Linda’s DNA Surprise

This transcript was generated automatically. Its accuracy may vary.

Speaker 1

The TNA surprise Journey can be shocking, upsetting and isolating, but you're not alone and there is hope connection and Community are powerful tools as we process.

And he'll DNA surprise Network and DNA surprises podcast are proud to host.

The first ever DNA, surprise Retreat May for through the 7th 2023 and Tucson Arizona.

Join Us for four days of healing, including expert-led sessions delicious meals and fun time together that will help us integrate our DNA surprises and Lead, happier more fulfilling lives.

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Registration is open.

Learn more at DNA surprise retreat.com I figured out that my other the Prussian that I have for those years was really grief, it wasn't depression, it was really grief of loss.

Speaker 2

boss, you know of not this, not knowing, you know, like I said towards the end, I had to I pretty much basically detach myself from ever.

I detached myself from that Groove and detached myself from that craving of, you know, wanting to know.

Because in Buddhism, what creates our suffering is, our craving is our attachment to things that we cannot change.

So, that's what L.

Imagine spitting into a tube.

Sending off your DNA, and unknowingly turning Life upside down for me and thousands of others.

This is our reality, I'm your host Alexis ourselves in July of 2021 I discovered that I am an NP e.

Someone who has experienced a non paternal event.

In other words my biological father isn't who I thought he was this podcast shares.

The journeys of people who were shocked by a DNA Discovery mostly through Modern DNA.

A testing, we're telling the stories of NP he's adoptees and donor conceived people, and their families.

This is DNA surprises.

Some DNA, surprise stories are harder to unravel than others, when Linda found out about her npe.

She was nearly 60 years old, and both her mother and birth certificate.

Father, had passed and this week's episode Linda shares.

How she was able to track.

Back down the identity of her biological father.

Despite genealogical challenges such as endogamy.

I also want to add a quick content warning for this episode because Linda can't ask any of her parents about her conception.

She does not know if she was the result of a consensual relationship or sexual assault, and she mentions this.

If you have experienced sexual abuse, please contact the National sexual assault hotline at 1-866-606-8444.

Thank Thank you Linda for sharing your story.

Okay, my name is Linda and I am 67 and I was born in Chicago in 2014.

I had done the ancestry test and I was curious because I grew up believing that I was half, polish and half German, okay, but what When I was growing up, I always kind of intuited that that wasn't really right.

And so the more I started reading about these n p and PE stories, you know, after I found out that I was, there's always I read that.

There's always some type of Intuition or a friend of mine called that like, a blood memory, but you can't prove anything, right?

So you get like a DNA test.

So the sole reason that I took a DNA test.

As I said, I believed I was half German, half polish, my mother was polish.

My father, or, you know, the man who raised me, who I believe is, my father was German.

He came from Germany.

In the 1920s, the solve is the Mexican DNA test was because in this might sound weird, I've done thirteen trips to India.

I'm a yoga teacher, and I studied in India, and I had never gone to.

I'd never gone overseas in my life.

I want to solo.

I'd never gone overseas in my life until I was 51.

And as soon as I stepped on Indian ground, I felt like I'd come home.

I mean the feeling was so Primal.

It's really hard to explain and cyanide.

I always trip Cindy and everything and I remember my mother had told I was dark almost black hair.

My eyes are brown almost black very dark brown and even though my parents were like here, You know, and light eyes, you know, being polish and German.

So my father had always told me growing up because I was so dark.

She said that I decide that I have Gypsy blood in me.

Okay.

Of course like Gypsy is like a racist term night but she said I had Gypsy blood.

I mean that's why I was so dark but I'm light lighter skin.

And so I knew that the Roma people actually Came through Eastern Europe or migrate into your, from the north India, Pakistan area.

So my thought was wow, you know, I'm like I feel so connected to India as the really feels like my second home, you know, maybe I have, you know, some DNA from India.

So DNA test was first one, I took three first one was ancestry and this is 2014 and I You know, right?

So I got the DNA test back at the resolved.

I'm like, oh, I'm like so excited to fight some Indian from India, DNA.

