Devin’s DNA Surprise

This transcript was generated automatically. Its accuracy may vary.

Speaker 1

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Speaker 2

It was just overwhelming that I have nieces and nephews their own up to be my parents.

I didn't know how to talk to anybody.

I didn't know what to say to them.

I remember again on the phone with my brother, he was 76 at the time, I was 29 and it was nothing that neither one of us to you, but the conversation was kind of awkward because I didn't know what to say.

Oh, you know, you know, older generation, you know, you can't say Sir, thanks to all

Imagine spitting into a tube, sending off your DNA.

And unknowingly turning your life upside down for me and thousands of others.

This is our reality, I'm your host Alexis ourselves in July of 2021, I discovered that I am an NP e.

Someone who has experienced a non paternal event.

In other words my biological father is not who I thought he was.

This podcast shares the journeys of people who were shocked by a DNA Discovery mostly through Modern DNA testing.

We're telling the stories of NP, he's adoptees and donor conceived people and their families.

This is DNA surprises.

Sometimes DNA surprises reveal, that bio fathers are known to the npe, however, unexpected in this week's episode Devin shares.

How I DNA tests revealed that he is one of more than a dozen children to his grandparents neighbor.

Some of his siblings are old enough to be his grandparent.

He shares how he's connected with those siblings and how his Discovery has affected.

His relationship with his mother.

Thanks for sharing your story to Heaven.

I am Devin, I am 31 years old and I am from Central Florida by the DNA test, just for the fun of it, coming up, find out that a neighbor was my biological father.

Much older gentleman who's almost 40 years older than my mom and I found out he had a lot of kids

and What made you take the test?

I always wanted to check my ethnic background just just because I was just always curious.

It was just really for the fun of it and I wanted to do it for years but I didn't want to pay $100 and then I was very, you know what, you want to go pay it once in your life and that's it.

So I just sucked it up and use my gift cards.

That my job gave me in and bought the test and back in summer 2019.

Did you have any idea that your your birth certificate father?

Wasn't your father?

Here's the thing, right?

I didn't think about that until I was probably around 18, right?

I had never had a relationship with that side of family.

My mom, and her husband, they got married.

And I was born, I remember living with him, and I was a little kid, and I just remember we moved out.

And I barely saw him at today, and I know, I never saw his family.

Here's the thing, I was never close to him when he actually passed away, because he passed away.

When I was nine.

My mom has shown me his obituary and I was like, oh, that's my dad.

But again, that was something I never thought about fast forward me to be 18 years old.

I was walking into a store and I was paying a phone bill for my mom and the cashier recognized the last name because originally, I am from Ohio.

So, that's where I'm from a small city in Ohio, and she recognized the last name because it's one whose last names that not everyone has.

So she asked me by my mom and she asked for you.

Yeah, I know this person.

I was like, yeah, that's my dad.

She was like, oh, I'm his granddaughter.

So I was like, oh, so I'm your uncle.

Yeah.

So, you know, we add each at all my space back when it was popping and she was telling Told her family about me and one of the odds, which was my guess.

You caught birth certificate sister.

I don't know how you said saying that's not his dad.

He just put his name on the birth certificate so he can get the Social Security checks.

Wow,

my mom had mentioned a long time ago that the daughters didn't like her for whatever reason.

So months later, I ran to the granddaughter again along with her mother and some other people as she was like, hey, this is the guy that people claim to be great.

Have son in her mom won't even look me in the eye.

So, pretty much I was Guilty By Association.

So, when you were 18, you found out that it was

possible, that that was not your father.

Yeah, but I never asked, I never worked up the courage to ask my mom like ever.

Mmm.

And I remember two years later, my mom and my grandma.

They got into a heated argument.

I don't know what the argument was about and I was another room.

And I heard my grandma saying you don't even know who got a real daddy is.

Hmm, but again, I never said anything.

So it was always something that I thought about and even when I took the test, I was like, is it possible that I'm going to find something?

But again, it was just in the back of my head again to test for sure.

This the check out my ethnic background.

How did you

feel when you started hearing these things?

When you were 18,

In was just I was kind of confused but I'm really know what was going on.

But based on the fact that you didn't have a relationship really with him growing up, it just kind of left your mind and you didn't really think about it until you took the test.

