Liann’s DNA Surprise

This transcript was generated automatically. Its accuracy may vary.

Speaker 1

Hi, it's Alexis from DNA surprises.

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When I started DNA surprises in 2022.

I just wanted to connect with people like me and help others feel less alone.

Since then, we've created an amazing community of people who understand the shock of uncovering family, secrets, after taking a deep.

DNA test.

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Thanks for being here.

Answer more questions, you know, I just had you know, because she had told me that she was a month pregnant when she found out.

She was pregnant.

She was a month pregnant, and she just left town, laughter job and got back together with my dad.

She didn't tell my dad or like another couple weeks that she was pregnant and so I sad, but that's a smart man.

Like, didn't he, like, go to the doctor's appointments with you and do math?

Yeah, she said, well,

Speaker 2

Yeah, he went to the doctor's appointments with me, but you have to remember that back.

Then the father's didn't go in the lines with the colors.

So that told me, she fudged, the due date for my dad,

right?

And you were earlier and I

was earlie, right?

If you look at my, if you look at my baby book, my due date is March 1st and I was born.

February 15th.

Imagine spitting into a tube, sending off your DNA, and unknowingly turning your Life upside down for me and thousands of others.

This is our reality, I'm your host Alexis ourselves in July of 2021 I discovered that I am an NP e.

Someone who is experienced a non paternal event.

In other words my biological father isn't who I thought he was this podcast shares.

The journeys of people who were shocked by a DNA Discovery mostly through Modern DNA.

A testing, we're telling the stories of NP.

He's adoptees and donor conceived people, and their families.

This is DNA surprises.

DNA.

Surprises are by definition surprises, but sometimes there are murmurs and suspicions long before a DNA test confirms the truth.

In this week's episode Leann shares.

How she uncovered her?

Mother's secret long before she took a test, she talks about how she's navigated her journey so far, including rejection from her biological father.

She also reflects on how her admiration for her raised.

Father has only grown in light of her DNA.

Surprise, thank you for sharing your story Leanne.

My name is Leanne.

I am almost

50.

I'll be 50 next month.

Thank you.

Alexis.

Us for having me.

And, and for everything that you do, first of all, I know everybody says that too, but I wanted to make sure I also included that because your work is amazing.

Thank you about Kathy.

So I'll start with my family of origin and just sort of with that look like as a backdrop.

I grew up with my mom and dad and then two older sisters.

Who were 10 and a half and eight.

Older than me.

So much of the time at home ICE was sort of an only child my oldest sister wine away to college when I was setting and my middle sister moved away out of the house.

When I was like, early junior high.

But my early early childhood memories kind of focus around, you know, my mom taking me to dance lessons and swim lessons and gymnastics classes.

Has and, you know, she was involved in Girl, Scouts with me.

And then, of course, there was always that little sister that teased me all the time that I was adopted, or that I was in my old man's daughter, because I do look a little different than my sisters and into junior high.

I was then sort of an only child quote-unquote in my household and then around that time, both of my parents started getting sick.

And my mom was diagnosed with Ms. And soon after that, she was diagnosed with breast cancer and much around the same time, my dad was also having her issues, where he required a heart valve replacement and then ultimately had to have a heart transplant.

So he did receive the heart in 1989 and survived a month shy of 16 years, so we did get him for many years, you know, get to I've been in our lives for many years after that, which, you know, very thankful for.

He got to see me graduate high school.

He got to see me, graduate college.

You got to see all of his grandkids.

With that said, my dad and I have a very close connection and for the purposes of everybody, knowing when I say my dad, I'm referring to the damn my dad who raised me.

So my dad who raised me is my dad and I'm getting chills as I say this, you know, but he is, he My bad.

So my and instead of, I don't even feel comfortable, calling him my birth certificate, either like he's is my dad.

So my bio father will be bio father, so very close connection with my dad, and I always called him my hero, he was always my hero with everything, he had to fight through with his health and also than taking care of my mom.

Kind of they took care of each other back and forth and their health crises.

But a couple Very poignant memories in regards to that connection with my dad.

They both pertain to him being in the hospital and both are over my birthday.

The first one, he was waiting for his heart and he was on life support and had you know, mechanical ventilation, he was, you know, had her to move in.

He was half sedated.

But somehow with many standing her, he knew it was my birthday and he was looking in my eyes and I Tell that he was telling me happy birthday.

It is knew that he was.

Yeah, that was confirmed after he got better and the tube was removed.

So then there was a second time where he was in the hospital.

