Kimberly’s DNA Surprise

This transcript was generated automatically. Its accuracy may vary.

Speaker 1

I just felt like wow.

All that, all those questions.

And all those times that my stepmom would say she looks nothing like you to my dad, my birth certificate father, and all the times that people would call me the milk, baby are all the times.

People would kind of joke on how Pell I was and what you know and how they did really love my blue eyes but it didn't match.

Anyone else.

They all had brown eyes and it really made me so insecure at the time and it all came rushing back that day.

Speaker 2

Imagine spitting into a tube, sending off your DNA.

And unknowingly turning your life upside down for me and thousands of others.

This is our reality, I'm your host Alexis ourselves in July of 2021, I discovered that I am an NP e.

Someone who has experienced a non paternal event.

In other words my biological father isn't who I thought he Was this podcast shares, the journeys of people who were shocked by a DNA Discovery mostly through Modern DNA testing.

We're telling the stories of NP.

He's adoptees, and donor conceived people, and their families.

This is DNA surprises when an NP e connects with Newfound, family, and begins building positive relationships.

Many consider it to be a success story.

Sometimes though relationships take a turn and rejection happens further into the relationship.

In this week's episode, Kimberly shares, how she uncovered?

Her DNA surprise and connected with her biological father.

She also shares her surprise.

When 18 months into what she thought was a wonderful

relationship.

He abruptly changed his feelings toward her.

She talks about how

she's working through this change in her DNA, surprise journey and which relationships, she still holds.

Dear, thank you for sharing your story Kimberly.

My first name is Kimberly, I live in Orlando, Florida, I am originally from Virginia and I'm 50 years old, I guess the best place to start is probably most important how I came to take the test throughout my life.

I had suspicions that I didn't look like my birth certificates, father's, family, my birth certificate.

Father is glad Italian.

His other two children from a different marriage other than my mom are also full Italian.

I'm blond hair blue eyes, pale skin and the house to explain explain it, but I just didn't feel like I didn't fit in.

I know that I also overheard things as I was growing up, that didn't really look like my To get father.

And that the kind of joke around saying I was like the milkman's baby.

My mum had been married to him to my birth certificate father for just a couple of years.

When before I obviously, before I was born and just after because of my birth and his suspicions, I like I found out later is why they got divorced, they were only together for a few years.

They were very young, 23 years old, 24 years old and my birth certificate.

Father, was in the military.

Oh Terry, he was in the Navy.

So I don't know a whole lot about the story as far as I didn't know what much about the story honestly about my birth.

I knew that my mom, what my mom had told me.

I know what my birth certificate father has told me.

I find out later a lot of it.

The it just wasn't true.

There was a third party involved obviously that new other parts of the story that neither of them shared with me,

are you the oldest then for both of your parents?

Your birth certificate.

Father at the time.

Did he believe you were his oldest her first?

Okay, my mom only had me.

Okay?

Had any more children.

She married married men who had other children and yes, I was the oldest for my birth certificate.

Father.

He had two more Sons later on.

Okay, okay,

yeah, I was just curious because of how you mentioned that, the other children looked Italian.

And so I wanted to just understand if that was somebody that you grew up with or second Marriage.

After my mother was with a woman who was also a time like himself.

I grew up in a Time household on the weekends.

I spent with him my birth certificate father and my stepmom who, I loved dearly, we had a very close relationship.

So I was mostly, you know, on the, on the weekends with them and you know, I was exposed to, you know, a lot of traditions, as far as the food and just like I just had this rule ownership of being Italian.

So identified that way because I just felt like that, you know, I was being raised in a household at least on the weekends and on vacations and stuff that identified themselves as Italian.

But when people would say things to me, like you don't look anything like them, it would really upset me.

It would cause me a lot of insecurities.

I also would overhear my stepmom and my birth certificate bother arguing that I didn't look like him.

He has darker skin.

Darker hair.

Darker eyes.

He had black hair.

I am find out.

Later than I'm full-blooded British.

Just knowing that I didn't look anything.

Like him may give me a lot of insecurities about who I am, but I was told the story that my mom and my birthday to get father, were married for a couple of years.

Things just didn't work out.

He stuck around for a little while after I was born, but they were arguing a lot, just not getting along and he just moved on and got remarried.

And my mom was a single mother for about 6 years tells about Years old.

She got married again then but they bring it back to more of the present.

My mom and I were very close.

I was their only child, she had stepchildren, but we spoke every day and this is where I get a little emotional because it's been three years since I've lost her, but she was my best friend and I felt like she could tell me anything.

Like she was known as kind of a big mouth.

She didn't hold Secrets, like she Was just very transparent and she was a silly grandma and just like fun to be around and so much energy and just like she was vibrant force in our life that has been extremely most.

And because she was always this really outgoing vibrant person.

I always wondered why I was so different than anyone else.

I was around in my family, even on my mother's side.

I just didn't seem like I fit in like I seen I felt different.

I'm more quiet.

Have a lot of social anxiety.

These.

And that's why my voice gets shaky.

When I get upset, I like art.

I was a photographer.

I, you know, have a lot of what I do consider gifts, that just didn't quite fit in with my family and I thought it was just different September 13th, 2019 is.