Yeah, yeah.

Pretty much.

I didn't really care about it like that because I still have my family on my mother's side

where you are are you close to your mother

walls, a kid?

Yes.

And then you grow up and then you really see people for who they are.

And she had a lot of of dysfunctional behavior.

I'm not going to say what it is obviously but right, you know when people fight their demons has, they tend to take it at.

They tend to numb the pain and that pain, they numb, I guess they take it out on the people, they love.

So you get is one things where it's like I love her but sometimes I don't want to be bothered with her.

Okay.

And did you grow up with any

siblings?

I grew up with a brother and a sister.

I'm the youngest

So fast forward you take this test.

How old were you?

Oh actually 28 so you know you get your your results.

I don't remember exactly what it was Ralph the top because I actually did it on my Heritage.

So it was some Africans and Europeans of the sauce of Middle Eastern and are.

So I looked at that part and then I'm meeting by just look over to the matches because when I took the test, I had said, if I match with a cousin and they live in Orlando, that's where I live.

I want to hit them up.

I look I look and I see these matches.

I see second cousin, a see a first cousin and I see a someone listed as a sibling / half me.

Somebody who fuck are these people?

I slept on it that night and the next morning I called my mom and I told her about my results I'm like, hey it's my dad, my dad and sheep also uses like No, I was like okay so who is my dad?

Because he's people were popped up on my DNA.

She said, she actually made this name up.

She said, his name was out for Jenkins.

He died in 2000.

He was 47.

He didn't have no kids, but he had no top and he had time for kids.

But again, there's someone is listed as a half-sibling / neat.

So Up the no add up.

This was on my way to work.

So I was at work and I was child looked up this out for chickens fella, you know, getting try to get everything.

Like, you know, look up obituaries because, you know, you can final bitch.

Very seriously, good fine obituaries.

And when I look this person up, this person was alive.

But I called her like three times that they try to get it from the patient.

Who is my dad?

Why am I getting information?

And she just kept trying to shrug it off and She said my husband took care of you.

That's your dad but the thing was he wasn't even real just because he put his name on my birth certificate and I was getting Social Security benefits told me.

He took care of me.

He still wasn't around, I mean, yeah, he passed when I was lying but he still wasn't around.

So how did you figure out that this Alfred Jenkins name that she gave you was made up?

I just look I can't find nothing on the internet.

Hmm, at all.

I could find nothing and I'm good at looking people up so I could find no, bitch, you worries.

I can find anything.

So I knew she was lying and the thing is, I can tell when my mom's lying at times too.

So I had a suspicious she'll do this thing where shall pause and then she'll say something

She was calling my phone sex on my phone, like normal.

You know trying to act like the shit wasn't happening and it just kept pissing me off.

So, I decided I was going to talk trash.

I almost did talk to her all together and week later she calls, but I didn't actually see the phone call and she's leaves a voicemail, and she's like, Devin.

Why you haven't answered my phone calls.

Are you angry with me?

And that pissed me off even more because He coming off as a narcissist at this point.

Confronted her body once again.

And she was like, if you want to know the truth, I'll tell you the truth.

I don't know who it is.

It could be bill or John as far as I'm concerned.

I knew something was off.

So the next morning, I was all right, you know what?

I love you, but I'm going to keep looking and she was like, okay, I knew something was off so I just left it alone.

And, you know, you know, you know, I was talking about with some of the family members and they was like, you know, maybe she just what do something she doesn't want to talk about, she's painful, but I don't give a shit.

It's my Birthright to know, I wanted to know what was going on.

So I think the only person I kept in the loop was my grandma because I felt like my grandma was only when I really understood me and she kept trying to convince my mom, like you need to tell him because he's going to find out whether you like it or not.

She knew.

DNA was no Joshua like that.

DNA is no joke and he gonna find out whether you like it or not when it came to like the matches, right?

It was kind of mixed up when it came to the cousin in a nice-ass half-sibling because don't want to show up as a nice have / half-sibling was child and the first cousin was a mother.

If I'm, if me you were cousins, I should share more dealing with you than your child, right?

So I try to find that first cousin on social, Media, but the person has a common name.

So I couldn't find her.

It's actually told me three weeks to find her.