Well, it was an India, it was an Indian from India, it was like – it's a Time ancestry, had it as Native American.

I looked, thank you.

Okay, why is like 99% of the DNA matches and ancestry?

Why do they have us?

Wow, right.

So I'm like, wait a minute.

Wait, good-o everybody in DNA, doesn't lie.

But you know because you know that they solve like 20 year old crimes was just a little right.

You know he's okay right.

But I think of weight of it.

Yeah.

Okay I gotta take another DNA test because just to make sure so I did 23 me for my second.

DNA test came back stay results.

Most of the most of the DNA matches had Hispanic or Spanish.

You know, last names I want and I did a third unit

oh my gosh,

I did my Heritage.

I'm like okay.

Yeah, because it's like what.

Yeah, just that

disbelief, exactly, exactly.

You know just to make sure.

Okay I'll do three.

That's my Heritage came back, same thing, most of the DNA matches on all these DNA tests, The majority of DNA matches.

I mean, High majority.

Well, over 90% were Spanish.

Last name,

what was your initial like thought?

You know?

How are you feeling when you saw that

my initial thought was that?

It just confirmed what I had always do it.

Okay?

Because when I was in, when I was a kid, I will come mirror, and I think I really thought I was adopted.

And I'm not, I'm not I really thought I was deaf because like I didn't look like my parents, you know?

And then I got not when I found out the yourself is like always my head by more than one thought.

Like I said, my first thought was like, okay, this is like a fern but I always intuitive and I was actually ecstatic.

I was like so happy and then very soon thereafter.

I'm just, like, really plunged into like the deepest depression, okay, and I was really in, I was really in this really deep.

I mean, Of course, I could still function my life.

I'm a yoga teacher, still teach classes, you know, some other stuff, but I was in like a really deep depression for a really long while so.

Did you contact were you able to contact your parents to ask them

questions.

My parents are deaf.

Okay, I actually moved out when I was 18 because my mother was abusive.

So I moved out when I was 18, basically never look back.

Nobody ever told me the truth.

I have no idea whether the man I thought was my father.

Ever knew the truth and I was born when my mother was 41.

So in the 50s I think those kind of like a late age for women to have children.

I mean, cuz you know, women were, you know, having kids when they were what like 18, 19, you know, and, and my mother never told me the truth about everything.

But then thinking back when I started thinking about all this, they're like little sign.

And maybe like, okay, my name is Linda, which is a Spanish name, you know, I've been pretty in Spanish, right?

And she would always emphasize that I had like a Spanish first name.

She always encouraged me to when I was growing up in Chicago, my went to Chicago Public School.

The grammar school had banished lessons for kids in the 7th and 8th grade.

I started taking Spanish when I was in grammar school and this Some 60s.

And I just remembered a little different things that might have pointed to that, but my mother never said anything to me about it.

And the one thing I remember though that awesome like popped into my mind, was always, you know, after all the DNA tests and everything was that my mother never, like I said, she was abusive, she has mental problems, and my mother never even told me about her side of the family.

I mean, my father, the man who raised me, Me, you know, taught me a lot about Germany.

I came from, you know, came from Germany, you know, this that my mother never said a word about her family where they came from.

I don't even know where my polar side came from and why start taking doing the DNA test.

And the one thing I remember I was probably about 45 years old, she took me to meet her mother.

So my grandmother, my polish grandmother, and the only thing I remember was that my grandmother told me that I look Mexican And that was a like we left the room and never saw her again.

Wow, I had no contact whatsoever with my at that time.

It was only her mother was alive.

Like I said.

No, this was never mentioned to me.

So the only thing I could figure out was that my mother was either assaulted or, you know, she had an affair.

I mean, she was always at my father, you know, they have a store on the south side of Chicago and, you know, thinking back on all those hats.

That was this why?

My mother was had mental illness and, you know, is that why she was abused?

And that's much like, physically.

But more emotional abuse.

Like I said, I'm about when I was 18 and never look back.

And so now going back to all the DNA test, I thought, okay, well you know, how am I going to find out the truth?

I mean, no one is alive.

Who can tell me anything, right?

