Stacy’s DNA Surprise

This transcript was generated automatically. Its accuracy may vary.

Speaker 1

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Speaker 2

As I'm thinking to myself, okay, if this was any of my children I would I would be not proud to say that but I but I mean they wouldn't be here if that didn't happen and I would be like I'm so sorry we found this out but now that we found this out, what can we do?

I mean what can I do to help you?

Would you like to meet him?

I would be more than happy for 1602 take you to meet him and meet his family and I will tell your dad, you know, I mean like I think my mom owed it to my biological dad to reach out in town.

Him and I think he he owed it to my birth certificate.

They had to reach out and tell him she's like left me to do to do everything.

Imagine spitting into a tube, sending off your DNA.

And unknowingly turning your life upside down for me and thousands of others.

This is our reality.

I'm your host Alexis ourselves in July of 2021.

I Discovered that I am an NP e.

Someone who has experienced a non paternal event.

In other words my biological father isn't who I thought he was this podcast shares.

The journeys of people who were shocked by a DNA Discovery.

Mostly through Modern DNA testing.

We're telling the stories of NP, he's adoptees and donor conceived people and their families.

This is DNA surprises.

DNA surprises are often uncovered with Innocent intentions.

When Stacy's daughter decided to take a DNA test to learn more about her father's side of the family.

Because he's adopted, she didn't suspect that, she done, cover her mother's npe, Stacey shares, how she always felt different from her family.

And how she was forging new relationships with her biological father, stepmom and Newfound sisters.

She also discusses, how her Discovery has affected her relationship with her mother.

Thank you for sharing your story,

Stacy.

My first name is Stacy, and I'm 54 years old, and I am from Romeo Michigan.

When I was, I would say probably, like, when I was in Middle School.

I remember saying to my sister that I said, I don't think I'm dad's and she's like, oh my gosh, Stacy like you're so crazy.

Like why do you say that?

And I kind of just always felt like my mom just never really liked me.

And I wasn't like she wasn't like It wasn't like mean to me, like she didn't visibly mean to me, but there was something about her demeanor and the way she talked to me or the way she answered me or just the way she acted that I thought she doesn't really like me and she was 19 when she got pregnant so I thought.

Well, maybe I like ruined her life plans and I mean, I know I wasn't planned and so I mean maybe she just resented me.

I wasn't sure when I graduated high school I said to my sister again.

I'm like I do not think I'm dads and she's like, Stacy and I said, no Shelley because two blue eyes.

Cannot have a brown eyed and I'm only brown, eyed person in the family and my sister doesn't go real deep.

I mean, I always say like, I'm way more serious.

She's always having a party and I'm always in trouble or you know, I mean, I just, I don't know.

So you know, she didn't really think anything about it and I just have never really had a super close relationship with my mom.

She got a divorce and I Has nine.

And then got remarried very quickly after her divorce.

Then she had two more children with my stepdad and there's a 10-year difference in between he's my step-brother, but we don't refer to like, brothers and sisters of Step.

Like they, we just refer to him as like, our brother and sister.

We've always had a close relationship.

So the 10 year age difference between the first child that my mom had with my stepdad.

Yes, we were never really very close.

You know, my mom never really did a lot with us.

My sister and I were Then Sports, you know, I pay sickly.

I mean, I was never a troublemaker.

I was too good in school and I got a job right when I turned 16 and, you know, so kind of just went along.

Just did what I was supposed to do.

I never did go to college, I wanted to, but I mean, I went for an Associates in business management and when I, when I got married, I moved about an hour away from where I grew up, I grew up in a town in Rochester, Michigan.

And then I met my husband.

In and we moved out to brighten and that's where I raised my family and I think it was a little better for me being out there because I wasn't in the midst of everything like in the middle of everything all the time.

So I didn't see as much of like the favoritism and, you know, things like that with my brothers and sisters.

So I kind of just came to the conclusion that I'm going to go to my grave.

Never feeling, you know, like my mom accepted me, like she thought that I did, you know, good job raising my kids, or I was just To go to my grave.

Never really knowing how my mom felt about me and never getting any kind of confirmation that she thought that I was a good person or a good mom or anything.

And then, I ended up getting a divorce and 2005.

I stayed in the Brighton area.

My oldest son was just going into high school and so I wanted to stay there and don't want to move him during high school and he graduated, and then my middle son and want to move him either.

They were they were both of them are athlete.

So I didn't want to move them out of it.

Community.

And so Bryce, graduated.

