Jennifer P’s DNA Surprise

This transcript was generated automatically. Its accuracy may vary.

Intro

I think my entire life I always gave my mom a lot of grace.

I didn't ever push it, obviously.

I just accepted it as what it was.

And I think I said that to myself and so many times as an adult that I just believed it.

I'm not going to know.

And that's OK, because I had a great life and it it didn't matter, but it mattered.

Speaker 2

Welcome to DNA Surprises, a podcast that delves into the world of unexpected DNA discoveries.

I'm your host, Alexis ourselves.

In July 2021, my life took a surprising turn when I found out that I'm an NPE, a person who has experienced a non paternal event.

In other words, my biological father isn't who I thought he was.

Join me as we explore the stories of NP, ES, adoptees and donor conceived people and their families.

Get ready to unravel the astonishing journeys that begin with a simple DNA test.

This is DNA surprises.

Often times with DNA surprises, there is so much that is left unsaid.

So many unasked questions, so many feelings unspoken.

In this week's episode, Jennifer shares what life was like for her growing up without a father figure, a fact she rarely questioned throughout her childhood and adolescence.

But after her mother passed, she decided to start asking questions.

The first path to answering them was by taking ADNA test.

Jennifer reveals what she uncovered after taking that test, including a surprise ethnicity shift and a family who welcomed her with open arms.

Thank you for sharing your story, Jennifer.

Speaker 1

My name is Jennifer, I am 52 years old and I'm currently living in Fresno, CA.

Growing Up Without a Father Figure

I grew up with just my mom and I my whole life.

That's all I knew.

My mom never dated, she never had a a husband she never got never married never.

It was just her and I and I had a good childhood.

We didn't have a lot of money but my mom always made sure I had everything that you know I needed.

I wanted what other kids had.

I never knew my dad was just my mom and I, and I think when I was really young, I felt like it was a bad thing.

Like if it was some love story that like when, you know, somebody died, I would have heard about this.

But I just heard nothing.

So as a kid, I was just thinking that just must not be a good thing, you know?

So I didn't talk about it.

My mom didn't talk about it.

I didn't talk about it.

Ever, ever.

So there was never a where's my dad, who is my dad?

Conversation.

It was just always unspoken.

We talked about it probably 4 times my whole life.

It wasn't like a conversation.

It was just a instance that it came up and then it was not talked about anymore.

The first time was I was around 7:00 and I came home with a school project, like a family tree, and I had my whole mom's side filled out because I knew my whole mom's side.

And then I just put it on the counter.

I didn't do it.

And my mom came out.

I remember exactly where he was.

I was in the backyard.

She's like, do you want me to help you fill out the rest of this?

And I just looked at her and I was like, OK.

And she told me the the name of who is to be my birth certificate father.

And she told me the name of his mom.

And those are the only two names I remember.

She might have given me more, but I was 7.

I don't remember and I turned it in and we never talked about it again.

Skip ahead till I was about 16 and I wanted a driver's license and I needed a birth certificate and I'd never seen my birth certificate before and my mom said she didn't have one.

Well, I'm like, well you need to go get one 'cause I wanted to get a driver's license.

So we drove 2 hours to the town where I was born from, where we where I grew up.

And she went to the records and got the birth certificate and we went to visit one of her friends and in fact, a friend that I'll probably refer to later in the story.

And we were in her house and my mom had put the birth certificate in the glove box.

And so we went into the house and I was 16 and I'm like, I think I forgot something in the car.

So I went out to the car because I wanted to look at that birth certificate because I'd never seen the name.

So I saw like the first name, the middle name, the last name.

I was like, wow, I saw how old he was when I was born.

So I like was doing the math in my head.

I saw the occupation, just whatever is on the birth certificate.

I was like, wow, that was the first time.

But we didn't talk about it.

We got the birth certificate.

She's like, here's the birth certificate.

Go to the I got my driver's license.

We never talked about it.

And then the third instance didn't have anything to do with my mom in college.

