Michael Paul’s DNA Surprise

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And

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he'll

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I'm glad that I had the support that I did through like right to know again, Angels my counselor to handle it.

Well and I think because if I wanted, if I did what I wanted to do in my mind, it would have been find out who he is, get a picture of him, drop him and then immediately run to my family and be like you all are bastards Liars.

I've already lost a lot.

Right?

Where I'm supposed to no contact with most people.

I'm not going to do this again and that's why I ended up waiting and just sitting with it and it was the best thing for me to do because it gave me time to let it go.

And when the time naturally came to have conversations, it was fine.

Imagine spitting into a tube, sending off your DNA.

And unknowingly turning your life upside down for me and thousands of others.

This is our Reality.

I'm your host Alexis ourselves in July of 2021, I discovered that I am an NP e.

Someone who has experienced a non paternal event.

In other words my biological father isn't who I thought he was this podcast shares.

The journeys of people who are shocked by a DNA Discovery mostly through Modern DNA testing.

We're telling the stories of NP.

He's adoptees and Owner conceived, people and their families.

This is DNA surprises Michael.

Paul always felt different from his family.

He was treated different than his two younger brothers and went through multiple periods of estrangement from his raised parents.

And this week's episode.

He shares how he finally learned the truth.

Through consumer DNA.

Testing kit.

He tells us how he connected with his biological dad and why he ultimately made the difficult decision to go, no contact with his raised family.

Thank you for sharing your story, Michael.

Paul,

my name is Michael Paul.

I'm 28 years old, I grew up in Columbus, Ohio.

I was the firstborn child on both sides of my raised dad side, and my mother's the story that I was always told was that everyone was head over heels for me and they were really excited and really just like this picture perfect asked, like, too good to be Be true looking at it story, things are fine.

And then I ended up having my mom and dad, my Ray's dad had their first child my brother and then ended up six years later having one more brother.

I always felt that life was normal.

Once I got around 6 or 7th grade and there were like noticeable differences that I was very aware of and in tune with the thing.

That's so funny to me is that I have brown eyes and I'm the only one.

The entire family anybody that has taken a basic genetics class.

Knows the chances of that are almost impossible.

It's like a 25% chance, it's far and few between and I remember learning like basic biology as a kid and being like this is not right.

And the thing is is that everybody there like nobody was lying to me, that they were just dead set on.

This is your dad and I always let it go.

Despite not having anything in common with him.

Not having a lot in common with my brothers having more or less.

Less in common with my mom.

And you know, people realizing like my mom's personality and mine are relatively the same.

So did you ask did you blatantly ask am I related or am I adopted?

So around 12 or 13?

And this is one of the worst memories that I have to carry ever because I just came as a total shock.

I, they were putting me in Catholic school.

I was not academically proficient enough.

My brothers went to one of the top private schools in the state, and my parents are not wealthy.

At all.

It's just a really prioritize education.

And I think to say face, they wanted us in private schools because they knew they were better.

And the other option, if you can't get into these really prestigious private schools in the area, is to send your children to Catholic school because the public school system, you're just likely to get a better education.

And we have no affiliation with Catholicism at all or anything.

But I was being sent to a private school and because I was being almost brought up in a way as click and like, learning rule.

Legend I was very much in tune with like there's certain things you should and shouldn't do especially around premarital.

You know, like intercourse and everything like that so I'm 13 years old and I'm very at this point intertwined, with my grandparents, my grandparents more or less raised me 3/4 of the time, which I always thought was bizarre because my mom and dad had the resources to do.

So it was just always, like, go with your grandparents, go with your grandparents, and my two brothers, and my mom and dad are off doing their own thing.

And so, I was already noticeably different without How anybody else knowing and there was like a big Schism going on.

And so my grandparents are just more or less my parents and I'm sitting at my grandparents house in our family.

They got together for my 13th birthday and my mom's youngest sister, at the time had been pregnant with her first child.

And she wasn't married, she'd like a longtime long-term boyfriend, and they had been ridiculing her for that and making fun of her.

And what ended up happening was my aunt.

And I remember it to this day goes.

Well, you and Mike were married when Michael was born and it all worked out.

So what's the problem?

And I remember being felt like I got thrown through a wall because the rhetoric that I was told was something that was so different.

I remember being 13 years old cake in front of me and then they hear that was like life-altering and so then I started I didn't have the vernacular understanding or like You know, you're 13.

You don't have the whole picture but like, my, my little world view, I went something isn't, right?

Because this is not what I've been taught at school, and I just had too much trust to like, not necessarily believe them.

So, one of them happening after that event was my mom stopped talking to my aunt, for three years.

After that, it was a major major major Schism.

The Revelation that you were born before, your parents were

married because I had was not what they had told me for.

Reference to, I guess that I was in their wedding, and I had never, ever, ever seen a single picture.

So they had kept this very hush-hush and I'm thinking more like my, I hate to say this but my race.

Father, I don't consider him calculating enough to, like, think of a secret like this.

So I'm realizing as an adult.

It's more, that's my mom just pulling the strings, more lasting getting him, where she wanted him to be, and I start asking these questions I go, this is what I was told.

What's going on?

And I remember I was at my parents house and I'm like crying to my mom being like, will you tell me what's going on?

This isn't what you guys told me and she offered no recourse.

She completely shut me out.

Just kept watching TV.

And then finally, I just remember, just like a very Stern that is your dad and that was it.

So I go to my grandparents and this was the initial story that I told that made me not question more because it was, it was It's enough and they had enough conviction in the what they were telling me that they had no reason to assume that they were lying.

They told me that they were not married when they had me and that they had initially come to my grandparents to tell me that she was pregnant, and they told me, which I ended up finding out was not the whole truth was that.

They told them to wait, to get married, to see if they really wanted to get married.

I later found out that that's not the truth.

So, I just like, well, do they love me and things like this, and you have Have to understand.

Like I'm already, I'm already noticeably realizing that like for whatever reason I'm being very much left out of certain things and there's just certain instances in my life that already are adding up.

I have to go to a different School.

My parents are like vilifying.