And then my daughter and myself, we moved back to the area that I grew up in where all my family was, and it was really good at first, when my Mom married, my stepdad, the first, how they had was Matthew my brother and then 16 months later, they had Bethenny, Bethenny, has they had like seven all together, so they're busy.

But um, so let me just kids took a lot, you know, a lot of my mom's time, you know, both of my boys were there, they were very good.

Weights brace went to a college and they two years of college across, and my oldest son.

Jacob went and paid a year of basketball, but my mom never want went to Ohio to see my to see Bryce play and never came out to brighten to see my kids play.

I mean, so, I mean, that kind of hurt me, you know, in a way.

And then I have my sister Shelly.

Whole we were from my mom's first marriage and she's kind of the same way with their kids, but she's not the same way with Shelley.

Is she is with me?

I every holiday at my house, I tried to take as much pressure off her as I could, because she doesn't like to have any kind of anything at her house.

Really, because she is like her house messed up.

So I would have all the family things at my house or my sister would have them at her house and I'd come from Brighton with all three of my kids, you know, dressed to the nines.

I'm coming with five dishes to pass.

All my gifts wrapped, you know, and she still has an issue with me.

And then my sister Shelly comes, you know, two hours late.

She's a hot mess and she's great.

So, I mean, there's this kind of, you know,

Just very different experiences.

Yeah,

yeah.

And I just, and then when I got out here, I'm like, okay.

I finally said to her, I go, I am so tired of the favoritism and this family.

I said, I don't I do not know what has happened in this family.

I said, but there is no family loyalty.

There is, I mean, I said, you know, like she'll take off and they take off with Bethenny and Nathan and their family, and they go on a vacation and they never, we never find out till they're gone and I was married to my ex-husband.

I mean, we were not rich But he had a good job and I stayed home with the kids, which I was so grateful for and we vacationed in Florida, you know, a few times a year, but we always invited my mom and my dad and my brother in my brothers and my sisters and if you could go like nine times out of ten, we probably paid for you to go and we paid for their kids to go to Disney like everything that we had we would share.

I never ever made anybody feel like I was better than anybody else or I was just, you know, I just wanted to like share everything, you know and one time we We took the kids to the Hard Rock Hotel, just wanted in Orlando and at the time for ice loved Barney, so they had a deal.

If you stayed at the Hard Rock Hotel, you've got like a line jumper passed for free, so I'm like that's perfect.

The kids are small, will go there.

And if I called my mom, and I was telling her how much she would love this hotel because everything was like white and very crisp and clean and they gave you like warm chocolate chip cookies that in cold milk at night before bed.

And I am She's like, oh, must be nice.

I wonder what all the poor people are doing and like, oh my gosh.

So my counselor said like that, she thinks that she's jealous of me but I don't know why my mom is beautiful and I just, I mean, I don't know, I can't figure it out and I don't know.

It's just it's exhausting really so I can.

So that's kind of little background about my relationship with my mom and my sisters and you know things That.

So, my ex-husband is adopted and so, my celly my sister, her kids were getting that 23andMe DNA tests.

And Montgomery's like, Mom, I would love that and I said, you know, okay, and I'm a single mom and like, Montgomery, $200.

So I'm a single mom to single mom for going on 19 years.

And, and I said, okay, it's kind of expensive.

So, maybe for Christmas or your birthday and she's like, okay, like I think it was like Cyber Monday or something.

So the tests were I think they were $60.

So, I bought it for her for Christmas and this is Christmas of 2018 before she went to college.

You know, she spit in the tube and we send it off, you know, because she wanted to find out who she was.

We don't know what kind of nationality my ex-husband is, we don't know, any kind of History.

The only thing I know is that my ex-husband's mother was a college student and she just wanted better for her child.

Okay, so Montgomery did the test.

And so, like two weeks later time, Thursday.

And she calls me.

And she said, Mom, I got my results of my test.

I'm like, you do.

And she's like, yes.

And she's like, I think I found my grandpa and I'm like, no way and she's like, yes, it is.

Name is Larry just like dads and I'm like, okay, that's weird because you want to know, you want to know something else and I said what, and she goes, he's from the same town, the grandpa and grandma from Hastings, Michigan and I go.

Okay, Montgomery that is really weird.

So ice cream I shouted the results that she sent me and I did a group text with both of my sisters and my mom and I said, I think Montgomery Montgomery, think she found her Grandpa and I was like you know, he's from Hastings is set the same name is you know her dad and nobody responds like not a word and I'm thinking okay, it's about 11:30 in the morning.

Like I'm sure everybody's busy in their day I was at work.

