Morgan’s DNA Surprise

This transcript was generated automatically. Its accuracy may vary.

Speaker 1

I think a lot of people go into you know once they find Family through DNA testing, I think there is a tendency just to kind of jump into things that I feel like.

Well I definitely could've jumped into things but at the same time you just have to go with what you want and not think of other people.

Speaker 2

Imagine spitting into a tube, sending off your DNA.

And unknowingly turning your life upside down for me and thousands of others.

This is our reality, I'm your host Alexis ourselves in July of 2021, I discovered that I am an NP e.

Someone who has experienced a non paternal event.

In other words my biological father, isn't who I thought.

He was this podcast shares, the journeys of people who were shocked by a DNA Discovery.

Mostly through Modern DNA testing.

We're telling the stories of npes adoptees and donor conceived people and their families.

This is DNA surprises.

What's in a name for people who have experienced a DNA, surprise, a whole lot and this week's episode Morgan shares.

His DNA surprise story, as the child of an adoptee.

He describes how he first found his biological grandmother before the days of the internet.

And later found his biological grandfather's family with the help of commercial DNA testing.

He also explains why changing his name to that of his well-known.

On paternal side, made sense to him even though it led to estrangement with his raised family, thank you for sharing your story Morgan.

So I'm Morgan I'm 51 and I currently live in Washington, d.c.

Well, my DNA surprise story, it actually is a story in two parts.

It started in my teen years.

I would say, by the time I was you know, 14 or 15, I developed a real interest in geology.

I was also a Rebuffed at that point, I was living with my parents and my twin brother in the midwest.

So my father was adopted as an infant.

Is mother had been a nurse during World War Two in the Pacific Theater, and ended up having an affair with it back then, all we knew that it was it was an officer in the Army and so my father was a product of that relationship, she had to, obviously Lead the Army and put my father up for adoption.

My father was adopted by two older individuals, it was quite surprising.

I thought that 56 in a 43-year old couple, or able to adopt a child that time that they were fairly well-to-do.

And so they had they were also very open about the fact that he had been adopted in my teen years.

I became very interested in genealogy and so I had worked Extensively on my mother's side of the family, my father's family.

It was always the big question and I would get little Clues and hints here and there from My adoptive grandmother about my father's early life.

But, you know, obviously in the pre-internet era, you were very limited to how you approach genealogical research.

A lot of it was snail, mail contacting, you know, County Courthouse or Library.

I mean you were really at the mercy of people, huh?

Words of miles away.

So I did not make really I didn't gain any traction on his particular story.

He knew that I was interested in it.

My grandmother knew it wasn't a taboo subject at

all.

Were they supportive of you searching?

They were supportive.

Actually, my, my grandmother ended up dying when I was in high school or passing away.

So she was kind of out of the picture.

But a few years prior to that I had came, I'd come across my father's birth certificate which Had listed the adoptive parents but it also had the delivering physician.

And since it was a small town in Arizona, it was very easy for me to find out to locate this individual who had sadly passed away, but his wife was still alive.

So, in 1986, I said a letter to the doctor's wife and I said, you know, this is who I am.

This is what I'm looking for.

And if you have any information, you can pass along to me, I would be very grateful and I I obviously I did not hear anything for a number of years until I was just about ready to graduate from college and 1994, the doctor's wife was quite old and she ended up passing away shortly thereafter, contacted my mother and just just on a whim and she had been sitting on my letter for what six eight or eight years by that time.

And you know she kind of knew that her time is kind of coming to an end and she wanted to Pass along this information because evidently my letter had affected her.

So my mother called and said, well we have a name, we have two names.

In fact, one of which was my biological grandmother and then the other one was, presumably, the father turned out.

My grandmother had given in the name of a friend rather than the actual name of my biological grandfather.

So that kind of set things into motion and I had my biological grandmother's name and her birthplace.

Ace.

And at that point, I don't know how I found this information that I was able to track down a local historian in the county where she had lived in North Carolina, or where she was born.

And I called just cold called and woman at them.

The historian said, well, you're in luck because this happens to be, you know, well established family in the area.

And I'm going to put you in contact with a cousin of yours who's a.

She was actually the family genealogy.

Just and I contacted her and she said, well, your father has a sister who's been looking for him and I've been trying to help her with her search.

