Robyn and Ida’s DNA Surprise(s)

This transcript was generated automatically. Its accuracy may vary.

Intro

It's just a really weird feeling and both Ida and I are still just going through the motions, you know, 'cause we both have little boys, we're single moms, so we still have to get up and go to work even if we're hurting or sick or whatever.

And we both went through this, having to go to work the next day with all of this on our.

Speaker 2

Hearts and on our minds.

Speaker 1

And it has not been easy.

So we are, I know that we are very blessed that we have very loving bio dads and and their families though you know, we still are going through it.

Speaker 3

Absolutely.

Yeah, absolutely.

I couldn't have said it any better.

It's just been a roller coaster and I'm just so glad that Robin's been a part of my ride.

Welcome to DNA Surprises, a podcast that delves into the world of unexpected DNA discoveries.

I'm your host Alexis, our salt.

In July 2021, my life took a surprising turn when I found out that I'm an NPE, a person who has experienced a non paternal event.

In other words, my biological father isn't who I thought he was.

Join me as we explore the stories of NP, ES, adoptees and donor conceived people and their families.

Get ready to unravel the astonishing journeys that begin with a simple DNA test.

This is DNA surprises.

To paraphrase The Beatles, we get by with a little help from our friends.

This is especially true when it comes to DNA surprises.

In this week's episode, Co workers Robin and Ida share their NPE discoveries, which happened right around the same time.

In fact, Robin used her genealogy skills to identify Ida's father.

They reflect on their personal journeys and how they've supported each other as they navigate their emotions.

While every journey is unique, Ida and Robin share many similarities.

Their biological fathers have accepted both with open arms, and both Ida and Robin have understanding and empathy for their mothers.

Thank you to both Robin and Ida for sharing your stories.

I'm.

DNA Surprises

Robin, I am 36 years old and I am in Reno, NV.

My name is Ida, I'm 34 years old and I am in Reno, NV.

So in sort of an unusual twist, or maybe not that unusual because DNA surprises are so common, both Robin and Ida have had and PES.

So we are going to start with the first DNA surprise in our story, which is Robin.

Robin, what happened?

I have always really been into like genealogy and ancestry and stuff and it was my birth certificates.

Dad, his dad, my grandpa, he is the one who got me really into it.

He made me an Ancestry account like so, so long ago.

I had actually done the Ancestry DNA test a couple years ago.

And I remember he wasn't on there.

My grandpa wasn't on there.

And I really didn't think like that much into it at the time.

I was just like, OK, maybe I need to retest.

And I asked him about it and he said, yeah, I'm on there, we should match.

So you probably do need to retest.

And then time went on and I kind of skipped a part.

So I have a sister.

We've grown up thinking, you know, we're full blooded sisters and our dad is Hispanic.

So you can tell like a tiny bit with Rachel, but not so much with me as I'm blonde and very pale.

So the few years past, my grandpa ended up passing away in 2021.

And that Christmas I was like, OK, I'm going to get my sister Adna test and see like if our grandpa shows up on hers or if hers shows like any, you know, any ancestry from Mexico or anything like that.

And hers came back and our grandpa was the very first one that showed up on hers.

And it did show Mexico and like Spain and I think even Jewish and just like stuff I didn't have.

So that's kind of like where it it got like really weird.

So when you got those initial results and you didn't match with your grandfather, did you recognize any names on the paternal side or were you matching with a bunch of people that you were wondering who is this?

Well, because it was so it was so long ago, I don't think I looked for anybody else.

Like, no, there's one cousin named Jeremy on there who would have been from the Hispanic side as well from grandpa's side.

And he also wasn't on there.

So I I really didn't look at it much after that because I thought that there was something wrong with.

It OK, which is common.

A lot of people are like, oh there must be some error in the test.

Yeah OK, so you discover that your sister is your half sister, she matches with your grandfather and you did not.

What happens next Next.

So I actually called Ancestry and I asked him.

I was like, you know, my, my grandpa is showing up for my sister, but he's not showing up for me.

It's showing she had Mexico, but you know, it's not showing up on my end.