She was coming home from college that night and she called me.

And she's like, when I get home, I'm going to message him because He has on his profile that he is willing to talk to people, you know, talk to anybody that were there seems to be some type of connection.

So I said okay so I was in the kitchen doing some things and she's on the couch with her computer and she says, mom, I said what she's like.

He said no.

He said he's never given the child up for adoption and I said, oh she said no the only time he's been to the Detroit area is first and Tigers games and then so my Daughter had said I'll go I'm so sorry.

You don't think you for talking to me.

I was just so sure that you were my grandpa because there's just such a close-knit as like a 98.7% match that he was her, her Grandpa and he said, oh honey, I'm sorry.

But if there's anything that I can do to help you, you know, maybe find your Dad or I mean I'm more than happy to help you and he says in boy and if we find out that we are related, he said well that would just be a blessing.

I said, oh my gosh.

Montgomery that was sown.

Nice and she said, I know Mom, he's so nice.

It's like 9:30 in the evening now and I still heard nothing from my family.

So I called my sister Shelly and I said, did you get my text message today and she goes.

Yes, Stacy and we're on our way over and I go to my house and she goes yeah go why she goes.

Stacy will just talk to you when we get there and I go oh let me guess.

Let me guess it's my dad, right?

Not not Larry's.

I said, so I was right.

So I was right all of the I am so mad because I am thinking that my family has that my mother has kept us live from me her whole entire life.

I could feel it in my bones, my whole life, I just knew at this point, my daughter's packing her bags.

She's like I'm leaving.

I'm going to Aunt Shelly's for the night.

I'm like, oh my gosh.

So I said come here.

Like I said, you can go to Aunt, Shelley's, but I want you to shows, I don't want to be here for this mom and I said, that's fine.

I said, don't you ever be sorry for trying to find out who you are?

This is not your fault.

And I do not want you to blame yourself in any way, shape, or form because she was feeling so bad.

Like this is all her fault.

There she would have done this, this wasn't happened and I'm like, no, it's not your fault.

So she leaves and then I'm sad.

I'm so mad, and so my sisters and my mom, come through my front door.

Or, and I'm just looking at my mom and she goes, I'm sorry, I didn't know, and I go, you didn't know and she goes, no, I didn't know.

And I said, oh really I says, well it seems to me where I come from if you sleep with Tom Dick or Harry and you find out you're pregnant, it's probably packed Tom Dick or Harry.

He's and she just looked at me and she said, well, your dad and I were engaged and he was in college playing football and we were in a fight.

And I went to a party Larry was there.

And she said, he is such a nice guy.

She said he has beautiful cars.

He always gives people a riding them.

He's just probably the nicest guy that I've ever met in my life and she goes and here a nice person, I said, well, thank you.

I said that's the nicest thing.

You've said to me in 50 years she has looked at me, I mean, I just didn't even really know what to say because I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm just like, okay, so I'm not who I thought I was my kids are Oh, I think they are my cousins that.

I mean, they're not even my cousins and my dad's kids from like second marriage.

I'm like, they're not even related to me.

I don't even have a brother or a sister as

full-blood.

Yeah.

Did you feel Vindicated or was it, you know, how did you feel like, you know, because you always felt like something was wrong.

So I didn't know what

in right.

I was I had just thinking to myself.

I said to my mom, why I never thought you liked me.

You never act.

Like you like me, nothing I ever did, was right?

I was either too.

That are too skinny and I couldn't figure out why my my own mother never liked me.

I mean everybody that meets me always liked me.

I mean, I always you know I'm a good person.

I help when I mean I think I kept falling all over myself.

All of my life.

Just trying to make sure everybody is good.

You know like my parents got a divorce.

I remember feeling.

So I felt bad for my dad, I felt bad for my mom.

So I feel like I was always like trying to keep the peace and trying to make sure everybody's okay.

Okay, and I never cared about me.

Like I was thought to myself like I'm okay so I said to my mom, I didn't think you liked me.

I said I couldn't figure it out.

I didn't know if I ruined your plans or if you wish that you wouldn't have got pregnant or if I just screwed everything.

I mean, I didn't know, but I just think that maybe I represented a big secret and I mean, and I always wondered why?

So my I look a lot like my mother, but my dad is was blond and blue-eyed and my mom is a brunette and blue-eyed and I do have some of her features but I have a much wider.

Mouths, you know, then the rest of my family and I my family like my sisters and my mom, they have these really big eyes and I had these really like not Chinese eyes but I had small eyes and I thought why didn't I get those lips?