So within a matter of weeks, the whole thing just blew up and it turned out that my father's biological mother was still alive.

He had three sisters.

Wow.

And shortly at thereafter, there was a big family reunions where my parents went out to California and met the family for the first time now.

I was not Part of this.

Even though I had helped facilitated a few months later, my grandmother decided that she wanted to have the whole family go to North Carolina and, you know, was the reveal for my father and went out there.

I met my grandmother one of my aunt's lots of cousins.

It was really an amazing experience.

My biological grandmother was a great lady, you know, I felt very bad for her because, you know, she had cared this, You can read for years of either woman, at that time, it wasn't considered socially acceptable.

Interestingly enough, the whole family of North Carolina had known this secret for years.

So that sparked, what for my father has been, you know, an amazing family connection and relationship.

The three sisters.

He's very close to the mother.

He became very close to until she died.

I was not very involved with this branch of the family.

You know.

I just graduated from college.

I was going to grad.

Cool.

So a lot of things were happening and particularly busy time in my life.

But you know, as the years went on, you know, they had a very strong relationship with these people and I did not all the ants are incredibly religious fact that I'm gay.

I think was the real issue for them.

So, with the exception of the one, and who I would categorize, this the nice religious person in the group.

The other two sisters really would have nothing to do with me.

And in fact, You know, at this point I've developed a relationship with the one sister.

Another sister I'd actually flown out to my parents home to meet.

She was there visiting nothing in common.

It was a very uncomfortable situation, the other sister, you know, has not been very receptive.

I have all these first cousins.

I've never met any of them, but my father and my twin brother to some extent.

It had a relationship with these people.

So you know, throughout this period of time while my grandmother was still alive.

Live.

We tried to get the name of my father's birth father and she refused to tell us

why did she say why she did

not say why it is certain point.

It got to be very contentious with my mother because she wanted to know what the health history was and you know that's a real that's concerned that big most of the people you interviewed have said you know, is a huge concern and He threatened to basically have my father cut ties with them, if you know, she wouldn't give up the goods.

Ultimately she did not tell us and my mother.

I think just cut her losses because she realized.

She my father grew up basically with the mother, his father died.

When he was five, they were from very small families and as they were much, much older.

Many of the people, and on their branches were no longer living.

So my My father never had any family other than my mother's family and so I think my mother realized well this you know the negatives don't quite outweigh the positives and so she let it go and my oldest and was able over the course of years to get little tidbits of information.

So she was able to give us a last name.

She gave us some minor details about his rank in the military and that was also.

I just had a name You know, this was during the 1990s just before the internet.

So options were very limited and so I thought about it, I tried to figure out an angle, I had copies of my grammar, there's military records, so I was able to locate where she was and South Pacific, but it wasn't enough to answer our big question.

I'm so I'm curious in that time before the internet really took off.

Before we had DNA test, what could you do?

During that time, the

research knows.

Absolutely.

And that's why I'm so blown away by how advanced things are how quickly and easily accessible.

This information is if I had had the internet at that time, I could have, you know, blown the lid off this thing, but that wouldn't happen for another well over.

You know, 20 years by that pointer actually close to 30.

I think I would think about how to go about, you know, this search but with no resources, no.

And I just kind of there was a lingering question, but I never really, was able to act on anything up until 2017, and will say that, before that I had gone home for a weekend.

And in the room, where I would stay at my parents house, they had just purchased a gun safe, and the gun.

Safe had the last name that ultimately turned out to be the last name.

The correct one, and I would see it on Subsequent visits and I've been, I would think, wow, could I be related to these people?

It just it crossed my mind.

And then a few years later, when the DNA test, you know, started to become quite popular.

I had decided, Well, I'm going to take a DNA test, but at that point, I didn't even think that I could possibly locate my father's paternal line.

I had cousins who were telling me that we had Native American ancestry.

When it was also a question that my partner had, And he ended up actually having Native American ancestry.

I did not.

I bought the test as a Christmas gift, I thought.

Okay, well, I'm just going to get this question answered once and for all because I had done extensive research on my grandmother's family, there was no way we had any Native American ancestry, even though I wanted, I desperately wanted to have Native American ancestry.

None of the cousins would take the DNA test because they were all freaked out about privacy issues.