I had a really close friend.

I was a sophomore in college.

And you know, when you're 19, you sometimes have emotional things about life.

And I kind of was at a point where I was like, who's my dad?

You know, like I, I never, I never knew.

And so I had this friend and he was so nice and supportive and he like even tried to, this was way before Internet or Googling anybody.

And he, he kind of helped me and we tried, but we didn't have much luck.

And, and then in Lake College, I wanted to get a internship with the government and I needed to do a background check.

And so the person that my contact was, he's like, you know, and I didn't have it.

I had a name, but he's, I didn't have an address.

I didn't have anything.

He's like, well, you need to ask your mom.

And I was like, I really wanted this internship or else I would have been like, let's move on to the next internship.

I was like, OK, so I asked my mom.

It was a phone call, 'cause I lived in another city and she's like, I don't, I don't know anything.

So I was like, OK, I asked, you know, So I just told my contact, I'm sorry, I don't know anything.

I got the internship.

It was a great internship.

But later that evening my mom called me and said, are you OK?

I'm like, yeah, I'm OK.

Never talked about it again for the rest of her life.

Like I, I was 22.

I'm 52 now.

My mom died three years ago.

OK.

And so did you do any research or anything in between any of those times?

I mean, I know Internet wasn't as prominent, but like, were you trying to find any records or or anything once you had that actual name or did you kind of let it go unspoken like it had been?

I let it go unspoken because I, I think probably once or twice, once the Internet came along, I would punch in the name, but I didn't find anything.

And so I just let it go.

And then I have 4 kids and they're all in their 20s now.

And I said to them when they were young, I said, you know, 'cause I knew they would ask, you know, 'cause when I was a little kid I didn't ask because I just thought it was a bad thing.

When I got to be a high school, in high school where it would have been totally appropriate for you to say, mom, what the heck, who is my dad?

I just didn't because I think I was protecting my mom because I knew it just probably wasn't a good thing.

And then I went on to have 4 kids within six years.

I was busy, I was married.

I, I just let it go.

So when my kids were, you know, school age and I think one of them probably asked me, I'm like, look, I don't, I don't know my dad.

I never knew my dad.

Grandma and I never talked about it.

But if you want to ask grandma, go for it, you know, but I just don't think they ever did.

Or if they did, we never talked about it.

And so that's that's kind of how it was left.

And so over the years, probably in these last four or five years, I had a really good friend who said you should do adna test.

And I was like, no, I'm good.

I don't want to do that.

And sometime it would go by and she'd ask me again.

I'm like, no, I don't, I don't think I want to do that.

And when my mom was alive, I pretty much in my mind decided it wasn't going to do that.

So then my mom passed away three years ago and took the secret to her grave and my friend, same friend gave me adna test for a Christmas present and I was like are you kidding me?

So it like sat on the counter for like 2 weeks just staring at me and I was finally I was like you know what this was just two years ago I'll just do it.

So I did it.

I didn't know ancestry DNA from anything else.

I didn't know anything about cinemorgans percentages.

I knew nothing 0 So I when I finally decided to to do it, I said, well, you know what?

Let me just see my other half what it is.

You know, my maiden name is the name of a city in France.

And so I always just was convinced I was French.

I just, I'm French.

What did you believe from your mom in terms of what your ethnicity was?

She never said I wasn't white, like she just never said that.

So I just assumed I was always I always would say I looked like my mom too, but my mom was from a very small family.

So I had she had one brother and and, and the brother had red hair.

So my uncle had red hair.

I had a grandmother grandfather, my uncle, he was married and they had one son.

So I had one cousin.

I just a very, very small family and they weren't a close family, just a lot of family sibling dynamics.

When my grandmother was alive, we would visit and, and I feel like I had a warm family after my grandmother passed away.

The kind of that was it.

So your understanding is that you're you're white, you believe you're French based on your maiden last name.

And you decide to take a test because you're like, OK, well, let me let me figure out my ethnic background.