The same thing, he had a surgery and he was being brought out of her sedated date and he knew it was my birthday and just kind of told me happy birthday and it was just it's just one of those connections.

I've always had with him and

so you You never suspected that he was not your biological father growing up.

You had a really strong bond and aside from the jokes with your sister.

You had no idea, no

idea.

You know, I it's kind of funny wear it when I say, I didn't have any idea because I did ask questions, right?

And, and maybe those questions were spearheaded by being teased by my sister.

But, you know, I do have memories after everything starts coming back, right?

You start thinking of things and things start making sense.

I do have memories of when, you know, I think six or seven sitting on the bed with my mom and I asked my mom is dad my dad and she said of course he is, I remember jumping up on my dad's lap at one point and maybe this about the same age and I Said just thinking, I remember the thought in my head was just because of the age difference between my two sisters and myself.

That was my thought time.

But I asked him dad.

Was I a mistake?

And he said, no, honey.

You were a surprise.

Mmm.

So I had those kinds of questions, you know, but never in a way that I didn't belong or I was out of place or I felt like the black sheep of

the family, right?

You

know, so

interesting.

Interesting that your young selves at such a young age.

Almost seemed to pick up on something.

Yeah, even though you weren't treated differently in, you're very close with your dad.

So

interesting through my teen years, then though my relationship with my mom did become a very contentious relationship.

They were obviously very focused on themselves and their health from the time I was probably 13.

Teen 14 years old.

Until I was about 19 18, 19 years old, where they were both in and out of the hospital, taking care of Health crises, and I was in high school and having to get myself from school, place to practices and things like that.

And so, yeah, I needed, and I was kind of raising myself but that time and by the time, their health was sort of returning back to normal.

I was being treated by my mom, like I was still 14, because that's where she still had me in her mind, right?

No,

hmm.

But by that time, I was 19 years old and I was dating somebody that she didn't like and at 19 years old.

She kicked me out of the house basically, because I was a teenager, making a bad decision and getting back together with a boyfriend who cheated on me and she didn't like that.

So she kicked me out of the house at 19 but it was a few months.

It's before I was going away to college and I 1896, I went away to college, but I do want to touch a little bit.

On the resemblance, I have dark curly hair.

I have hazel eyes, both of my sisters and both of my parents have blue eyes and lighter hair.

When I was really young and I will get pictures of my mom pregnant with me.

She did have darker hair but not this dark matter.

Dark, dark brown, but both of my sisters are blender.

And again, I'll have everybody in my Here's blue

eyes.

Did that spark any questions for you?

I was always

told I look like my Aunt right.

There was always there was, you know, again I'm the I was that person in the family that was told you look like somebody else and my aunt was my dad's sister.

So I she had a little bit of Darker hair and she had green green eyes.

So I always was told that I resemble her and I think that that was just something.

My mom looked out at night like that was something that they could.

Kind of fall back.

God.

Yeah.

There's always some relative that's not in the immediate family that oh, you look like that person.

We hear that a lot,

Yeah, you know in 1996, I graduated from college.

I stayed in the area for a couple of years where I went to school to kind of weaned myself away from the college life, but during that time, during those couple years, I started having seizures And I was diagnosed with epilepsy during that time, so this is probably about 25.

I was dealing with that and then my roommate was graduating from college and I didn't feel comfortable living on my own.

So I ended up moving in with my older sister and her family.

You know, obviously I wonder what must have been running through my mom's mind when I started having seizures.

If she even thought about, you know, there is somebody in my mom's family, a great-aunt that has seizures.

Who knows, right?

You never know.

So, in 1998, I'm living with my sister and her family, my oldest sister.

And I remember sitting at the dining room table, just having a conversation and half of the blue.

She just, I don't even remember what the conversation about out of the blue.

She just says, well, when Mom and Dad were divorced, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And I said, what do you mean?

When Mom and Dad were divorced, And she said oh, you didn't know and I said no what?

And she said and she told me then that my mom and dad were divorced for three years before I was born.

Wow what did you think at that point hearing that I didn't know what to think?

She had told me bits and pieces of what she could.

Remember at the time she was like seven to ten when they were divorced.

She told me that she remembers I want to see Dad in a different city and spending weekends within and she remembers another man that my mom dated for a couple years but it was only the first two of the three years.

So that man obviously wasn't and he also had blue eyes so that wasn't anything to think about as far as that goes, but it still wasn't even anything.