When my mom died suddenly in her sleep, they assumed from a heart attack or heart failure.

So I'm and I was in grief and you know, you never get past it, but Within that first year, it was really hard, you know, just just remembering how much she was a part of my life and how closely were very, very close as close with my children, close my husband that she was going to move in with us because her health wasn't that great.

I'm still friends with my ex-husband.

Okay, I brought that up because it was during the time that we were both laid off from our jobs because of covid.

And it was around Father's Day of the following year. 2020.

My ex-husband, he is actually the father of one of my children.

He was adopted, he had always wanted to know about his birth family.

He also, we also didn't know for sure the genetic the background of my oldest daughter.

His daughter as well.

You know, the ethnicity because, you know, he was raised as Porto.

Rican, I'm British and we just wanted were curious, you know, about if there was other things that we weren't, we didn't, we weren't aware of, and we wanted her to be You know to have knowledge about her background so it was like some kind of special there of having for Father's Day, what an awful things to do.

Yeah.

Right.

It's Mother's Day.

Father's Day.

All those things.

You can deal.

Yeah it was a Father's Day special June of 2020.

I think you know what?

I'll take the test with you that way.

Our daughter will have everything listed for me and you I mean, I know.

I'm Italian and English, you know, you being Puerto Rican.

I'm sure there's a mixture of Lots of stuff in European African American, you know, African native, you know.

And so she can have all put together and know exactly what her ethnicity is you know, and so you know we waited like a month and I got my test back first and I was so excited because honestly, I also put in the part where it shows you like health history and stuff and I was like thinking, wow, I can find out if I have like certain allergies things like that.

I was totally misconstrued on what exactly.

Lee you're getting from this test?

I didn't know anything about a family tree.

I didn't I wasn't even like thinking about my insecurities in my youth.

I had already convinced myself that my thought my birth certificate father was my father because my oldest daughter happens to look a lot like him.

And now my eyes so consciously, I didn't do it on a conscious level, but I realized through therapy that my ex-husband and my husband who I have been married to for 22 years.

They have the features of my birth certificate.

Father the both Latino though, but has yeah.

But there's

similarities there.

For sure,

olive skin, the darker hair that are cries.

They're both like kind of short like my birth certificate father and there was so many kind of somebody's going to layer it.

He's in that way that I felt like on some level.

I wanted to fit in with my birth certificate, father's family, so much that I sought out people who would help me.

It in, you know, life and maybe it was an attraction.

I had, you know, just naturally I'm sure that you know, it was a subconscious thing that I wanted to feel a part of my family and look like my family, I didn't realize at the time that I was trying to identify with my birth certificate family in a way that I feel like my children wouldn't have the same insecurities that I had if that makes any

sense.

Yeah, yeah, it does.

So.

At this point, you had completely accepted that you were your mom's and your birth certificate father.

That was your background, even though you'd have those questions as a child, right.

You had, you know, either overcome that or convinced yourself.

I mean in hindsight it's easy to say, you convinced yourself that you'd you'd accepted it to be true.

So you're taking this test, just thinking.

Sure we'll give our daughter complete view,

right?

And also my oldest daughter.

Looks a lot like my birth certificate, father, and many family members say that even though I don't look anything like him.

I even to this day, will hear him say to me.

Wow.

I can't believe how much when Asia looks like, you know me.

I'm like, yeah, you know, these things kind of skip around with guilt.

I say that I'll get to that point.

So I get I sit down and I get my results and I start looking at it, and I saw that there's a tree and I understand anything about the tree.

I look on the tree.

I see all this last name that come came up.

They came up like a lot.

I saw my mom's side.

Look right.

There was a few cousins and they get honor to.

And then I looked on the father's side and I saw this last name everywhere and I was like, what is happening?

I was completely blindsided.

I was panic in the moment and I felt like I wasn't even in my body anymore.

I was in a state of confusion so I look back in kind of laugh at it now but I called 23andMe and I said, I don't know what you did with the Ask.

But my mother's side.

Correct.

But you got my father's side wrong.

And gotten the guy who answers the phone, who is just like something about, may.

God bless you or something.

And that's like, what it, what are you trying to say to me?

I like, I understand this and then it finally hit me.

I was just kind of shocked because I had buried.

All those insecurities so deep that I didn't really think about it anymore.

It didn't really, it wasn't a part of like something that was in my present life, you know. 50 years old are at the time.

I was 48 years old, two years ago and I decided to go on Facebook and I know this is not the right way to handle this thing and this is why I wanted to tell my story because I feel like in the moment you don't know what to do.

You don't have any support and it's scary and I just felt like I was still grieving my mom a lot and I'm like how could my mom hide?

Such a significant story for me and not be here anymore to tell.

Tell me her side and worst things come to your mind.

Like gosh, what if she was actually taken advantage of, you know like she was married at the time like how did this happen?

You know, I have a copy of her marriage certificate because I have all her stuff because, you know, when she passed, I took it all and I have it.

I have proof of their marriage, have proof of their divorce.

So and I know when I was born, I have proof of that too.

So nothing made sense.

So I went Facebook.

And I looked for this last name and I found a bunch of pictures of people in my hometown.

