no idea, not a clue that you could be connected to family who had also as your introduction, says spit in a tube.

I thought it had to be.

I've taught you how

to take a blood test for some Something like that.

I didn't know how that worked.

You know.

It may sound unbelievable.

Yeah, sure.

You did

But this was four years ago, things

have changed a lot in that world even in the last two years last year.

I said, well why don't you get one?

And he said, I know, I know

who all my family are and, and then he said, but they are doing a, I think this is maybe March April, they're doing, Mother's Day, I sell you buy one, you get one half and he loves a good

deal.

So I was like oh you get one to you get 12 and then we could we could get a, you know, our

ethnicity our, our ancestry composition, if that's the right

word.

So we did send the idiom probably, you know, for five weeks later, get the results back, my British percentage was very high.

I want to say it was about

79% 75%.

Something like that.

And we had a

great laugh about that and I spent all this time.

He said, all this time I thought I was married to a Texas girl but nobody had me a British girl, which is themed to confirm

what my birth mother had shared.

So we believed at least that part was, you know, true had our health analyzed and thankfully, I have excellent genes and no Health markers.

No, no issues.

I'm

very healthy person.

And that was that.

That was the end of that have.

Being no clue that all

these people on my birth mother's side and my biological father side.

We're just out there.

All I

had to do is Google, you know, click on it but again, I know a lot more now even than we did four years ago, so fast forward

to November of, 2019,

two and a half years

after.

Yeah, I was gonna say that's quite a gap.

Okay.

So, school teacher and I'd had a very long day at school.

My husband had a home office.

He just happened to be at home working.

That after evening, I mean, it was almost evening.

Although I'll

never forget it, it's burned in your brain, that that will never go away that moment and I came walking in through the

laundry room into the kitchen.

And he was working at a stand-up desk.

And, you know, we had our evening, greeting, and how was your day?

Him.

I'm thinking about what we're gonna cook for dinner or whatever.

And he

said, did you have future emails?

Did you get that

email from 23andMe?

How did you see

that email?

And I think I

was standing there and and I said what email?

said about a close relative about a relative.

And I went like this, I was like emails all the time.

And it'll say, Say Charlotte, you have a new relative and it's, you know,

fourth cousin or something like that.

I did not understand what all that meant or what centimorgans were, or any of that.

said, no, this is different.

And I said, what do you mean it's different?

And he said this is, it's a close relative and I walked over.

He pulled it up on his computer computer screen on his laptop and I walked over and I looked at it and it Did this person was my first cousin

and I looked at him and I said, oh way that's not right.

There's no way.

That's right.

That you cannot be that simple.

That would mean this person is parent and

one of my

biological parents were siblings and we have we share grandparents.

And and I look at the, you know, the information that the person is

shared and they were 16 years older, than me.

Me.

And I just said that that is not right.

I'm not an overly logical or overly analytical

person and just immediately to me that just was not,

right?

And I am married to

an analytical.

See the details, solve the problems, kind of person and he

said, you should care,

12% DNA with this person.

It is right.

This does not

wrong.

And I said, okay, Whatever I wasn't interested.

I didn't even really think about it and about a week later he says, and he is a more naturally curious person than I am.

So I just find all this really funny.

Now when I think about it, you know, he said going to do about that, I was

like what am I gonna do about what?

And he said this this person you know, what are you going to do?

And I said I'm going to do anything and he said really aren't You not curious.

Are you not interested?

No, I'm not.

I just am not.

And we talked about it a little bit and, and he said, you

know, my number one priority is, is your safety.

And this doesn't feel threatening.

He's very protective person and he is the very cynical, skeptical person about trusting people sometimes and it did not feel.

It didn't seem too

Name or scary or something to be

afraid of or to avoid in the way he saw

So probably maybe a week or two past and I said I wouldn't even know what would I do.

It's like well you could just send them a message.

Say I wonder how we're related.

Oh sure, you know.

And he said I think that's very non-threatening.

And I said, what do you think I should do?

Because I really trust

his His judgment, his leadership, I trust him and, and that was his advice.

If you can send this email and be ok, with whatever the outcome, if you never hear from them and be okay, and hear from them,

regardless, what you hear, be, okay?

So, I thought about it, I prayed about it and I did come to a place where I felt a peace about it

and kind of in a little small party.

A little excited about it, but not expecting anything.

Honestly, so, I sent a very

generic email and I

believe all I wrote was

high.

We I wonder how we are

related something, something like that, hit send.

