Robin Schepper’s DNA Surprise

This transcript was generated automatically. Its accuracy may vary.

Speaker 1

I think it's very hard for people that, that don't have the experience to understand how just kind of part of our humanity that we want to know where we come from.

And you can create family and create relationships in different ways that are not biological, but I just think it's a human drive to know where we come from.

Speaker 2

Welcome to DNA Surprises, a podcast that delves into the world of unexpected DNA discoveries.

I'm your host, Alexis ourselves.

In July 2021, my life took a surprising turn when I found out that I'm an NPE, a person who has experienced a non paternal event.

In other words, my biological father isn't who I thought he was.

Join me as we explore the stories of NP ES adoptees and donor conceived people and their families.

Get ready to unravel the astonishing journeys that begin with a simple DNA test.

This is DNA surprises.

The thing about DNA surprises is that they can happen to anyone.

It doesn't matter your race, socioeconomic status, politics, or your background.

In this week's episode, my guest author Robin Shepherd shares her DNA.

Surprise story.

For more than 30 years, Robin served at the highest levels of American politics and government, including on 4 presidential campaigns in the Clinton White House, and is the first Executive Director of Michelle Obama's Let's Move initiative.

She also grew up not knowing who her father was and embarked on a decades long journey trying to find him.

In this episode, Robin discusses how she felt different growing up without a father and how she was finally able to uncover his identity.

She also shares why she decided to write a memoir about her experiences.

One of my favorite moments of our conversation.

It's when she shares a beautiful poem that speaks to the what ifs that so many of us contemplate.

Robin's memoir, titled Finding My Way, a memoir of family, identity and political ambition, and website are LinkedIn, the show notes, so be sure to check them out.

Thank you for sharing your story, Robin.

My name is Robin Shepherd and I currently live in Colorado and I just turned 60.

Thank you for letting me be on your show.

My DNA surprise story took many, many years, decades to come out, but I'll I'll start from the beginning if that's OK.

So I grew up in New York City.

My mom had been a Pan Am stewardess in the 50s and 60s, based in San Francisco, and suddenly she was pregnant.

She was unmarried, and that was not really done back in the 60s.

That was a very kind of shameful thing and something that you didn't talk about.

So she left California and went back to New York, where she grew up, to get help from my grandmother.

So we never talked about my dad.

I kind of knew obviously that other kids had dads and I didn't have one.

One day I asked.

I wasn't really allowed to talk about it.

And she said, she said, well, his name was Robert and he worked for the airlines and he was married.

And I thought, you know, after I was pregnant, he would get divorced and marry me.

But that didn't happen.

So there we are and I was never allowed to ask a question again.

So that was a little challenging.

So Fast forward many years later.

I was in College in California and I was preparing to do a junior year abroad and in France and they needed my birth certificate and I was born in San Francisco.

So this is back before Google and so you had to make phone calls.

So I called San Francisco County, got my birth certificate and my grandmother was visiting.

Same grandmother that helped raise me and she said what is Robert's name doing on your birth certificate?

And I said as he's my biological father and she said no he isn't.

Ray is your biological father and I said.

Who?

The hell is Ray?

And so she told me the story of Ray was this Bavarian that my mother had been with, and that was my biological father, so my mom and my stepdad at the time.

So I was, I think I'd just turned 20 or 19.

They were living in Moscow.

My step dad worked for the US government and there was a number I could call collect.

And so I talked to my mom and I said Grandma's making up stories and, you know, she just told me the story that Robert's not my dad and raised my dad.

And I just don't know what to believe.

And she said, well, actually grandma's right.

And then I got so upset and I cried and I was just like, why are you putting somebody else's name on birth certificate?

And later I got a letter from my stepdad who he had research Ray's address that was in Southern California.

And so I ended up writing a letter.

And I got a letter back from his wife.

At the time, her name was Biate.

And she said, I'm sure you're a very nice young lady, but he's not your dad.

Don't ever talk to us again.

What are?

You thinking at this point.

Now you've gone through 2 possibilities.

Did you think that Ray was your father and his wife was just denying?

It well, that was the only thing I could think.

But in my 20s, you know, I really wanted to believe my mom.

But at the same time, I was thinking, maybe my mom just doesn't know and she's just too embarrassed to tell me.