So why didn't I use those eyes?

You know?

And then I saw, you know, course now like my daughter and I are on Facebook and are like fix Facebook stalking and I'm like oh my God, you look just like my dad and I said, oh my gosh, Montgomery your brother bracelets just Like one of their grandkids, I mean, it is like, the resemblance is like crazy.

It's crazy.

Like, how much my son looks like my half-sister, son?

Yeah, and then I have my, I have like, my Dad's mouth.

I have my dad's eyes.

So, when I first found out, like, when they were still at my house that night, I said, I am not telling my boys, I didn't want to tell my boys because Jacob my oldest he's 30 now but he thinks the sun rises and sets in my mother.

And my middle one Bryce doesn't really care for my mom.

So I thought I do not want to tell them in have this change their thoughts about her and then I think an oh my gosh I'm not can never tell my dad you know, he's in his late 70s.

Like this is just hurtful information.

I can't tell

him hmm

and I'm thinking I'm never going to tell anybody and I said Montgomery like after I'm gone.

I said I don't know why this happened but like after I'm gone and so is any medical problems with your brothers or anything like that?

At least you know, you You know, how to contact these people.

And I mean, still, I woke up the next morning and I'm just like, oh my gosh, you know, I think the hardest part for me was the night that everybody walked out of my house.

Nobody ever said another word like my brother-in-law, who's a pastor, didn't say hey, Stacy, you know what we heard?

What you found out, are you, okay?

Would you like to talk about it?

My stepdad, you know, who's been my stepdad for over 30 years?

He didn't say, hey, you know, Stacy would you like to talk about this?

I mean, how are you doing?

You know, Montgomery.

How are you?

Do nothing.

Nobody talked about everybody just said, oh my gosh, it doesn't change anything.

You're still our sister doesn't change anything and I'm thinking, okay, I understand that you're not going to love me or like me any less because Dad is not my biological dad and I told my mom, I understand how something like this can happen.

I mean, I'm not so blind to think that one night stands don't happen.

Hmm.

I mean, I get it but for so many years I thought you didn't like me.

So this is not making sense to me because I think you knew or deep down, you might have known because He's looking at me.

I look just like him.

So how could you not know

food?

Do you?

Do you believe that she knew?

Or like, you know, I think denial is so

strong.

I think, I think that deep down in her, I mean, by looking, I mean, by looking at me, you would think that.

I mean, you would, you know, that I am probably not my dad's.

So I think my mom probably knew and I just think I was her dirty little secret.

Like I was going to always going to be her dirty little secret and there was he was never going to tell anyone and she said was she was walking out my door.

She said I sure am glad your grandmother is not alive to hear this and that term mom.

And I was very close to my grandma and I'm not sure why he said that but I just think that my grandma probably would have been very disappointed but that was probably the hardest thing for me.

I kept this to myself for over two years and I was like searching on internet and reading things.

And I mean I just No, I just didn't even realize that this even happens to people is often as it does,

right?

Yeah, I don't think any of us does until it happens to us right

now.

And I mean, I did I did read the box of like the 23andMe.

And it does say, I'm there to be prepared because the results might not be what you think they're going to be.

And I was trying to like Google, I was just trying to Google like everything.

Like, you know what how do you deal with the fact of like learning that, you know?

Oh, you're cute biological.

Dad is not your biological dad and me.

Is it okay to should I tell him?

Should I not?

Tell him?

And I was just a very I just didn't know what to do.

So it was one Saturday and I called my sister Sally and I'm like, well, you doing?

And she was just a new grandma.

And she said, we just got to see her point and I go, oh, I go who she goes me.

Mom Bethenny.

I go for the whole family.

I go.

Did you invite Montgomery?

She's like, I got your course, you didn't invite me and I thought, you know what like hurt me but don't hurt my kids.

Like I just was so mad because I don't leave anyone out like I always invite everybody include everyone and if you can't go these tight invited you write this.

You felt like you were included.

So I was so angry.

I was so angry and I was driving home and my daughter had just gone back to college and I called her and I was crying and I'm like, I'm so mad.

They're in, you know, Cedar Point.

And I said, I just wanted to go to my mom's House.

And I just wanted to like do wheelies in her front yard, I wanted to anything that she enjoyed or liked.

I just wanted to destroy.

I wanted to go to the hardware store and get poster board and wanted to write what she did and all these poster boards and put him in front of the church.

Because she just wants everybody to think she's perfect.

And I'm thinking I was just so angry and I thought, you know, I got, I have got to go to town today.