And, and just saying that my brothers are cream of the crop and just really like Boo stirring up their self-confidence and then because I'm like bad at school or they think that I'm misbehaving because I'm asking these questions.

Already having like a noticeably different

life.

Did you think that the reason that you are being treated differently was just because of your school performance?

And you're questioning and like misbehaving, what did you think was happening as you're being treated so differently from your

siblings?

This is the harder part of it too.

Is that this is a very deep deep scar in my life is that I was for sure, victim of child abuse.

They were just neglecting my needs all together, and I was Wasn't I wasn't doing what my mom wanted.

I think that my mom knew she had everybody in a certain Corner, the way that she wanted to and I always resisted that I always was against the grain.

I wasn't like her other children, I love art.

I was always working on some kind of a project, I had Legos on Legos, on Legos.

So interested in architecture and Building Things and my brothers could not care at all.

And so it was I think easier for her to just scapegoated as I was a troubled kid and I was bad and she was just keeping the whole truth.

So I ended up being a victim of child abuse and like that web to me constantly being tossed back and forth between my grandparents and my grandparents, as troubled as they are too.

We're just like, well, he's our grandchild and so they just would make sure I would go without the example that I always give is just that my brother had a full-blown laptop.

He was like, maybe in six or seventh grade.

And they just told me where you're a bad kid and they gave him technological, access to everything and I was not allowed.

It was allowed to have friends.

It was just a bizarre.

It was almost being like an only child and so I'm going like something has to not be right.

I remember watching movies and being like man, maybe that will happen to me, but because my grandparents were able to connect dots enough that made enough logical sense.

And they told me in a way that I knew that they weren't lying or just keeping something from me for the most part.

I love that girl.

Okay, so that was my first inkling that something really wasn't right and it really affected me for the rest of my life.

I thought that something was wrong with me.

Like why are they teaching?

Why are they keeping secrets from me?

And at the time, I really just thought I was like a bad kid but I wasn't, I was just different.

And I was different because what I end up finding out is I just have a whole different dad.

Exactly.

Yeah,

so I end up.

Keep going to a Catholic High School.

I went to My raised father's alma mater and they took they sent me there because it was the top Catholic School in the state.

So I'm still Catholic while I'm doing that.

I'm in this rigorous Academic Program, I'm Couchsurfing and the narrative is still the same that I'm a bad kid.

They're restricting access from technology for me.

I end up getting into a biology class.

I'm like just proficient in biology.

Was my favorite subject despite everything I had going on, the poor self-confidence that I had from Obviously hearing that like there's something wrong with me, I end up like, finding that out of biology.

And what I ended up doing, I went again, I went something's not right?

And I don't know if you're familiar with epigenetics or not, but there is necessarily our code of who we are, is relatively the same.

Certain environmental factors can turn on and off things in my biology teacher at the time because I mentioned this is really weird.

They all have they all have these cold blue eyes and I don't it just Makes me feel different and he was able to tell me and I was able to understand at the time I was like 15, he was like, so you know that your physical expression, some of them can be turned on and turned off.

You just inherited your eye color on a different part of your chromosomes and it was enough to keep me quiet enough for me to accept that.

This man that I did not feel any kind of connection.

Similarly, to my mother, like I had the absolute Bond.

My mom.

Absolutely.

Didn't matter what she did to me, the matter what she said to me, how mean she was to me.

There's no way that I could ever cross her never had that with my Ray's.

Father.

I did not like him from like forever.

I can just remember, I just didn't like him and we were just so different that I was like I'd there's I had nothing to do with this man.

So fast forward, I get through my crazy high school years where I'm like constantly back and forth.

Couchsurfing yada yada yada.

I graduate.

I end up on University and then I come back from Canada, and And I get back in touch with my raised grandfather, he ended up telling me he that there is a whole family Association and at they can trace our first ancestor back.

I again, never really.

I've never had anything in common with these like with my raised, grandparents on that side.

And I wasn't ever very close to them like always a little bit in and out and he wasn't really around in my life, like he was more or less just there but it was like we only really saw him on holidays and so he's just that kind of grandparent.

And I went, oh awesome.

I have something that I like that.

He's interested in right now and my step grandma's really into it.

So I'll just go ahead and like, one of my distant cousins, quote on quote distant cousin said.

Yeah, you should totally do it because like every white family.

There's somebody that claims that there's like a Native American somewhere and your tree.

Yeah, I went that is bogus and I waited for these to go on sale and I always wanted to do one.

If I finally went on sale in 2019, Teen grab it.

I went, man.

I'm just going to get this for myself for Christmas.

I did not.

I got it and did not end up putting it together.

What I ended up doing was the pandemic.

Hit quarantine hits where they tell us, she can't go anywhere.

I'm so bored.

I go, man.

I'm just going to do this.

Like what's the worst?

That'll happen.

Like it just gives me something to do and I can just resolve everything.

I can get, this whole Native American junk out of my family's had no problem.

I take it a month later, it comes back.

Nothing out of the ordinary was expected.

And as, as you know, like the reason I took it like was because ancestry DNA has the largest commercial genetic database.

So I knew the chances of it being accurate, we're really high and that was the reason I had picked it was because I just knew I was like the it's most likely going to be cracked and with me being like privileged enough to say that I would be able to know where I came from, just because of like my ethnicity and I have that privilege.

So I said whatever I'll just do it.

Nothing out of the ordinary.

Arie.

I remember looking at the results and we are according to my family like German and Scottish and Irish.

That's like the big three.

I had like, no German.

It was like 10% Germanic and I remember texting one of my younger brothers because I did end up like reconnecting a little bit with my youngest brother.

After I had been gone for like seven or eight years, I remember texting me and being like somebody's like lying to me because I'm way more English than I thought.

And I end up texting my raised step-grandmother because she's also really interested in my grandfather's genealogy to.

I think it's just something that they have in common and I end up telling her I just like I think that somebody's like not telling the truth because I'm way more English than German.

And what I understand is that we're almost 100% like during it Germanic.

And if we can, like Trace our family back to Colonial times, I should not be this this level of genetic like ancestry coming from from England.