And she had just really changed her life, marrying my stepdad, who was a diplomat.

So there is this whole kind of aura.

So part of me also thought she didn't want to acknowledge it because she didn't want her new husband to think that she was a floozy.

Yeah, a shame.

Yeah, exactly.

So years go by and still I I start on my career.

I I do a lot of things and I have, you know, I was lucky to get really fantastic jobs.

I worked in media and I worked on political campaigns.

I worked in the Clinton administration, the Obama administration.

I'd worked in the Clinton administration and I had married my first husband and I started getting seizures.

And my first husband was like, we have to find your father because nobody on my mother's side had any epilepsy.

And we wanted kids and wanted to find out.

And so he had a friend from high school that was a private detective.

He said, you know, why don't we use her?

So we know that it gets to him and not to the wife.

And I said, OK, so we did.

And I wrote a letter.

And this time I said, I don't want anything from you.

All I want to know is your medical history.

And years go by.

I hear nothing. 0 And I'm struggling with epilepsy.

I get seizures like grandma seizures once a month.

I end up in the hospital a couple times and just nobody knows why I have seizures.

So it's just really, really frustrating thinking that potentially there's an answer on my biological father's side but I didn't know and so my marriage by taking Dilantin and my seizures actually started falling apart.

So six years later, I took some projects in different places around the around the world and come back to you.

I was living in Seattle and come back to the house I had with my first husband.

And there's a pile of mail and there's an airmail letter that has a black stripe on it.

And I remembered from being a kid when my mom and my grandmother would get death notices of family members in Germany and Austria, they would have that black stripe.

And so that same woman, Bayate, who told me don't ever contact me, it's a letter from her.

And she said, I want to let you know that Ray died.

I know that you thought he was always your dad.

I don't know if he's your dad, but if you want to talk to him, come visit me.

So thinking, OK, what the hell?

So I fly down to Southern California and I knock on the door and she opens the door and she says, Oh my God, you're all grown up.

Wow.

That's what I thought.

What are you?

Asking.

I was thinking, you've met me before.

And she says, yeah, Didn't your grandmother and your mother tell you that there was a hearing for child support?

And I met you when you're two or three years old and I said no, they never told me and I don't remember.

So I noticed her accent and she's German speaking and German's my first language.

I didn't learn English until kindergarten and so I just talked to her and she says that Ray was travelling salesman, that towards the end of his life he left her and ran off with her neighbor.

So it's very potential that he's my dad and she's shows me picture and she has two kids.

But I look at these pictures and yeah, he's got blonde and blue eyes, but you know, there's nothing that really speaks to me.

We have a lovely conversation and and then I leave.

And then I I think, you know what?

I'm never really going to know because back then this was in the 90s.

We didn't have consumer DNA in the 90s.

So I was thinking about like CSI could I like, get his old hair brush and try to get ADNA sample?

But that didn't work.

So I didn't think more of it.

I was thinking, you know, maybe he's my dad, maybe he's not, but I'm just not.

I'm not convinced.

I mean, there was no emotional connection and she couldn't confirm it.

So years go by.

I get married the second time.

My husband and I adopt two kids because with my epilepsy it was just dangerous for me to have biological children.

And plus the drugs that I was on, 'cause birth defects.

So I just didn't want to take that risk.

It was more important for me to be a mom than to have a biological pregnancy.

So we decided as a family because my husband was having some health issues and we have adopted kids and I don't know my dad.

He said well let's all do DNA testing.

So right when it was coming out 23 me and ancestry.com we did both of them and you know we found some stuff out like both my kids are from Kazakhstan, which is in Central Asia.

But oddly enough, my, like older son has this huge percent of of Italian.

And then my my younger son is is related to the Sami tribe, which is the what we used to be called the Laplanders in Northern Scandinavia.

And I find some stuff out, but it's the things that I expect.

So Ray that the person that my grandmother had said he was from Bavaria, he had been in a naturalized American.

So I see the German and there's Austrian and some Croatian and Hungarian and everything that my grandmother and my mother had told me.

But this is like in the beginning of DNA when it wasn't really as precise, you know, you got like northern.

And I think I got another one that said like Northern European.

So nothing that I was surprised.