I don't even think it's somebody else being my biological father, was even a true thought at that point because even after my sister told me that I just really remember, only asking myself, what were the circumstances of my conception between my mom and dad, right?

Did I it did they get pregnant with me and then get back together or did they get back together and then get pregnant with like, yeah, which scenario happened first.

And that was really what my thought process was wrapped around.

Not so much about whether or not anybody Else was truly involved, right?

Because

our brains just don't go there, right?

You you start making sense of it in a way that stays true to your reality.

Yeah,

right.

exactly.

Okay.

So you learned this major information, do you talk to your

parents about that?

I don't sort of perpetuating that family cycle or that programming where keep secrets or we don't talk about things.

Number one, my mom was sort of.

I just didn't want them to know that I knew.

I guess I didn't.

I don't know why.

I didn't feel like they needed to know, I knew they were divorced.

At I just wasn't in that mindset yet where I needed to break those Cycles.

Another thing my sister told me to in that conversation was she remembered being dropped off to Florida?

My cousins, my aunt and uncle who I like and that I told my resembled, my cousins, were my sisters ages.

And so my Mom and Dad drop them off in Florida for the sunflower to spend the summer with their cousins and then when they came back from Florida, my mom had moved them back to my day with my dad so that all of a sudden they were back together with my dad and living with my dad.

So it was just kind of have brought.

She remembers that a bro goodness in their lives and not being able to say goodbye to their friends and their previous town.

And yeah.

So that's sort of has that all happen in her memory.

So not a lot of discussion around it.

It was kind of mysterious even to your sister.

Yeah, you know, I do remember

asking questions to my middle sister, and maybe a cousin that I was really close with and just an ant, you know, that was around back then.

And they just Really do anything.

They remember her being divorced but nobody really knew anything.

Then my dad passes away in 2005 that after that happened.

And I started and I was able to read that process.

I started then I think letting my mind go further into okay?

Is there really somebody else, you know, for the next couple years?

I asked myself those questions.

The interesting thing is that I was going through therapy during this time to for other reasons, obviously, think in 2005 even now it's hard to find somebody that understands what this is all about, you know, and p and p situation but it just didn't I just didn't after that.

I really just didn't feel like she was able to kind of help me as much with this situation.

There were other things that she did help me with but I didn't get help this situation from her.

I had to ask myself questions.

I asked, you know, again, family members more questions about other people about, you know, nobody knew anything.

But of course, I'm at that point cousins, would say, you know, well, there was, you know, I always wondered I always wondered there was, you know, you know so-and-so.

Oh, you know what?

I always say to me.

So then I'm starting to feel like the family secret, right?

Because people were talking, it's just making you feel like It's a secret.

How did you feel when he started hearing or getting this inkling?

That you'd been a topic of conversation?

I don't know how to put it in a feeling but it gave me the goal of my journey in no longer wanting to be the secret.

Hmm.

Like I think from the beginning it's never really been for me about Your father finding a father or you know, maybe a bonus with the connection with siblings, but I had had my siblings.

So if we found a connection with some other siblings, that could be a bonus, but it was more so about no longer being secret.

And I came to that realization after doing, you know, a lot of work on myself and a lot of journaling and, you know, things like that.

A Place further down past 2005.

yeah, so so cheap, you know

2005, my dad passes away and I'm asking lots of questions and then 2007 the week of my birthday and having a conversation with my middle sister on the phone and she had asking her questions again just thinking out loud and and things like that she says to me.

Now that dad's been gone for a couple years, I guess I can tell you how I feel about the situation.

I said, what do you mean?

How do you feel about what situation?

And she said, well, when I was going to Community College, we had biology and we were learning the Putnam Square.

It be little be recessive dominant genes.

And went up to the teacher after class and I asked him.

So what you're saying is two blue-eyed parents can only We have a blue eyed child and he said, that's exactly what I'm saying.

So, for 20 years, she carried that with her, I never said anything to anybody.

So we're both freaking out on the phone.

I, I'm Googling with her on the phone, like paternity eye color percentages, you know?

Because it we're talking 2007 like there isn't even commercial.

DNA testing yet, like I did look up full sibling DNA test that you can get online.

And at that point, there were five hundred dollars if you could get that my eyes but they were very expensive, you know.

And so my sister had said, you know, and here's a book or two, I'll do whatever you want, whatever you need.

She was willing to pay for half of the full sibling DNA test.

You know, she was coming up with different routes that I could take to find out about different pieces of information.