And I'm in my head, I'm thinking, wait a minute, 13, biology class.

All of these things that I might just joking with myself to, like, laugh it off.

I am to tell me my grandma.

I'm like, I think somebody is lying to me.

It shouldn't be this high and she ends up rationalizing out and she's like, well your grandmother was English, you're like grandfather's mom was English and where you guys are from in Northern Ohio because of how I was raised and being a couch Surfer, I had.

And I also I worked in sales for a while.

I've learned there's verbal cues and instructional cues that people will give where I can inherently tell.

Just by the way, they're communicating with me, they're not telling the whole truth or their outright lying and I could tell and she just had no reason to lie to me.

I'm not close with her.

I don't speak to her very often so that I knew the chances of her lying to me were very low and that side of the family they don't operate the way that my mother side does which is very normal for them to keep information strategically from Um, each other.

Okay, so I've just because of how I grew up.

I knew I was like well she's not going to be lying to me.

She has no reason to I let it go.

I was like cool.

It updated again.

Like six months later in July 2000 21 and it eliminated all Germanic ancestry as updated and I went well, that is really weird nothing came up.

I didn't end up having any like matches fast forward through this year, things are good.

I've gotten promoted, I new apartment and I get it.

Application.

And I'm working.

And it says you have a new match.

And I went, that's really weird.

Maybe somebody just like took An ancestry DNA test, my test links to a bunch of people that I've never met and a man that is 50%.

Shared DNA name, I have never seen never heard nothing and I look at it and I did a double take, and then I look again in like my world flipped upside down because I Had three different instances where I had been told.

There's no way and I immediately stopped what I was doing at work.

Got up and went and called one of my closest friends and I went and ended up saying.

I knew it, I knew it, I knew it I knew it.

Look at this

was it just like instant validation.

What was that feeling when you first saw a

match?

So it It was a, it was a instance of stress and how we end up doing that as I enjoy the shock value in making.

Like, when I feel stressed, sometimes I get like, a bit of relief out of shock value.

And I found that through, like memes and stuff.

Yeah, it's right.

And up Mass, sending jobs to people, because I'm trying as hard as I can, to keep it together.

The only way that I know how to do it is, make a joke of it of like, I knew it my mom's been lying, me better than that.

I could not believe it.

I was like in a level of denial, that was Unreal.

And then so I'm gay.

My boyfriend comes home and I went.

Hey, remember how I thought that.

My dad wasn't my dad, and I've told you this before he goes, yeah, I was like, well, buckle up because it's real, and he's like, what are you talking about?

I might, it's 100% real and I had downloaded the app onto my phone at that point.

And immediately handed my phone and said, I don't know, who that man is like,

no.

No

idea.

Yes.

So, I end up telling like close friends, because this would always come up of like, they're like, well, are you adopted that it and why are they treating you so differently?

And so, I end up connecting with all of my friends from high school that had, like, watched me go through this for story of like, just difficulties with my family and I went, I knew it, there's no way.

What's funny is I go to therapy for something else and I my therapist had brought that up from how differently I was being treated and he Had asked me without this information coming out and going is your dad, not really your dad?

Is that why you were treated?

So differently, just kind of asking to see if there was like things.

I wasn't telling him and I remember sitting in his office, in the middle of summer going, I cannot confirm it.

I've had my suspicions.

I need to email him and go, I don't know if you remember us talking about this, when we're doing intake, I did just find out that everything that I thought in the back of my mind was true is so there was a bit of feeling of, like, I knew it.

It someone is a liar like that is.

So it was a weird mix of like stressed and a bit of a confirmation of I was happy that I was finding out the truth but it was more or less like stress.

I had already gone through so much in my life and then to find this out was another piece to my puzzle of.

What have they brought me?

And what has my mom and dad brought me into, right?

So it was like a shock like because I'm already coming from a I'm a very unhealthy family that has very I guess like intermeshed Dynamics and they're not very nice to each other and they are all wound up in this level of like hush-hush.

So for me to find this out, I went oh man, in my initial England was to go to them and start like yelling because I had not seen them because of the pandemic.

And I've been out of the family unit for such a long time as an adult.

And because of the pandemic and not saying them, something in the back of my head went, wait a minute, wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

They've already lied to you before.

Do not go run to them right now.

You're going to you're not going to get the truth.

Interesting stop.

Tell the people that you trust, tell your therapist go from there as still like thinking about the day in the emotions that are coming back up.

As like I knew it like there was a reason that some what they were being so mean to me.

And so that was the secondary reaction was they somebody the family knew and just kept it from me and for whatever reason that was my initial reaction and that's that's why I ended up keeping it from them because I was so in the moment ready to just attack attack attack and like go back into the family game and be like I got a new Dak because somebody's been lying to me.

It just it was an issue.

It was just like the next day was just overwhelming.

I ended up calling off of work.

I couldn't get myself to do anything and I just remember being asleep.

Yeah.

It's like it was I'm sure that you can relate in some way.

It's just like Is going on like an atomic bomb.

Went off in my head because I had heard three different times.

You were being crazy.

You are being crazy, you're being crazy, Just Let It Go, just Let It Go, just Let It Go.

And then the whole time to be, like, I'm right, it just hit me.

I had to take off the next day.

Did you reach out to your biological?

Father?

Did you wait, like, what was your thought in terms of wanting to connect with this new

family?

So, because of how Ow.

So I ended up, like, after I had taken a day off to think about it, I remember feeling very alone and then I went and went.

Well, good luck.

He had been online like a month before.

So I was like, well, he's alive.

So that's good because I was I was like, where could this man?

Even be?

I have never heard of him ever and so it took like a month and I ended up reaching out to my second cousin out of the blue and I Just said, hey I'm looking for this man who claims to be my biological.

Father, I'm just trying to get things together, my plan of attack because I come because I knew that this was going to be Earth shattering to a family system that hides the truth because like I didn't know.

So I know that they're hiding something.

I decided that I was like if I don't know who this is something I just got told me.

If I don't know who this is, it's best to get his side of the story first because I've already lied to me three.

Or four times.