And then the IT got more sophisticated.

So I think it was like 2017.

I asked my mom and my stepdad as a Christmas present if they would do 23andMe.

And they were like, oh, well, why do you want to do that?

And I was like, well, for my stepdad, I said you've got grandkids and they may want to know in the future.

So why don't you do it for them?

And I said, mom, just, you know, curious.

There may be other policies that we don't know about.

And she's like, oh, you and your research.

So, so we did it and it came back.

And in 23andMe, which I'm sure you know very well, is that they show you what DNA you got from each parent because you don't get obviously all 23 strands from your mother and father.

So I got from my mom and from my grandparents, I got some Austrians, some Germans, some Croatian and Hungarians, kind of what I expected.

On the other side, it wasn't 100% German, so I was a little shocked.

And so it had Irish, English, Norwegian had like this small like .05 Congolese .02 Ashkenazi Jew, you know, it just had a kind of a mix.

And so when I saw that, I realized Ray cannot be my father.

And I showed the DNA to my mom and my stepdad And my stepdad, who's very precise, said to my mom like, hey, I thought Ray was totally German.

And my mom, this is, I mean, decades later she says, oh, he was adopted.

And I try so hard not to laugh because I think about, Oh yeah, a guy with this mix is in Bavaria in 1933, getting adopted.

I don't think so.

So, So I don't say anything because my mother's just lived with the shame for so long, so I just let it go.

And in 2019, my family and we hiked to Everest Base Camp in Nepal.

So I wasn't checking e-mail and I came home and there are all these messages both on my ancestry and my 23 Andme profile from this woman named Susan who said, hey, we have 16% shared DNA and that means we're probably first cousins.

I can't figure out how to how we're related.

And so I sent a message back on the platform and I say, well, my mom was a stewardess in the 1960s.

I was born in 63.

She was based in San Francisco.

Maybe one of your male relatives is my dad.

And then less than 24 hours laters late 24 hours later, she emails me again on the platform and says, Oh my God, your Uncle Jack's daughter.

And how are you feeling?

Like leading up to this, you mentioned that you didn't have a connection to Ray, like when you saw pictures of him and things like that.

So once you realized Ray is probably not my biological father, did you feel validated?

How are you feeling?

Well, it's so weird.

So I really tried to shut it out of my emotion for so long because I said, hey, let me just go forward and focus on my immediate family, my kids, and stop thinking backwards.

So when I got that note on the platform, all of a sudden this hope came up that I had suppressed for decades.

So I got really hopeful.

And the moment she said I was Uncle Jack's daughter, I was like, Oh my God, maybe I finally found my biological father, which would have never happened without consumer DNA.

So I was feeling, I guess hopeful is the word, but I wasn't 100% sure because I'm thinking, OK, maybe this is a hoax or there's some other thing.

And so we arranged a phone call and she told me the story of her dashing uncle Jack.

Her mom's brother, who grew up in Illinois, had been in the Army.

After he came back from the Army, went to law school.

He was really successful businessman in California, started a successful business and been married three times and handsome.

And when we started talking like she was asking, like when I was born and when my mom lived in California, she figured out it was when he was living on a sailboat.

When he and his first wife had separated, he was living on his boat.

And that's when I was conceived.

And I've always liked sailing, so there's some connection.

So but the most powerful was, is that she sent me pictures of him and his obituary.

And that's when I knew, like, this is my dad.

I mean, she sent me pictures of him in high school and in early 20s.

And if you put pictures of him and me at the same age, we look like we're brother and sister.

We have the same kind of jawline, the same eyes.

It is uncanny.

And then there's pictures of both of us in our 40s and we look the same.

And then when I read his obituary, because I the way I've lived my life is not like my mother at all.

And when I read his obituary and how much he's done for, he was a businessman.

But he was very involved in the community and volunteering and giving back to the community.

And then all of a sudden I said, Oh my God, you know, is it nature or nurture?

But he sounds way more like me than my mother.

And so I just felt validated and so happy.

But it was bittersweet because he had died one year before my first cousin found me, so I never got to meet him.

But it was pretty amazing to find out who he was.

Yeah, I'm sorry that you missed the opportunity to connect with him.

Yeah, yeah, it was pretty it was pretty incredible.