I live in Orlando.

My hometown is Portsmouth Virginia.

I saw like a funeral picture.

There was elders and that picture people in their 70s.

And the person who had passed away was actually my uncle as looked among all of the siblings, there's nine of them all together.

There's about 45 min Then I immediately was drawn to one, man, looked at his niece, and I saw my face, it was like, wow, it was like a reflection because I have my mom has blue eyes too, but there is something about the shape of my eyes and I see it in him that they just kind of like pierce your soul.

Yeah, I was like I connected to his eyes right in a minute and I was like, oh my gosh, who is this guy?

Now like all the rest of them, all the other brothers.

I looked at them.

I was like, it's not have, it's not him, it's not him, it's this one.

I looked his name up and I found him on Facebook.

I looked up when he got married, I felt that was important before.

I pursued it any further because I want to cause any problems in anyone's marriage.

And then I saw his children listed and I've never had sisters.

So I saw four children.

Well they're grown now.

Two brothers.

And two half-sisters and when I looked at one of the sisters again, it was like a reflection of myself.

And I looked through some her quotes and things that she does and it was like my twin was like this girl who's like, looks like me act like me have similar personality types.

I could just tell that just from some of her pictures and things she said on Facebook.

So I reached out to the sisters, I reached out to the birth father First thing I said to him was, do you know this woman?

It was a picture of my mom.

He said yes I do know her we talked a little bit in high school.

We kind of dated in 1971 and that's Bureau.

I was conceived and wow, he said, but I haven't seen her since then.

I said, wow, were you involved with her in 1971 and he said, yes.

And then I didn't want to go any further because in the meantime, my half-sister was reaching out to me.

Me, and she didn't believe my story because she knew her father's character or at least.

She thought she knew her father's character.

I mean, but

he wasn't.

He wasn't married at the time, was he?

Oh, he wasn't married.

But what I will explain about his character is he's extremely introverted, extremely religious, the family him, his wife, the four siblings, they were raised, my children were raised on a farm house.

They Allowed to leave the house much.

They didn't have any TV.

They were homeschooled.

They were extremely sheltered.

They were treated very badly to be honest with you.

I don't know how else to explain it other than using the word abuse mostly from the mother.

I am actually considered myself very free-spirited but I also have been raised Christian.

I kind of drift between Buddhism and Christianity Loosely.

I was raised in the Baptist Church but I only attended here and there, they attended school.

I mean they'd attended church to three days a week and they all have to dress a like it was a very unusual childhood for my siblings.

My childhood was unusual to but in an extremely opposite kind of environment.

So when I spoke to my sister, my half sister for the first time, she was really excited but also in just belief that I could possibly be her father's daughter.

The Is she never knew of him being involved with anyone else other than her mother, but he had not met her mother until he was 38.

You know, they got married, they had children and all that stuff but they have never asked him, you know, about hit anything with in his previous life before he got married, as far as other women, he had never spoken of other women.

He's like I said, very shy.

My siblings have told me that he has some intellectual disabilities.

So Is personalities, very disconnected.

And at this point, I would call it kind of cold, but when I was speaking to my half-sister at the time, she was excited but also apprehensive that she didn't believe me.

She didn't think that we looked a lot alike.

I showed her a copy of my DNA and it had still not narrowed down to exactly him.

It was between him and his brothers, but we were also discussing how The other brothers possibly not be my biological father.

One was way too young won't have lived in California.

The time you know it narrowed down to because he had in the meantime on the same day he had told me.

He had dated my mom, she just was still confused because she had only been.

She had only known that he had been with her mother.

So the day after I got my results and I already speak been speaking to my birth.

Father had already been speaking to my half-sister.

I actually spoke to a couple of kids.

Owens.

I was just reaching out saying, do you know this woman?

Have you ever heard of this woman, you know, showing pictures of my mother and when he responded that he had dated her eye and I had already suspected.

He was my father because I looked just like him, I was then trying to talk to my half-sister about it and she was apprehensive and she spoke to him the next day.

I'm not sure if it was in person or if it was over the phone, but when she approached him, his first response was which is still confusing to me, you got me Don't understand that response.

It was this whole thing turns into like it just the whole story kind of can't even, I can't even wrap my mind around cuz he changes the story several times.

So he said yes I had relations with that woman so I guess that is my daughter.

We've been speaking almost every day for several weeks.

He was really excited.

He told me he had looked through my Facebook, he became my My friends on my Facebook, they said they look through my Facebook and I'm very transparent person.

I put a lot of things on there that I find.

Inspiring positive, try to be a good.

I'm an excellent mother to be honestly on door.

Children and so I really try to be a positive role model to my children and to my clients, you know, because I'm a massage therapist, esthetician to the community.

So I think that he really graphs that pretty early on looking at my Facebook.

I'm saying he's said, I was beautiful.

I thought it was really sweet and I was intelligent all these wonderful things that I've daughter would love to hear

ya.

He was very kind, very gentle, we started FaceTime each other and the conversations were, you know interesting but I could tell that he had a little hard time.

Connecting on an emotional level level.

He likes to talk about his interest so I would kind of change the conversation to something.