So I touch of a my second cousin which is his first cousin didn't hear anything for about a month.

So I'm sitting and like you I ended up telling my job.

I ended up having to disclose this and I really didn't like to buy any of his clothes them.

Look I ended up finding my dad is not my dad.

I've paired with this man.

That's not there.

I've had this suspicion.

I ended up taking.

I didn't work a single Friday for the rest of the year.

It was all about letting myself go back for Oh, piece everything together.

Talk to close friends and family and then I wanted to get a hold of him.

On my dad's side of the family, end up getting in touch with my second cousin hands, up replying back.

And he's ghost, who are you?

And how do you know these people?

I said and I told him the truth and I said so I don't and he's like well who else would be talked to?

I said so here's the thing I'm I'm realizing that I if you if I have no idea who you are, you most likely don't know about me.

I told him, I want to piece things together.

Other and I knew that if I didn't know about you you guys most likely don't know about me.

I did not want to end up causing trouble for anybody.

I'm just trying to figure this out.

I think it's really exciting.

I put a positive spin on it because I really am expect excited.

A couple months removed from it, he ends up going well.

Where are you from?

And we just hash out details and he goes oh my gosh.

Your dad lives in Columbus for a while he goes.

Oh dear.

And so I need to tell him like I was And completely real.

You can connect with me on Facebook, like here's my Facebook, and I remember him going, you look so much like him, and he just goes, oh, no.

And he asked me one more time.

Who have you talked to you?

I said, I have not talked to anybody.

I did not want to cause a stir.

I didn't want to shock anybody.

I'm just trying to put the pieces together, and he isn't going to let me talk to your dad, an hour later he goes.

So, he's completely shocked and has no idea.

I go.

Okay, I'm just again, trying to figure this out.

This is exciting for me in a shock to.

I didn't have any idea either and I left him on a hanger of I have all my mom's information.

I want to line this stuff up.

Here's my contact information.

Have him contact me.

Thanks in advance, I left it at that.

I wanted the ball to be in their court and because I at this point, had been in support groups.

Like right, to know, and DNA angels, I had worked with them to make sure I could even find my dad.

I had known the reality.

It could not have gone well and through therapy.

I knew that there was a good chance that I could get a secondary react.

Like, rejection it because what I had already been through my parents had ended, ultimately like said their piece with me when I was 17.

So I had already been rejected once I knew I was not going to be able to handle a secondary rejection from somebody that you know me.

So at this point, you have no relationship with your parents.

Like as of when you were 17 years

old, let's crack.

So I started Couchsurfing when I was 15, I would come back and forth.

And the reason that I was staying, the reason that I held an address there was because Catholics really Pride family to the point that it's unhealthy.

And there I had looked up the dogma of the school.

I wanted to stay in the school.

They told me and they it was inside of it that you have to live with your family.

So I strictly kept the address and everything specifically so that I could stay going to school.

The only contact that I have My parents of the they were randomly home when I was home which is almost never and things like that.

So it had been like years.

I had spoken to my mom or my dad.

I've seen them for maybe a total of like three hours and ten years.

I saw them once at a funeral and then my youngest brother graduated high school that was the last time that I had seen that.

So I'd been like three or four years by this point in 2021.

Okay?

So you had braced yourself for your biological father to potentially Do you in the same way that your parents

had?

Yes, I was because of the because of the association with parents.

Like my mind because of how rough I had it parents equals bad.

That's just how I mind processes things and I remember being like he's not going to contact me.

And I remember going into therapy and my therapist was like you need to stop looking at your screen because he you have given him enough information that he will contact you.

He has to be curious.

A week later I get a text.

Hey, this is George.

I understand we share some DNA and I ended up calling him then I was like I'm free right now and available to talk.

Like let's I would love to figure this out and I was like very positive about it.

He just goes, okay it called me right then.

And there I was so surprised because I was not used to that kind of kindness out of somebody that I would register as family.

I just wasn't like I wasn't used to somebody just being polite and courteous so they were so nice.

It was just bizarre to me.

So I get on the phone with somebody that has my best way to describe it to people.

I was like, I never thought I would hear my voice from out of someone else's mouth.

And that was the thing that was funny and I joke with people, like I was just like, well, I'm the mystery and like, I don't really know what I'm going to look like, and that was exciting.

And then I'm talking my dad and then Was the most affirming thing I've had in my adult life, but part of me is like, oh, man.

Now I know like what's going to happen to me because like I found my biological father and he has the same voice as I do, and that was the thing.

I didn't sound like my family.

And I remember saying things like that, like I really sound like them.

Like when is this going to happen to me?

And it never did.

And that here like within five minutes, somebody's voice that is to a tee, almost like mine.

It was the most affirming but in the same way like life-altering moment of my life.

What did he say?

So I'm kind of laughing with him.

I'm like so you know initially I thought this was a joke because I had done my research, I had looked on ancestry DNA and be like, no, there's got to be a fluke, like these have, these things happen.

I've worked with my DNA, angel thousand times over and she's like, I think that you're experiencing denial because I remember going back.

Back and forth me.

Like there's no way that this is right, and so I tell them that I'm like.

So when I first attempted to contact you on Ancestry it, I was really thinking that this was a mistake and I'm realizing now it's not and he goes.

He was like so calm and confident about it and I end up like getting the pieces together.

So this is my mom, her name is Michelle.

You know, I understand that you live in Columbus and he was very honest.

And was like, so I've known a couple of Michelle's.

I don't know.

Any last names zeynep, telling him what her maiden name was?

I like I had it all scripted.

I just dropped it.

And went, you know what, can I just send you a picture really quick?

He's like, yeah, that's fine.

I sent her a picture of the last time that I saw her, so give it 25 years since their encounter without pausing.

He goes.

Yeah, that's her.

I had like a relationship with her.

I song.

Like I remember feeling like, like Mario when he gets smashed by the block, Locks.

Yeah, like just shrunk like like flattened.

And I held my composure and kept it together.

I went okay.

Wow, like I just said, wow, I didn't know what else to do.

So that's when he starts going and he just like real plate.

Ligo school.

Can I ask you a couple questions?