Like we don't understand.

We have the same dad and the lady was like, well, from what I see here, you guys only have 26% share DNA.

So that actually means that you're half sisters.

And she's like, I'm so sorry.

We've gotten some other phone calls like this.

I'm going to send you some references to some groups.

And I remember, like, I just kept laughing because I kept thinking like, this lady's so crazy.

There's no way this is true.

Was there any part of you that was like, maybe this is real?

How are you feeling?

Not, not at that particular moment.

I just started to feel kind of like panicky in a way, but I, I was in denial.

I guess I just couldn't like fathom that it was true.

So I like when I was talking to the lady, I just kept laughing and she's like, you're taking this so well.

I was like, she's so crazy.

There's no way.

Oh my gosh.

OK, so then do you talk to your mom?

Yes, I got together that night with my mom and my sister and my sister was making jokes to my mom about her like having too much fun when she was in Navy, her Navy camp or Navy school.

And my mom was like, I just don't understand.

It was only your dad.

That was the only one I was with.

And then when my sister said that about her being in Navy school, she kind of like got really quiet and like was remembering something.

And she was.

Thinking far back.

And she ended up leaving shortly after that.

And the next day she called me or texted me and told me to meet her for lunch.

And I was like, Yep.

Like she definitely remembered something.

So I met her for lunch and I was telling her like, I think I need to retest.

I'm going to have to pay, but I'm, I'm going to redo it.

And she's like, no, there was somebody else.

I, I don't want you to hate me because I never, it never crossed my mind that you didn't belong to your dad.

And immediately I was like, is he blonde?

And she started crying.

She's like, yes.

And I was like, Oh my God, like.

Oh.

It was like the probably the wildest, craziest moment like of my life, that feeling that I got.

How did you feel about your mom after finding out?

And so your mom, it, it sounds like she made an honest mistake.

She truly thought that it was your birth certificate, Dad.

So how did you receive that information and how and how did you feel towards your mom after finding this out?

Well, I'm actually like, I do believe that it was an honest, like it was something that honestly happened by accident.

And it's because me and my sister's dad, my birth certificate dad, he to put it nicely, he's not very faithful to his ladies.

And when my mom went into the Navy, she was doing it for them to better their lives.

They were engaged at that point, and she found out while she was in her Navy schooling that he was cheating on her.

So she was like, OK, well, if he's doing that, then I'm going to have a little fun too.

And she hooked up with a really nice guy, had like a short little fling with him.

And then as soon as Navy school was done, her and my birth certificate dad got back together, got married, and a few months later she found out she was pregnant.

So it never crossed her mind that I didn't belong to my birth certificate dad.

But it it did answer like some questions that I didn't realize I had but.

Yeah, that you look, you look different from your sister and yeah, OK, so now are your parents, your birth certificate, dad and mom still together?

Oh no, no, he they got divorced shortly after my sister was born and he remarried and had two boys with his second wife and my mom has also remarried and she has two stepsons with my stepdad.

All right, so you you take this information.

How the truth has affected your life

It sounds like you have quite a bit of understanding and compassion.

I do.

How are you feeling though, after now you, you have the truth.

You know what happened and that the man who raised you is not your biological father.

It was, it was actually really hard.

Me and my sister's relationship with our dad was a little bit difficult because they divorced when we were really young.

And like I said, he remarried and had two more sons.

He ended up going in the Army and they lived across the other side of the country.

So we like didn't see him very much.

So we kind of had some issues growing up, you know, in regards to like abandonment issues and such from not being around him very often.

So I had already, in my adulthood, done a bit of therapy to like, deal with having more of an absent father.

When I found that out, I kept thinking like I'm doing all this therapy and stuff and trying to heal from a childhood with a dad who I'm not even related to.

That's heavy.

Yeah, that's really heavy.

Did your mother give you a name of who your biological father was?

Yes, she remembered and I looked him up on Facebook right away and it blew my mind.

It was like when I saw his picture like his eyes, it was like looking at my eyes like on someone else and it just it was the the weirdest.

Like, the next few days after that were, like, the most uncomfortable, just weirdest days.