And that was it.

And I did think about it, probably that first week.

And then,

when I didn't hear anything from her,

it did I realized that?

Either a,

she had not seen the

email or be, she had seen the email and

was not interested, you know, in responding to the email.

So, then about three weeks later, I was at school, and I was wrapping up the day, it was late because I always worked late, and I don't even

know why I checked my personal email and there was three emails from Her and she

was beside herself.

So excited.

What, how do I how could we be related?

I have a very big family.

I know who all my family are.

This is crazy.

Who are your parents?

What's your Grant?

I mean, it was just, you know, and she would send me something and then see something.

And so I immediately wrote my husband I think I may have called him and I said, did you see the email?

And he said, yes.

And I said, what do I do?

If he goes well, I guess you talked to her, I don't know.

What do you do?

So, she had been visiting her daughter and

no State and this is why she had not seen.

You know, my emails are my one email me and she wanted to know.

Could we FaceTime and I'm

a pretty go with it personally.

I said sure right.

So here's this person that I don't know, she doesn't know me.

She just thought this is wonderful.

She didn't doubt it.

You know, like I did so we facetimed and just hit it off, just from them get-go.

And you know, I felt that I could safely could tell her.

Well, I was adopted at Birth and I can't

Answer your

questions because I don't know.

So we at that point did not know was I related

to her through my birth mother or through my biological father,

but she was so excited, and she was very careful about people in the family that

she contacted.

She felt a protection of me

immediately, which I love her.

For to this day.

And so she only contacted certain people that she felt might know something and even if they didn't know, would be kind to me and would be loving to me as family, you know?

So she reached out to her only living uncle

that she has has

left.

She was the daughter of A man born in the early 30s and then her uncle was the oldest

of the seven children.

And so there is a big gap between if this is making sense between her

father's birth year and then the the youngest child born.

So this would make sense why we are 16 years difference because there was that big of a gap between the the children that the It's how to add and we just, you

know, hit it off immediately and we talked and with answer each other's

questions.

And so she reached out

to her uncle, her father's youngest brother, that was still living the other for sadly

have passed.

And then also,

he has a younger sister that is still living.

So, you know, in her mind trying to process how it all works.

She's thinking I could be the daughter of her aunt.

I can be the daughter of one of her

uncle's.

We even wondered was there a

possibility that her own

dad had a child, right?

That he didn't know he had and instead of being my cousin, we shared enough DNA.

She could

be my half and even so, you know, we're trying to end the timeline of things figure this out and we can she reached out to her.

Gold baby did not know of anyone who had placed a child for adoption.

And she was very adamant that although, their family was not perfect, that no one would ever have given up the rights to their child, if they had known and that she was very, very adamant about that.

And I said, well, you know, you just don't know.

We don't always know people's stories or what they've been through or or what has happened

his Why

we wrote me, she sent me a Facebook message and introduced herself and said our nice shared with us about this.

And we think maybe you might be my husband's nice, and we just, here's my phone number.

You know, if, if you have questions, I don't know that we'll have answers, but we are more than willing to help you.

And I'm just like, what the hell?

This is great.

So I ride or not thank

her and

we started sending each other pictures because she believed we were I was related to her husband somehow, you know, and sent me pictures of of her and him and their kids.

And and we just developed this really special relationship right away and the same with If this woman that we weren't, we didn't know if she, we were cousins or if we were half, nice, half aunt.

That's pretty much all.

It could be from the DNA and she shared with she has one sister shared with her sister and, you know, I just connected with them and it was just really special is really sweet.

So how did you end up connecting?

Who the connection was the parents, your parents, okay?

So, that's a very long story of how how it all came together.

My husband is the problem, solver.

He is the analytical one and he just jumped right into all of this.

He learned how to use all of the, the terminology.

He studied it, he figured out, he Out, how all of this worked and he just jumped right in with me and we just would set up at night, some of the best memories that I will ever have.

Was that time with him, where we went on this journey, we decided we're going to do it, we're going to go on this journey.

We're going to its here.

We didn't look for it but it's here

and he would have his computer at the table and I would have my computer at the table and And I mean, there would be so many nights where we look up, and it would be 130 in the morning.

And, you know, we were just trying to

put the pieces with the DNA connections.

We were trying to put the pieces together, and at that one point in all of this, we came to a point where I believe the term is triangulation, where there were three predominant names, that we noticed work, Common.

But, but we did not know if this was paternal or maternal, but it did kind of give us some names to look for, right.