I was like?

Sure.

And he goes.

So how did you get your last name?

I end up telling him.

I was like, well, they got married like after I was born.

And I was always told that there was my dad and he was like very understanding And was like, well, I don't really judge like people do what they're going to do.

How old are you?

And I was like, I'm 27 and he goes.

Okay.

Well when do they get married?

And I was like, so I don't know.

And he was like, have you talked to them about it and all these questions?

And this was really hard for me to like, have to discuss to be like, I don't have a good relationship with them and I just told him find out.

They've already lied to me before.

You are most likely not going to lie to me because you don't know who I am.

And I don't know who you are.

Alex.

Remember like telling him like that and then we we ended up eating together was that they lived in the same apartment building.

They weren't close but they would go out together.

That was how I was created was it was just think that they were very

close, kind of a casual relationship, sort of thing.

Very casual.

And I go that doesn't make sense because they told me that they were together and everything when they got married.

And what we ended up piecing together was that my mom was in a relationship with my race, father, it just didn't say anything to my biological.

They're okay.

And I would, that makes the most sense and now, he does not know this, but I'm remembering like in high school.

My mom had a couple of Affairs against my race father.

Hmm.

It's so I went, oh my gosh, I'm one of her flings and she just didn't say anything to anybody and I'm remembering their history and I'm like, well, my dad's really violent.

So maybe he would have liked how the issue would have had an outburst or something.

I don't know and where we left off with me.

My real dad was I went so look I'm not expecting a lot and I would like to go slow with this.

This is like mine all three and he's so nice.

He's like I'm really sorry that you're going through.

All of us are like I'm sorry for you to like you didn't know you had a kid because nobody told you.

And I just said I would really like to keep things, you know?

Just let's just go slow.

Like I'm not going anywhere.

I would love to keep talking to you.

I am available whenever through tax, you know.

And he was like yeah and he just was very proud of like I'm not the best texture.

She also.

The legwork, and I said, that's okay.

I'm fine with that.

And that's where we end up leaving off.

It was very slow communication.

Thanksgiving rolls around and his girlfriend hasn't contacted me on Facebook and it's a welcoming me per se because like I haven't met them because he lives in New York where he's from now she ends up being like I know this is a lot and I'm really sorry if like he's not connecting the way that you want him to or anything he does take a minute to warm up to people which is funny because that's the same thing for me.

I'm very Be cautious with people before I really open up and and I just like told her, I was like, I'm more happy than anything that he's willing to talk to me.

This is awesome and this is really exciting for me and thank you for being like open and welcoming and me.

So they've been like really, really nice through the whole thing.

So, moving forward like with him, he knows my birthday.

He told me, happy birthday.

I turned 28 last week, happy birthday, thank you.

And, you know, he's like, happy birthday young, man.

Like we talked, I ended up adopting a dog over Thanksgiving and like I said, Pictures of my dog.

There's a very casual relationship but like, the thing, that's so funny is, I finally got a picture of him and my second cousin was so correct.

I call it like a joke, like psychic gent damage because my head, physically hurts seeing someone that looks like me.

Yeah, this man has my body.

If I was 30 years older, it was insane and like I got I got physically sick from it because I just never Was able to find that biological

mirroring.

It's

important.

At that point, I started to get really angry at my mother.

I grew up and I butted heads with her constantly.

I just, like, I mentioned, I never did what she wanted me to do.

My interests, were not what she wanted me to be interested in.

She I was so creative and so interested in art and she wouldn't let me do it.

I used to have artwork all up on my walls in the room that they let me have and she took it all down, and she would not let me draw and I just Burr.

Being like you robbed me of the potential that I was supposed to have.

And this is where the story ended up progressing, a little bit more is after I had that phone call.

I'm balling because I'm like, oh, this man is a professionally trained Carpenter.

I was constantly building Forts and I had one like a couple of medals and middle school for like, when they do, like stress tests for architecture, I had gotten first place in so many of them, and I remember always being fascinated with Legos and building and projects and I love cars come to find out.

This man has five motorcycles, he's a professionally trained Carpenter.

I go, you know, that's really funny because I remember constantly being grounded or in trouble for creating things.

And so, I got so angry because I went she robbed me, she robbed me and so that has followed me even up to this point of how much should I lose on the other?

Is a coin.

I'm really thankful that my mom's Secrets didn't cause so much damage that I didn't get a chance to talk to my dad.

That's the most that I'm grateful for out of all this.

I found him.

He's not, he hasn't rejected me.

The relationship is casual enough.

That, like, he replies pretty quickly.

Now, to my text messages and just a once-a-week, hey, how are you?

And I couldn't ask for anything more out of this situation.

This is a hard situation for everybody, I know just from talking to people that he's absolutely in shock.

As am I?

And like, that's the most rewarding thing.

Out of all.

This is that I found my dad, it's not too late.

I'm young and he's willing to talk to me and like, even to this day on the side of like, my mom's problems, that she tied me into.

Those are relatively gone.

And I'm like, man, I got the golden egg of the situation, because my dad hasn't written me off, and come to find out on my dad's side, his sister and him.

They had no known children between the, two of them until me.

That was what I was going to ask is did you discover any siblings?

So you are an only child to

him?

And so I am getting to know him and that's it is fantastic.

I don't know if that's, you know, a factor for him of like the realization.

I'm sure sterilization of like, whoa, shit, I've got a sign, excuse my language, you know, like and it's going to pass on, you know, I like it's not the end of the line.

I'm sure that his whole narrative is just Completely washed away.

So that side of like, finding this new family has been a blessing.

I've never had a no-strings-attached relationship with a family member like that.

Where it's not, like, what did you do for me?

What did I do for you?

Or in my family?

It was, I was always the loser and like, it's not like that with him.

Do you have any plans to go see him?

So I haven't talked to him yet.

I'm gonna go see Charlie XCX in New York City in April.

I want to bring it up to him that I will be around it.

York where it's just that.

I'm not sure what to expect and because of the volatile situations I've been in, I left it at that right now.