He would be interested in talking about my daughter's, all three spoke to him.

I also was concerned about his mental health.

I mean, he at the time, he was 73.

But I was wondering if maybe he was having some short-term memory issues because he kept forgetting some things that were short term, but he remember, very very clearly.

He was very transparent and remembered a lot about his relations with my mom.

He said they went dancing which really matched up with my mom stories.

Houses to go to the ambassadors club and have fun and go dancing.

And she said that they had known each other from high school and my mom was always at my aunts house and he would go over there and kind of hang out and they started talking and then they started going dancing together.

He said, he knew she was engaged.

He did not know he was, she was married, and I do believe that he said, he knew that she had been taught me, you know, been engaged to my birth certificate father, but my birth certificate, Father was out to sea for six months.

So, during that six months, I think it may have been shorter period of time they were together.

He told me, they enjoyed each other's company for a little bit of time, but he didn't feel like it was going in the direction that he wanted it to.

So he broke it off with her and kind of told the whole story that they were at the dance club.

He asked for his high school ring back.

He had it, he said that he just didn't find it.

That this was, you know, a situation either want to be in a love.

Triangle is what he said to me and I don't know exactly why my mom was cheating on my birth certificate, father, other than they are you alive and I hate to honestly say this but my birth certificate father was physically, abusive, hmm, I witnessed that myself with my stepmom and she told me stories about it.

So she had also come from my grandparents who were also physically.

Abusive, my mom had a lot Of healing to get through, but she never really addressed everything she needed to get through.

She was attracted to very toxic men and I was exposed to as men throughout my childhood, the fact that she cheated when I first of a good father, doesn't surprise me, okay?

But she never said anything about it.

How did you feel?

You know, hearing your origin story and you know how you came to be?

You said you didn't really have any Judgment of your mom.

Write for For cheating on your birth certificate.

Father, did you believe everything that your biological father said, did you trust that what he was saying, was the

truth?

I was trusting everything he was saying and that time period, you know, back in 2020 because I'll tell you the things changed, everything.

He was saying was saying, he was saying from his own words from his own memory, like and things were matching up with things.

I had spoken to my mom's best friend at the time.

She knew they had been talking to each other, he my Our Civic father, knew his name.

He knew his first name.

He said, the reason why my mom and I didn't work out is because I felt like there was another man.

And I knew his name, he told me his name and everything seemed to match up and it made a lot of sense.

I don't know why my mom never told me his name.

I don't know why my mom lied to me and lied to all of us.

I wondered, you know, if she was like in a state of I mean, he said he drank a lot.

Back then my birth father before he became a really religious person.

I was with, maybe she didn't recall a lot of the interactions with him but he said it went on for a couple months of them going dancing and enjoying each other's company.

I think what was going on in my mom's head?

What she was trying to get out of an abusive relationship back then my 1971.

She only had a 10th grade education, she didn't graduate high school, my mom also.

And the reason why I'm quoting this is because You know, the comparison between his wife and my mother, my mother wasn't your eye, your typical standardized Beauty, she was known to be a little, on the Wild Side.

She was overweight, which back then was such a big issue.

She was a hippie to just put it on.

Like, she's like to smoke weed.

She's ugly till the day she died.

She did it for pain later on.

Because I know she a lot of arthritis, joint pain, but my mom wasn't someone who you would find to be him to be attracted to because my birth.

Father is very attracted, man, Paul handsome, really nice features.

If I swear, if she looked through a magazine and try to find someone to, you know, be the father of me, it would be him because besides his, he does have some intellectual things going on from what I'm told now.

But he's extremely intelligent, he's very well-spoken.

And there's so many good attributes.

He has that.

I was really impressed by, I was honestly kind of sitting by knowing him because I'm like he was a photographer to in all these things.

I felt I could relate to, and my mom being so free-spirited.

And there was another side of me, it wasn't anything, like her, or like my birth certificate father.

I didn't know where these attributes came from.

So it was a good relationship for about a year.

And half his wife was having a lot of health problems, she hadn't heard her knee and she had been bedridden for a while.

She also was on some pain medication and she had some digestive things going on.

She was brought not doing well at all.

So he and I continue to speak on the phone when she was in bed, we FaceTime and stuff like that because he had to tend to her most of the time during the day and he's a night owl, just like me.

I was really connecting with him on those levels.

As far as like getting To know who he is.

Getting to know.

I'm getting to know, my children, even spoke to my husband a couple times and everything was going really well.

He, they included me in a family, Facebook messaging, kind of thing.

I was behind the closer to my sisters and I spoke to I speak to one of the brothers once in a while.

The other brother is incarcerated, so everything was going pretty well for about a year and a half.

I went and visited them with my children.

My two of my children, my twins and I Got to see one of my sisters.

I got to see my birth father, and my half-brother that isn't incarcerated.

We enjoyed some pizza together.

We sat down, I went to their farm house in Virginia.

So very beautiful home, they obviously put a lot of their love into it.

It's a Victorian home, my birth father let met my mother in a trailer park before he went on to bigger things but it definitely was a privileged lifestyle that they had.

As far as stability.

My mom, unfortunately put me through a lot with her boyfriends and husbands and moving living situations.