Yeah, like I said, I felt this Crashing because my Heritage was stolen for me, you know, right?

My route stolen for it.

Hmm.

Yeah, I thought you know, how am I gonna, you know, research this.

So I actually, I'm sure you probably know what search engines are and because I can forward any big, ancestry, Surge.

And so, actually, I can't remember how soon after my discovery that I got the first search Angel and she's pretty good.

I mean, she put together, you know, DNA tree and ancestral doing everything.

The thing was, she was not an expert in Daga me.

And in back of me, is when Casiano cousins marry cousins, right?

So it was really hard to figure out like, where exactly?

I were family I descended from because all my matches on Ancestry and, you know, all the other ancestry tests, they're all cousins.

Oh, I'd have some first Cousins, a lot of second cousins, a lot of third cousins, you know, cousins farther back than third cousins.

And a thing with with and dagga me is that my DNA, my Mexican DNA was coming from the same family.

Basically, I mean there are a number of other families involved.

I descend from Three Families from Zacatecas Mexico.

There were all in the same come to find out later that they We're from the same area in this small Rancho in Zacatecas Mexico.

So, because when they came to Mexico from Spain, I'm assuming that the same families on travel together and they all, you know, bought this land in Mexico.

So a lot of cousins were marrying cousins and so it was really hard to find out who exactly my biological.

Father was and I have to say that I discovered finally discovered after seven years who my biological father was last November and I'll get to that story.

Oh my gosh.

So it took seven years before you got the answer because of the endogamy

component.

Exactly.

Zactly, and it's like when people and I really started, you know, there's always, you know, MPE groups on Facebook and everything, but I really stories mean that, you know, people are like, oh yeah, you know, I found out.

My biological father was you know you know just not you know, I was having these stories you're telling stories about I found out right away.

Well, if you descend from a very and Dagon this family's, you might never find out because all the DNA is the same.

It's not like you descend from two separate families, right?

Like your grand parents or like to say, like your grandmother is like a Smith and your grandfather is Jones who you have to totally suck.

Separate genetic ones, right?

But in my case, it was like, yeah.

Well, common Spanish name is Perez if like to press cousins married, each other.

So, that DNA is coming from the same family.

So you can't really it's hard to like separate it out.

Right.

So it wasn't like to really distinct.

I didn't.

I have liked of course those like the polar side there was like my mother's DNA but then all the Mexican DNA was basically coming from the same genetic pool so to speak.

So the first search page don't you know quit and she just Basics that I'm sorry, you know I just can't, I don't know enough about human have somebody else.

Look.

Natchez on ancestors because I don't know enough about and document figure this out.

She said you won't have to have to find out for certain who your biological father was just as you'll have to have like somebody like like like an aunt and uncle grandpooch.

Somebody like very close like test.

We can were we can really figure this out like the niece and nephew you know, half-brother half-sister somebody somebody in that close relationship but in Order to figure out who my biological father errs right here.

Like I said, I mean everyone was shown up cousin cousin.

Cousin cousin cousin I haven't had one cousin on Ancestry.

She is a first cousin once removed on one side which is basically it's either like a second or third cousin and the other side.

So she's like my she's like a double cousin.

Wow.

Okay so it's so complicated.

It's very complicated, so people We have trouble finding out their biological parent.

I would strongly suggest that they explore and document like reopen that, you know, fine because not all people who do genetic research like this, to figure out antagonist relationships.

It's very complicated, and believe me.

I've learned

is endogamy.

Me very common like in Mexico

or its copy.

That is common in Mexico.

Exact, I find out it's common in Jewish families.

It's common in Native American families.

It led me actually to my second search Angel because I was in those, you know, MP group.

And you know, people will talk about.

I wish you can find good search engine.

You know, of Autobahn I said, well, I'm like, yeah.

Like I wish I could find a surge Angel would like, you know, no.

About in back of me and this woman, you know, message me.

She goes, I know, you know, a little bit more than bag of me than the average seeing and a researcher because she was from Australia and she does a lot in Maori, you know, the indigenous and he's doing and she says, they are very heavily and Agonist.