And then I have this half aunt.

And I remember saying to my husband, how

many, how many deaths could there be and Texas, does a great job with their records and so we thought maybe that might help if we could

find

her death certificate.

A long story short, we did find it, we he was staring right at it and at that, exact moment, didn't tell me realize.

But when we found my half, Gant's death certificate that helped confirm the families that we thought and then it was just a matter of

going to

each great-grandparent looking at you know.

And these families had a ten children and we go to this great grandparent, there is the child and there is the name that we are looking for and then we keep looking and Everything that my birth mother shared about her family was true.

Okay, so ironically the information that she gave that was not supposed to be identifying was actually what

Helen identifying yeah.

So when you were doing your preliminary research really into digging into, how are you related to that first cousin that you first connected with?

And he spent those late nights with your husband, doing the research that is when You uncovered?

Who your mother was?

Eventually.

Well what happened was?

This makes me very

emotional, my, my uncle

family that my cousin

had reached out to they all want to know

but she be my sister.

Maybe my dad is her dad and they decide to take tests and I am freaking out literally And I'm crying and my husband's like, honey, this is the most amazing thing.

Maybe people run from this and they're running to you not from you, they want to know how you related to them, they love you.

And of course, maybe I don't want to know, you know, I was really struggling with that because the of the five, brothers, four of them were married.

Yeah, that's a question.

I have is, is once you realize that there was Was this DNA component to 23 and me that you hadn't known about before?

Were you concerned about outing anyone for having it a secret child?

Like if they didn't know about it or without a fear you had,

I didn't until them until I find out that my my possible cousins art are ordering kids and two of them were arguing over, which one was going to take it?

Well, she could be my sister.

Sister.

Will, she could be my sister?

Well, at least let me pay for half of his kit, you know?

No, I did not think that based

on the

non-identifying information.

I had I don't know how many times in that process we would stumble upon something and think we'll could it be this?

And my husband would look

at me and say do you believe the paper?

If you believe the paper, if you believe what she said then it can't be this.

And What Child doesn't want to

believe their

parent even though I know as I have learned more about All of this more times than not, super to protect the parent to protect the child to protect people.

Wise, lots of lives.

Were told, lots of things were made up, but just something, just, I just knew at least the part about herself, she had told the

truth

and so not until that moment, did it?

Cross my mind.

No, it never crossed my mind that my biological A cool Dad could have been married and that was a moment for me.

Where I remember telling my husband, I feel like a little girl walking through the lovely Meadow pushing my car to flowers happily and now my cart has been something happened and I have no control of it

anymore.

You're not in your

head and my god, get a flowers is careening down the hill.

And I'm running behind it.

Waving my arms and I can't stop it.

Well it's going to be found will be found and the fact that these people recognize that this could mean that their father was unfaithful and yet

they still want to know is amazing.

I had had

a chance to have to have to create a relationship with these people even to the point.

They wanted my cousin that I was initially connected to.

She just wanted to meet me so badly.

And for people who don't understand how big Texas really is, you cannot just hop in the car and drive an hour or two when you are all over the state.

Like we are, I'm

over 6 hours from her.

Her

her sister about five hours, her uncle seven hours.

So, I made my mind that was never going

to happen.

We were not going to meet, but she just sang.

I just want to meet you.

I want to see your

face.

I want it.

Can we please?

And I thought,

how would we ever make this happen?

But I said, well, I'm a teacher.

And I will have off part of spring break,

okay?

That's it.

Spring break.

We'll all meet the the least amount of driving for you.

So, for us, that was four hours, 45 minutes and we met at her sister's house.

And it was my husband and

I My my

original match.

The first match that started all of this.

But I said no way her older sister and then her, let her uncle, that is still living.

The youngest of

the five

brothers, and his wife and we just hit it off.

I mean, we had already talked on the phone multiple times and this at me other but oh, what a fun time we had and I wasn't even nervous.

You know, you would think I would be nervous but I was It's not, I felt like I already knew them

because I had talked to them so many times already.

And so when did the cousins get their results?

Trying to think in the timeline was probably six months after the beginning of all of

this.

And then it took about five weeks, six weeks.

So my uncle testing.

Then my original matches sister sent in a kit and Another one of their cousins that was one of

the other brothers Sons, if that makes

sense.

Yes, one of the brothers that had passed.

Hmm, yes.

So at this point, we know who my biological father can't be because she and I would have been sisters, right?