I guess you could say, we were poor.

I was on, we were on welfare, we had food stamps and it was a very real struggle except for my birth certificate.

Father, tried to step in as much as he could with helping my mom just didn't like to work very much.

So, after we spent a day together and I have finally got to hug him and see him for the first time I held his arm.

ERM and like, looked at him, I was like, I feel so a part of this family.

I look at the people around me and they all look like me.

And it was, it was, it was kind of a comforting feeling.

It was odd because I never been her.

I mean they all have natural blonde hair and blue eyes and light skin and kind of his hair color was like light brown, but almost blond my in mines and platinum blonde and I was like, wow, these people look like me.

It's this is I'm just saying to just sit around people, you never knew that look like

you?

Yeah, yeah.

Were they welcoming to you and that environment

and that time?

Yeah, they were.

They're welcoming to my children.

He was the wife was in the hospital at the time.

He was talking in front of his children about his relationship with my mom.

I felt so secure and hearing him, like kind of saying, this is what happened?

And yes, she is.

My daughter and oh, by the way, he did take a DNA test to The 23andMe test.

So you got that confirmation.

So, what changed what happened?

His wife I mentioned throughout this time, I had the opportunity and I am grateful for that that I had a year and a half to get to know him on that level.

To get to know my siblings on that level.

Like again, I felt a part of the family.

In the meantime, the wife was kind of taking a back seat because she wasn't feeling well, but as soon as she started feeling better, I think, personally, my perception is that she was insecure with the entire situation.

She's extremely religious because her defense, she had she turned to God and a very extreme manner because he had a very bad childhood.

Very, very terrible.

She wrote books on her childhood.

I read the books.

They were horrifying.

I cried my eyes out.

I was very sweet and kind of her.

I sent her gifts, I sent him gifts.

I offered help to have someone clean.

In the house, my husband and I are financially stable, you know, they're elderly he's on social security or whatever and even though they have a really big house, I'm sure that's paid off.

And so they seem like they probably needed like not I would say financial help or anything like that but their kids to kind of be supportive because they're get their elderly and they're getting older and I wanted to be a part of that.

I wanted to be there for them.

You know, little things.

Like I'll pay for someone to go fix the sink or I'll pay for some.

Because I know people back home and I have And we construction and stuff like that, they can go, you know, move the refrigerator because you're you know, it's hard for you to do it, right?

So that's the kind of relationship we had and then all of a sudden I was going to visit last Christmas time.

I was bringing gifts with me and I also was bringing a pie that I made for him.

I was at my aunt's house and I had flown, I flew there got a rental car, went to my aunt's house and my mother side and made him a pie.

And I was on my way.

Wait to see what.

I went to see one of the siblings.

The sister half-sister had a great lunch together.

I was on my way to see one of the brother one of the brothers and then I was going to see them go to their house and she had been saying she wasn't feeling that great.

So I said I'll just come by real quick.

I'll swing by and bring the pie and I'll be on my way like I won't even come inside the house.

If you don't want me to, I could get, I get it.

You know, even though I flew here and they told me they literally told me it was fine.

Me to come.

They said that they change the kind of change their mind that they didn't want me to come inside.

And at first, I was like, okay, you know, it's fine.

I'll just swing by and bring the pie.

And so, that was that I was with my sister and her mother had called and she didn't answer it and thankfully, she didn't.

But then when I got to the other sister's house, she said that her mom had called her too.

And she was saying some really awesome.

Awful things about my mother.

Hmm she was

saying that my mother, my mother took sexual advantage of him and he was half asleep and my birth father was not interested in having sex with her.

He she forced herself on him.

Mind you my mother was this little four foot ten person.

He's like six foot four.

Don't like that.

She made up the story about Mother taking sexual advantage of him.

And that's the only reason I was born and I was born in shame and that I am the curse of their family and that she pretty much made it clear.

She didn't want me to have anything to do with him anymore.

So no real indication like why this sudden

turn?

Well I started panicking and I said, can I speak to him?

And while she put him on the phone and I said, why are you saying these things about?

My mom.

I was just I just flew here to see you and he said, I was okay.

I came Bye.

But then I understand she's not feeling well, but I don't know why you are talking about my mom.

Like if you don't want me to come by, that's fine.

But let's not talk about my mom and he said, what she's saying is true, your mother took a sexual advantage of me.

Your he said I didn't I didn't mean for this to happen, you were a mistake and my wife cannot deal with the fact that you know what happened between Your mother.

And so I think it's best that we don't speak to each other.

How did you feel when you

heard that?

Oh my gosh, I started panicking.

He also was saying things like you were asking me for the truth.

I'm finally telling you the truth.

I'm like, what are you saying to me?

I'm like, What's the ask me for anything?

Like this is something we spoke about a year and a half ago.

Like I was in a State of Shock like confusion and not knowing what happened.

I found out later that She's kind of the queen of gaslighting.

They were making up things as they went because I started questioning what he was saying.

I was like you told me.

You guys you were dating my mom for a while?

He's like I didn't know she was married.

I'm like, I believe you.

You didn't know she was married like you know, God will forgive you.

I mean, I know, you know, you're really into your religion and I'm Christian to and I'm like, God will forgive you for being with a married woman.