And at this time, My mom was in early, kind of more developing into moderate stage of dementia from her Ms. And so she was still living in her house from a, my dad passing away.

She was still in her house but when my sister was home and not flying as a flight attendant, then my mom would stay at her house.

And so one day probably within a week or two after this conversation, my sister called me and That is going to be at my house.

Do you want me to see if we can get her to admit this?

And I said, well, it might as well have a conversation with her because see, if what she says, before we go instead $500, see what she would write.

They would she remember?

See what she says?

She approaches my mom with the same biology, story, and square.

And says, is it possible that Dad is not Leann's biological father?

Her and she immediately said, I know he's not.

Wow.

My sister said, how sure are you?

And my mom said I'm 100% sure.

So by that time with all the questions I've asked myself and all the thoughts and things that I tried to feel and by that time, I was more shocked that she's so readily, admitted it and the fact that it was actually true

because at this point, I mean, do you feel like you'd come to terms with the fact that that was Probably the case.

after doing my own, like research with the eye color probability, like, you know, nowadays with a with genetic advances, we do know that there is a very slight possibility that two blue eye parents can't like that's been further, investigated and and things.

So we do know that now, but back then that's just you have the Putnam Square.

You see Big B little B and that's just how it's defined, right?

See, When my sister, when this came to me this information of, yes, she admitted it.

I was working at, I had a second job where I was teaching a class that night, and I was just getting ready to go into my glass to teach when I got this call.

And so, after I got this information, I had to go teach class and so yeah, I just remember that.

I have no idea how I even got through that class, but my class of adult Square.

The first people that knew this

information because I just asked you told journalist I had to

go in there because I was in such a panic and freak out say that I just need to be like.

Okay you guys, I'm going to do my best to teach the class but this is what the information I just found out.

So be patient with me

so you taught your class and just got through and then I left

and I called my mom on the way home And so I had, you know, lots of questions obviously and she answered them to her best ability.

Like I truly feel like everything I asked she answered honestly, as much as she could remember with her dementia and probably be what she blacked out because of your abrupt change in her life and just moving on with getting your life.

Back together with my dad and my mom was the love of my dance life.

And so, I'm sure for those three years that's all he ever wanted, was his family back together, you know, and when she ran back to him, it was no question to him.

The things that she could remember about my biological father.

Was that he had dark curly hair.

Just like you.

Yes, he had darker eyes.

He was from the Philadelphia area but he would fly into Chicago area because he worked for the same company.

My mom worked for.

So he would fly into that office every couple weeks or whatever and he was Jewish.

And he was married with at least one other daughter.

They dated quote-unquote dated for about six months, but she couldn't remember any.

So, you're taking all this information in.

You learned that now, you have Jewish lineage, did you think about that at all during that time or were you more focused on who he was?

I think I

was more focused on who he was at that point.

have the culture Whole piece is a whole other thing to unpack,

It really is it really is?

Which I'm not sure.

I've truly done to be honest yet, which is, you know, another thing I'm working on I'm on many lifelong, right?

Did your mom express any remorse or anything when you spoke to her?

No, I would not say remorse was anything.

I felt.

I never felt remorse.

From her for kicking out of the house either.

She feels like if she was in the right that she did the right thing, you know, I made the right decision, you know, that's just how.

Now with that said looking back and all of this and even through different periods of time.

Even then in the beginning, never had anger.

It was never angry with my mom because I feel like she made the right decision and getting her family back.

Heather.

I had the best dad in the world that I could have Dad.

I can't say that.

Looking back on the circumstances she was in and the time period that it was and if I was in her shoes and I wouldn't have made the Jen, did I have anger about the timing of finding out and how it came out?

I had to process that too and I don't think I ever had anger for that era because Don't think I would have wanted to look my dad and eyes with this knowledge.

I don't think either of us would have wanted to look each other.

In the eyes of this

college.

Do you think he knew

that was always a big question for me?

Interestingly enough I have talked to a very very good medium who did confirm for me that yes he did know.

And they could not have the very V conversation that would have needed to have been had, and still go on with their marriage.

They just couldn't have had their marriage couldn't have withstood having that very difficult conversation.

So they had to go on with living with the unset and that's just how they work.

Okay, Wow, which makes perfect and Global sense.

So you have this conversation with your mom, you learn some details about your biological father.

What do you do

next?

The following years were still prior to me doing the DNA testing and really kind of having that fear of the security and privacy issues that surrounded that, you know, still it's still fairly new on the market and you I work in healthcare so I'm privacy concerns like that are always on my

mind before I decided to take the test, you know, still all

these memories are coming out of the woodwork like things that you don't even like.