Like, my head was, like, in the clouds, and I could not focus on anything.

I couldn't sleep.

I kept thinking about my birth certificate, Dad.

And like, in a way, it felt like he had died.

And it was really painful.

Yeah.

There's grief, yeah.

Yeah, there's a lot of grief there.

Did you decide to reach out to your biological father?

Reaching out to your biological father

I wanted to like right away, but my mom was like, you know, let's give it some time.

So I think it was maybe like 2 weeks later, we wrote him letters.

I, I was just going to message him on Facebook, but she wanted to write him some nice letters and explain everything.

So she wrote him and and then I wrote him and sent him a picture of me and my sons.

I have two little boys.

And he called us back.

I think a couple weeks went by but he didn't get it right away.

But he called my mom first and he was actually very excited and very happy.

And then after he talked to her, he called me and he was very, I guess, pleasantly surprised because he is over the moon for me and the boys.

Oh wow, have you met him?

Where does he live?

He lives in Arizona and I have met him, I have visited with him quite a few times, actually.

We're we're pretty close.

We talk every day.

Oh wow.

So would you say that he has really stepped into sort of a father role for you or or how do you view him?

Yeah, I would.

Say that he has.

I told him a lot about, you know, my childhood, what my sister and I went through.

He has definitely stepped up and tried to help me overcome some of the things that I went through and that this, this new, you know, MPE status and all the Super uncomfortable feelings that come with it.

He has been the one who has tried to help me get through it the most in the most.

The Story of Ida and Robin

Positive way now.

How long ago did this happen for you, Robin?

I found out right at the beginning of 2022 like it was the first week.

OK.

And at this time, are you and Ida already working together?

Yes, yeah, I had just been there for a couple of months now.

We are pharmacy technicians.

And did you share what had happened to you with Ida at this time?

Yes, it was, you know, it just happened like shortly after I started.

So quite a few of the Co workers knew about it and Ida was one of them.

And I remember one time it was getting close to the end of the day and I was telling Ida like a little more in depth about it and she like she really connected.

Like she kind of started crying and I was really surprised.

She gets very emotional for people and I think maybe like she was touched by it because she has kind of been through something similar even before her discovery, you know what I mean?

Like just the dad stuff in our lives.

She.

Related OK, so, so Ida, as Robin mentioned, you had had adna surprise in your life and then more happens.

Adna Surprise

So can you take us through your experience?

Yeah, so pretty much growing up I had, you know, a normal life as a little kid.

There were four of us.

I have two sisters and a brother and my mom and my birth certificate dad, they were separated.

They got divorced a little bit after I was born.

Probably when I was like around three or four, they got divorced.

But I mean they did Co parent pretty well and I was always at my dad's house and everything.

And one day when I was probably like around, I don't know, 10 or 11, I had overheard a conversation my mom was having on the phone with one of her friends.

And I asked her about it and she told me that she had to tell me something.

And she sat me down and she told me that I had a different father from my siblings, that my dad Jim, that was my dad that was on my birth certificate, that my dad Jim was not my biological father, that it was another man named Miguel that was my father.

So I started getting curious about Miguel.

I started asking questions and stuff and my mom reached out to him and he was more than happy to have a relationship with me.

We had a relationship until I was probably about 20 years old.

Him and my mom had rekindled the relationship after all those years.

They got back together once I wanted us, once I was, you know, wanting to find out more.

And once I reconnected with him, my mom reconnected with him as well and then ended up getting back together.

Oh wow, and you said that you had a relationship with Jim, your birth certificate father.

The Impact of Finding Out

How did that change after you found out that he wasn't your biological?

Father it, it didn't change at all to me that that was my dad.

To me, that was my dad.

He was my everything and I remember him sitting down with me and he told me he knew the whole time that I wasn't his daughter, but he never treated me different from any of my siblings.

So even when that news came, he sat down and he know how to talk with me and told me like, no, you just found this out.

But don't ever think that I'm going to love you any less or treat you any different.

And he he never did.

That was like I said that that was my dad and my eyes.