You didn't know I'm like, But to say these things about my mom, the wife is in the background yelling always Bible quotes.

It was something out of a movie like I was shocked.

It was like, she was, I heard that she's got mental issues but I don't assume she was having some kind of breakdown, I guess.

And I guess it was just a very vulnerable time for them and they were taking it out on me.

I was in a shot State of Shock when he was saying these things to me and I just started having panic attacks then.

And I couldn't stop having a panic attack, so I was on my way home because they lived out in the country and my my aunt Liv more towards the city.

I went to the bedroom and just I could not stop shaking like I'm shaking right now.

I couldn't think, right?

I called my husband and I was like, I need the next flight out.

Like, I need to come home.

I can't even function that my brain wasn't working.

I was completely dysfunctional.

Mentally.

Oh my God.

I'm so sorry that happened.

Ben's, I mean, how how jarring after a year and a half of building a relationship to have it just

reverse, it was just terrible because this whole time, I have, I know, I left out the parts of my birth certificate father, but I have felt like, over the past two and a half years.

I've been kind of dragging him along with the fact that I never told him the truth.

Now, I am extremely grateful, I didn't tell him the truth because he adores his grandchildren.

He adores me.

I mean I call him and he's just like He's so happy to hear my voice.

And he's so engaging and asking about my children, his grandchildren.

And, you know, he always says sweet things on Facebook to me.

And I'm like, you know, this is my dad because this other guy, I don't know why he was talking such bad things about my mom, but in the past, since last December, I sent him an email and I called twice and I said I would be happy to read it, you know, discuss with you again.

Possibility of having some type of relationship with boundaries healthy boundaries.

I said, I realize, you know, my presence has caused your wife, a lot of stress, you know, I don't think I handled it properly.

However, I don't think any of us did but I would like to have a conversation so that we can come up with a better conclusion other than just pretending, I don't exist, he blocked me on Facebook.

I didn't even know you knew how to do that.

I think I taught him how to do that at one point and she did not so Whenever I like comment on my half-sisters pictures are my brothers or any of the things they put on social media, she will comment like on the same thread like all these motherly.

Sweet things.

Yes they're very kind and motherly but I know some deeper stories and I know their history and I don't I think sometimes he intentionally does it because she sees me there like I've commented something nice so I'm just like you know I exist like this is immature.

And not emotionally healthy for anybody.

So you still have a relationship with your siblings.

Just not.

Yes.

Your father, your biological father, right?

Or his wife, and, and what do they make of this

situation?

I told them when, when they were talking about about, my mom is more of them verbally, assaulting me.

And I think I handled it as well as I could.

Besides, you know, obviously very emotional, I did I'd say things.

Like, you know, you can't take away my siblings, they're grown adults.

So, whatever you're saying right now is not going to matter.

The them, like I felt like he was I felt like he was trying to take away what I was my guess, I mean my siblings in these my sister's, I always dreamed of having sisters and I see them as gifts for my mom, to be honest.

My mom didn't want to leave me.

So she gave me my sisters and so when he was saying these things to help with felt, like I was being Named and like thrown away discarded, and that's exactly what they did

to me.

I'm so sorry.

My sister didn't agree with their behavior.

My sister's defended me, one of the sisters has decided this point because it's been 10 months, to kind of, she kind of doesn't speak much to anybody, to be honest.

He's back off a relationship with me to back off her leash, it with her own parents, and that's sad because they're getting older, it should.

Maybe them that way.

You know I'm sure she has other reasons and I don't even not sure even has anything to do with me because they both have told me things about their childhood.

Again, as I said before, they were the mother, especially was very abusive, physically verbally educationally.

She was supposed to be home, schooling them but wasn't really doing so.

And as much as I showed respect to her kindness to her, I don't think there was anything I could have done better to avoid that happening.

I think she's Didn't want to share her husband with me.

She didn't want to share her children with me.

She didn't want me to even exist to this day.

She curses the thought of me being exists in existence because it makes her feel insecure.

I don't judge, you know, judge her, what he did.

I do judge, but he's being punished for his behavior and that's why I don't have relationship with him because he did some things that I just can't find acceptable.

Or my in my world where I'm at now is I still have a relationship with my half-sister who was an addict but she's doing very well and recovering.

And that's about it.

I think the mother tried so hard to have this perfect family and things have fallen apart that she feels that because I have done pretty decent and life.

I have those successful marriage, 24 years, I have great kids that are in college.

I have a nice home and With a comfortable lifestyle.

I think she's jealous that my mom who was beneath her has a child.

It was, I guess you would consider successful at life and she has to have had extremely bad challenges.

Knowing what, you know about the

family.

I think one of the things we hear from npe is is, you know, I wonder what my life would have been like if I'd known and that kind of thing and you have a unique perspective because you're so close with your mom.

It's sounds like you had some challenges growing up, but you're really close with her.

And then, you know, at first, you kind of saw this idealistic new family and then learn more about them.

Have you had any thoughts about that?

Yeah, I mean, they from what I was told, they took family pictures, like every six months and they all matched.

They were like, the, I don't know if you'd remember the Beavers or something, but did they try to portray this image of perfection?