So we knew that her dad was, it was not a possibility, we fairly certain about one of the other uncle's just his character and the kind of person that he was and that kind of thing.

So we kind of had in our mind who it could be through, it couldn't be.

And you know it seemed obvious by dates that their Uncle by dates.

Should have been my biological father and I would never have asked him in a I

would never have asked him in a million years but one day we were on the phone and he just said well I'm sure you're thinking it's neat that it's you can't be me

and you know I can get inside someone's head and know exactly what they're thinking but that was 50.

Something years ago you have memories the things the way you remember them.

You have times and places and in his mind the time and place.

Just didn't make sense to him.

It didn't match to him.

So we go, we meet, we have this great time.

His wife buys him, you know, this kit time passes.

My husband, who is extremely intuitive has for some time.

Believed what he believed?

I said, no, this is not possible if he says it's not, it's not we move.

We go on.

So he calls me.

My uncle calls me and he says, I have some bad news.

Well, I thought he was about to tell me, I'm not even your uncle, which would have broken my heart because I had so fallen in love with these people.

So I said, oh, what's going on?

And he said, I don't know, something is wrong with my kid and they got all the way to the end.

And I've heard of this happening to people, they got all the way to the end and then there was something about it that they were not able to do whatever needed to be done.

So they're going to mail me another one and I'll send I'll send that to you.

Soak it in right away and I was like, huh well you know I'm getting accustomed to wait here so fast forward and I'm sitting on the couch.

It's like one evening, I figured if he's gotten his results or if my cousin's, you know, had gotten their results, somebody would have told me but I think well, I'm just gonna check my account.

I click on the app and there it is.

And I just I think I audibly gasped

and of course this you know, scares my husband and he looks over at me and he says, honey what's the matter what's wrong?

And I said ancestry says is my father and he looks at me and he goes, yeah I knew that.

Okay, I did not you know, people might say I was in denial but

You didn't believe it could be him so I didn't believe it could be him.

So I experienced something months before that,

probably not very many people in my situation will ever say they experience to matheus.

I met my biological dad, I sat with him, I talked to him and I didn't know that who he was after you found out the truth.

Then, what did you do?

Well, I started bawling Owing my eyes out.

And my husband was

very confused

and said, why are you crying?

This is wonderful news.

You already know him, he knows you love him, he loves you.

And you were so afraid that your father would be married and and you would have been conceived in a way of a married man.

And he wasn't married at the time and, you know, the best of all outcomes, he's alive.

And and I You see, I don't want you to be embarrassed, he's told everyone including himself, I think that it can be him and I don't want him to be embarrassed.

Now he's gonna have to go tell everybody.

You know, this girl is my daughter and he's gonna have to tell his kids and what's his wife going to think?

And all I could think about was him when thinking about myself, but I was the first one to

see this match.

He else had seen it, nobody else knew

they had not, it was

late at night and no one else had checked their, you know, emails.

And so, you can imagine what my night was like, you know, and all

I can think is, there is no way, I am calling anybody, you know, this is not my doing, this is not my place.

I am not

telling anyone

later on that afternoon, my cousin text

me, or maybe she called me.

All these results and text me as soon as you can.

This is so

exciting and I'm sitting there going,

nope.

I mean I don't know how this comes across

because I hope no blame to anybody, but I just didn't feel like it was my place to tell.

Someone, I was just daughter.

I felt like that's something like he should have to do not have to do, but he should be the one to do that.

He should be the one to tell his nieces and nephews, and his

wife, and his children.

that was not my point.

My

place to do so.

So, Anyway, he

called me that evening and he said, hey I got my ancestry is about results

but I don't know what to do with this because you know, he's his age, he's not as Adept at the

technology, his wife is younger and so she's more depth at the technology.

So I

said, can I can you give me just a few minutes and I'll call you back.

I call him back, I explained to him, what to do, I tell him where to go click on matches and he This.

Oh well look at this ancestor composition and said I was like, no, no, no that you can look at that later go to the top.

I'm trying to walk in through this and his wife is there and there it is parent and he is reading it out loud and he doesn't it does not register with him parent-child 3462 centimorgans.

He has no idea what he is just read.

He has no idea what he has just seen his wife.

I immediately knew what it meant, so she says it out loud and when he hears her say it

it's just dead silence on my end of the phone on his into the phone.

And he says,

what is this?

This may

not be your father.

Yes, sir.

And he just he was in utter shock,

so was I, apparently no one else was shocked.