So, we took the test and it took about About two or three months to get the results.

They both came.

We both received them on the same day.

We're sitting in our sunroom, and I opened it up and I immediately, you know, I looked at the ethnicity estimate, this was 23.

And me, there were a number of surprises, but there was no Native American ancestry.

Hmm, it turns out that I'm almost completely.

My ancestry is from the British Isles about 75%.

My Jewish ancestry was a big surprise because I really thought that I was a quarter and it turns out I'm only 17 percent asking is he Jewish.

And then I clicked on to the DNA matches and I looked at those and I was looking at the list and I had a cousin first cousin one, very close with.

She was at the top of the list and then right below her, was another relative that was listed as a first cousin once removed and I was just absolutely shocked and the name was so unique.

Eek that I'm just immediately dropped everything I said.

Okay, I'm going to do an internet search.

I'm going to find out once and for all and it also said that it was on the father, you know, it's some father's

side.

Yeah, because the tests can discern

within I would say, within a matter of three hours, I knew exactly who my biological grandfather was, and it was just the most astonishing thing because I located my cousin fan it and, you know, very unique name, it was very easy to find information on her and then when I started, Investigating the family history.

There was no shortage of it on the internet and it was literally it was the most mind-blowing thing.

Mmm.

You know, to not know and then bam.

I mean everything.

Yeah, and it was really shocking because it turns out that I'm from a very old established Mormon family and I always been obsessed with the LDS church.

Hi.

Actually my whole life, there was just something about that particular, rigid religion that I had always found.

Fascinating, not to mention, you have the whole story of, you know, the Mormon church have a developed having migrated to Utah.

It was just it was really the most amazing thing.

So the family were very involved in the early history of the church and they are still quite a presence in the state of Utah.

So it was just the most mind-blowing hit you know dumb.

Information I could have imagined

so you didn't even need to contact your cousin.

You are able to just do all of that deep dive and learn so much without even contacting.

That's amazing.

It was absolutely, it was absolutely amazing.

And you know, I did contact the cousin on 23andMe.

It took her a while to get back to me.

But we've since connected.

She.

I mean, she's family, we're quite close, you know, I visited with her.

A number of times she has One son and she has a brother who's who's still living and its really turned out to be just an amazing connection.

Did

she know about the adoption and all of that?

Or was she surprised to find you?

She was very surprised to find me just a little bit of backstory.

So her father was quite old when she was born and he had left the Mormon church.

He had relocated to New York.

He had a completely separate life from his His background.

He was very close to his family and, you know, so my cousin, she she did know, certain members of the family, but they didn't live nearby.

She wasn't really interested in the family history until she had joined 23andMe.

So when we hooked up she said, well, you know, this is really great.

She's like, I've got you, you're so interested.

She's like, now I can actually really learn about these people reach out to, you know, get to know more people.

That was just the most amazing thing that had come out of this whole situation.

Then she put me in contact with a cousin who was a very devout member of the LDS church, who is a certified genealogist.

And so she was able to even provide more information because for a while there it did take a bit of digging to figure out which which one of the four brothers in my grandfather's family, who was, who was my match out of that.

That was the only kind of Lingering question, that was resolved pretty quickly.

And so, since you have discovering, this family, they have an amazing history.

They're also incredible people.

Many of them.

They're all interesting.

There are dozens, and dozens of artists within the family.

I'm trained art conservator.

And I always wondered, you know, where did my interest in art come from, I work with my hands and it turns out that At this particular family, my ancestors developed in a very famous firearms and we went to a museum, we saw a number of them, you know, and just looking at the craftsmanship thinking about how you know, these individuals, you know just their invented Minds their creativity and their incredible hand skills.

I felt like wow, this is probably where that comes from and that was just what we'll try because I didn't really have any kind of Action with my biological grandmother's family like that.

I don't have really anything in common with them and then to, you know, get hooked up with this family that has, you know, such an amazing history of accomplishment and doing incredible things it especially, you know, the creativity of the hand skills, that was just absolutely mind-blowing.

To

me, that is so interesting.

It's so interesting to hear how people's interests and And skills tie-in, did you feel like you have that connection with your raised family?

Like your biological parents and your

twin?

I will say.

So my parents are both academics, they were always very encouraging of they always encouraged our interests.