The only thing that really helped was the fact that she was black and the people and the people in the searches were mostly white.

I say, a few weeks later I was just lying.

You know what?

I'm just going to click on just keep clicking and clicking and clicking.

So I was clicking on page after page after page, for like an hour until I finally found a match.

Calendar, I start scrolling down.

I see a little girl in there and her Instagram page was attached.

So I got on her Instagram page and it's a mama to the child because I saw the child's name on there and I said, this is her.

So, I immediately messaged her and tell her like, hey, I matched with you on my Heritage.

This is how we're possibly related.

And I said the screenshots.

And a meantime, one of the cousins The second cousin to this day.

I don't know how related she actually lives in Orlando, Florida.

So I was like, hey, it's a bitch.

So you did connect with someone in your city?

Come back to was someone in my city.

I was I said, I'm going to message her and she replied back the next day, and we were going back and forth.

And the reason I'm telling stories because she was born in Evergreen Alabama.

And remember that, remember that, City, because this is where they all comes down to.

So, back to this potential half-sibling cousin, whoever this person was I get on the Facebook and I'm scrolling down, and I'm seeing like the other family members and click on their Facebook pages.

And they're all, you know, how a lot of them were in Ohio, or from Ohio.

And then, I saw one man's page that kind of Hood out.

And he was born.

He lives right?

Outside of my hometown and his hometown where he was born, was Evergreen Alabama, right then.

And there, I knew somebody in that potential family was my biological.

Father, I didn't know who, but I knew I was going to track down

and, and for listeners, who don't know a ton about ancestry and ancestry results.

The reason why Devon didn't know how these People are related is because when you get your results, it'll say aunt or half sibling or cousin or another thing because it's all just about how much DNA you share.

They can't determine except for parent-child relationships exactly how you're related.

Yeah,

so the clothes the more DNA you share with someone that close sir that relationship is.

So once I saw this gentleman's page, I started looking at other peoples pages.

Ages.

And I was thinking, wait a minute, because they went back to my mom, saying, he had time for kids.

It was like, because he has his own family, he doesn't want to mess that up and I got you sleep pissed off because you hear these stories about people find out that someone else was their biological father but that family doesn't want nothing to do with you because they're worried about what other people would think or that family doesn't know at all and for me I was going to fuck all that shit up.

Thank you, I was going to hurt.

I was going to flip that.

Inside out.

So I had to calm myself because I didn't get in touch with these matches yet.

I had to still wait to see what was going on first, because the sister / have me style.

Think that I knew that wasn't their father under maybe it was probably a uncle or cousin or somebody.

I didn't know who who how that person was matching with these people.

So I can't really determine I waited five days.

I didn't hear back from her.

On Facebook, but I saw that she posted something on on her page and I figured, she probably didn't read messages because we're not Facebook friends.

So, I decided on her Instagram and I message her, but the screenshots there.

So, two days go by and she filed a response.

I'm at work.

And she finally responds immediately Falls me and within 30 minutes, her dad, and her brother follows me on Instagram.

So we going back and forth for like, 30 minutes on how we were possibly related.

And she was telling me that at first.

She took the ancestry test as transfer her DNA over to my Heritage and she accidentally switch the names.

So at first we thought we were brothers and sisters.

She asked me where I was from, how old am I?

Because she's a year older than me.

And she said, maybe my grandfather is sure Dad.

He passed away and my Down in 2002 at the age of 79.

He had like 19 Kids and the back of my mind I'm like, no, I'm pretty sure brother.

And sister is not like I'm asking you for money, stop playing with me

say, because that's a lot older than you would have.

Thought that your biological father, could have been yeah,

because my mom is, my mom was starting woman.

I was born and I was born in 1990, so she was born in 1959.

Okay, this man would have Born in 1922 1923 so like animals.

Like now, think she trying to push me off to a grandfather first.

So she says me a picture of her grandfather and my jaw drop.

It was a neighbor from across the street and he was in his red.

Mustang convertible.

I said I know that, man.

He lives across the street from my grandparents and then that's when reality started to kick in.

And I'm just sitting there like, oh, hell no.

No, she didn't.

She know, I thought I was tripping, but then that's when she told me that when she transferred in a over, her ass was correct when she transferred dad's DNA over because she's in charge for dad's account.