How did I not think about this?

It just slap you in the face, right?

I had one of those memories and it's so it's so funny because of how my sister told me.

About this one of my memories that completely slap me in the face was I was in college and don't tell don't ask me why and I didn't make this connection in the couple other times.

I learned the Putnam Square myself, but I was in my anatomy and she was physiology class in college, which was a lecture hall of people and professors Professor standing in front of class you in the hole.

But from Square again, And is what he says in front of the class.

So this means to who I parents can only have a blue eyed child, and I raised my hand run up the lecture hall of class.

And I said well I know that's not true because both of my parents have blue eyes and I don't and he said you might want to talk to somebody about that and just went on with the lecture.

And so I remember walking out of that class thinking.

Teacher has no idea what he's talking about, like his mind you this was before I moved into with my sister and before I found out, you know, that they were divorced.

So I'm thinking my parents have been married for 33 B.

What is he Dutch?

He doesn't know.

So, yeah.

So those kinds of memories during this time all coming back to me and just sort of, you know, the memories of asking those questions and I was younger.

It was finally in Some 17 when I really started, I guess realizing that my urge to know answers was stronger than my fear of the privacy issues that could potentially be out there.

And I think I always knew in the back of my mind that I would eventually do it.

I needed to be, I would know the timing when the timing was right to do it.

Yeah, so at that point in time I decided to do it was like the end of 2017.

So beginning of 2018 is where I Got my 23andMe results, I did 23andMe first because of the health component because I did know, I was Jewish and I knew that considering breast health.

If you're asking as a Jewish that, that increases your breast cancer risk.

So, I wanted to include that health component with that, knowing that, even if it was negative, that could still, you know, They only look at certain components of that of the House of remaining so but luckily you know it did come back – and you know, but it did confirm that I was Ashkenazi Jewish and I was fifty percent so that confirmed for me that my biological father was a hundred percent Jewish it also confirmed for me that my mom had that memory, right?

So everything else she remembered back then was probably correct?

Now, did you have any matches when you took the test?

I did not have any significant go snatches.

I have like second to third cousins and oil and and higher I'll add a few months ago on sitting on that.

I know feeling a feels about, you know, how I'm feeling with that information and how I'm feeling with no matches and how I would deal with there were matches and I made a decision.

Okay, I think I want to do ancestry And at this time, I'm joining Facebook group, support groups and I'm doing more research, and I'm finding out the end PE terminology, and, you know, digging in that way too.

So, I decided that I wanted to do ancestry to sort of widen my net Christmas of 2018.

My boyfriend got me.

The ancestry hit sent that in pretty much right away.

I got the results, I can't Remember exactly, when I got the results, I remember waking up at 5:00 in the morning on a weekend and, you know, I just cancel you.

So, I'll just get up and sit on the couch and watch TV, but I noticed I got my results.

So I opened up my results.

There's my aunt Ice-T my aunt, I know who my aunt is and there's somebody underneath her that says post relative to first cousin.

And it has a first name and a bunch of letters and numbers, right?

Okay, user,

A yeah,

like did dug deeper into ancestry and found you know the relative examples that it could be and make them.

Oh my gosh.

Okay, so this person is.

This person is somebody I don't know.

Like so I'm freaking out at 5:00 in the morning.

There's nobody.

I can call my boyfriend.

Is in bed sleeping.

I can't like, even jump up and down and scream like I even care.

Kind of shaking right now talking about it because I'm feeling all of those just back there feeling that again.

You know, I'm just freaking out remembering saying, you know, doing my own research, it just kind of wondering what to do with it.

Sitting on it.

It was in and I guess I can't remember how long I have information and I don't see myself sitting on it for very long, but it was in April.

April 5th, 2019.

When I sent this close relative match unless they've done ancestry.

I included some very specific information so that you do, I try to be tried to walk a thin line.

Like I know there's very sensitive, you need to be very sensitive and very careful but I also didn't want him to think.

I was like some scary, you know, so I said it in a way where I was looking Or this third party.

Instead of like I think you're my blah blah blah.

You know, I'm looking for my paternal half or I'm looking for my, you know, you know some things, you know, related it back down and so I gave him some information that I knew about.

Not everything I didn't you out everything right away but he responded like the next day I wasn't writing Despite that he responded the next day, was some clarifying questions.

And then pretty much said, well we end, it looks like I'm your older

brother.