I got a master's degree in art history, which at that time I had classmates whose parents were actively discouraging them from doing that.

You know, anything I wanted to do any interest that I had.

They encourage we were not a terribly close family, but, you know, they were very, very good about, you know, letting myself and my twin brother, basically, do whatever we wanted.

So, that was really about Angus, and otherwise just kind of normal upbringing

once you connected with your newfound, family, did you tell your parents and your twin?

Yeah, right.

After that point.

I mean II thought, wow, This is really going to blow them away and I was really surprised when that did not happen.

I called my parents and I said, okay this is what I found.

And you know do you want to know and of course they wanted to know and I laid out the whole story for them and I was surprised on a number of levels but you know primarily I was really shocked by how, I don't know.

Matter of fact, you're not sure what my father was about the Of thing, he's a total gun not and I thought, okay, well maybe that'll be a hook, you know that we are related to this family of, you know, famous gunsmiths.

And he was just oddly uninterested that was very disappointing and a huge way to me.

I couldn't quite understand it either, given the excitement that surrounded, you know, finding my biological grandmother.

I do think that a large part of it was due to the fact that, you know, my mother again.

Immediately, she had always held a very dim view of my biological grandfather and she didn't know anything about him.

But I think that she was always, she always viewed my grandmother as a victim, but she definitely was not.

And I think that kind of colored my father's opinion of his biological father

because they were, they had some sort of relationship.

The understanding is that it was consensual.

Exactly.

And I ended up with some of my grandmother's Scrapbooks for World War 2.

And there are references to this guy to my grandfather in there.

My aunt assured me, you know, that she thought very, you know, she was very fond of him, you know, it wasn't one of these horrible situations that you do.

Hear about occasionally where, you know, it was not that situation for certain people

did he know about the

pregnancy that we do not know because she was very shortly thereafter.

She was sent back to the United I'd States and actually, ended up in Arizona as far away from her family as possible.

Where, you know, I don't know exactly where she was, but I'm assuming it was one of these Cedar homes.

Were, you know, pregnant mothers would go, you know, hmm, place until they had the baby and they put the baby up for adoption.

So I don't think he had a clue at all and in fact, I did end up becoming very well acquainted with my only first cousin.

My biological grandfather side.

Not only did I get her perspective on, who this guy was, what type of a person he was?

They were numerous other people in the family who knew him quite well, and he was actually a really good guy.

And, you know, my mother would just have basically under that.

I mean, he was sort of, you know, she just thought that he was some sort of Cad and that was that.

And so there was some interest, you know, here and there for my father, you know, learning about the history.

Hurry, especially with regards to the guns but just nothing.

You know, I wanted to get up there, I wanted to meet all these people.

They were far more welcoming than anybody on my biological grandmother side aside from my grandmother and my oldest and they were all very receptive including these super religious LDS people which just completely blew me away.

Because you don't think of a person who's a member church was such a conservative reputation to be, you know, welcoming in these But they were just oddly unfazed.

And they've all been great.

And I think the family supersedes, everything else and and LDS church, it's really been a fantastic experience for me.

And I just, I feel, I'm still just kind of puzzled how they never embraced it, like I

did.

Yeah, that's so

interesting.

I mean, I had this, I've had, you know, since 2018, I've had this kind of separate relationship with a number Of people on, on this side of the family, in fact, when I was still in contact with my parents and you know I'd gone out to Utah with cousins and it because she had never been there.

She was completely this family.

She knew about the history but she was, she had never visited Utah and she kind of wanted to let you know.

She felt like she was learning along with me and so we had met up in Utah.

We've developed a fabulous relationship, there, other cousins that you know, I visited.

I introduce my partner to them.

It's just really been this great.

Thing that has been completely outside of the sphere of my immediate family, which is really

unfortunate.

So they just kind of you told them the information, they received it.

And then, did they tell you?

We don't have an interest in getting to know these people, or you just kind of embarked on your own.

How did that, how did you get to that place?

They never really.

They never said, you know, outright that they were not interested, but this discovery.

Come on.

Decided with a number of very unfortunate medical events with both my parents and I think that they were both completely overwhelmed, you know, extensive illnesses.

And I think, you know, if this stage in their lives, it just didn't hold any interest.

They had bigger things to worry about.