My siblings have told me that She laid all their clothes out to, they were 16. 17 years old.

Even the father's she laid.

All their clothes out, perfectly Machi.

They were, they weren't allowed to show like any skin, I'm much more loose when it comes to that, like I don't change people for their body.

I forgive, you know, what my daughter's 21 now but you know, they wear what they want.

And I don't judge people based on What they're wearing.

I don't judge people, often body types things like that, or their religious background, or their ethnicity, or any of that.

I don't have.

I'm not that kind of person but she's the exact opposite of me and it's really influenced my birth father a lot.

So yeah, I am glad, I did not, I was not raised in their household.

Yeah, I know that the my sister's haven't maintained a certain weight.

I've always been a little bit on the chubby or so.

I'd I think she would have abused me.

Terribly, to be honest with you and he was the kind of person that maybe he wasn't exactly abusing them, but he just didn't do anything.

He did.

He was in help them.

He didn't stand up for the kids.

He didn't have any part in trying to see that what she was doing was wrong, like, he just idolizes everything that she says, everything she does.

And all her decisions being that he's intellectually challenged from what I'm told.

I don't know how much of that is true.

I See how he just.

She just she the Puppet Master.

Yeah I spoke to him for the first time a week ago.

Okay I sent the two emails.

No response.

I called and no response.

I left a message but I knew that she was going to be away from her this past week, 10 months after we spoke laugh and my sister had been upset.

She's going through a lot of therapy because prediction and part of her therapy is to speak, to people about what, you know, to communicate things that are bothering.

Her.

So the way they treat me has bothered her a lot and she has addressed it with her parents, and her mother has come back at her with you don't need another sister.

This girl's, not your sister, you need to just like, you know, leave her alone, very manipulative, as far as, trying to convince her, I'm a bad person.

I don't even know what I've done.

It's so bad, she tried to address it with her parents who didn't get anywhere.

So she's like, you know, Know that the Arts she calls in our dad, I don't call him our dad, any longer she's like our dad is going to be with his siblings this week at a family reunions and she's not going.

I'm going to be kind of like watching over her while he's gone.

It's a perfect time for you to try to speak to him one more time.

And I honestly have given up at this point because I felt like I did three strikes.

I sent two emails and I made a phone call.

I'm like, I'm not going to beg.

So I wanted them to be a part of my life and I just honestly did it for her because I know it was bothering her.

And she's going through her 12 steps.

So I called his phone number and I did couldn't even say hello at first and then I feel so stupid because I hung up.

So then I called back and I said hello, how are you?

And he was hello like he knew who I was immediately, but he was very like why are you calling me kind of attitude?

Like, very disconnected, very cold didn't seem interested in speaking me at all.

I said I just wanted to get in touch with you because He had been talking to me about possibly trying to reconnect and get past what happened last year and I was just seeing where you stand with all of it and he was well we don't want any trouble, I always laugh because I like, are you serious?

How am I trouble?

Like what did I do?

In fact, I tried so hard in my childhood to be like the example of a good daughter.

What is it about At me with so much trouble.

Like how could you say that to me?

Like I just couldn't understand and so when he said we don't want any trouble, I said okay I get that you don't want any trouble so I'm I won't be calling back and he said that's fine.

Wow, that's

the last time you spoke to him.

How do you feel?

What that at this

point?

Maybe I've been blessed with his characteristic of disconnecting, but at this point I deserve better.

I have a good father who loves me, he loves my kids and he never deserved me.

His disconnect with me is, like I said, the siblings were saying, it's part of his emotional disability or maybe has autism.

I don't think any of that makes sense to me, and I think it's all excuses because he knows how to be loving to his other kids.

He knows how to be loving to his wife, and he knew how to be loving with me for the first year and a half.

I just don't want anything to do with the man.

I just don't want anything to do with him.

And my half-sister, I had to have a conversation with her because she does, she's going through her steps and she keeps bringing them up.

And is this told her?

I'm like, I once who were like, best friends, I want to continue this, but I need you to like, Lay off.

I'm talking about them so much because she was like, oh, I'm so concerned.

You know, my parents are getting older and some concerned about their health and gosh.

What if their health starts going down?

Like am I supposed to like be emotionally attached to that thought?

Of course, on some level.

I am, I'm not a bad person.

I have empathy have compassion, but he decided to tell me such a couple times to get lost.

So, if he ends up in the hospital or he's not doing well, you know, how is that even something?

I should even like connect to.

Yeah, you mentioned that your birth certificate father suspected, and that, that was actually, the reason for your, your parents divorce when you were young just because of your daughter looking so much like him, has he accepted that you are his daughter?

Or does he still suspect?

T', I don't know.

I think he is in style.

I think I my daughter has a lot to do with it.

The fact she looks so much like him

and you're not going to tell him.

Do you have plans to tell

him?

No, I don't see that how it would benefit anyone because he just had major heart surgery and I'm his only daughter and he always calls me.

His favorite, is that to it.

I actually told his girlfriend, she told me not to tell him and I don't see how that would Be helpful for anybody is going to it would be hurtful for me again after all of this.

And I'll be traumatic for him and I don't want him to feel what I feel.