So I sent it off my husband at the time we went on vacation, we came back from vacation and you just remember exactly when you open that e-mail and see what you see.

And we had gotten home from vacation.

It was like 4 days later and he's like, let's go out to dinner.

So I had just opened my e-mail and I saw it and I'll go to see what I am, what other white I am.

I knew I was Irish and English and I was clearly stated, you know, and I just no shock when I saw that.

The first thing that came up was my close closest match was my mom.

And I was like, when did she do this?

Because she never told me.

But then I kind of was remembering when my mom had passed away.

At that point, it would have been just like a year prior when you go through and you close out people's credit cards and stuff.

Like there was a recurring charge for Ancestry DNA.

I didn't even know what Ancestry DNA was, but I called the place and said, look, this person's passed away.

Can you stop this charge?

And they did.

So when my friend gave me an ancestry DNA test, it never clicked in my mind, oh, that's what my mom did.

So honestly, when I got that as my first thing, my mom had only been passed away for a year.

I was like, oh, so I, I'm so glad she did it now.

But when I first saw it, I'm like, oh, OK.

And so I started to see my mom's, the English, the Irish, and then I see 18% indigenous Americas, Mexico, I'm like, what the heck is that?

And then 18% Spain, I'm like, what is going on?

And then it's like 5% Basque and 4% Portuguese.

I'm like, how is that?

And I'm saying in my head, my maiden last name, you know, I'm like, what's going on here?

So I see that.

And then my husband says, let's go out to dinner.

So I closed it.

We went out to dinner.

We came home.

At the time, I was living in Northwest Ohio.

It was February.

It was freezing outside.

And I'm like, just go inside.

I'm just gonna look.

I need to look at something.

So I sit in the car and I'm like looking at it.

And I'm looking at it.

I'm like, what?

What is this?

And so I came inside and I remember telling him, I'm like, I don't think I'm the last name that I always thought I was.

And he's like, what are you talking about?

And so I told him he's like, oh, wow.

So I just sat there.

So I had set it to private because I just did, because I'm like, nobody needs to know what I I didn't have any expectations of finding.

I don't know what I was thinking because I didn't know him.

So why wouldn't I see other things?

And so I said, well, screw this, I'm just going to UN private it.

So I pushed public and I had besides my mom won one close match.

Her name is Angela and it had her first name, maiden name, married name.

And so a lot of people like her very, you know, just initials and stuff.

So she had it showed that we shared 18%.

What did Ancestry estimate that your relationship was?

So I didn't know what 18% meant at all.

Zero like like learned that quickly that that was a lot.

And it said that we weren't going to be either first cousin or half sibling or I was going to be her half aunt.

And so we were on the high end of of first cousin, the low end of half sibling and kind of right where you're supposed to be to be her half, half aunt.

And so I saw her name, so I googled her name and luckily she's a published poet and she has a website and there was a picture and a little talking about her.

And I was so impressed with like all her education and schooling and her career.

And it said her and her wife live in Fresno, CA.

And I was like, Oh no, 'cause I assumed it was a mistake.

It's got to be a mistake, you know?

Yeah, and she lives in the same town as you.

Right next to the town I grew up in.

Yeah.

And so I was like, wow, this isn't a mistake.

My husband, at the time, I showed him the picture, I said, does she look normal?

He's like, yeah, she looks normal.

But she's really smart 'cause she's got degrees and she's, you know, she's so smart.

And so there was that little envelope you can click on ancestor DNA.

And I clicked the envelope and I just said to her, got this test as a gift.

I did it.

I wasn't sure what to find.

I found that we're a close match.

Any, you know, I think I said something like any help would be appreciated.

Well, within like an hour, she replied back and at first she just said hi, cousin, cause she said she'd get a lot of notifications.

And I'm learning now you get a lot that are like 2 percent, 1%, like so far removed, but I'm just really not that interested.

And then she's like, whoa, we'll share a lot of DNA.