Miguel was my bonus dad.

So you stay connected with Miguel until you're around 20, you said.

What happened at that time?

At that time my mom and him broke up and I never like I respected him and stuff like that because, you know, that was my dad so but I never really felt a connection with him.

So when him and my mom broke up, me and him kind of sort of lost connection.

We would talk every once in a while, but hardly ever.

My dad, Jim passed away when I was 18.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Yeah, so he passed away.

So then after that I just really didn't have that dad figure in my life.

And then I had my son in 2018 and probably like a year later when he was probably like a year old, I did the ancestry test on him because I wanted to see what what he was from his dad's side.

It came up that Zane was 23% Italian and that just kind of was like a red flag to me because Zane's father.

Is.

African American and I'm supposedly full Mexican.

So I was like, what's going on?

So I asked my mom and I had told my mom.

I was like, mom, Are you sure that my dad Miguel is my dad?

Because my dad Jim, he was Italian.

So when I saw that on Zane's ancestry test that Zane was Italian, which Zane is my son, I was like, maybe all the long I was my dad Jim's daughter.

So I was like.

Yeah, well, that makes sense.

I made.

Sense to me so I told my mom and I I asked her I was like, mom.

I was like, Are you sure that my dad Jim is not my dad because it's showing that Zane's Italian.

I was like and his dad is not Italian and I was like and Miguel's definitely not Italian.

So where is this Italian coming from?

And she's like, well, I don't know.

Why don't you do the DNA test if you're in doubt?

So you could, you know, get that doubt out of your mind of who your dad is.

And I just kind, I left it alone.

I never did.

I never did it.

At that point, were you kind of like choosing to believe maybe that Jim was your father after all?

Or was it just a question mark?

I I believe so, yeah.

I think I just wanted him so bad to be my dad.

Yeah, that makes sense.

So I never, I never took a test for myself.

So one day I was at work.

This was 2022 that I'm at work with one of my pharmacists and I'm telling him about how Zane's ancestry came up, that he was Italian and I'd understand where the Italian came from.

And he's like, oh, man, he's like now I'm vested in this.

He's like, let me buy you.

Let me buy you a a test.

I was like, no, you know, they're so expensive, I don't want you to spend that money.

He's like, no, let me buy you a test.

So he gets online and buys me a test and I take my test and I wait for my results and sure enough, it shows that I was almost 50% Italian.

So when I saw that I already had was telling Robin about like what was going on, 'cause you know, she had told me her story.

I knew that Robin was going to be able to help me if anything was to happen.

Where I did find out, you know, that that Miguel wasn't my dad or whatever.

I didn't see any matches.

I was like, so then my dad Jim is my dad.

I remember calling Robin and telling her, I remember Robin.

I called him and I was so excited because I was like, guess what?

I was like, I think my dad Jim is my dad.

I was like, because it's showing that I'm Italian and not Mexican.

And then I started looking at the matches and I was like, but none of these family is from my dad Jim's family.

I don't recognize anybody from my dad Jim's side.

So I told Robin that and Robin was like, well, do you mind if I get on your Ancestry and, and check it out?

So she got on, she logged into my account and she started looking it up and she's like, I don't think your dad, Jim is your dad either.

And, and Robin's the one that did like all the research for me and put everything together for me.

And that's when I just reached out to one of my matches on Ancestry and I and I messaged them.

OK, so Robin, take me through what you did to find Ida's biological father.

Finding Ida’s Father

I got onto her ancestry account and the first thing that I looked at was her first cousins, like her immediate cousins and I saw one who had a very unique Italian last name and their last name I have never heard of before.

So it was very easy for me to like research.

I looked up this, I don't remember exactly if I just like one on Facebook or something, but her first cousin I was able to research enough to find out who her dad was.

So who would be Ida's uncle?

And he had passed.

So there was an obituary for him on the Internet.

And I saw on the obituary that he had two living brothers.

And I was like, OK, so if this girl's showing up to her cousin, then one of these two brothers has to be her bio dad.

So I did a little more research, like, you know, a little more Googling and putting in names and stuff.