What about your twin, he was more interested, but not to the extent that I was, that was kind of like, you know, like I said earlier, I mean, I was developing a relationship.

Water people in the family and they were completely on the outside of it.

You know, my father had a nice and I had actually, you know, I'd contacted her we developed, you know, of a very interesting relationship.

It was not very long because she very sadly died in a matter of months of my meeting her, but I don't think he even it just registered with him that that these were, you know, family that, you know, he could reach out to who are You know what have you and have a relationship.

So I was kind of you know living this other life and ultimately in the fall of 2018, I decided Well I'm going to change my name which is a real radical step for a lot of people.

And I've heard some situations where, you know, people who have found their you know, biological families have done that and I didn't really think anything of it.

I never liked my original last name.

Very hard to pronounce at the end of the alphabet.

And you know, I did not grow up with anybody on my father's adopted father's side.

I mean we did not know any I had never met anybody and that family there was no connection.

I think had I come from, you know, a large extended family of cousins and aunts and uncles, I would probably not done that but since there was absolutely no connection and, you know, it wasn't biologic, I'm not biologically related to those people.

I just decided I was going to change my name but I didn't really think about the ramifications of that because you know, I didn't think it was really, any big deal.

It turned out to be a gigantic deal.

I had initially told my mother siblings just kind of, matter of fact, in my uncle was very supportive in my aunt's and well, you know, professionally for you.

It may be confusing, you know, to your colleagues and all this kind of stuff.

And I think it was for a way of, you know, trying to get me to maybe think about that this could you know, go wrong.

My mother had a very contentious relationship with her family.

Like that had, you know, kind of mended itself over time and so my mother siblings were hell-bent on placating her at every turn.

You know, not rocking the boat.

I ended up calling my father and I said, I just want to tell you that, you know, I'm changing my name.

It's nothing against you.

I explained the situation and, you know, he's always been fairly laid-back and I didn't think, like I said, I didn't really think that it would have caused a huge uproar, well, then my mother called and it really blew up into this gigantic fight that I was completely not

anticipating what were their main concerns,

they felt that it was disrespectful they thought that it was disrespectful to my father's adoptive parents.

It was and this is mostly my mother's opinion that it was disrespectful to him and you know I'd explain them.

I said you know listen I'm not related to those people.

I'm grateful for what they did.

They provided my father with a great life.

Great education they were very supportive but you know, for me there was really nothing there because there was no family there and I said, you know, I probably what I didn't tell them that I probably would have made a different decision, had my life growing up in different had this family and present and It ultimately, in my, my brother was Furious about it and it ultimately led to, you know, us being estranged for the past four

years.

So, you're still estranged and now

I'm still estranged from them.

And, you know, I've asked my mother siblings, I said, you think I should do anything to pursue this and they said, no, they said, just let it go.

They said, you've done what you can Do I felt that?

You know, I was not a very problematic child, I did all the things that I was supposed to do growing up, you know, I have a great career, lots of Education, under my belt that I thought you know that those that would really make any parent happy and you know, I'm just a normal responsible Citizen and I thought that they would have been happy with that.

And there's also, you know, the issue that, you know, I basically gave my father a family When I found his biological mother.

And I thought that given that I've done that and effort that I went through to make that happen that that would, you know, he would have cut me some slack with this that it wouldn't be an issue, but I feel like, you know, just contrasting, the relationship that I have with my biological grandfather side as opposed to my biological grandmother side, it's just completely

different.

You kind of felt like you supported your family through their connection with this family.

That you didn't necessarily connect to.

I'm assuming it was hurtful that they weren't supportive of that.

Relationship was very, very careful because it was the exact, you know, from the rest of my family both sides.

My friends at work, it just was not an issue.

And also, you know, I did not feel a connection with biological grandmother's family.

It was completely, it's been completely different with the biological, my biological grandfather side.

What did they think of you?

Changing your name?

They were all very supportive.

I mean nobody said anything, it just was not a huge it ended up to, it was kind of a, not a big deal.

I think the number of them do know that things are, obviously not very good with my parents, but it's just, it's really, it's just, it's very

How do you feel now that you have your biological families?

Last

name, I feel I feel really great, you know, it's a very unique situation.

Ian, just because of all the history and the fact that the family is still a huge and or a large presence and Utah, specially the city where they lived, you know, when I go back, I've gone back with my cousin Dana that a couple of times.