My feelings are, I do want to go meet him, it's been going really well, and I don't think that he would be opposed to it to just sit down and have lunch like and knowing me, I'm just going to make a whole joke out of it.

Anyways, he's like, man, you look so much like me and then just just go right into just talking because like, you know, he's my dad and I can absolutely see it when I see pictures.

That's all

right, did you?

You ever go back to your family.

Maybe not say you bastards.

You're all liars.

But did you

go back to them and say I found my father, I know the

truth.

So I did, and this is the part that is going to be really hard in my story.

I was running in circles and this was December.

This is right before the new year, running my mind in circles.

My therapist ends up telling me verbatim your mind, fucking yourself stop.

Something switched and I was like, I know that the times we write it as switch.

Hit me and I went, you know what?

Go go call off work.

Make your rounds.

I end up calling family members.

I wanted to do this all on person because I knew that this was going to be like a bombshell for everybody.

I go to my aunt's house.

The funniest thing happens, I end up going and she's watching daytime Court.

Shows, it was about paternity tests.

Of course, I'm not kidding.

I'm and so I am I'm laughing.

I'm like, oh, paternity test socks funny.

And she's like, what do you mean?

Because she was like prep.

She's trying to get the answer out of me before I came over and she's like, what are you getting married?

I was like, no, I'm not dying as still need to talk to you.

It's like will tell me I'm like I will tell you when I come over it's not appropriate and so I end up going and just telling her straight up.

So my dad's not my dad and I found out through ancestry DNA and she goes.

You're kidding right?

No, not that was the sister.

That was not.

Talking to for three years.

If she goes that's not true.

I remember when they got back together and they were pregnant with you, I was like well that sound like that I think she's either lying because she didn't know or she's lying because she knew it didn't say anything and I did I put it like as neutral as I could despite like the history of my mom, I did not want to put my personal bias on it.

I remember her saying this verbatim man, your mom's going to have a deep skeleton come out of the closet with this one.

It's so she was like, affirming to me that That something wasn't right.

So I end up leaving her house and she's like well who are she going to tell?

You shouldn't tell anybody and why didn't you say anything?

I answer those three questions.

I said I'm telling everybody I am not carrying this with me.

It's not fair everybody.

I think has the right to know.

So I'm going to tell everybody in my aunt was like well this isn't fair to anybody and I was like it's not fair to me first off.

There's a big Denial in it.

They did not want me to stir up things, so I go to my grandparents house.

I had not spoken my grandparents in a while because of this, I had been very Ed and I was like, they do, they knew they knew as a do not go over there and assume because they most likely don't know, if you didn't know, I think that they don't know.

So I ended up catching up with them and the conversation ends up boiling down to.

So my dad's on my dad, my grandma isn't coherent enough really, to have a grasp on the situation.

So it was all my grandfather.

He's a very, very difficult man.

To get a get along with and was very, no.

No, it's not true.

What it boiled down to that conversation was.

Well, you still had a dad.

Why do you care?

This is inconvenient for me to know.

Why did you come over here and say anything?

And then he ended up being very much like, well, your mom doesn't know, and why do you care?

You know, the truth.

I said, you know, I'm really sorry that your daughter made this choice and it sucks.

I'm not going to stay quiet about it.

I am going to tell everybody.

He did not care to know and he did not care.

That I was, he was more upset that I was disturbing status quo mmm-hmm It had been like a three or four-hour like discussion back and forth.

Finally, I'm like, okay, well I'm gonna go I have some stuff to do and I just adopted a dog.

I want to go home and like, place the dog.

And he ends up saying, why haven't you said anything or been over the last three or four months?

And I said, verbatim and I was very honest.

And genuine, I said I was not sure who knew what I'm.

So I had in finding out, like in summary.

He didn't know.

They did not have any idea in short.

He's I'm like, yeah, I'm like, I told him.

I was like, I was very shocked by this situation is very hurt.

And I did not want to come over here.

Accusing, you and yelling you at you.

So I stayed away.

He got so upset by that that he pushed me out of the door and slammed the door behind physically, push to.

Yes, I'm a bigger person.

But like, he pushed me so that I would get out of the house.

Wow.

I felt like so bad that I knew in finding this out to what was going to happen.

Was I was going to have to go no contact with everybody and that affirmed it in that moment.

I went man, I feel really bad.

I feel really hurt that this is happening to me and it was just shut up and deal with it and I went I'm never talking to these people again.

So I'm driving home.

He calls me on the phone.

You know, if you say anything about this, you were going to destroy the whole family.

And there were going to be people that will never talk to you again.

So, he was threatening me right to be quiet and I just, I went, I'm really sorry that.

My mom did this to sucks for me, he ends up hanging up the phone.

This is the last time I ever spoke to him to which is, which is got rich in to me because I didn't want it to be this way.

It is I sent a text and Joints to my race father and my race mother, granted I have not had contact with him in 10 years.

It was essentially You know, I was ready to put everything behind me about what happened.

I was getting to the point where my thought of you was not infuriating and the thought of you was not hurtful.

I was able to put it all behind me and then I told them so I thought the icing on the cake was coming up and I said so I log into my ancestry DNA account and there's a man's name that I've matched with that, I've never known never met.

What does this mean?

We have a share 50% DNA.

This is my dad and I told my mom in the text message you have been lying to me from the start and you have been lying to everybody else.

I don't know why you chose to be this way or why you chose to do it and I want you to know that you have set me up to fail.

Every time I felt different.

I was bullied made fun of it was because you were not honest to me and I ended up having to tell them because of this situation, it's enough for me to mend.

Any contact that I may have had with you?

Where I was cordial?

I have admitted it too.

Same.

As I do not want to speak to you anymore because of this and this is enough for me to say goodbye.

I addressed my Ray's father by name because by this point I was like comfortable enough and I said I am terribly sorry because I didn't know I see you didn't know either, this is a lot.

I do want you to know because of how I was raised and how difficult it was.

This does not change the situation for you as a person.

I really hope that you choose to go get help and I sent them resources for therapy and this.

Why I'm saying like my story is complicated is because there was already a abuse cycle that I had managed to mostly get out of.