And I was like, I OK.

And so she was kind of explaining it to me and I was like, wow.

So she's like, you're probably the daughter of either my dad or one of his two brothers.

And she's like, my dad's a retired firefighter.

My other uncle is a retired sheriff.

And then my other uncle, he was kind of tragically murdered when he was about 22 years old.

And so I was kind of doing the math and all three of those people worked age wise.

And we kind of just didn't know it first.

But then I said, well, what's this Hap aunt?

You know, like what?

So I'm doing that and she's, well, there's Grandpa Barney.

And I said, OK, I said, well, so I'm doing the math on how old Grandpa Barney was and how my mom was.

And he was around 50 and my mom was 27.

And then the three brothers were all in their early to mid 20s.

And I'm like, well, it makes kind of more sense for it to be one of the three brothers.

But in my mind, I kind of thought that Grandpa Barney might have been the one, but I didn't know.

I didn't know for a while.

And we probably went for about 15 months to Angie and I became fast friends.

Like she so supportive, so nice, just became the best of friends.

And I appreciate every minute I get to spend with her.

Well, I learned along the way that her dad, who when we first found out, was still alive, but he suffered from frontotemporal dementia.

So she's like, I want you to meet my dad.

And we don't know what it is.

And, and at the time his wife, her, her parents divorced.

She, she, so I'm 52, she's going to be 50 this year.

So we're relatively close.

In age.

And in and in the town where I was raised, I went to 1 high school in town and she went to the other high school in town.

It's just crazy how our lives could have crossed paths.

So anyway, we were talking about who it could be and her dad was still alive and she wanted to meet him because she we just didn't know.

So we met in Idaho.

I came from Ohio, she came from California, and we got to spend like four or five days together.

We got to see her dad.

Unfortunately, about four months later, he passed away kind of unexpectedly.

I think she thought we had more time and I thought we had more time.

But his current wife at the time said no DNA test, not doing it, no.

And so we were both SAT like we were upset, like we were like, we really just what's the big deal?

So we didn't do it and we regretted that.

Well, I also came to learn that her dad and the one uncle who is still alive didn't have the best relationship.

So she's like, I, I didn't have a bad relationship with my dad's family, but since my parents were divorced when I was very young, I only saw my dad's on weekends and holidays.

And so when I saw extended family, it, it really wasn't very often.

And so she's like, we don't have a bad relationship, we just don't really have a relationship.

And so after her dad died, she reached out to her uncle, who is still alive, and they talked for the first time since a funeral many years ago.

And they talked.

And then towards the end of the conversation, she's like, oh, and by the way, I've met this woman named Jennifer.

And, you know, and so she told him about me.

And they were like, on board.

He's like, I'll do a DNA test.

And so he did it.

Two of his three children did it.

And by far that helped us get to where we finally figured it out.

But there was probably 15 months, year and a half almost that we didn't know like it.

We, we knew it was one of those.

And I was really getting, I was getting discouraged because I, I knew I found the right family, but I didn't know if I'd ever find exactly who, who it was.

And so Grandpa Barney would be 104 this year, if he was still alive, so that he did the DNA test.

And it was clearly he was my uncle or my half brother.

And again, a lot of the DNA kind of it's the same.

Like, it doesn't really help you much, but it helps.

You need the story, too.

Yeah, because exactly.

The center Morgans only tell you so much.

You need to know who met who around this time.

To your point.

Yeah, the story.

So it gets you closer.

You know that he is not your father, so you're able to roll him out, but you still don't quite have the information that you need, right?

So what happens next?

So Stan, her uncle, he took the test.

He was not the father, but he was something.

And then his two daughters took the test.

And so they came back as being either my half niece or a cousin.

So again, it wasn't the greatest of help.

Well, in the meantime here.

I gotten divorced and I moved to California from Ohio and I moved back to my hometown area because I just needed a place that I was familiar with.

I hadn't lived here in more than 30 years, but I just needed some more familiar to have like kind of a landing spot.