And I found one of them.

I found his wife's name.

I looked her up on Facebook and saw a picture of her husband.

And I sent it to Ida.

And I was like, Oh my God, Ida, this guy looks like you.

Like we almost didn't even need to see the picture of the other brother.

But it's so interesting how obituaries are really like how we find people like those are so integral to this research.

So that's amazing.

Had you ever done a lot of genealogy type of research or anything before?

The Importance of Genealogy

Did you know how to go out and do that?

I.

Love doing it, yes?

Have you solved any other mysteries before?

Or was this something like you mostly looked through your old family?

I have actually.

I helped my ex-husband and another friend of mine.

She had known her whole life.

She didn't know who her dad was.

So with her ancestry results, I helped her pinpoint who her siblings were.

And she actually just met them recently.

Unfortunately, her dad passed.

But yes, I do.

I love to do it.

It's, it's like putting a puzzle together.

I didn't know I would be doing my own puzzle one day, but yeah, yeah.

So Ida Robin shows you this picture of who she thinks is your biological father.

How do you feel when you see that?

Oh my God, I was.

I was just tripping out.

I was like, Oh my gosh, Robin, he looks just like me.

I look just like him.

It was so crazy.

I was like, no, I like, I don't know.

I just couldn't believe it.

How much this man look like, how much I look like this man.

I was just, I was in shock.

It's so weird when you see your face on somebody else on a stranger.

It's so weird.

It was just really shocking.

Were you happy to to get an answer?

Like how did you feel 'cause I know you were hoping for a while that it was Jim.

How are you feeling at this point?

Really, I, me and Robert were just talking about it and I and I don't feel like maybe I processed it, like maybe I'm just going with the flow of things.

So I wasn't able to get any answers or ask any questions to my mom because unfortunately she passed away in 2021.

So just a year after I found out.

I'm so sorry.

So yeah, like I said, I think it's more just of me, like going with the flow of things, of how it's happening and stuff.

But I was able to connect with him.

OK, Were you able to get any answers from him?

Not, I mean not really a lot like he just said basically that him and my mom, he met my mom at like a store and they hung out literally like a couple times.

And and then after that he said that he never heard from my mom.

But my mom at the time was with Miguel as well.

So I'm thinking maybe that's why he never heard back from my mom again because she was with Miguel at the time.

OK, and I know that you can't ask her this, but knowing what you know of your mom, do you think that she really believed Miguel was your father?

Do you think she would have been surprised by this too?

I think so.

I think, yeah.

I think she deeply in her heart believed that Miguel was my dad.

I I think she really did.

And she never thought anything of it because it was just a one time thing, you know?

What is your relationship like with your biological father now?

Relationship with biological father

It's pretty.

Good.

I met him.

We I've been down because he lives in LA.

That's where I'm originally from.

I've been down there a few times to visit with him and stuff and last year we went on a family vacation with my siblings from his side and his wife and stuff.

So it's been really good.

It really has.

He was really surprised too.

He said not in a million years it was he would ever thought that he had another daughter somewhere out there and out of all his kids, I'm the one that looks exactly like him.

Just like him.

And how many siblings do you have now from that side?

So I have three brothers that are younger than I am, and then I have a sister that's older than.

Me and have you connected with them?

I've connected with my brothers, yes, but not with my sister.

I have not met her.

OK, OK.

And Robin, I don't think I asked you.

Did you pick up any siblings?

Yes, I have a younger half brother.

He is about like 13 years younger than me.

So it's.

Quite a big age.

Difference, but yeah, I do.

And do you have a relationship with him as well?

Kind of like when I go to Arizona and visit and I am with him, like we joke and have fun and he's really funny.

He's very smart.

But otherwise, like, we don't talk too much, we don't like text or anything.

But I know the whole thing was kind of weird for him at first.

So it'll happen like gradually over time, I think, Yeah, I mean.

These, these stories, they can go so many different ways and both of you have had pretty happy endings.

Processing the information and helping others

I'm sure that this doesn't take away from the emotions and everything that you've gone through as you've gone on this journey.