Wow,

and so now I'm freaking out.

I have this half, brother, I've never had a brother.

Oh my gosh, I have a brother.

What the heck does this mean?

You know, we're going Back and forth.

He provided me some basic information, you know, to confirm that.

Yes, he believes is true and he but he didn't want to provide a name until he could have a chance to talk to his dad.

So, his dad is still

alive.

Yes.

Still alive and still married to the same woman.

And they're both still alive.

And there's also a half sister, who is 14 months older than me?

So, how long does it take for him to talk to your Biological father and his wife.

Yeah, it takes a few weeks because

when I get in contact with him his parents are they were on vacation and then on the heels of their vacation, I have brother was going to be leaving town and so it was a few weeks and in the meantime he and I were communicating a little back and forth and he finally ended up having Ation with his dad on April 22nd 22nd.

So, from the fifth to the 22nd I'm like, freaking out just the anxiety is crazy.

I just remember carrying my journal around with me everywhere and just randomly at work having to pull it out and just bring down because it was just so, I just couldn't focus.

And, you know, trying to think about blowing somebody's family up.

What is this going to?

You I've had 15 years to think about this.

This is new to them like what is going to happen, you know?

So my half-brother responded back to me the ancestry and said that he's very disappointed to let me know that his dad did not want a cigarette.

And you know, I think by that point I was prepared for that response because I had I found out that he was still married, you know, I obviously knew sort of a lot of his background by now I'm sure my mom wasn't the only one traveled a lot for work.

You know, and a half brother used to work with him.

So he was around to write so he knows a lot of this dance secret SEC.

Sure, hmm.

But at that point in time they have my half.

Other did agree to store still keep Communication open.

If we could be agreed to have a phone conversation at that point, but with that agreement, I feel like it.

I felt still a little put off even in that agreement like he wanted to but yet didn't want to go against his dad's

wishes right

now that he knew what his dad's wishes were.

And so, Every time we would make plans to have a call or something would come up, or then he was going to be on another road trip or, you know, then finally, when we were finally able to have the conversation, he was only going to be available for a couple hours, so it was like, okay, let's do this now.

Oh, yeah.

And I gave him my phone number and he called me from a private number.

And it was a brief 30-minute conversation and he told me how the conversation with his dad went and it was a very brief.

He told him, you know, asked his dad, you remember, Dave and my mom's name and he said, oh yeah, I remember her very surprised and was like, oh yeah, you know and he said well Dad it looks like you Have another daughter and there was silence and then he changed the subject.

So he continued the conversation a little bit.

Dad brought the conversation and back to me eventually and said what do you want to do about this?

And he said I just want to leave me little

how do you feel about that?

I mean you said you you'd kind of expected it but how did it feel when you talk to your brother and got that confirmation?

I was I was

Had I felt a Pang of hurt, you know.

Of course, that's hurtful the thing that I wasn't prepared for that hurt even more was to be asked to keep it a secret from the half-sister until at least after their parents were no longer here.

I was still being kept a secret.

Yeah, that's what really hurt.

I sat with that for a while.

You know, I did my own digging g.i., I dug further into the first ancestry, finding the last name, only half brother, wouldn't give me your last name so I dug further into into ancestry from the last name and I dug into Facebook and I'm finding more time, fighting pictures and I find a picture of my biological father and took my breath away.

When I looked at my eyes for the first time and I didn't even like, Have that response, you know, because I do have there's some the turtle resemblances, you know.

But I didn't expect to have that kind of response to the eyes.

I, you know, taking screenshots I'm like, you know, screenshotting everything.

And yeah, I just putting everything into a folder on my phone and just trying to dig things up doing my own healing with this information.

What can I do with this?

How do I feel about this sitting with it talking to people in a support group and just trying to figure out, you know, humming finally coming to the terms with, you know, this is my attorney, this is my story, and it's okay to do with this information when I feel like is right for me regardless of what they think.

Right?

Right.

And ultimately,

she does have a right to know the truth and do with what.

He feels is right for her if I had, if any of my siblings found another sibling and didn't tell me about it, I

would be livid.

Yeah, yeah,

I sat on it for a couple years.

It took me a good couple years to because, I, you know, I came to terms with the fact that I would reach out to her, but then I had to feel like I needed to be in a right mind space, to be okay.

Handling rejection again.

Yeah, I had to get myself to making the decision of this is what I'm going to do and then I had to get myself to the point of, okay?

If this is how it goes, I'm okay with it, huh?