Like I carry that burden for him because I would rather tell the world.

And that's one reason why I wanted to do this because I don't go ashamed of what has happened and I don't want to hide and Allah anymore, but I stay, you know, semi kind of hidden from the truth.

With because I don't want him to know and he's probably him and my brothers who has raised up with are the only people that don't know.

And thankfully I have a few people who you know have contact with them.

Once in a blue moon didn't know and haven't told him and that could be a possibility that they will open up but I don't think they want to hurt him.

They love him.

So why would they want to hurt them?

You

know, do you think that your mom

knew?

I don't think she knew for sure but it was We woman and I missed that lady so much, but she would look at me and go.

She had a country accent.

My I live in Florida, most of my adult life, so I don't really have much of an accent anymore, but she would look at me and say, girl, you sure have lightened up since you got Notre,

how do you feel about your mom now?

I mean, I know you miss her and I'm so sorry for your loss and grieving her.

How would you say that you feel about?

Her now grateful.

Grateful that even though my childhood I wouldn't say it was the safest environment for me sometimes and it wasn't a consistent, you know, good environment for a child.

It taught me everything.

I didn't want to expose my children to and I knew the entire time.

How much she loved me?

She she expressed her love to me like daily.

She was so loving person.

And even though she made bad choices, my mom was by Or seem a lot about places and she was always a victim that isn't have her two cents in this story.

Because I, it would have confused me even more because I'm not sure if she would have told the truth.

But I am grateful that she didn't try to find this man and I wasn't exposed to This Heart of a story.

Do you still feel very connected then to your Italian side because you have this ethnic shift you know, through your Your Discovery.

Are you do you still kind of, you know, feel Italian?

So to

speak?

Well, no, it's had this process to because I know you went through that.

I know, Italian and British are all European, but there are certain traditions we had, you know, like Christmas Eve.

We always had the homemade, you know, spaghetti, things like that.

And I don't know a lot about the British background.

I know for my kids birthday this.

I wanted to do something that was British inspired and being that they're Latinos their Latinas and my family is very spicy.

We love our food were very much Foodies.

We, you know, we like Italian food and Latino food and all the different flavors.

They weren't very excited about the British food because it's not, you know, it doesn't have a lot of spices, mm.

You know, it's not doesn't seem very fun to be honest.

I hate to say that, but yeah.

It's the only plan that I could find out of it was I threw them a tea party for their birthday.

This year was little crumpets and stuff like that, that seem like something that would be British.

It was cute little set up and I said so to celebrate, like you're British ethnicity.

We are having tea parties

that's

one other like well that's cute.

Wow, okay, where is it?

They're not very excited about that but as far as dealing a tie and know, I don't feel tired anymore.

I never looked I in any way.

Yeah, and some people just kind of that's is something I kind of let go.

It's okay.

You know,

what advice do you have for a parent who might be, keeping a DNA surprise from their child?

Oh, you need to tell them, please tell them.

That is one regret that will be with me every a single day for the rest of my life that my mom didn't have the courage to talk to me about it.

She put me on a pedestal and she felt maybe I would look down on her and she didn't want to compromise our relationship.

So I think she just kept it to herself and never even said his name.

I think that that is the reason why she didn't say anything to me, but the fact that I'll never get the one thing.

I wish I could have in life again is 30 minutes ago.

While I would chop off my arm for 30 minutes with my mom.

I mean I would I would give away, you know I've come up with a hundred thousand dollars on how to talk 30 minutes with my mom, just 30 minutes.

All I need, I just want to ask her, why didn't you talk to me?

Because you could have talked to me and but I guess I had to figure this out on my own and why you're still on Earth the short time they were all here, if there's something you need to say, you need to say because that person will have to deal with it until the day.

A of the dye that you didn't say it.

And so yeah, please tell them.

And what advice do you have for someone who just discovered that their, an end PE

breathe, breathe, and take your time, I don't think I handle this.

The way I should have be careful guard, your heart.

Pains can switch they can flip.

You can be, they can be very excited.

I think in the beginning, people are very excited and You know, something that doesn't happen publicly, you know, a lot of people so they find it something that's interesting to learn about you to understand who you are, but once they get you and they understand you and they know who you are, are you still going to be a part of that family?

Are they still going to accept you?

Because you know, there's chances that might not happen and I didn't do anything that I felt was wrong but I felt like if I Only took my time and guarded my heart.

Then this one, and then is terrible as it was.

I'm sorry that this was the outcome that you had.

It's thank

you.

I don't think I've spoken to anyone that, you know, build a relationship for that long and then had that outcome that is just wild and unfair.

But Kimberly thank you for coming on the podcast and sharing your story.

And I'm glad that you've been able to build a relationship with your siblings.

And that you have a great relationship.

With your birth certificate father that you can continue to have and I just wish you the best.

Thank you so much for your family as a people who loves you and accept you as you are.

Thanks again to Kimberly for sharing her story.

If you have a DNA surprise story that you'd like to share, please email, DNA surprises at gmail.com until next time, With your birth certificate father that you can continue to have and I just wish you the best.

If you have a DNA surprise story that you'd like to share, please email, DNA surprises at gmail.com until next time,