I got to do something because I I can't live the rest of my life like this.

I'm so angry.

Yeah, and this is two years

in.

So three years in.

So I started Counseling in September and I told her, she's like you've kept us inside for all this time.

And I said, yes, but some, but I can't do it anymore.

Like, I don't know what to do.

I don't, I don't, she's like, well, you need to tell your boys and I do, I do.

And she's like, yes, she says, because if anything were to happen, Stacy and you were gone already, and they were to find this out.

It would be very hurtful probably, and you don't, you know, you're not that kind of a person, you don't want to do that, and you can't leave.

All of that up to Montgomery and I'm like, okay, and then and then she's like, you need to reach out to your biological dad and I go and I said, she's like you need to tell your dad, you need to tell your first and I said, oh, I don't know, I don't know if I can do that.

So came to have peace about telling my boys.

I just didn't know how I was going to tell them.

It was the next month in October, and my oldest son is at the doctors, and he's having his physical for work.

And he said, hey, Mom, and I said yes, and he said, how old was Grandpa and he had prostate cancer.

And I go My heart fell to my feet and I thought, oh my gosh, he's out of his grandpa.

Like I have to talk, I have to tell but nothing on my kids.

Medical charts are right.

I felt like every few months I was just finding things that just went deeper and deeper and deeper.

And I'm like, oh my gosh, so I'm thinking I have to tell him and so there was this one day he had called me and I don't know what made me feel like it was a good time to tell him, but I said to Jacob, I said I have to tell you Thing and he said, okay and I said they told him, you know what, we had found out.

He said, man, I'm sorry Mom and I said, they know I said it's okay.

I said, you know I you know, had a few years to like digest this, I'm in counseling, you know, so it's better than it was and he said maybe that explains like my grandma has always treated you like she has And I said, I know I had thought that too.

He said, I definitely think we need to reach out to this family because we need to know medical history.

You know, I want to know medical history for myself.

I want to know what, for my future children and it's the right thing to do.

And I said, okay.

And I said, I have to tell Bryce Bryce was at college.

And so I didn't want to tell Bryce over the phone because he would worry so much about me.

He would be like, and I saw him when I tell him, I just want to tell him that I've had two years to digest it and I'm fine.

So I waited till Thanksgiving to tell him and his He kind of said the same thing.

Jacob said, he's like there's a sorry and, you know, he's like, I don't even know.

My mom is just like, you know, a lot to digest and three agree with Jake, you know, that we need to reach out to these people.

And then Montgomery didn't tell me, but all along Larry had been reaching out to her and 23andMe and just asking her how she was doing.

And if she found out who her dad's biological family was, and she hadn't been Owing me.

Boy things, she says to me as mom.

Every time I get an email from 23andMe about poop my pants, I do all my gun ranges like seriously, and I was like, he's been reaching out to me this whole time and I said, look, don't worry, I said you are you responding?

She goes.

No, I said, you know, that's not very nice.

I said, you need to at least respond and thank him for checking on you and reaching out to you.

And she said, I know, but she said, if I, if I reach out to him, I'm not going to do it on.

I don't want to do it on 23 me and I said okay she's like I'm going to do it on Facebook and I said okay so then Christmas Eve of 2020 and she says mom I'm going to message Larry and I said you are.

And she said yes and I said Okay and she said hi Larry.

This is my camera.

I don't know if you remember me, but we think we have everything figured out and we think and it's not my dad my mom and he said oh how do you know that she said?

Well, when we told my Mama, who my biological Grandpa?

Was she knew your name right away?

And she said, her name is Sue and he said, oh yeah, she used to go by and Montgomery said, yes.

That's, that's my grandma.

And he said, oh, and he says, has your mom taken a test?

And she said, no, but she looks just like you and your grandson looks.

Just like my brother Bryce.

She said she will take a test if you want her to and we did we don't want anything from you.

We just wanted to reach out to you and tell you that we figured Noah told my brothers and my brother's things that we need to get medical information.

And she says, mom, his wife is getting on now and I said, oh my gosh, Montgomery, if she's mean, just hang up because, you know, you never know how the wife is going to act.

She might be thinking I'm like trying to wreck their happy home.

And that's another thing too.

I looked on Facebook and their family just looked so happy and you could just tell that they were Christians and they were just really great people and I'm thinking, oh my gosh, I do not want to come in.

And just put this in their world, like they don't deserve this.

And I mean I you just don't ever know how anyone is going to react.

And so her, my biological dad's wife's name is Linda and she said, oh my God summary, we thought we lost you.