You know, I had her, I'm sorry on Facebook so I thought, you know, this is what I'm going to do and I'm just going to do it and I had one of my friends you know kind of read through it and help me edit the message, you know and from that I was with The time that I said that message for support and I didn't hesitate once, I had it typed out, I didn't hesitate, I just send but I told her a little bit of who I was and, you know, I mentioned the half brother's name so she didn't think I was like

some scammer again, right?

Like, so I didn't want to throw him under the bus, but I also want her to know that.

Okay?

Yes, this is, this is how I connected, right?

That was September, 20, 21.

Our first because we're not friends on Facebook, she wants to message right away.

Yeah, so it was then September 11th as she responded.

I'm a big number person.

So there's those, there's the one September 1st and September 11.

So I'm like, oh my gosh, but

her response was very

much like this is very surprising.

I'm in shock, I'll need some time but oh my gosh, I have a sister, you know, sort of You know, sort of every size?

So I was just like, of course, I completely understand.

Take some time, you know, she took a few days, a couple two or three days, which was I thought she took me more time, you know?

But then at, by that time she started having questions, right?

So she reached out to me for four different question that different questions and learning the teller and the people, I will answer, whatever I have the answers to I was probably thinking zerbino.

So we were Talking back and forth.

Getting to know each other figure out, we drive the same exact car like it's crazy.

Like we had, do you have a line?

Common me, there are very much similarities.

We're sharing pictures back and forth a lot of similarities when we were kids and adults, some similarities between what I look like as a child and what her girls look like.

And so we were Comparing things like that and then November 20 21 her.

And her husband were taking a long vacation long weekend to Washington DC, and actually invited me and my boyfriend to go out there and meet them.

So I was like, oh my gosh,

well my boyfriend couldn't make it because of work, but I was like, I am not missing this opportunity, I lost contact with the half-brother.

Either, you know, he sort of was, I'm guessing protecting his mom.

Protecting his dad Secrets abiding by what his dad wanted, I took her up on it.

I went out to Washington.

D.c. they met me at they picked me up at the airport.

They paid for my hotel room.

Like they met me with such welcome Open Arms.

We got to know each other toward Washington d.c.

D.

Now I say we got to know each other and exchanged a lot of Worries but I still felt walls.

Sure they're still there were still balls and and reservations and things a lot of things she was feeling like, right.

And of course, I was very much in the front of my mind was okay, for me, this is the culmination of 14

years.

But for her,

this is like brand new information.

Sorry, I was so very, very sensitive to that and not wanting to be so overwhelming or You know, just wanting to take things at her Pace whenever she was comfortable with.

So, that was just a long weekend and they were driving back home sooner than I needed to be at the airport and they just sort of drop me off here where I could walk to the Lincoln Memorial, which is where, where the reflection pool is.

So I'm walking around that area and just like, literally reflecting in awe of what just happened.

Yeah, that weekend, you know, and you know what?

Bring if and when I'll ever get to see her again because you know she's got a lot of emotion.

She's dealing with that her and you know she had mentioned that she wasn't planning on having a conversation with her dad about it.

She was very upset with her dad about it because of how he responded and if he had already given that kind of response, she's more concerned with her mom.

Which I understand that it's been a year since we met.

So that was November 20 21 and we're still Fill in some contact.

I would say that sort of died down a little bit.

We still are in communication via Facebook.

I don't, I mean, I have her number from the trip, but I don't text her because her girls don't know yet.

Doesn't want to give them a different outlook on their grandfather and yeah.

So that's been a year.

I am content because I feel like I reached my goal.

Yeah, I'm no longer.

Secret.

And what they now do with that information is on them.

How else would you describe where you are right now in your journey?

It's a work in progress, right?

Like so I am in a place where now, I'm instead of trying to find the answers of my biology, I'm trying to find my it doing the inner child work.

And the shadow work and you know, to tie into, you know, my Jewish Heritage.

There's a whole other ancestral trauma thing.

Yeah, that goes along with that, you know.

And so I've just been doing a lot of starting to do a lot of that work on myself too and that's something that is by my vision board to get deeper on this year and so that's sort of where I am.

And currently there have been a couple big realizations that I've had pertaining to my mom and my dad throughout my journey and different points of time that I realize different things.

Biggest thing that I realized in regards to my dad of is how much of a hero he actually was in my life and I always call them and didn't even realize how much of a hero he was.

And getting the response that I got for my biological father proved even more to me, the kind of man, my dad actually

was.