My, my cousin Susan is amazing and she has a daughter and his daughter is into genealogy.

Susan's daughter Joy was just really interested because I think she's the one who encouraged her mother to do the ancestry in 23andMe.

So my biological father, Jack, he grew up in Illinois, but he lived in San Diego for a long time after he left San Francisco.

And so we decided to meet in San Diego and to meet some of his friends, to see his house just like all this stuff.

So I was really so pleased to meet them.

And they brought all these pictures.

It was great to know who my dad was, but then I never considered that all of a sudden I had grandparents.

So to hear my cousin cousins start talking about our grandparents just, you know, started to make me cry that, Oh my God, I have a person that we have grandparents together.

It was just really impactful.

Yeah, You know, I I know a large piece of this for you was your medical history.

Yes.

And understanding.

Did you learn more from that side of the family in terms of your seizures?

Well, when I first looked at his obituary, he had given money on a regular basis to the Epilepsy Foundation in the United States.

And I was like, Oh my God, this is an amazing connection.

But what I found out it wasn't biological, is that I can't remember if it was his first or second wife had a daughter who ended up dying, actually, of a seizure.

And so he just always gave money to that Pulici Foundation.

So there was no answers on seizures, but I got other medical information that's been very helpful for me moving forward.

Yeah, I think that that's something a lot of people who haven't experienced a DNA surprise do not consider is how important that medical component is for so many of us.

Were you able to talk to your mother once you got confirmation?

Yes, we were on vacation, and I'm not very close to my mother.

We have a It's fine, but it's it's very deep.

Just kind of never knowing my dad and my mother not talking about it.

And so she's so wrapped up in shame that if I would go visit her, where she and my stepdad live, she wouldn't always want me to meet her friends because she'd be afraid I would spill the beans.

So my my stepdad was getting, I don't say sick, but not as mobile.

And he'd always promised my mother to take her to the fjords.

My stepdad is Swedish.

And so we took a trip on the fjords, and I had this information and I wanted to tell her, but I didn't want to ruin the trip.

I didn't know how she was going to react because she never really react well.

You know, every time I would talk about wanting to know my dad, she's like, you have a dad, He loves you.

Why are you keep asking all these questions?

You know, it's not necessary.

Why don't you just stop asking all these questions?

And.

And so I tried to explain to her, I was like, you do not understand what it feels like not to know half of who you are.

And maybe if I had been raised with my stepdad and lived with him, but I never lived with him, so I didn't have a father figure growing up.

So we were on this boat and I was trying to figure out, trying to strategize, like how do I tell my mother?

And she's not really into science and really didn't understand the DNA connection.

So oddly enough, we had Adna surprise on the other side of the family, which was not as meaningful to me but meaningful to my mother is that my grandfather, whom I never met either, emigrated from Austria.

And so I was always told that he was the 2nd youngest kid and I came to United States because he wasn't going to inherit the farm in Austria.

And there were four or five brothers.

I can't remember.

And so lo and behold, 23andMe before I find out about Jack, I have all these cousins that are related to my grandfather because he had a sister that actually sponsored my My grandfather and my mother never knew that he had a sister, which is just so weird.

Yeah, and.

She's like.

Yeah, she.

Sponsored him to come to the United States.

And I was thinking, so I figured my strategy was like, oh, I'm going to start this conversation about her side of the family.

So I had my laptop and I showed like first cousin she had and Maria was her name the, the older.

And then my mother's like, oh, I remember going to this Austrian club in New Jersey and I was like, yeah, probably with your cousins.

It was.

Just strange.

And so it gave me the opportunity to show her on the platform the percentages to show first cousins and 2nd cousins.

I was trying to prep her So on the very last day we were in Oslo and ironically enough, my mother's favorite movie is Mamma Mia.

If you, if your listeners haven't watched it, it's about a girl trying to invite her father to her wedding.

And there's three options.

So I said to my mom, I said mom, you know, remember the scene of Mamma Mia where the daughter says to Meryl Streep, the mother?

Like, I don't care who my dad is, I love you anyway.

And she said, yeah.

And I said, so Mom, I don't care who the dad is, I love you anyway.

And she said, what?

What are you talking about?

I said, well, I found out who my dad is.