And so she said, you know, if you give me permission and you know, going your ancestry 23andMe and my hair, Attached and all that.

And she is the one who discovered again, after seven years.

My the name of my ballot biological father.

And the only reason that happened is because, you know, all these years, seven years, I'm getting the notices from, you know, the emails from the DNA testing companies, you know, you match, you know, this marriage.

Do you know this?

Cause them through cousin?

Fifth cousin.

Well, I wasn't interested in that I have like Literally, 600 people died in An ancestry most of our cups, you know, where you just during that

time, were you like, what were you feeling?

Were you spending a lot of time thinking about it and trying to research or, you know, what was your life like while you didn't

know?

Well, I mean, but my life went on, you know, normally I mean, it was still dealing with depression and I basically resigned myself at my age because, you know, I I found out when I was 9.

I mean, last year, I was 67 and actually just totally resigned myself to I was an attached to find out about my, you know, biological father anymore.

I just thought, hey, at my age, there's probably nobody alive.

Who can tell me anything?

And I basically resigned myself to never ever learning out the name of my biological father.

I just resign myself to it which actually helped me a lot with my Depression about it, you know?

And I should say in the meantime, I actually love.

I can actually with some close cousins like first and second cousins on Ancestry because we message, you know, because like you got a match, you know, I would message like the close matches on 23andMe or ancestry.

It's actually connected with some cousins to actually live about an hour for me maximum cups.

I actually met them too.

Two years ago before covid and 2019.

And it was like they were just so happy, like nobody knew who my back my logical, father was, you know, people have had some ideas like it because it had to be somebody who is up in Chicago you know and this time they're like oh my God you look like I'm not going to mention the last name you know you look like get out of this town Baba and because I absolutely Get another town slept with this.

I okay, I'm half Mexican about biological father was Mexican.

Can I even might call myself Mexican?

The thing was, is that nobody ever when I was growing up, nobody ever thought that I was like polish and German.

Like nobody goes either like, oh, you look.

No least germ.

You look Italian,

right?

So, how did you kind of grapple with that ethnic?

Auntie

to be honest I I was like okay that explains the yeah the explains but ironically, my first husband is Mexican and I actually we actually lived in South Texas with his mother and stepfather is just years ago.

So I always kind of liked was in or familiar with the Mexican culture.

It wasn't for him to me like whatsoever at all.

I speak Spanish, you know, I can understand Spanish, I can read Spanish, it just felt right, you know.

And so I'm at my cousin's can't even say that my Mexican even though I'm not raised in the Mexican culture.

So because I didn't want to, I'm very aware of, you know, cultural appropriation, you know, and I asked Lee, I mean it was like I was in a room.

My cousin's people who like, I had never met you.

You know who didn't know me immediately.

Start treating me.

Like, I was there.

Good.

As long last time I saw you.

Like I was part of the family and I asked them, I said, have a very serious question and, you know, they're like what you asked us yesterday and I said, can I call myself Mexican because my, you know, biological father, who I don't know who he is.

You know, it was Mexican and they all took me shocked and they all started yelling at me at the same time I like Of course.

Your faxing is your father's.

Your father's Mexican.

Yes, it was.

It was just so I just felt so Wanted.

Yeah, sounds like that was very

affirming.

I never really thought from my mother.

Yeah, that was a, I was like that was I was like, boom, depression, fun, five years, five years and depression gone.

That's amazing.

So last November, okay.

I said Larry says, I keep getting these messages from ancestry. 23andMe for my tear my Heritage.

You have DNA matches.

I look, okay, third cousin forth.

Goes and fifty.

Okay, fine.

I don't need any more cousin who won message from my heritage.

And it's said, nice her half and I felt like, I mean, it was like, I fell off my chair.

What someone, this is the first time in seven years that somebody tested who is not a cousin.

So immediately, I go to my Heritage.

I look, the last name is one of the families from that small area of second ago.

Mexico.

So I immediately I take all that information and I start messaging my cousin's when chatting with for ready.

Like okay?

Okay, that makes sense.

That makes sense.

Okay, okay, okay.