But the to does, he

end up remembering like having a girlfriend or seeing anyone does he does it make sense to him

now?

Oh, yeah. – now I'm okay.

He said I don't even know what to say.

I know it's true that I don't know how it's true and he said, I'm so

sorry.

And I did not know it was true.

And I said it's okay and he said, well, it doesn't change anything.

I still love you.

Hmm.

We hung up the phone

and

the next morning the next day.

think he called me probably three times the first time he called me,

I had not.

I had a, an old photograph Of my biological mother.

The only picture that I had of her.

At that time, was an old yearbook

photo and he knew her later than that

photo.

But I had never shared it with him because I felt like I owed her privacy.

It just seemed like a violation of privacy to show her picture to some stranger, you know?

So I said, do you want me to send you her picture?

ER, and he said, yes, and when he saw her picture, he knew who she was, he remembered, who she was okay?

They they were not a Boyfriend/Girlfriend status, they dated for several weeks.

And that was that, I mean he has shared with me since I don't even know if she knew my last name.

So I don't know that she would have been able to

Find me even if she wanted to find me.

So he had no idea that she was pregnant or anything.

No.

Oh he knew nothing of her pregnancy.

He knew

nothing of me or my adoption and I think

he came to a place where he

could be okay with that

because you don't have any choice but to be okay with it but I think it has hurt him deeply Lee, then he felt not

embarrassment.

He felt this deep

remorse, this deep.

He's a good man.

And so recognizing that he was responsible for paying for anyone was very hard for him and he felt such guilt that she went through this alone and didn't have support and it hurt him.

He said, my choice has affected your mother's life.

My choice is affected her life for the rest of her life, and I sent, you are not responsible for her choices are responsible for yours.

She's responsible for hers and we have developed a beautiful relationship.

I have a wonderful

relationship with with all of

his family.

He, he asked me not to say anything until he wanted to tell people.

Self and I said, well, that's no problem.

will not be saying anything to anybody.

So how many brothers and sisters do you

have?

I, I went from being the youngest on both sides to the oldest.

My biological.

Father has two children.

He has a daughter and a son and then on my maternal side, I am the oldest.

I have no contact with them.

I have never met them.

My maternal side.

I think I Pretty big secret.

Okay, only my birth mother's mom and her older sister new.

I'm not even sure her dad knew my birth mother's older sister when she found out what was going on.

She drove seven and a half.

Eight hours picked my mother up, took her back, brought her back and let her live with them.

Took care of her was there.

When I was born, I have connected to my too.

My maternal.

Aunt.

I am very close to her.

That's wonderful.

We have met several times.

She's coming to visit me.

I'm going to visit her.

We just have this immediate Bond.

She is everything.

An ant is supposed to be and we are very much alike.

I teach her all the time.

Are you sure?

I'm not your daughter because I my personality is so much like her.

And she always

What happened to me and was so willing and

open to meeting me and knowing me and just so grateful that I'm okay.

And I'm not made very many maternal connections partially because I do feel very protective of my birth mother, I do not want to intrude upon her

life, I took me a long time

to get the courage and the piece I did.

Eventually I did send her a letter.

I'm almost a year later and I put pictures in there and in my letter to her,

I tried to be very respectful.

I asked

her no questions.

I did not reveal to her that I knew who my biological father was, because the man that she thought was my father was not, okay, and I still don't know.

Whether she knew the truth and just believed that this other man would give us a better life or if she honestly believe that.

This other man was my father.

And I think that's all very painful to her because when she went to him the man that she thought the man she identified He rejected her, he

hit his mother rejected her

and pretty much

your problem kind of thing in my aunt has shared with me.

This the nights that she can hear my mother crying and how heartbroken she was.

And so, I have this deep deep compassion towards her and deep Mercy towards her because regardless

of whatever choices

she made, it does not define her as a person.

It does not make her a bad

person.

She had relationships.

She found herself expecting a

child.

She went to the man that she believed was my father and he was not supportive.

So,

I'm, I have not had any of these conversations with her.

I don't want to hurt

her and I will

Never talked to her about that.

I feel like those are two families that don't ever need to know of the other.

Why, why would that even be necessary, right?

I feel a protectiveness.

Or them all the letter that I wrote her, I told her who I was, I told her my name and I just told her about my life.

I told her about my children because they are my life.

I told her about my husband.

I told Her

about the things that I like to do my hobbies things.

I'm interested

in.

I told her that I'm a teacher

and I just said I hope that you are.