She said I have been stalking you on Facebook and she said this is such a blessing and she said, I was ready to go up and stand on the at campus for however, long.

I had to stand on that campus for and wait for you to walk by.

I thought for sure you have to walk by Me, you know, you have two cousins and, and now we have you, we have our Montgomery.

Your grandpa is 10 years older than myself.

And she said, I always wanted more children and your mom and you kids are an answer to our prayers.

I mean, they were so nice and so conscious, like we love you already and they were just so so nice.

And I was just so overwhelmed by their kindness and you know, we talk to them and you know, my biological dad says to me, I said Your mom and I found out.

She was pregnant.

I said, do you know for sure that's Carl's in Carl's is the person who I thought was my biological father.

All these years and she said, yes, I do.

I had a blood test and he says, well we for no, that's not the truth.

And um, and I just told him, I was sorry, you know, I'm sorry for that.

And so my mother my biological father that I just found out about in my birth certificate.

Dad are all from the same town and my biological dad knows my whole mother's family.

I mean, he still talks to my mom's Brothers which are my uncle's?

He sees them on a regular basis?

I mean, he had beers with my grandpa years ago.

I have sister Teresa.

His daughter is married to a person by the name of Travis and Travis is my cousin's.

They're very good

friends.

So there was like, there was this inner inner connectedness this whole

time.

Yes, in my dad knows would know who Larry.

Yes.

And so another crazy things.

So my dad is older than my mother.

No, my by it.

You know my birth certificate dad is older than my mother and when I was probably about 12, we found out that my dad.

I had gotten a girl pregnant his senior year of high school.

So back in the day like if you got a girl pregnant, you were not allowed to stay in that school system.

He got shipped up north in Michigan to a town and he had to finish his senior year up there.

So I always thought I had two older half-brother somewhere out there that I'd never mind.

All I knew is that his name was Christopher.

So my daughter and I ended up meeting my biological dad and his wife and my sisters in.

Wary of 2021 and talking to my fat, you know, I'm talking to my dad and he says, and you know, your dad, Carl got a girl pregnant, two senior year and I said, yeah, I found that out and I was around 12 and he says the girl, he got pregnant married, my best friend.

So he said my best friend, adopted Christopher.

And I see Christopher all the time and I said, oh my gosh, and he said so I saw you after you were born, you said, you had this whole head of his big brown eyes and dark hair.

Hair yet, so much dark hair, and Christopher, your dad son.

He was just blond and blue-eyed.

He said, and I thought for a second, you know, I didn't really know if that were if you were your dad.

So now, I'm feeling bad, right?

Because, you know, did this person wonder that for all these years?

And I thought, I wonder if that's why he did 23andMe, I don't think it is, you'll come to find out, you know, my my biological dad, which makes me feel very sad.

No to.

I mean it.

Very rough childhood.

His mom gave him to his grandma to raise, when he was six months old.

And then she left his biological dad and she didn't have two more children, but she also gave them to, you know, her mom to raise, and they were so poor.

He just had a really rough childhood then I think, okay, great.

My mom could somebody like this to like, you know, you've already had a really rough go at it anyway.

And then he finds this out, you know, when his daughters 50 and I don't know.

I mean, it just Just made me feel bad and I think that's what he's 80 now, you know.

And he says, I'm just sorry that we missed out on all those years.

He said, you know, we would have been there for you and we would have loved you and, you know, I mean, so they they just welcomed my family and myself, you know, with open arms and it was a little overwhelming because I knew that I couldn't because I want trying to like get them in because they're they just make you feel, you just feel so at home with them and Still soul of did.

And you've seen the love that you feel from them is so unconditional.

And, you know, and I always felt like the love, for my mom is maybe conditional, you know?

And so I thought I could never tell my mom that I'm at him and how nice they are and how wonderful they are and how they just want to be, they just want to be part of our every second of our life, in the grandkids that they have.

I mean, they're at every Sports.

I reckon of a game that they have, they're just there with their grandkids, every step of the way, all of them, you know?

And and she might, you know, my biological Dad's away from Windows.

She's just so loving and so caring.

And she's very smart and so supportive.

And I just think, you know, I wonder if my wife would have taken a different, you know, path had I had, I had somebody but you know behind me like that there was encouraging and you know, that was very successful herself, you know, in the business world and And she said, you're try not to be so hard on your mom.

I'm sure when she found out she was pregnant, she wanted it to be your Dad's because, you know, your dad was playing college football and you know, going to school and he's probably going to be very educated and have a really good job and I'm thinking she thought her future would, you know, maybe be much better with your dad and, you know, Larry was just a worker, he just didn't have a college education or anything like that.