And Angie was here too, but that was a great help and she was very welcoming for me to live nearby.

So Angie and I are gonna go on a trip together and we were gonna go to Europe and we went last summer for for almost 2 weeks just her and I It's amazing.

I had the best time my first time to Europe and I had thought to myself, I'm like, OK, I just got divorced and I kind, I've told a lot of my friends and stuff.

So on social media, I like kind of made a posting about that I had gotten divorced.

Well, then I was like, well, we're going to go on this trip for two weeks to Europe together and nobody knows who this woman is.

And so I'm like, well, maybe I should also mention my my journey.

So I made a post about because I knew I would be posting pictures in Europe with Angie and like, people are like, who is this person?

And so I made another post.

And in that post I said, you know, I've been on this journey and this is what I found.

And I'm hopeful that at some point I'll figure it out.

And one of my Facebook friends from a town I've a city I've lived in two cities ago replied back to me, I'm a search Angel.

And I had said in my post how welcoming this family had been to me.

And I was so nice to meet them and to get to know them.

And she's like, you know, I'm a search Angel.

And you don't know how how lucky you are that they've been so positive and accepting and helpful because she's like, that's not always the case.

And I was like, wow.

And so I messaged her.

I'm like, would you help me?

And she's like, yes, I'll help you.

So I kind of gave her access to my ancestry DNA and she got to work and she was just constantly moving things around and changing things and stuff.

And so once Stan, who is Angie's uncle, took the test and his two daughters took the test, it kind of started to solidify things a little bit more.

So she still had her, her Watto, which is like, what are the odds?

And it wasn't exact and stuff.

And then my oldest son took the test and that kind of helped even more.

And a Long story short, one of Stan's daughters, I was visiting her and we just sat across the table from each other for like 4 hours just talking.

And she would be like, you look, we look so much alike.

I'm like, I know we look so much alike and had the greatest visit.

Like the next day she called me and she said, do you do you share?

And she gave the name of this woman.

And I said, I don't know, let me see.

And so I'm looking, I'm like, I don't see that person.

And so then I asked Angie, I'm like, do you have this person on yours?

She's like, yeah, I do.

That's my grandma Helen sister's daughters, something like that cousin.

And so Sarah says, I don't, if myself and Angie and Sarah's sister all are related to this woman through their grandmother and you're not those three brothers can't be, can't be the one.

And so it was that that we put together.

And so I, I real fast messaged my, my search Angel friend and she started working on it.

And she's like, Yep, that's you can share less, but you're not going to share 0.

And so it turned out to be Grandpa Barney so.

Wow, I know.

OK, so you find this out.

He's he was older than your mom.

What do you think of this information when you finally get the answer?

At that point, once time went by and I learned more and more, I kind of thought like, I bet, I bet, I kind of think it's Grandpa Barney, but I didn't know for sure, you know?

And I remember Angie, one of the first times we were messaging back and forth and we would share pictures and all of our pictures when we were young, we definitely had a lot of resemblance.

And she showed me one picture of of her dad and who who I learned to be my half brother.

And I'd never seen a photo of a man who looked like me.

There's just this one picture.

And she knows exactly what picture I'm talking about where I'm like, Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh.

It's just just amazing.

She told me if there was a Mexican Sanford and son, it would be Grandpa Barney.

And my mom loved her like junk, her treasures, her garage sales, her estate sales, her auctions.

My mom loved that.

So I always kind of thought, well, maybe that's kind of something that's familiar, similar, you know.

And so to go back a little bit, when I first got this result back, right when I got the test, within a week or so, my mom had one really close friend who was there when I was born, like in the delivery room there when I was born.

And I called her up and I said, Gemma, what's going on here?

I said I did adna test.

I'm not like the person on my birth certificate is not my father.

She's like, yeah, I know.

I'm like, you never told me.

She's like, I just didn't say anything, but I was like, OK, well, can you tell me some more information here?