She actually put her daughter's name instead of her dad's name.

So that's when she confirmed to me that.

Yeah, my grandfather is your biological father.

Oh, my gosh.

So you Discovered that it was this man who lived across the street from your grandparents and was how many years older than your mom?

37, what is your initial thought besides?

Oh hello, it was just so many mixed emotions.

It was just, I didn't know what to say really.

So soon as I got work, I got a phone with my mom.

Mike mom is this man.

My father.

She's like uh, is this man.

My father and this was her response.

Wow, Devin.

How did you figure that out?

It was like a sick twisted game.

She said that she decided to let me look on my own, which again was alive because she tried to stop me from looking.

So she was like an August so that it You all stop asking about it.

Now, you're not gonna bring it up, like you got mad at me for for finding out.

I was just kind of low-key piss with that but I also was kind of relieved to find out that my mom's husband's.

Wasn't husband was not my family because I didn't have a relationship with

them.

Yeah, now you said he's 37 years older than your mom.

Did she share anything about Of the nature of their

relationship.

She said it was an affair because he also had a wife, and I actually remember his wife, too well, for what I heard from the other family members.

He was a smooth talker apparently because him his wife now is his fourth wife.

They were married for almost 50 years but they never had kids, but he had at least ten kids outside of that marriage.

Oh wow.

Okay, so this nice chair With you that this man could be your

this was to have me

half.

Nice.

And so he had how many children in

total, which light it was.

I think it was like 19.

But she told me that I should take the ancestry test because that's where the family members are on, right?

So that night, she gave me the list of the names of the siblings and it was his overwhelming because do siblings were much older than me, you know?

I was born in 1919, I found the oldest sibling was born in 1940.

Wow, so I had seven was, I was born in the 1940s, 50s and 60s and You can get the one that's closer to me was born in the 80s, so I just like message to him that night introduce myself because I knew it was going to go.

Now, I knew it was going to spread like wildfire when they started, follow me on Instagram when I decided to take the ancestry tests.

I actually got my results back within 12 days.

So it came back quick.

That's really fast.

Yeah, that's when we were seeing other people that we'd never recognized.

Now, another sibling had to detest.

I think probably a month prior so they'll try.

Figure out who this person was.

And I saw some other names on there as well.

And I a year later, I actually took the 23andMe test and we found another sibling that lives in Tampa that we had no clue about.

So we actually found four siblings

in addition.

So total of 23 children,

well 22.

Now, some of them I tracked down on Facebook.

Some of them a message in a message me.

And one of them I dropped hints to because I was like, I don't have how can tell this was like happening.

Like, this was like a course of a year since finding out my truth.

So this one's a right afterwards.

But yeah, someone up my hat.

Sit, sit down.

Tell him.

Yeah, I don't think that your dad.

I think.

We share the same dad and it's this man in this picture.

So yeah, that was nerve-racking.

How has it been connecting with these half-siblings that you

I found this been an incredible actually Bob was extremely lucky.

They welcomed me right from the start.

Matter of fact last week I flew out to California for the first time and I met one of the brothers for The Who was one of the MP.

He's just like me and him and his wife, welcome him, they have set my room up, they had towels ready for me, they had snacks ready for me, water toiletries.

Like they really like, All out for me.

So, and how old is this brother

63.

So he's one of the older

ones and I have some of us are old enough to be my grandparents.

Some of them are older than my grandma and she's 79.

Wow.

So yeah,

wow, and have you had a chance to connect with all of them?

Unfortunately,

six of them have already passed away so those are won't be able to connect with.

But for the most part, I'm, I have connected with Most of them and their families.

I've met 10 of 7 so far, what have you learned?

Have you learned anything about your bio

dad?

You know, here's the thing I've learned, it was a lot of good stories and then it was some that weren't so good.

You know, from what I was told he wasn't really much of a father to them.

Like every time I'll be like I wish I would have known the truth they'd be like trust me you didn't miss out on much hmm.

But the grandkids Like it, my nieces and nephews as well as my cousin's.

They all worship them.

Like they put them on a pedestal.

They was telling me how Papa Was a bastard and how is it?

Cousins.