I'm sure she gets in look very desirable to her.

The time, right?

I'm like, yeah, but it's still just not right?

And meaning my mom never called me very much before.

But like since the some since like November of this year, she doesn't text to me.

She doesn't call me she's early, she doesn't.

I mean, I could, we see, you know, we'll be at family functions or whatever.

Like we're cordial to each other and we talked and I'll send her pictures of the kids or and things like that, but she never reaches out to me.

I said, I could be dead for four or five days, it was and if it wasn't for my daughter, like nobody would know.

No, and that's just not the way it used to be.

We used to talk every single day, all of us, three or four times a day.

We were so

close.

How do you feel about that?

I mean, it makes me angry but my counselor said to me and so did my and so, did Linda Linda said, I don't know your mother.

So I don't want to say for sure but she's building a wall between you two.

So she does not have to deal with sin the guilt because the Deltas just I guess is just may be so overwhelming.

Being and I wasn't, I said to my sister.

The only one who has a problem with this is Mom.

Everybody else is okay with this, I go, they want to shout it from the rooftop and they would just love you.

They would love your kids, they would just think just would love everyone and I know I have to tell my mean I know I have to tell my biological dad because you know, we want to be part of their life, you know.

I mean and my sister Sherry we talked before we met once we talked we talked for hours on the phone we talk every single day we have So much.

She's been divorced for 19 years.

I've been divorced for 19 years.

She swears she's never getting married again.

I swear I'm never getting married again and she's like you're so much like dad.

And my ex-husband used to say to me, Stacy you're nothing like your family and I just thought, I didn't really think much of it, right.

He's like you're just so much different.

Did you tell your birth certificate?

Father,

I have not yet and that I know, I have to do that because my daughter is engaged.

You got engaged at Christmas and she says Has mom.

I want them at my wedding in another thing too is, you know, they just want to shout it from the mountain top.

And I, finally told my sister Sherry, I said, go ahead, tell him because it would be, it would be much better for me.

If you just tell everybody that you want to tell and maybe it would get back to my uncle's and then, maybe my uncle would call my mom and say, listen, what is this?

That we hear that, you know, Stacey is, you know, Stacy's biological dad is Larry and not Carl.

Because if I do it, Everybody is going to be, it's going to feel sorry for my mom and they're going to be, oh my gosh, I cannot believe you did that.

Why would you hurt my arm like that?

You know, why would you, you know, do anything?

And just for the same reason that I can't tell my mom, you know that I because my mom would be like, Oh, Stacy isn't that so nice?

It's so nice that you found your family.

You know, you found someone to just loves you because, you know, you came to us from such a horrible family and my mom.

Would never be happy for me, or for my kids but you would think that she would be so happy, right?

You would think I mean, I think to myself if I ever found myself in the situation, how grateful I would be to have my daughter, be part of a family that has just loved her unconditionally from the moment that they heard her name and found out the who were related my dad's wife Linda, she wrote me this beautiful letter and told All about my dad's childhood and, you know, in about how they met and I mean, you know, the things he's been through and in see was a sharpshooter, in the service and my

older son, I mean he is such, he loves to hunt.

He is so good with guns.

I mean back when he was like three and four, I'm like my mother.

He cannot have any more guns.

He cannot have any more swords because everywhere we go, he wants a gun or a sword.

I am so nervous he's going to.

I don't know why he Ike's all this.

So I took it all away and then we're out to eat and get a breadstick, and he's like, I'm like, okay,

anything into a weapon?

And so, he loves guns.

He loves nice.

He's a very knowledgeable Hunter.

He's so safe.

My son has a red in his beard and I'm thinking, oh my gosh, where did read I have no red in her family.

I mean, he had like a Sandy brown hair, but his beard is like fire engine red.

I'm thinking.

Okay, that's crazy.

Your grandpa was a sharpshooter in the service so that must mean like, you sound like you're so much like

him.

Yeah, I have you all actually met and spent time

together, are going camping next month.

And I'm taking the weekend off of work and then we're going to go camping with them.

And I did tell my boys you know what, we're going to be here camping and you'll be great if you could swing by and say hi.

Don't take a picture in town.

He's like, absolutely, if I'm in town.

I'm, I'm there in braces, like, you know, not very far.

Far from where they live so I'm just praying that it works out, you know, but they can all

move because they're so excited.

I think exciting?

Yeah, it is.

And I just want them to be.