And so she basically told me that it was someone that my mom had married and he wasn't a good person and he had left and she was still that last name.

And so she really wanted to have a baby.

Really, really wanted to have a baby.

And so this is 1971 and she was a single woman.

And so she had a baby and she's like, I don't know if your mom necessarily knew who who was, you know, maybe that's why she didn't tell you.

But one thing that was kind of a funny thing that she recalled was that when my mom was in labor, she asked her And anyone who knew their relationship, this is just funny.

Do you do you see any black hair?

Do you see any black hair?

And she never thought anything of that until we started talking about this.

And she's like, well, how did she know that it was black hair, you know?

So she didn't share with her friend.

Yeah, I don't think she knew.

I think she said it was a time where you didn't really ask a lot of questions.

It just all of a sudden she was pregnant and then she had a baby and it was you and you were wonderful.

And did it really matter where you came from or need to know?

You know, I, I just know that knowing my mom, she didn't want to share me.

I know that she wanted a baby.

She didn't want a husband.

She didn't want a boyfriend.

She didn't want.

She just wanted me.

I could see why she wouldn't have shared.

How did you feel about the fact that it wasn't the man on your birth certificate?

I mean, you didn't know him, you didn't have a relationship with him, but in your mind you'd had this name.

Did any feelings come up when you realize that it wasn't him?

There were no emotional feelings because I had no it.

I had.

I never knew that.

Sure.

What bothered me was that that was my maiden name through school, through high school, through college.

I was a swimmer growing up.

And so, you know, all the swim meets I would go to, and I was always that name.

And that name wasn't me.

That was the only thing.

A lot of people are sad because they had this wonderful relationship with this person or, you know, and then they're like, well, now I have this dad and this.

I never had a dad.

So.

And and I yeah, I feel like I still kind of don't because I never knew the actual person either, you know, you.

Had this name, you thought you were French and then you learn and you, you touched on this earlier, but for people who don't maybe understand the, the genetic makeup of certain regions, you wouldn't have gotten a result that said you're Mexican.

Discovering My Mexican Origins

It would say indigenous Spanish.

You mentioned Portuguese and some of these others.

So through taking your test, you discover you're Mexican.

How does that hit you after thinking you were French for so long?

So thinking I was French, I never shared that with anybody.

It was something totally internal in my mind.

I never went around telling people I'm French.

I I just in my mind as a.

Kid a story kind.

Of a thing, sure.

All I had, and so my actual last name is, is very Mexican Spanish.

It got changed a little bit from the journey from Spain to Mexico.

I always had pale skin and I always had dark hair.

So I very much looked like my white mother.

I don't think really anyone ever thought I was Hispanic because I was so much Irish and English in me.

I married an Hispanic man and I have 4 Hispanic children.

And his family was quite large.

He was the oldest of six kids.

I was an only child.

So I very much was welcomed by that family.

So I feel like I, I had that experience.

It wasn't like I was, you know, completely a different, you know, the last 30 years I was with.

His Hispanic family, it means something.

So it was familiar to you?

Yeah, yeah.

And so my ex-husband, he he kind of laughed.

He's like, I thought you were Mexican, but he he was Guatemalan.

So still Hispanic, you know.

So yeah, it was a lot.

But it was good to finally know.

It was good to finally know.

I so thankful to my friend who's the DNA search Angel.

I didn't have to look for one.

I had one right there in front of me.

And she was so helpful and we finally figured it out.

So this family has been so welcoming, Stan and his wife, his kids, they're so nice and we're kind of navigating the relationship and where it goes and.

If you come to learn about Father Barney, Grandpa Barney.

I call him Grandpa Barney because he's my my close people.

That's that's their grandpa.

Right.

And they're your age, really like your your half nieces and.

My half nieces and their nephew.

Yeah, so, So what?

What have you learned about Barney?

So he served in World War 2 in Europe.

I thought that was amazing.