And I look at the picture that I set, of course, when I send this information to my search angel that I had she immediately goes an answer.

That's true.

She's going in, you know, my Heritage is, you know, she's like, oh my God, she says, this is so huge.

So huge because she's actually my hair did such, you be a grand knees but that's impossible because I could only be a grand nice.

If I had a full brother or sister, I don't have any full brother and sister, right?

This, that per one of her parents was a half-sibling.

She was a half and use the search engine, you know, starts digging in Facebook, you know, different places.

She sent me her Facebook profile, my heart, almost jumped out of my chest, this young Woman is I said 30s, you know like early 30s.

She looks like she could be a sister or my daughter.

Same smile.

Same size, same shape of the face and so my search Angel found out that that her father is my half-brother and there were there was another half brother and another half sister who are no longer alive.

So I just have Her father, is my half-brother and to actually send a message to this young woman on my Heritage, never know if she's ever read it.

I said I messaged him on Facebook, she didn't respond, you know, I am not recite, you know, some people don't even see their messages and Facebook, right?

Then don't even read messages and, you know, DNA site.

And so, I said, you know, I said to myself and I told my search in July You know what I said, I have nothing to lose.

She found out who my name of my search engine.

Find found out like, with in like half an hour who the name of my biological father was so I told a search engine.

Yeah, this is a messenger, you know, I didn't hear anything and this net I said you know I found out the name of you know her father.

My half-brother I just told her everyone's information is on the internet, right?

You can Plug in anybody's name, find out where they live, what the telephone number is, you know, everything.

So it's so, they did.

I bought report Center and I said, I don't have anything to lose.

I know the name of my biological father was and I'm going to write them a letter, you know, forget nothing, Facebook, forget message, big.

As you know, DNA said, send everybody

a lot but they live in the same city as you or were they

living?

Oh, no.

There.

And I said, you know what, if they respond, they respond.

If not, not, I can't stay attached to this thing more and I found out the name of my brow logical.

Father.

That's the only thing I wanted to know and my half brother called me probably within the same week that he probably received my lover.

And what was that conversation?

Like

it really went well really went.

Well, so did he know about you?

You know, it's just about enough he said that there was a time that there was another woman who contacted him some years ago.

I don't know exactly one who also said that she was his half-sister but never found it up.

She didn't like stand touch or anything like that.

She just gonna want to tell him that.

Hey guess what?

And he didn't follow up follow up she didn't follow up but as soon as we talked he was like so glad to hear her for me and he actually sent me pictures Simulator pictures of this father is Hartford.

It's hard for me to say, like our father, you know.

It's even hard for me to say, like, half-brother because it's so like foreign to me.

So we've talked a couple times on the phone and I've actually message more than a few times with his daughter.

My half nice to look so much alike.

Like that's the first thing I said in the letter I said you know what?

I know this is going to be very shocking to you but I believe.

You know, and I gave the name was my biological father and you're my half-brother.

And, you know, this woman is my half knees and I actually printed out a photograph of me and my half nice and kind of, you know, kind of like the Photoshop thing and kind of like a little put on my side beside and I was like, oh my God, this is just

so this was in November.

It's just last November me.

So and what are, what do you

hope for your relationship with him?

Do you hope to meet him or any of

your?

Yeah, absolutely.

Absolutely rapper.

All this cold and it's over because I really don't want to fly anymore.

Oh, that's so exciting.

Yeah, it's just,

it's, have you learned anything about him?

And and maybe just that like explains anything about your personality or interests or anything like that.

Not so much.

That's much about my for sale, your interest.

All I know is that he was in the Korean War and because I have a picture of him in uniform and my half brother told me that he was and he did live in Chicago and worked in the steel mills in Chicago, which is, which is, was on the south side of Chicago.

There were in south east side of Chicago.

And my parents lived on the southwest side of Chicago, but I have no idea how it would have met or anything like that, on a frozen fair.

And I wasn't is, was an assault because he went his age, and Chicago was certainly not in his 40s or 30s.

He was in his 20s when he was in Chicago.

And my mother had me when she was 41.

I have no idea what happened and I really don't care.