And she said, yeah, of course, raise your dad.

And I said, no, Ray's not my dad.

Jack's my dad.

She's like Jack.

Who's Jack?

I don't know what Jack?

And so I said I found my first cousin and my biological father is Jack's.

And so I have to explain the DNA thing.

And she's like, I don't, I don't remember.

I don't know what, Jack, I don't know what you're talking about.

So luckily she's not hostile because I was.

I was worried she was going to be hostile towards me.

She just started laughing and she just said you and your research, there's always something, Robin.

So we go to sleep.

And I had gotten out his obituary and I left it out for her.

I didn't want to force her to read it.

I just thought just take her time and we're at breakfast And she said, I read his obituary and he seems very like a very nice man.

And I said, yeah, that's, that's what I've heard.

And she said, did he have a boat?

And I said, yeah, actually he was the Commodore at the San Diego Yacht Club.

He, he was a big sailor.

And she said, well, I do remember this guy, when I was home, he would call me up and I was living in Sausalito and he'd say meet me at the dock at Sausalito and he would pick me up on the sailboat and then he would teach me how to sail.

But, you know, that's it.

You know, I would just, he was just teaching me how to sail, said, Mom, I'm here.

I think it was more than sailing.

She's like, oh, from it.

So we we kind of mixed German and English when we talk.

And so she said, well, can't I just be like the Virgin Mary?

And it was the Holy Spirit and, like, got me pregnant.

And I was like, no, Mom, it was Jack.

So she accepted it and we were getting on the airplane and I could tell that she was thinking about it.

And my mom just struggled after she left the airlines because at that time you weren't allowed to have kids are being married, you know that doesn't change.

That didn't change until a lawsuit.

There was a a class action lawsuit in the early 70s, you know now we call them flight attendants and all those laws.

But back then you weren't allowed to you had to get weighed in and you know had to be this glamour stewardess.

My mom, after she left the airlines ended up being a receptionist and didn't have much money.

We lived in a rent controlled apartment.

Sometimes we had food stamps is a struggle for her in in New York City of a single mom.

So we were on the airplane and she took my hand and she said Jack sounds like a wonderful man.

I wish we had known him because he definitely could have helped us.

And that just made me so sad for my mom because she struggled so much just to make ends meet and to make sure there was food on the table and a roof over her head.

So it was kind of bittersweet, too, but it definitely lifted a wall between us.

That's not something we talk about all the time, but sometimes I refer to him as Jack because I wrote a book and released a book about this journey, and my cousin and her daughter came to the bookstore when it was released in Denver and we met there.

I've told her that I've met my cousins, and I continue to meet my cousins.

My older son goes to school in the Northeast and my cousin lives in Nebraska, so we've stopped by our house a number of times, so it's not something we bring up all the time.

My mom, I don't think likes to talk about it, but I'm glad that she accepted that Jack was my dad.

And I think for her it actually answers some questions, so maybe she's relieved as well.

Yeah, that's that's amazing that she did open up a little bit and and have that discussion with you.

How would you say not knowing for sure who your father was for most of your life affected you?

And then how did it change you once you had your question answered?

Well, I think there's a double whammy for me is not just not knowing your father.

It's a lot of people that have not expected parents.

They may have had a parent that was their father figure or they thought there was their father, but I grew up with no father figure in my house.

So it was my mom and I and then spent a lot of time with my grandmother who was a who was a widow.

Not having any father figures in my life.

No uncles.

I'm an only child.

No, no brother.

I I gained A stepbrother later.

Really made for challenging relationships with men.

I didn't have any role models.

It was often hard for me to have relationships.

So anytime there was a fight or some challenge, I thought oh OK that that relationship is over.

I I didn't really know how you work through a relationship.

I struggled and I've been married twice, had some other long term relationships and I just kind of feel like if I had had a dad in the house I would have maybe had some guidance, maybe not.

And not all dads are great, but if I had had him in my life, he sounded like a great guy.

So I think it potentially could have protected me from some bad situations that happened in my life.

And then once knowing who he is, it just made me feel like I was whole that there was a reason that the way I am because again, I'm so different from my mother and my grandmother that sometimes I would think, like, how did I end up the way I am?

Like, why?