And I knew that this was going to be goodbye because this is the last straw for me.

I was like there's no way they have dug me and do another problem I was like there's no way like you know I'm 28 years old and like my life shouldn't be this

stressful right and you still did the work of sending them resources to like get

help.

That's how I knew that I was done.

I've done a lot of research of you going no contact.

And to Trend that I found was When therapy resources start being sent to the offending party?

It's pretty much time.

It's like and I was just, like, I can't deal with this anymore.

This isn't even my problem.

And here I am and she's just robbed from me.

So I end up sitting in the resources.

I'd send them articles of like, you know, this is not wrong.

I sent them the resources and I told my mom read these resources and if you want a reason to know why I do not want anything to do with you ever again, go back and look at this.

You were never honest to me or anyone else.

Did they respond?

So I did not let them have the choice is I did block them because I had an issue with harassment with my mother to the point that I had to ask the police to have her halt contact with me.

And it makes me really sad and why I say that is because I understand the value of family.

And I never ever, ever, even when I was younger from the get-go, I never wanted it to be this way.

I remember asking myself always, why why Milo, I had talked to my race grandfather because I was like, at this point.

I was like, I am not carrying this with me and really, the person that cares, the most does not hide the truth.

And that was how my mom's side of the family was spending it was that?

How could you do that to your dad my race?

Yeah, right.

And I told them, I was like, so, I am considering his feelings and I'm doing that by telling him the truth, keeping him in the dark about this, despite how soul-crushing it is.

Is is not fair.

He deserves to know the truth and they just were like, floored that I was willing to take that risk.

So I had wanted to go over to my rage grandfather side and I had told him, hey, I just want you to know you know I found some stuff out about me through ancestry.

I need to talk to you and we had planned for 9:00 that Friday morning.

I get there.

The doors are locked.

I ring the doorbell he didn't answer so I'm already liking a charge State because I'm like, I'm afraid of repercussions and he just did Answer the door.

So again, my my choice to go, no contact.

My family was just more solidified.

I was like, they're not taking this seriously and this is a shit situation for me.

And it was all that was always how it was, was like my problems that matter.

And like, this wasn't even my problem.

This was my

mom.

Exactly

exactly.

She did this.

It was not your choice, right?

And I was born like, that's it.

And so, I end up like getting really Today but I just let it go because like he's a very aloof person and like he didn't mean it intentionally.

I just, for whatever reason he flakes, he probably didn't really want to talk and just didn't answer the door so I do end up telling him and attacks ago.

So I need you to know this I'm not your biological grandchild.

I'm really sorry to just sucks for me and I'm really sorry that it had to be me.

I didn't want it to be this way.

It is what it is and I'm sorry I said him the same resources that I said my mom and all he had to say back was what you Bethany was really interesting and I just was floored.

And like my mind is like on paranoia.

I'm like somebody knows, somebody knows.

Somebody who knows, somebody knows repeating repeating repeating the whole time.

I just laughed, I was like, is this the response that I'm getting from everyone about this situation?

So I have one other Aunt, this anti would say, out of all of them is the most stable has like a relatively good life.

My cousins are very well adjusted they go.

Go to school, they live good lives and she's relative but she always would like hold that against me and I had wanted to speak with her about it.

When I ended up confessing to me the stories lined up what had happened, was my raised father had broken up with.

My mom was not going to get back together with her.

They were still involved.

While this casual relationship was going on with my real father.

My mother ended up becoming pregnant said nothing.

Absolutely nothing to my biological.

Father immediately went to my race father and said I am pregnant.

They got together and got married because of me.

I just feel as a human for my race.

Father, despite what I grew up for, I'm almost devastated for him that he wanted to believe so bad in my mother, just wanted it to play out the way that she wanted to.

I could not imagine being in that spot, 30 years.

Years later, finding out that the whole relationship was not honest from the get-go.

So you believe that she knew and he did not

because of my mother's history of having Affairs.

When I was in high school, I genuinely believe that she just didn't say anything.

The other question that pops into my mind is if my biological father and my mom lived in the same apartment complex and they were going out with the same group of people there, it should have been known.

Knowing my mother and how she has.

She's the kind of person.

She's the manipulator that pushes you over the edge and then says that you're the bad person because she pushed you over the edge.

So I wish that I could say that my mom didn't do this meticulously, but everything that she said that everybody after, according to my aunt was that she didn't know.

I genuinely think that she did know.

It's that she wanted my, my Ray's father back so bad that she knew.

New regardless of, who got her pregnant, that was enough to get him to go back to her.

What I ended up finding out was that my rage grandfather had told him to marry her and to do the right thing, okay?

So the comment of being what you said to me is really interesting is because everybody's going oh shit, it's not true.

Yeah yes.

So I have been living with this empty shell of like realizing that my mom had My life, the way that it was for her personal gain.

She was not willing, to be honest, for whatever reason, and she just wanted what she wanted.

And my life was the collateral, which is devastating to me.

What about your brothers?

Oh my goodness!

Oh, I have one other brother that's close to me and age.

He never liked me growing up.

I had not spoken him as long as I.

And I spoke to my parents, he never liked me, it did not matter, what I had to say.

If I was not on my mother's side, it did not matter.

And so I had stopped talking to him altogether.

My one brother died just randomly said in the text and it was very nonchalant.

Just hey, I heard you're doing really well, that's awesome.

This is just something that you need to know.

I end up finding out, the dad's not my real dad.

I my ancestry DNA match with another man, and it's 50%.

I'm, and I sound like a crying Emoji.

Try to play it off.

And I was Good luck in school and staff and then like to like sugarcoat it like by the way got a new dog, it like set him a taxed at 11:00.

I get this text message from him and it starts off with.

I read the text that you sent Mom, Dad, how dare you be so mean to them.

And I was shocked.

When I tell you, I was heartbroken I could not believe it because I kept my personal Vendetta for the most part out of it.

It was very to the point of their some dishonesty here.

It's enough that I don't want any contact with you.

This is serious.

Go get help.

And all he had to say was, did you end up texting?

And so this is a human and me, I because of how, my brother is.