I think that might you know what, my dad would just so enjoy them and I think my boys would just enjoy them because it's like, they don't have that relationship with my room.

I, you know, I'm with my birth certificate, dad.

I mean, my birth certificate.

Dad got remarried.

And I mean, I was with my mom, we didn't really see him.

I'm not very close to him but I know my dad loves me.

If I never needed anything, he would be that, you know, be there for me in a second.

Right.

What do you

call Larry?

Do you call him Larry to call him?

Dad?

I'm always fascinated by how people approach.

This

looks.

Like when I'm talking to him.

What I'm talking about him because my sister Sherry, right a while was right away was like, dad and mom, and your dad are old and like, that's your sister, you know?

Because sometimes struggle, well, my dad.

Well, I mean our dad.

So right away.

He referred Word to him as my dad and our dad.

And so I refer to them as his mom and dad know when I'm talking to her.

I do have another sister Teresa too but she's very busy and doesn't have like the time that Sherry has.

So

what's next for you and your journey?

What do you hope happens with your mom?

For example,

I think when I get ready to tell my birth certificate, dad, I'm going to, I'm going to give my man.

I'm going to tell my mom that I've got to tell Dad for these reasons and I'm To give her the opportunity to come with me to tell him, which I'm sure she won't.

I'm just praying that like I'm going to know when the time is, right.

I really just praying that like, God, just will show me like, when the right time is to tell my birth certificate dad, and that, my family would be welcoming to Larry, and Linda and the girls.

And, you know, that we could just take, not a, not a horrible situation, just a situation that was has Surfaced and I really would just love it.

If everybody could just be like family, you know, I just would love that if my mom could just be like you know what, yes it happened and I didn't mean for it to happen.

But you know, Stacy Stacy spies on people, dad and their family are wonderful.

And, you know, and my kids now have, you know, more cuz it my grandkids have more cousins and they have another set of grandparents.

And I wish that's the way that it could be.

I don't see it being that way with my mom.

Now keep my sisters would really enjoy, Joy Larry and Linda and the girls, I mean, there's so nice and there's and they would love their kids.

So I don't know if I'll ever have that kind of glad we have that kind of relationship but I'm hoping that we can.

I mean I'm hoping I can say someday to my family and go.

I'm going you know, Montgomery nine the boys are going camping with you know layering Linda and my sisters and Nappy mad at me, you know.

Is everybody feels sorry for my mom.

Instead of, I want anyone to feel sorry for me, but I don't understand why a decision in my mom made, you know, 54 years ago is all of a sudden become my problem, and my problem alone and left for me to learn how to heal and peace.

All these pieces together for my family.

And why should I do?

Why do I not have anybody offering to help me?

Why do I not have been?

So it's like I want to do all this but on the other I mean, And I'm Puttin.

The reason I did that is for my children because they have a right to know, you know.

And, you know, for their their future children and for themselves and you know, and I didn't have my birth certificate dad because when he's at the wedding's he's gonna know Larry.

He's gonna be like well why is Larry here?

So how so but I think everybody would if I think everyone would be absolutely fine with it.

But my mom is not fine with it.

What advice do you have for parents who are keeping a DNA surprise from their

children?

Oh, my gosh.

Tell them to because it's not, it's really hard.

No, it's really hard when so many years pass and you have children and affects your children and it's just really hard.

You know, and my daughter still doesn't know, you know, any biological and she still hasn't, you know, I said Montgomery I don't ever want you to stop.

No searching for who you are and I know I will help you but I think so traumatized by the whole thing that she's not ready to read this at that yet.

You know, and I'm hoping someday she will because I think it is important.

You know, she could have a whole other side of the outer gets family.

That would be really great for her to if you think that there's any, you no chance at all, tell them sooner rather than later because there's so many things that are so concrete by the time, all those years pass, that there's a lot of damage, you know, motion, Ali.

And until we, and things like that, you know, you have to sort through.

What advice would you offer?

Someone who just found out that they're in npe?

Oh my gosh, to do their research and to try to reach out and find out who, you know, who their biological dad is, and who their family is.

I mean, it might not turn out as good as is.

Mine did, but it might and I think that honest and really think Honesty is the best policy.

I think, you know, following it all the way through just so you can feel like you belong.

Well, Stacy, thank you so much for coming on the podcast and sharing your story.

That your relationship continues to

grow.

Thank you.

And thank you so much.

Thanks again to Stacy for sharing her story.

If you have a DNA surprise story that you'd like to share, please email, DNA surprises at gmail.com.

Stay tuned for our last episode of season 3 next week until next time.