What is my drive to do public service and all these other things that I want to do and my ambition and things that they didn't have?

I'm thinking, where does this come from?

I don't understand.

So.

It just it just then all of a sudden it made more sense to me.

But it's a big hole.

And you know, if you're indulge me, I did write a poem that's in my book.

It's not that long, but I have imagined what it would have been up like if I had, if he had been in my life.

Your confidence makes my fear fall away.

I place my feet on top of yours, yearning to be taller.

You laugh.

You place my small hands on the steering wheel.

I look up at you and you tell me to look straight ahead.

You show me how I can tell the direction of the wind from the little flag on the mast.

You explain how the steering wheel is attached to the rudder.

I soak it all in, eager to have you as my teacher.

You place your hands on top of mind.

We feel the vibration of the hull and the water together.

I giggle, salt sprays on our faces and I dart my tongue to taste it.

You guide my steering while you switch the directions of the sails and we tack.

You place a kiss on my head and tell me how proud you are that I am your daughter.

We stay frozen in place, two beings melded as one, our hearts touching.

That's beautiful.

Thank you for sharing.

Thank you.

And as a fellow NPE, and I'm sure many people listening to this right now can relate to those what ifs and trying to imagine what it had been like if we'd known our biological fathers.

So you wrote a memoir called Finding My Way, a memoir of family identity and political ambition, and you cover this story in more detail in the book.

What led you to want to write about your life, and specifically your DNA?

Well, as I mentioned before, we adopted two children and I actually hired detectives when we adopted because they were called blind adoptions that you don't know anything about the biological parents.

And I knew what it felt like to not know who your biological parents are.

So I wanted to see if I could find out anything.

For my kids.

We found out a fair amount for my my older son.

And for my younger son we did not.

So I dedicated the book to them, really, because I wanted them to.

Now they're 17 and 21.

And so sometimes when you talk to a 17 and 21 year old, it's like mom, too much information.

Mom, I don't want to talk about that.

So I decided that I wanted to write something that was really for them about my journey and the struggles that I face.

Because life is not a straight line and you just have to keep moving forward despite the challenges.

And I thought perhaps that if I wrote it down for them that when I'm gone, that they would have not necessarily a road map but an example and a model of how do you persevere even when you don't know parts of your family or don't know who you are or you question your existence because you don't know where you came from?

So I wrote it for them.

My older son listened to it's on audio as well.

And so he listened to it when he drove back from college this summer.

And I was referring to something and I said, well, remember that part in the book?

And he said, well, mom, I have to be honest.

And I said what he goes, well, I listened to the beginning part of you as a little kid, and it was really interesting about you growing up in New York City.

But then I kind of fast forwarded to the part that you and dad adopted me.

And then I listened to that about six times because that's my favorite chapter.

So you know, to me, I feel like I've accomplished, you know, at least one thing so that he knows just how much we love him and how what we went through to adopt him.

And then my younger son, he's just has such a wit about him.

And he said, well, why should I read your book?

I already know you.

I said, well, maybe there's some stories that would be helpful for you.

So I hope at some point they'll read it.

But I wrote it mainly for them.

But what has happened?

The book came out in April and I've been touring around the country.

I was really last I I worked in political campaigns and I worked on 4 presidential campaigns and I know lots of people that have put events together.

I put a all call out to my friends and I said I don't have a publicist, I don't have an agent, but if you want to put an event together for me, I'll come.

And so I had friends in San Diego and Seattle, Bainbridge, Green Bay, WI Madison, WI Steamboat, New York, DC that put events together for me.

And so I've gone around the country and what's been the most interesting is the reaction.

So I wrote it for my kids.

But I've been just astounded at the reactions that I've gotten about the book.

Some of the challenges I talk about about not having a father figure is not knowing relationships and I have been sexually assaulted more than once, sexually harassed way more than once.

There's a lot of women that have come up to me at these events or people have just called me that I kind of know proliferately and have thanked me.

And like I had one woman that I know pretty well and and she said thank you for writing about your abortion.

I'm.

I'm really Catholic.

I can't talk to my.

And my husband's really Catholic.

I can't talk.

You know I was raped and in high school and I had an abortion and reading your book I don't feel so alone and other women who have come up to me.