I've been able to look through photos and I was really fast, like taking pictures with my phone of a bunch of photos and I didn't really look at them, look at them until later.

And I was, I think I was on an airplane and sometimes you're bored on an airplane.

I started going through my photos and I saw this one and I don't know why I didn't see it when I saw it the first time, but I I just saw myself.

And so that was really cool.

And he was in a uniform, but, and he looks so much like one of my three boys, like just the widow's peak, the everything.

And so that's kind of cool.

He was married when I was conceived, they got divorced within a few years later.

I don't know if it had anything to do with me or not.

I don't know who knows, But I just know that my mom, she wasn't looking for a husband, she just wanted a baby.

And when I was about 3, we moved two hours away to another town where I actually grew up and where my mom lived in the same home until until she died.

So yeah, there was a lot of unresolved unsettling, like not knowing.

And so now that I know it didn't really matter at that point, like I just sure would have been great to have all these half siblings that were like my age.

But Stan's always been so sweet to me whenever I see him.

And he's about 18 years older than me, but he and I are the only ones alive still that are of that of that from his dad.

That's just incredible.

So you went from not having any answers about who your father was and and letting yourself kind of sit with that for a really long time.

The Unanswered Questions

Then you get your answers.

You know who he is.

You still have unanswered questions, right?

Like from your mom, from Barney about what happened.

How are you?

Or maybe the question is, have you made peace with the fact that you might not get an answer to those questions?

Because I think that that's something a lot of people in our community, myself included, have had sort of deal with is I I may never know.

I will never know the entire truth, so to speak.

I'm never going to know my mom died with it.

I guess I don't know.

I I it's hard to answer.

I sometimes question myself, my existence because I wasn't from a marriage, I wasn't from a relationship, I just happened and how it could have easily been someone else.

I look at my 4 kids, I look at myself and I said we're so lucky to be on this planet, like to be alive, to have had the great lives that we live because it was so chance.

I think of who who ended up being my dad.

I mean, yeah, hard to say that, but it's, you know, and at this point I do feel for my mom because, you know, she's not here to defend herself or to tell me what happened.

But by not telling me and having probably lots of opportunities.

We spent a lot of time together in her last few years when she was not doing well health wise, she could have said something.

But her good friend who's always I referred to her as my auntie, she said, you know, Jennifer, she might not have known.

She might not have been able to give you the answers you wanted or, or answered those answers.

Did you go through any period of anger or frustration with your mom about this after you got your answer or before?

And that's OK because I had a great life and it it didn't matter, but it mattered.

I'm sure it mattered.

You know, through life you question that.

It's just such a big thing of who you are and where you came from.

And I'm related to these people that, you know, genetically were related.

But we really started off as strangers.

How lucky it was I to find them, especially, you know, Angela, Angie, she's just, she's been terrific.

I asked her, I said, why did you do a test?

And she's like, oh, my wife did 1.

And so I thought that would be fun.

And she's like, I did that in 2016 and I had my friend given me 23andMe instead of Ancestry DNAI pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have done 2 and I would have matched with anyone.

I would have never have matched.

And so a lot of things fell into place that maybe it'll happen for a reason at the right time in my life.

What made me sad was the time that went by that I could have had a relationship with this family that has accepted me so much.

You know, like I said, I came from a very, my mom had a very small family and it's, you know, I was an only child.

That's probably why I have 4 kids because I just wanted to, I wanted I, you know, I wanted that to surround myself with and they're wonderful.

And so I, I know I made the right decision on that, but just maybe the mistime, the mistime that I could have maybe had more time, but honestly with the DNA tests that they haven't been around for that long.

So I mean, how much more time would I have gotten?

I don't know.

And maybe the right person wouldn't have tested and I wouldn't know how to match, and I probably wouldn't have revisited it after that.

Yeah, it's all all the what ifs.

And to your point, like there's this lost time, but if your mom didn't know, then you wouldn't have known.

Yeah, yeah, my kids are all think it's cool.

You know they're gonna.