Robin, can you talk a little bit about what it's been like processing all of this information and then also helping someone else process similar information at the same time?

I feel like I am still processing everything because like you said, we do, you know, have happy, happier endings.

A lot of people do not get the kind of story that we have, you know, with being accepted by the dad and the family.

But Even so, like, there's still so much you have to go through.

There's so much grieving, and I still feel a lot of heartache.

And I can't really pinpoint why.

I feel like I should just, you know, be happy that it's a happy ending.

Is there any grief about?

And it's OK if the answer is no, but it is there any grief around the fact that your biological father is so happy and maybe would have been involved in your life if he'd known about you earlier?

Yeah, that's like one of the hardest parts.

And I feel guilty for my birth certificate dad too, because I know that this causes him pain.

What is your relationship like with your birth certificate Dad?

Now we don't.

Text or talk very often.

And he's like that with all of his kids, not just me.

Like if you're there, you know, he he's really involved with you.

But if if you're not there, it's not as much, you know, it's kind of the same as it was when me and my sister were growing up.

Like, you just don't hear from them very often.

And it's, it's still like that.

This hasn't changed that.

Yeah, yeah.

What was it like for you witnessing Ida go through this so soon after you had your own DNA surprise?

The emotional connection between the two

I, I actually felt a little bit bad for her when she called me because when she got in touch with her bio dad, they did adna test.

And I remember when she got the results that it said like 99% and she called me crying and I felt like I felt bad for her 'cause I, I knew like that feeling that she was feeling like how just how weird and like uprooting it makes you feel like everything about your whole life just feels different.

You're biologically related to and came from a stranger that you don't know anything.

About.

That's such a good way to put it that you are related to someone that you don't know.

She's been every cry.

We cry together all the time.

We did earlier at work.

Our Co workers love to hear our stories.

I mean, what things kind of bring out those emotions for you both?

I'd I don't know if you want to go first, what kind of brings up those tears a year later?

Still, a lot of mine is to do because my mom's not here and she can't be a part of this with me.

And I'm not able to ask the questions that I would feel more comfortable, you know, asking my mom than somebody I just met.

Yeah, that makes perfect sense.

What about for you, Robin?

Yeah, usually it's just talking about it.

Like if I talk about it, it just strikes the chord almost every time.

We hear a lot about how DNA surprises and NPS are actually very common.

I've seen numbers ranging from, you know, 3 to 5% of the population have misattributed parentage.

And I think often when we tell our stories to people, you hear somebody go, oh, yeah, my cousin's uncle had this happen to them.

But this is somebody that you see and and work with all the time.

Were you both surprised to find somebody in close proximity that had such a similar journey to your own?

Definitely.

I think we were both just really when I started finding out more about it, we just like that is so crazy that that it just happened.

Like what are the odds of us being Co workers and both happening almost the exact same way, you know?

Robin, can you talk through some of the things that have helped you navigate this discovery?

How Robin navigated the discovery

I would say definitely talking out like my emotions when I'm feeling overwhelmed or anxious talking about it.

I call my biological data lot.

It turns out we are wired very similarly.

We both have the same like type of anxiety and form of OCD.

So that is one thing that has really helped me actually is because I was having trouble finding a good working medication for my anxiety.

You kept telling me try try what I take.

So I decided to try it and that has been working the best for me.

So definitely talking it out, being on the right anxiety medication because my anxiety definitely increased after this.

For sure and and to your point, the the medical component is huge for people, right and so finding out things like somebody has a similar anxiety disorder and this kind of medication works is so crucial.

Have never ever tried, you know when I'm taking now and I can't believe like what a difference it is medication, talking it out.

I've had to get a lot of hugs and therapy.

I've done quite a bit of therapy.

And Ida, what about for you?

Same thing, just talking about it and medication because I did have to get on on some anxiety medication and I was already having really bad like depression and and anxiety from my mom's passing.

My mom's passing was very, very unexpected.

I started going to therapy, but I, I never followed through.

I, I just got to feel like when the right time is for me to go and do that.

But medication has helped me and just talking to different people about it.

Ida, what's next for you on your journey?