Well,

I hope that seeing these pictures gives you peace

and I hope that you will be glad that I sent this letter to you.

That was very

hard for me to do

very hard.

It was almost a year before I really did have a piece because I did not want to

hurt her.

Right, right?

I don't want her to feel bad.

I don't

want her kids to be upset, because I'm pretty sure they do not know why I

exist.

So I'm not going to

put myself in their family, you know, I'm just

I've I didn't expect to hear from her but about right before my birthday.

I got a letter from her.

I'll read it to you, if you don't be too.

Hey, it didn't she didn't close the door but it was almost like she didn't leave a door open either.

And so, this is the letter that she sent me.

Thank you for sharing

Oh, I love it.

You know, maybe if someone is listening to this, I never thought I would hear from her.

I expected.

I never would.

And so I guess I just want to, you know, just say if someone's listening you just don't have any idea what this journey might take you on.

I wasn't even looking, you know, and pure here.

I am.

So and this was tight which you know I'm sure people can analyze that one side and down the other but she Not right.

She hand

address the envelope but she did not

write it to me and her handwriting like I

wrote my letter to her in cursive handwriting because I'm kind of old-fashioned that way.

I think.

Hello Charlotte.

How does one start?

Or begin a respond letter.

Your handwritten letter was beautiful.

As are you?

Your children are beautiful.

Yes, you have been truly blessed the Reason you were put up for adoption as simple.

It was the 60s unwed mothers and my case were encouraged to and this is in quotes.

Give their baby a better chance at life.

It had nothing to do with, not wanting my baby.

I was allowed to hold you for a few minutes.

The two nurses that brought you into my room, seemed uneasy.

I think that maybe they thought I would change my mind.

My sister

lived.

With her husband and two children and I lived far away away.

She came and took me back with her, it worked out.

Well, her husband was great.

Always love her for that.

The doctor as I remember was okay, not one word was spoken of other options nor did we sit and talk about what else I can do.

So, the decision was made for me and to this day, yes, I have thought of you

May God continue to bless you and your family.

And she signed her

name.

She

she has a name

that can be shortened to a

like a nickname.

And when I wrote her the letter, I wrote it to her in her, you know, given name her birth name but she signed it as the as the shorter version of her name.

So I thought that was kind of neat that she did that.

How did you feel?

You know, once you saw that

Well, I wasn't expecting it ever.

I remember maybe a day or two after I think this is

probably normal.

It's almost like stages of

grief.

That's the only way I can describe it.

Okay, sounds so crazy.

But I

did go through a brief moment where I was mad at her.

And why were you mad?

I was mad because I felt like that she made it about her and I was I was mad.

Not because I didn't ask any questions.

I did ask her to tell me anything, so why was she telling me these things?

She's telling me these things and she's almost making, it sound like she was a victim, you know?

And it kind of made me the sound so heartless.

But I'm gonna zombie, I'm being honest and saying it.

First, that's how I felt, but it didn't last long those feelings didn't last long,

because my Ben and I

didn't read it

to my aunt, but I did tell her I heard from her and made her happy that her sister did respond to me.

But she said So kindly, you know, in a way she kind of was a victim of the times and my husband really helped me because he said, put it in her perspective, she doesn't want you to think badly of her.

She's trying to explain to you why she did what she did.

I mean, how many adoptive children want to hear?

They were wanted?

I never doubted.

I was wanted.

Never dealt with that.

distribute that

to my parents, making sure my identity was not in that.

Hmm, because I always knew I was wanted.

I always knew I was part of a plan, that might be a bigger plan that I could understand.

so, yes, that that anger.

But I think anger is a part of grief.

I would not say that I grieve.

But I think I've kind of worked through some of those processes and I think it starts with the

denial and I go back to that day of going they can't be right.

So I can kind of see through this two-year Journey, almost two years Journey.

Now, kind of

how I have processed through some of that because this was the surprise

where are you at with everything now?

And and when I asked that, I guess I mean in three parts where are you at with your bio mom?

Your birth mom, where are you at with your birth father?

And then where are you at with your parents?

I'm just kind of curious where you are at this point in the journey, my biological mother.

I sent her a flowering plant because I knew that was something we have in common, and I believed it would make her happy and I have written her, very benign letters with no reply, with no response, which I expected that

I'm kind of at a point where she's not rejecting the letter, she's not sending them back, so maybe I can continue that in a very non-threatening way

two or three times a year.

Maybe, you know, we'll see, I don't know where that's going to go.