It's so remarkable too good to be immersed in this history, you know, it's remarkable that I can go back to a city, where my family has lived continuously since 1852, their homes are still there, their businesses are still there.

It's just such a feeling of belonging to something being part of something.

And it's right there with my other side of the family, you know, I did explore and I did go back to, you know certain hometowns and everything.

But there really wasn't a presence there.

An illustration of your family and its history and Utah is just completely it's completely different on my grandfather's type of family.

It's a real sense of belonging and having this history.

And, you know, people that you are related to, how

would you say that being the child of an adoptee affected your sense of self and identity growing up.

There was always the something missing you know not having you know I grew up in a neighborhood.

Where everybody had these large extended families, they knew both sides of them.

You know, I felt like something was always missing and I think the lack of having relatives nearby had an impact on my childhood I think ultimately it seemed like at times, you know, I wanted I wanted to reveal, you know, who these people were more than the adoptee which I thought was rather

strange.

Yeah.

It's an interesting space to be in because it's still your history to or is it was a friend?

Perhaps you might say, let them do what they want to do but this is also part of your story.

Have you had any contact with your family since this

blow-up?

Absolutely none.

None at all.

It's obviously it is sad.

You know, we weren't particularly close family.

So I think in some regards it's nice to be away from the uncomfortableness in the drama because there was no drama at certain points growing up.

It is kind of nice not to have to deal with a lot of that but it is there a does it is very sad and I think you know with me as something I've had them.

I mean everybody's had numerous disappointments their lives.

I've just always just kind of carried on And just sort of moved ahead.

I mean, some people deal with it, you know, therapy drugs, there are a lot of things.

You have no control over and you can't control people's emotions and you just have to accept it and you have to move on, you know, if they were to reach out that would be, you know, II certainly wouldn't push them away.

Without that acknowledgement of, you know, what I've done for them and at least some things that would go a long way but that hasn't materialized

Hmm.

What's next for you?

In terms of connection with your newfound family?

Are you going to be any more family members?

Any more trips in the

future?

Yeah, there will definitely be, you know, we are already thinking of a few trips.

We actually want to go back to England which is where one of our ancestors is from and my cousin is just dying to go.

So we may do that.

And of course you, I've been going back to Utah a couple times a year.

And then of course I have some relatives who are in Australia and I'm dying to go see them on, it's really Amazing that people.

How many people have kind of come out of the woodwork don't just through the DNA testing, but a few cousins have found me through social media.

These are people that I would be friends with or want to know even if I weren't related to them.

I mean, it's just, you know, it's a good fortune.

Also of, you know, they all kind of fit the same kind of demographic.

I mean, we all have similar interests.

Many of us were politically like-minded, which definitely helps not particularly Religious.

I mean, it's just been a perfect in many instances.

It's been a perfect fit.

Now, there are some people who I have could correspond with it, you know, they're kind of interested in, you know, chit chat, back and forth in the rhythm of friended me on Facebook, you know.

Not everybody is, you know, jumping out and say now, hey, you mean, they all have their own families,

right?

Right.

You seem like you have done, such an amazing job of immersing yourself in the family, history and learning a lot and finding connection and I think it can be challenging.

Changing trying to figure out how do I connect with my culture?

My background, all of those things.

So what are some of the things that you've done really to feel that connection aside from your name change?

Well, I'm very interested in sort of local history so you could, there are a number of groups that I've come to join done social media.

I'm looking very very interested in historic preservation of their a number of instances in the city in Utah where there are other people

You are really interested.

And in fact I went back to see the renovation of the, how well the building where, my grandfather grew up.

And that was very special and the owner was able to get a bunch of information on the building and the family.

It's really interesting to think about building Connection in ways that don't necessarily involve another person.

But the buildings that, you know, obviously your family is very prominent within.

Yeah, the the history the you know, the guy Gun making the Gunsmithing like all of that side of it is still drawing you closer to the family.

And so I think that's just

fascinating and it is in the reason.

Why is because I see skills that I have, I think can be tied directly to these people.

You know, who actually, you know, I mean, I didn't even know they existed until recently.

So it's very odd.

And I think there are a lot of people in find these families and they find either, they look just like these people, which isn't the case this family or there are certain Facts about their current relatives and their ancestors that really resonate with them.