So it's been really gratifying to feel that perhaps sharing some of the shame and the pain that I went through, but also the resilience of going through the struggles, but the still moving forward and creating a family and creating a career.

So that's also uplifting that it's impacted people.

The thing that I really appreciate about your book and and your openness is I think, you know a lot of people would look at your career and all of the things that you've accomplished in your life.

You know, from being a White House staffer working on campaigns, you're well travelled.

You were the first executive director of Michelle Obama's Let's Move foundation.

You've done all of these things and yet still you have had these very relatable things happen to you.

And it really just goes to show that these things happen to everyone and anyone.

It's fascinating to see and and read about and it's just awesome to see that vulnerability.

So thank you.

Oh, well, thank you for those words.

I tried to be as honest, as authentic as I could when my when my husband was reading, he was one of my early readers.

And he's like, you sure you want to write this?

Sure you want to share this?

And I just said, I just, I think this happens to a lot of writers.

I was like, I have to, I have to be authentic.

I have to tell the truth.

I can't.

I can't sugarcoat it because if I sugarcoat it, then people don't really realize that the the struggle, if you just kind of gloss it over.

So I wanted to share the struggle.

Because I know others have struggles, and if my struggles can help people feel like they can get rid of their secrets and not be embroiled in shame, then I feel like I've made a contribution to the world.

Absolutely.

Where can people find you online?

Where can they find your book if they're interested in purchasing?

It well, I have a website, it's Robin F shepherdauthor.com.

You can find it on Amazon.

There's an audio book that's on all the audio platforms.

Audible, Apple, Spotify.

So it's just Robin Shepherd and Finding My Way so you can find it.

And the other option, there's another platform, if you haven't heard of that, it's called Bookshop dot org and it's kind of a nonprofit answer to Amazon.com, so it's on there as well.

And then on my on my website, robinfshepherdauthor.com, I also have a contact page.

So I have told others that I will zoom into book clubs and if people wanted ask me questions or or have me for an event, I'm.

I'm open to doing that because I just, I love sharing my stories and also talking about my mom and my grandmother because they were revolutionaries in their own way.

I will be sure to link all of this in the show notes for anyone who is listening.

What advice do you have for a parent who is keeping Adna Surprise from their child?

I think at some point you have to tell them I don't think it's fair to the child.

I I'll just share this story is that when I was getting divorced, my mother asked me to help with the paperwork so my stepdad could adopt me.

And what I found out from the lawyer was that my original birth certificate that didn't have the right name.

But still I would never be able to see it and my adopted father would be at now forever on my birth certificate.

And I realized that a lot of the laws were to protect the parents, not the child.

And so I just don't think it's fair as a kid who didn't know my dad for so many years has just answered so many questions.

And maybe you're not doing it when they're five years old.

But you know, don't wait till they're 50.

It's just it matters and it's I think can bring you closer together with with your child.

Yeah, thank you.

And what advice do you have for someone who has just identified who their biological father is?

Well, the first thing I would say is breathe, Take it in and sit with it for a little bit because it is an enormous revelation.

It's kind of the advice that I give to people that are getting married is that the wedding becomes so much about all the people that you meet and all the events and walking down the aisle and so that sometimes you don't have the opportunity just to have it for yourself.

So just make sure you have some time to let it soak in for yourself.

If you write, write in your journal.

If you don't write, maybe take a voice memo on your phone of how you feel about it, because you're never going to get that moment back once everybody starts reacting to your news.

So just take the time for yourself to really absorb it before you share it with everybody else and get their reactions.

Robin, thank you so much for joining me on the podcast today and sharing your story.

And again, thank you for sharing your story with the entire world through your book.

Be sure to link it in the show notes.

And I wish you the best as you continue your book tour and continue finding yourself.

Thank you so much and thank you for having this podcast.

I think what you're doing is a great service for those of us that are have not expecting parents.

It's very, very helpful.

Thanks again to Robin for sharing her story, and remember you can find her book and her website in the show notes.

If you have a DNA Surprise that you'd like to share, please submit your story at dnasurprisespodcast.com.

Until next time, this episode of DNA Surprises was hosted, produced, and edited by me, Alexis Ourselt.

It was mixed and mastered by Josh Ourselt of Siren Recording Studios.