As far as I know, she does not know that I have a relationship with her sister.

They are not really very

close and

that's the last thing I want is for her to be mad, you know.

And her sister be mad at me or feel like we did something behind her

back.

fairly certain her.

Children have no idea.

They

have a sister, so I don't know.

don't, I don't know where that's going to go.

I have I have a mother So it's not a desire that I have as a mother-daughter relationship.

I don't, I don't even know what she looks like.

I I would be curious you know, to see what she looks like.

There's a part of me that kind of

feels like, that's not fair, you know what I look like?

But I don't know what you look like, but maybe it's some point in time, you know, maybe she will come to a place where, whatever the whatever

Holds her back won't be there.

I can't possibly begin to know how she must feel.

I don't know, maybe she feels Jane, maybe she feels

embarrassed, maybe it's such a

deep deep wound of rejection.

By the man.

She thought was my father that she just has never been able to get past that.

I don't know.

And that's okay.

She doesn't owe me.

She doesn't owe me anything.

She doesn't owe me an explanation.

The fact that she wrote me a letter is more more than many people get.

So, I'm with my

biological father.

I'm very close to him and his

family.

His children have opened

their homes and their hearts and their families to me, I have gone to visit them.

I've stayed in their home, their children,

refer to me as aunt, and

my husband is uncle.

They that's what they call us.

I still can't believe it.

It's amazing to me.

Me

that they have been so, loving so kind.

I'm their sister, there's nothing else to be said, as far as they're concerned, I'm very much like, my brother, and my sister in many ways very much like them and their personalities, and their faith, in the things that are important to them, that are That they value.

And that's been really, really, really special.

It's been a very special thing.

My parents was very, very hard for me to tell them

what I had found out.

And I decided

just to get it out there from the

get-go, like, probably two or three

days after I knew about the connection with this possible cousin, I just got it out.

I was, I

call my parents every day.

Yeah, I

just said Mama.

I have something to tell you and I do not want you to be upset.

I don't want you to be angry with me.

And she

was like, she calls me shy shy.

She said, just tell me, just tell me what it is.

I'm not going to be upset and, you know, you think, you know, your parents.

And I really thought that she would be really

upset.

I thought she would feel her.

I didn't think she would handle it.

Well, and I thought my dad would be okay and almost not want to tell her, and it's been the complete opposite.

So she was okay.

Like, I told her you remember that, do you even remember me telling you about, you know, buying this kit and she had a vague memory of it,

but they are older, you know, they're a very

different generation, they're in their 80s.

This is all very hard for them to wrap their head around this time.

And she said, yes, she had a vague memory.

And I said, well, I don't know the details, and I do not know how, but I am related to this person and I don't know on which side Each side, but I just had to tell you, I felt, I mean,

it was eating me up and it

only been a few days.

But I have to tell you and she's like, oh, I'm glad.

I'm glad you told me.

I'm glad you didn't keep it from me

and she has been

so wonderful.

And she wants to know, like she wants to know their

name, she wants to know, and she'll get

confused, and I'll have to re explain to her, but she is okay with it, you know, I don't know how many times I

said to them, I didn't do this on purpose.

I didn't go looking for this because I didn't want them to feel like they were enough.

They weren't good enough.

My daughter and son have been wonderful.

My biological father, and his mother and his wife

came and visited us last year.

he wanted to meet his grandchildren and I

know that this is

probably been kind of strange for them, but they've been very happy for me.

My dad.

He just hasn't taken it really well.

Honestly, he it kind of mad.

Oh, he did.

Well, yeah.

Mad at you or just the

situation, the situation.

Like he again you

have to remember this generation.

They are not into the technology of things

like, all of this is so

far beyond the what they understand.

I mean these are

People who this is not their world and I remember him saying to me, you just need to stop

this digging, you're going to open

a can of worms.

I am not an easily offended person, but that is really, really mad.

And I said, well, there is no more digging because I

know everything and I said to him, you know, my husband, do you really think he would take a journey with me if he fought for Any moment that it that I was going to be hurt by

that, and after I said that, he's

been kind of different because he knows that my husband would never let anything or anybody hurt me.

But just the little things he said, the conversations that

I've had and I can't analyze him.

I'm not a psychologist.

I can only go on what if I've known about him for 54 years of my life.

And he's very much protector.

He's very much a, you are my daughter.

Your brother is Mother Sonny, you are my daughter.