What’s next for Ida?

Just fill that relationship with him, try to see him as much as I can.

It's kind of hard because my, my dad is older, he's 76, so it's kind of harder for him to travel and stuff.

But just go out there and, and see him as much as I can.

And we just, like I said, we just got back from a family trip for Christmas.

We all took a family trip together.

So probably within the next couple of months I'll be out there to see him.

That's awesome, Robin.

What about you?

What's next?

What's next is actually my boys and I are moving to Arizona with my bio dad.

OK, so that's going to be the end of an.

Area so we're not going to work.

I know.

Oh my God.

I have a feeling you 2 will stay in touch.

We.

Will we?

Definitely will.

Yeah, the move will be very good for my boys.

They adore their grandpa so.

Wow, I mean, talk about a happy ending to actually relocate, to be close, and that says something about your relationship.

And what is your relationship like with your mom now, Robin?

It's still the same.

We're good.

She she has felt a little bit guilty.

She's always saying like, how did I not notice?

Like growing up now that I know you look so much like him, I could tell him now and you know, and I'm like, it's OK.

Like they were so young.

It's, you know, these things do happen.

People do make mistakes and I think the fact that your mom is apologetic means a lot and.

She does not put any type of blame on anybody.

She even is the one who told my birth certificate dad, so she has been wonderful through the whole thing.

You both have a lot of compassion for your mom's.

You really both seem to understand this was an honest mistake.

They did not know.

They weren't intentionally withholding information.

I know, Ida, you didn't find out the first DNA surprise until you were 10 or 11, but it didn't change a ton for you in terms of your relationship with your dad.

Jim, so how are you both able to maintain that compassion for your mom's?

Because I think that a lot of people in our community struggle with that and there's a lot of anger there, even if the moms didn't know.

So Ida, first for you, how are you able to maintain your compassion throughout all of these years?

Because we're human and we all make mistakes.

And I, who am I to judge someone?

I'm no one to judge anybody.

So especially not my mother.

So she was the best mom that I could have had.

Robin, what about you?

Just because they know my mom and my dad's, they were both so young.

They were 19 when this happened.

And we're, we all make stupid decisions when we're 19 and when we're young.

And I I love my mom and if she had known she she would have told me before.

She's very honest.

Well, we'll start with Robin.

What advice do you have for a parent who is keeping Adna surprise from their child?

Unless it is for any reason you know like to keep them safe from harm or something.

Otherwise I, I think just be honest because this has been the the most painful experience that I've been through.

So honesty, definitely.

Ida, what advice do you have?

Yeah, be, just be honest.

I mean, the longer you hold it, I feel probably the longer the more damage yeah is done.

Just be honest.

And Robin, what advice do you have for someone who just uncovered Adna surprise?

To hang in there because I know based on how I felt, it literally felt like the world was going to end.

I didn't feel like I was ever going to feel like myself again.

And never hold back your tears.

Cry every time you feel like you have to.

That's good advice, crying.

Releases.

Yes, crying releases a lot.

Just let it all out.

And Ida, what about you?

Make sure that you know that your feelings are valid, every single feeling that you have.

Don't feel guilty for any kind of emotions that you're feeling.

Express your feelings.

And try to be understanding of the situation as well 'cause you you never know what really the situation was or could have been.

So try to just be understanding as well.

Robin, Ida, thank you so much for coming on the podcast and sharing your story.

I can't say that I've heard another one like it in terms of two Co workers uncovering this massive discovery so close together while working together.

I'm so happy for you that you both have each other for support and I hope that you keep in touch even after you move away, Robin.

We definitely will.

Yes, we will.

She still has to visit her.

She still has family out in Reno.

Yes, and we're connected through this.

We're soul.

Sisters through this, Yes.

Thanks again to Robin and Ida for sharing your stories.

If you have adna surprise that you'd like to share, please submit your story at dnasurprisespodcast.com.

Until next time.

This episode of DNA Surprises was hosted, produced and edited by me Alexis Ourselt.

It was mixed and mastered by Josh Ourselt of Siren Recording Studios.