I knew that it would be more serious by excluded my brother.

That's closer to me and age by not saying anything to him at all.

And I knew it would shock them enough to pay attention and it worked.

He just ends up saying, you know what, I'm really tired of this.

Just leave me alone.

I had said what I had to say and so I remember being very Very sad just being like OK.

If this is how it's going to be like I'm the one that's really hurt and situation and he my mom has some so wrapped up that she had managed to make it look like I was the bad guy for calling her out on her choices.

I just, I still couldn't believe it.

I was just, I wasn't surprised because of how I grew up.

That's how it always was.

It didn't matter what I did, I was gonna lose, but I was just still surprised that my adult brother could not fathom.

What was Happening, right?

He was just like, you know what?

You're still, you're still in this family and you still had a dad.

So what do you care?

I just couldn't believe it.

I felt betrayed again.

Like, I really did.

I was just like, man, this is like when I was 15 and they're kicking me out of the house again.

And he's like seven years old, just watch him.

And be like, yeah, I get out of the house.

Like, it was just re-traumatizing, really, and I repaired enough for it.

I had done the work in therapy and this is why I waited so long was because I needed to make sure Is going to be emotionally, okay?

And I'm again, I can't say how happy I am.

That I had the resources that I did to not just go off because if I had not planned it, I would have been able to do it.

It was one of the roughest days ever because I knew this was goodbye and like, I still get like emotional about it.

I'm so sorry.

Like that's just, that's so painful.

So, at this point, now you have your relationship with your razor.

Raised family is just done, no contact with any of them

for me to find this out.

Like, this is unacceptable and the reason I say that is the major health concerns that you might have.

If my dad had been dead or something, like I would have never known.

And the example that I give is, I ended up having a hernia in 2019.

My dad has had three The Narrative around that.

Was that I got the hernia because I was out of shape and week, really, what it was?

Was I Clearly genetically predisposed option to it.

It my mom kept that from me and that was why I went.

This is too far, right?

There was just nothing that she did not care about that.

It's she really led me to think that there was something wrong with me when she could have been

honest?

Where are you?

This is all relatively fresh for you.

And I know you've been doing a lot of work, you know, as young as you kind of found out.

Where do you feel like you're at?

At right now, just emotionally and everything in your journey

on my dad site, it's exciting, fun.

I find somebody that, you know, I can like talk to about stuff and it's not like emotionally charged or there's a history, which is nice.

I do look forward to meeting him one day and I think that, you know, once he realizes that, I'm just coming wanting a relationship.

I think it's going to really take off, and I'll just put my best foot forward.

And what happens happens and roll with it because, you know, it's you Situation for both of us.

So that side.

Awesome.

I could be happier.

If you, if you respond to a text I will take it.

It's way better than what I'm used to.

I couldn't ask for anything more.

And now I'm like winning.

And the joke that I have in myself is like as an artist.

The imagery that I used to see is an angel with One Wing and now in my mind when I'm thinking of myself as like a cartoon character or something, it's like a full restored picture because I have the a picture.

So it's like a series of redemption.

For me of don't feel bad about yourself.

You're strong because your dad's strong you like projects in your creative and you can design because he designs and just knowing and like being able to see precursors or like, what to look out for with help.

It's, I will absolutely take it.

I have won the lottery in the end PE story on that and I could not be more grateful and I get so much support from people and really if I didn't have the support, I wouldn't handle it as well.

So it's awesome.

On the flip side, there is the sad story of a child that was brought into a mother's game, losing everything and that has been excruciating.

I can't stop thinking about it.

I go through and like I just still can't believe that she did this in like part of me wants to go back to try to like fix it but as an adult, I just know you.

Did what you needed to do.

You you as hard as it was, you considered everybody's Feelings by being honest.

And as much loss of you have had whatever they decide to do.

Hopefully, they end up, you know, looking really at themselves and the family structure and maybe, you know, in this loss of me going no contact, they end up, you know, hopefully for the better whether they do, I don't

know.

What advice would you give a parent?

That is keeping a DNA surprise from their child?

So really it's just odd, downright honesty.

That's it.

I really don't think it would have changed anything and I really look back at it of.

Like, when we set our final, goodbye had she told me I could have started so much earlier figuring it out.

And I think that she stifled my quality of life, she should have just been honest, they have the resources that she would have been fine.

I, yeah, just Honesty.

And then maybe this is coming from a privileged aspect of like, being a gay, man.

If I want to adopt somebody and I can't avoid that conversation,

right?

And I just think of it like that.

And maybe it's that perspective of like, honesty is the best policy.

I would never want, like, a future child to not know where they come from.

And if they're having these inklings of things not being right, you know, letting them explore that, and not shutting that out because works, that happens is like somebody finds out.

The truth and it doesn't pan out the way that you want to, and that's okay.

And I don't think people need to be afraid of the hard work that comes with that.

It's a part of life and I just, yeah, yeah, honesty.

What advice would you give someone who just found out that they are in?

Nve

I would do what I did immediately.

Get help right to know was awesome.

The DNA Angels were absolutely amazing.

Got me connected with so many people.

You are not alone, get help.

It's going to rack.

Check your brain like crazy.

And as much as you want to tell yourself, you're fine.

It is a ego and personality altering events that can if not managed.

Well, potentially cause the life that you've built to be impacted by that seek help seek support and take your time with it, you know, it's a unique situation that being said, you're not allowed.

Michael Paul, thank you so much for sharing your story on the podcast.

This absolutely was so great.

Just hearing about your perspective and your boundary setting with your family and the things that you're doing to protect yourself.

Throughout this journey, really appreciate your vulnerability.

So thank you.

Yeah, no problem.

And the best of luck with building your relationship with your biological father.

Oh yeah it's going to be fun.

Thank you.

Thanks again to Michael, Paul, for sharing his story.

If you have a DNA surprise story that you'd like to share, please email, DNA surprises at gmail.com.

And if you haven't yet, please rate, review And subscribe to the podcast on Apple podcast and Spotify.

Be sure to check back next week when we'll have our very first donor conceived person.

Tell her DNA surprise story until next time.