You know,

how did your like Then, you know, if you have a partner or anything, how did they react to

this?

Oh I'll say I'm seven years you know people's reactions.

I just run the gamut.

You know, people are either like wow like you know it's like they feel sorry for you feel sad for you, you know like growing up that way.

Oh my God how can you not know?

I mean people really you know what I discovered?

I mean there are a hell of a lot more NP.

He's than my people will.

Ever rely?

Yes, yes.

Ever realize I mean people have like no idea and actually people who grow up and I'll put it in quotes.

I'm doing like air quotes now and my fingers right people to grow up and like happy families or grow up with like you know, a lot of you know, they know their hands.

They know their uncle's you don't grow up with their grandparents you know they run around with their cousins.

They have no freaking clue what it's like to I mean seriously go to Up, you know without without a big family without running around cousins aunts and uncles and you know people have no idea, you know and they think you're some type of freak from growing up like that.

I mean seriously.

Is there

anything that you've done to kind of feel more connected to your Mexican side?

Just culturally

it's like I like I said look like I've always I've always felt that way.

I mean I'm always I've always done things like that, you know?

I mean And it's really kind of hard to describe, you know, as a friend of mine called, it's like blood memory.

I already know about it.

Even I didn't grow up in the Mexican culture.

What are some things that you've done?

That have just kind of help you process throughout this journey.

Like I said, I'm a yoga teacher and I don't teach the type of yoga.

That is very the way people in the west think yoga is all about, you know, it's you know, twist ourselves into a Someone probably behind me, not I teach a fantastic yoga.

That is all about the relief from suffering.

That's a fantastic yoga, that's real yoga.

And so that's the ultimate goal of yoga.

So I'm very familiar with meditation and I'm a Buddhist that's my self care is meditation and yoga, and the whole philosophy of not Being attached to things and that we create our own suffering.

So I had a delve deeply into my training as a Buddhist and as a yoga teacher, as far as relief for my own suffering about that.

I'm actually good with if we never meet.

I'm actually pretty fine with them.

No.

I really am.

And he's a phone call away and You know, we had talked about hey you know, and just you know covid stuff gets sadder, you know going out to meet and I'm still going to meet, you know, I still want to fight on to my, you know, I meet my cousins and Houston so planning that like I feel like I know these people, right?

You know, we call each other cousin all the time in Spanish.

Hey, pretty mama.

That's beautiful.

What advice would you give to a parent who might be hiding?

Hiding a DNA surprise from their

child?

Oh my God.

My my my advice, a parent, who has the tidiness is what?

Tell me the damn truth tell the truth.

Even if it hurts, you tell the truth to your child.

That, I mean that could save so much grief.

You know, they can.

That could save so much pain.

This is always better in the light.

Yeah, and what advice would you offer someone who just found out that they are in NP

e?

Number one, like you're not alone, you are not alone because that's like your first thing.

I my God, who's going to believe this?

What, how can the stamp, you know, you have no idea how much, you know, how many people are have the same story that same story, but, you know, somewhere story, right?

Yeah, there's a, there's a, there's actually A saying in India, same same, but different when these are like same same but different.

All the same, the truth.

What is the difference?

But it's a different story, right?

Everybody has a different story but same same, but different makes sense.

Right?

Oh, that's perfect.

Yes.

Know that you're not alone and actually my advice would be if I was like, you know, doing a meditation training or yoga training to, you know, a group of NP He's our actually talked about, you know what we talked about, but the craving the attachment that that is going to cause your suffering, you know, so you have to learn to, but I know it's easy, but not simple, right?

Have to learn how to detach from that, to save yourself

pain.

That's such good advice.

It's like I said, simple.

But not easy.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, Linda, thank you so much for joining me today.

Today and sharing your story best of luck on your journey.

I hope you get a chance to meet your brother and nice and thank you again.

Well thank you.

Thanks again to Linda for sharing her story.

If you have a DNA surprise story that you'd like to share, please email, DNA surprises at gmail.com.

And if you haven't yet, please rate, review And subscribe to the podcast on Apple podcasts and Spotify.

Until next time.