And that's beautiful, you know, that that he knew and to hear the relationship as you describe it with him is really special.

And I honestly, feel like it's gotten even stronger through all of this.

I feel him with me all the time.

Mentioned briefly the medium earlier that I spoke with immediately, he came through saying, you're my daughter, you're my daughter, you're my daughter liked it.

He just needs to make that.

He just truly needs to make that clear.

There's no question

you you mentioned you you had two big kind of take aways, what's the other one?

So for my mom, I kind of made the connection back to when I was 19 and I'm getting kicked out of the house, I feel like that was a huge moment in her life where she was subconsciously or consciously being faced with her own demons in her past that she couldn't deal with.

And that's why I got Fountain because of the whole cheating link.

And so I came, that was something that I healed from and kind of having an understanding.

Standing, if you will not being able to forgive her for them.

And so that was something that I healed from through this.

And another thing is, I do feel very, very lucky and reading a lot of other people's stories that my mom actually told me the truth that she was able.

Maybe she didn't know a name, you can tell me everything but she didn't try to perpetuate.

I that's

true and like I said, I don't know if I don't know if I would have made the same decision if I wasn't.

Tennis shoes back in the day.

So I was lucky also and I don't have a lot of this feeling, my mom, just asked Way by 2022.

So while I do have this layer of this journey on my brief process, I was lucky enough to have a lot of this sort of information before she passed any healing before, she passed and conversations with her, even if it was for myself in her dementia.

Winter before she passed.

I

admire your patience because it's spread out over a really long time.

And I think for those of us who take ancestry or 23andMe tests or my Heritage, any of those were able to get more immediate answers and really dive in and the internet I feel like is even more vast and you know, 20 years ago, 15 years ago so it's remarkable to hear your journey over this.

Span of time.

Yeah so thank you for sharing that worst.

What advice do you have for a parent who is keeping a DNA surprise from their child's?

I would have to say that the truth will come out number one.

So being honest with your child, from the beginning is of most important age appropriate.

Obviously it's okay to And not very good story to communicate to your child, and teacher-child the perseverance.

It takes to get through a situation, right.

Even an hour, you know, I say even I'm thankful that I didn't know when my dad was alive, but I think that maybe that would have been different if I was communicated that from the very beginning, right?

Maybe I would have a different perspective of that if I did know, from the very beginning.

But once I got home, Boulder.

I think of if I would have found out at 18 or 25, I was 35 when I found out after he passed away so it's either.

Yeah, do it as early as possible is age-appropriate as possible.

And what advice do you have for someone who just discovered that they're in NP

number one?

Whatever you're feeling is so ballad.

That's the first thing because people will Try to tell you.

Otherwise people will try to tell you how you should be feeling or you shouldn't feel this way or you're still the same person or you know well apparently yes I'm the same person but I

truly never knew who that was.

know.

So or nothing has changed.

Yes, nothing has changed but everything has changed.

So in my journey I tried it.

I try to take a step back and take the other Into an educational opportunity, where else explain something like comments like that.

Have a visceral response to us much like when somebody who loses a loved one too soon.

And here's they're in a better place because to that person who lost that, loved one, it's not true.

It's the same kind of visceral response when we hear those.

So I just kind of try to take that as an educational opportunity, Durrell turtle It'll fertile period around you brain.

Don't therapy is important in finding the right.

One is important.

And also I think what's important is don't let your Physicians tell you that it doesn't matter.

I hear stories all the time.

How positions?

Oh

okay.

Well we'll just delete.

Your will just delete your

history.

No big deal but they don't realize the trauma that the patient in front of them is just going through.

And so I think that there's a lot of Education Don't lie to therapist for this and PE world that we have now.

But also Physicians need to also know the sensitivity surrounding this and then it's not as easy as just a racing somebody fraternal history in the medical record and being violet.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, especially, as you mentioned all the medical implications for you, with your Jewish ancestry?

Just you know things that you have to be aware of Or of.

So 100%.

That's great advice.

Well, Lee Ann, thank you so much for coming on the podcast and sharing your story.

I'm so glad we had the chance to connect and that you've been able to connect with some parts of your newfound family.

And I hope that those connections continue to grow and that you find peace in your journey.

Thank you so much Alexis eating and I can't wait to meet you in March.

Yes, let's see what the untangling.

Our Roots Summit.

Thanks again to Leann for sharing her story.

If you have a DNA surprise story that you'd like to share.

Please email.

Do you need surprises at gmail.com until next time?