You know,

I think in his mind this is just

my I don't want to paint a bad picture of my dad because he's a great guy, but I think in his mind he rescued me from the bad people, you know, he grew up in a time very different from the world that we have.

And in his mind, there was this man who didn't want to be my dad.

He let my mother.

Either do this.

And so he was my hero in his mind and he is very much, you know,

but I think it

kind of scared him.

Honestly, I think he thought maybe they were nice people.

And that they were ever hurt me.

And now that they know more the truth, we just don't really talk about it.

I don't talk about it with him at all.

I talked about it with my mom.

I talked about it with her like she says I would love to meet your aunt.

I would love to meet her.

She just sounds like such a fun person and she's just been way more willing.

I think to to accept that this is what's happened and that it's okay.

And it hasn't changed me.

I'm still me, right?

And she's fun.

He said, I'll talk to your dad, he'll be fine, you know how he is.

And so it's been interesting to see a

side of my parents that I thought I

knew.

It's given its, it's given me, an

appreciation for them in a way that I did not have before.

Honestly, that's wonderful.

What advice would you give someone who might be holding a DNA surprise from their child?

And I'm very interested in your perspective.

Active on this because your parents were very open with you.

About being adopted, it's really different to deal with this as an

adult.

I'm a grown mature woman who's, you know, gone to school, experience things in life, graduated from college.

I've had a career, I'm married.

I have children.

I'm on the other side of

50.

And I wouldn't say this has been easy, because none of, it's easy for life is not easy, family relationships and Dynamics are not easy.

Even when, you know, all the truth.

So I wouldn't say that it's been easy, but I think because I was pretty secure in who I was as a person where my identity is and was Made it easier for me to deal with all of

I can't, I can't.

would advise someone with a child necessarily to tell them

everything because I

don't think they're, they're capable of processing, all of that.

And dealing with all of that, that kind of trauma.

There have been some things that I have learned that have been very sad because no family is without pain.

No, family is without suffering, but I think I could handle it better on the other side of adulthood.

I'm not advocating for hiding.

The truth by any means, but not everybody has an ending.

Like I do, you know, there are now there are a lot of circumstances heartaches and I think you just have to be may be careful about the right time I think.

And I just put myself in this place.

I don't know what I would do, but

If I had

a child and

I knew that the father

was not the father of my child, I can't even.

Imagine letting a man think

that like my brain can't process.

Oh I don't want to

put it in.

Anyway, come across her sound judgmental.

Because how do you answer that question?

Like I

don't know if I were

desperate.

What I would do.

Right right right.

I don't know if I were if I were

that woman.

And I'm

single or I don't

know for sure who the father is or I do know for sure.

But what if he might leave me, you know?

I do not believe that.

I'm above anybody else to say what I might do if I were

desperate enough, right?

Right.

I do believe that if my child came to me at a certain age that I felt like that, you know, we're at a place, I

would want to be honest with them.

Do you have as an adult?

You have to kind of this place where the child's here,

how much of all of that

matters.

Yeah but people are women who maybe they were sexually assaulted.

And maybe they're afraid to tell their child that or afraid to tell their family that were afraid to tell their husband or their children.

So, it's very layered.

It's very layered.

I would say

if you're a mom

or a dad and you know, the

truth that there is probably going to come a point in time where the truth is going to come out.

And you don't want your child to feel like you lied to them their whole

life, even if you were doing it to protect them, you know, I have so much empathy and sympathy for people in this position even know how to give an advice.

So what One more piece.

What advice?

What advice would you give someone?

Who just discovered surprised?

I didn't know this.

They've just learned that they're in npe or maybe they just found out they're adopted or they just found their birth parent.

What advice would you give them accept?

What comes Go with it

and know that you are going to find out some things that are going to hurt.

You be prepared that, that life is messy and you're going to find out some things that are going to make you sad and mad.

And you're probably going to go through stages of a grief that you didn't even know.

Maybe you had be prepared to learn a lot because I knew nothing about genealogy.

And to all this be prepared to that, you might find some relief.

Great

Oh and be prepared but you might now be the person getting an email from someone saying, how are we related?

Yeah, absolutely well Charlotte thank you so much for your time.

I really appreciate you sharing your story.

I'm so happy that you were able to connect with your birth father, that you're building a beautiful relationship there and I hope in the future that things continue to grow with your birth mother and That things continue well with your adopted parents as well.

Your parents.

Thanks again, to Charlotte for sharing her story.

If you have a DNA surprised that you'd like to share, please email, DNA surprises at gmail.com.

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Until next time.