Ask what's their take away from it?

They learned they're more Hispanic than they thought they were.

I know, I know they love their grandma like she was the greatest grandma and they all love their grandma, but they're like, oh, grandma when I told her like, oh grandma because I just told him the truth.

I didn't hide anything.

I said, look, this is what I found out.

It's just been it's been a journey and it's still evolving.

But it's nice to to know that.

And I didn't know it was nice to know that until I knew it.

Yeah, it's really interesting to hear your perspective.

And there have been a few people that I've spoken to, but for the most part, people really held a belief and a relation, some sort of relationship, right, with who they thought with their biological father.

So it's really interesting to hear your perspective where there was no relationship attachment to who you thought was your biological father, your birth certificate father.

But it's still been really profound for you to make that connection and discover who it was.

Like you said, you didn't know it was missing until you found it.

What’s Next for You?

What's next for you?

Just kind of just kind of continuing on here, like figuring out what what the next steps in my life are going to look like and where I'm going to live.

I don't think it's going to be here forever where I'm living now.

It's kind of a transition, but it's just figuring out what's next for me and fostering these new relationships, which has been really special and very appreciative of of that.

What has been the most helpful to you as you've navigated this?

Your podcast listening No thank you listening to all these stories all of our stories intertwine.

I get a little from one and a little from another and a whole lot from some.

But it's, it's very comforting to know that there's other people out there that, that are going through this.

And until two years ago, I didn't even know this was a thing.

I didn't know what an MPE was.

I didn't know what a DNA test I didn't know.

I'd tell my friend, you know, just knowing there's other people.

And just also how prevalent it was maybe back in the 60s and 70s and we're all now finding this out now with the commercial DNA tests or curiosity or hearing other people do it.

So then you do it to not not necessarily expecting to find out what you find out.

What advice do you have for a parent who might be keeping adna surprise from their child?

I would say probably what almost every other person says is you just need to tell them.

You know, like just make sure you know age appropriate and you don't have to give them every last detail, but you just need to tell them because they're going to find out.

They're going to find out.

Even if my mom would have say, I don't know, I don't know the truth.

I don't know if she absolutely 100% knew who it was or didn't know, but I wish she could have told me that other way.

You know, like before she died, I wished I would have heard it from her then have to go through all this figuring it out to find out.

I always gave my mom a lot of grace and I don't think she would have thought I would have been mad because again, we never talked about it.

So that was maybe why it was so weird, you know, like all those age appropriate times when it would have been normal to have this conversation.

We never had the conversation.

So then I just let it go and kind of wish towards the end I would have said something but can't do anything about it now.

Those are really good insights just about wanting to be able to ask those questions, you know, before before it's too late.

And I think that's a really good thing for parents to think about if they're holding on to any information like that.

Give your kids the opportunity to ask questions if you can, even if you don't know the answer.

What advice do you have for someone who just uncovered Adna Surprise?

Advice for someone who just uncovered Adna Surprise

Oh gosh, just to be OK with maybe not finding out, you know, and maybe not everyone's going to be embraced by a family.

That's exciting to hear that this is something that they they didn't know and they found out.

And just just be kind to yourself and know that you might not find out everything.

So just be kind to yourself and patient and Share your story with other people and get the support from other people, which is important.

Jennifer, thank you so much for coming on the podcast and sharing your story.

It's just amazing how like you said, everyone's story is a little bit different and yet there's these common threads and I really appreciate you taking the time to share your unique perspective and I wish you the best as you continue to bond with your new found family and explore your new found heritage.

Thank you.

Thanks again to Jennifer for sharing her story.

If you have Adna Surprise that you'd like to share, submit your story at dnasurprises.com and be sure to join me over on patreon.com/DNA Surprises for early ad free access to episodes.

Until next time.

This episode of DNA Surprises was hosted, produced and edited by me, Alexis Oursalt.

It was mixed and mastered by Josh Oursalt of Siren Recording Studios.