They said that was his favorite uncle like they love him to pieces but for my brother sister was dating, I didn't get that experience and they also witnessed things that I don't think no one should ever win it.

He was from, what I was told, was vicious.

Hmm, maybe not the best father, but a good

grandfather, and Uncle Fun Uncle.

Hmm.

Well, yeah, it was a lot of like stories that weren't so good, you know, the violence towards women and, and just not really being there for the for his kids.

But if you know what I know you'll be looking look at him different because it's a me.

He worked a nice old man from across the street who I said, I can't You can never be like, you can't tell nothing, but he can't date Sam.

I, he can do no wrong.

That's what I saw when I was a little kid,

dad, you have a relationship with him.

When you were a child,

he was just a nice old man from across the street.

With candy, I'll call his house, get can't eat.

And I'll bounce.

Did he know that you were his son?

I'm pretty sure he knew, and just like some of the other siblings as well.

I think he knew about them too.

Mmm, like he had to know

knowing what you know about him.

Now, do you have any feelings of regret that he wasn't your fault?

You know, an active father figure for you growing up.

I'm at

peace with everything with that part.

I'm okay with not knowing that he was my father.

When I was a child, I should have been told the truth as I got older.

But I'm at peace with that part.

And another thing was when my brother and my mom side, he told me when he was younger, one of his childhood friends, said that his mom said that my biological dad and my mom were hooking up and my brother didn't believe it.

So when I told him I was going on, he was like oh shit, really did happen, which means that everybody on that street do something was up and they probably knew that.

I was his biological son and it, and it kind of makes me feel violated because it's like, how does people that?

I barely talked to know, something personal about me that I don't know.

Right.

How did your brother and sister that you were raised with?

Take it once?

It was confirmed,

it was just a shock as me, the whole family was shocked.

What are your plans?

You know, for the future?

Do you plan to continue to meet more siblings?

Any other family?

I hope so.

There's been rumors going around this supposed to be like a family reunions, or similar Union because they have similar Williams before.

But who knows

since learning the truth.

How are things with your mother?

I feel like it's the same but I don't trust her.

I mean I didn't really trust her before this but now I really don't trust her,

does she talk about it at all since that initial conversation?

That's right.

Till I talk to her about it.

But she won't really give me straight answers.

And what about your grandmother?

She was just as everybody was shocked.

What have you learned about yourself through this

journey that actually have a lot in common with that side of family because they're more artistic My day.

Love they, some of them paint draw and men like singers musicians, I found out that I had a nephew in New York.

Who's a screen writer?

He wrote some shows that was on Netflix.

Oh, that's cool.

So I have a lot in common with them and I feel like if I would have grown up with him, not my dad necessary.

But like the family, he could have made a Once in my life because even though there was love on my mom's side of the family, I was pretty much the black sheep.

So I could have been going and hanging out with L.

How would you say that this discovery has affected you, your mental

health?

I wish I would have joined a support group a long time ago, or really wants a therapist because the thing is no one really understands what we go through and the people that tries to like Comfort us, they say comments like, oh, you're still you, as someone said, it's Amy wants an ox way to smack them up in the store.

Yes, it's comments.

Like that, that kind of bothered me.

So I wish I would have, like, found that support group on Facebook because they understood where we go

through.

What advice would you give a parent who is keeping a DNA surprise from their

child?

So your kiss, the truth y-you mean, if you, if you want to wait until they get older, just tell them the truth because they're going to either find out through somebody or if they were Take the test.

They may find out that way Nicky come back and bite you, right in the butt and your relationship might change.

If you tell the truth, they made me respect you

more.

And what advice would you give to someone who just discovered that they're in NP?

Take time to process everything find a support group or therapist?

I think one thing I wish I would have did was wait at least month before starting to contact

everybody.

Right?

Yeah, and you probably were not expecting that big of an age difference and that is a good point.

You just you don't know what you're walking into when you start reaching out to people.

Well, Devon, thank you so much for coming on the podcast and sharing your story.

I wish you the best of luck on your journey and that you continue to build positive relationships with your new

family.

Thanks again to Devin for sharing his story.

If you have a DNA surprise story that you'd like to share, please email, DNA surprises at gmail.com.

And if you haven't yet, please rate, review And subscribe to the podcast on Apple podcasts and Spotify.

Until next time.