They can find concrete connections with and that was just, that was that's been one of the most amazing things about this whole story is that I feel like, wow, you know, I have this in common with these people.

It's just, it's undeniable and to actually find that connection and for not having headaches is just amazing.

What questions do you still have about your whole story?

Three.

Well, it's going to be interesting to see, you know, how it turns out, especially, you know, with my parents.

I mean, it's just it's kind of like a day-by-day thing.

I mean, I am in a very good place right now with this whole situation and I think you know, I just want having had that connection, you know, to this beside the family for the majority of my adult life.

I just want to take advantage of continuing to, you know, see relatives continue to go out there and visit and you know, And more about the family.

I think, in the past, I would have said, oh, you know, I'm so busy with work and I can't travel.

And now, I feel like, okay, I need to set aside.

Time to beat up with relatives.

I just feel like a real, you know, now that I'm 51 I need to take advantage of, you know, the time that I have

left.

Yeah, this will be an interesting take.

I think again because you're the child of an adoptee and and your biological grandmother knew who the father was and didn't tell.

So, what advice do you have for a parent who is keeping a DNA surprise from their

child's?

Well, I think these days, you know, if I were to still have my grandmother around, I think, I think II, personally should have been more aggressive in the past because I feel like she held back information that prolong this.

Search.

And I really regret that I didn't find this information out until I was Tina, approaching middle age.

I think that, you know, if there is a lingering question that you have with, you know, a grandparent or parent about the identity of the other parent, you should try to be more proactive and really, you know, pull out the stops I think these days, it's a lot easier and I think now that most people are there cognizant of DNA technology, Gee, you really can't hide secrets and I think I would, you know, if my grandmother was still alive and I was still pondering this question.

I would say, well, if you don't tell me then, you know, the DNA test is just going to blow the lid off of everything.

And what advice do you have for someone who is just embarking on this DNA, surprise journey?

I think that anybody who's in parking at DNA Journey needs to really.

They need to be prepared for disappointment.

It's for a lot of the positives that have come out of my journey.

There were, you know, a number of negatives to most obvious of those being the estrangement.

So you just need to mentally, prepare yourself.

And if you're a person who needs therapy or needs to be in a support group, you need to really think about as options before you dive into this, because I really did not, you know, I feel like I am handling it, the best that I can.

But for other people I think, It can be very challenging when I think another thing that I would say is, you know, how I have met.

Lots of lovely people.

There are other people who either mildly interested or they're not interested at all.

I have one cousin that I connected with and share, she reached out to me on social media.

She was great, everything was going.

Well, I, she had welcomed me and or her home in Utah, she's younger than me, she recently married, very interesting.

Seven and I don't know what happened but I've sort of fallen out with her and I don't quite understand why.

Because I do feel like with, you know, I've really been strategic what I've reached out to people, you know, not to push things too far, you know, we're too quickly.

You know, I mean you kind of want to keep it a comfort level, you know, where everybody's comfortable.

But I've been very disappointed by that particular connection.

And I think if you know, and actually there are a lot of people who I mean some of the stories that I've heard on your podcast to people who have been pushed away or you know, where the relatives or even, you know, the biological parent is said, no, I don't want any contact with you.

I think in those situations you just you just need to let it go.

If somebody doesn't want to engage, if you run into, you know, a problem relative, I just don't think it's worth the energy to pursue it.

And that's another potential disappointment that you need to be fully cognizant enough because it can either be kind of subtle like this one particular situation that I've had.

Or it can be way more hurtful where, you know, the other party is telling you and no uncertain terms.

I don't want to have a relationship.

So I just think you need.

I would hope the people who are doing this, you know, going through this journey just really think about what can happen in a split Specially what can go wrong and be prepared for that.

That's really good advice.

Well, Morgan.

Thank you so much for coming on the podcast.

I so appreciate you telling your story and it's so fascinating to hear from the child of an adoptee and how it's affected you.

So thank you for sharing that and I wish you the best of luck as you continue to connect with your family and your roots.

Thank you, Alexis and I really appreciate you for allowing me to share.

Share my story. thanks again, to Morgan for sharing his story if you have a DNA surprise story that you'd like to share, please email, DNA surprises at gmail.com until next time,